What I Should’ve Said
Chapter 31

Bennett

Clay already put a bug in my ear about Jezzy Ellis, but hearing it come out of Norah’s mouth hits like I’m hearing it for the first time. I hug her tighter, holding her small frame within the safety of my arms as if I have the power to protect her from everything bad in the world.

If only I had that power. For Norah and for Summer.

“Fuck, Norah,” I breathe into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, look at that,” she whispers through a weak laugh. “This is the second time I’ve got you apologizing to me. It’s like we switched places.”

A half smile quirks up one corner of my lips. “That’s good. I could stand to be less of an asshole.”

The sound of a man clearing his throat beside us pulls me out of the hug and the moment. Dr. Brock looks contrite, but for as much as I’d like to stay hugging Norah, this is the man I’ve been waiting to talk to since the moment we arrived in Burlington last night.

He’s been in charge of Summer’s care from nearly the beginning, and I know he’ll have the answers everyone else seems to have been dancing around all night.

I reach out a hand for his and shake it as he says his hellos to Norah. When they’re finished, I don’t mince words. “All right, Doc. Give it to me straight. What are we looking at here? How bad is it, and what do we need to do?”

He glances between me and Norah, just a flit of his eyes that says so much more. Dr. Brock isn’t the kind of man to balk at eye contact.

“Bennett, it’s…it’s only a matter of time now. Summer’s respiratory function is greatly deteriorating every day. There’s also a concern for brain bleeds and other complications, as well as a great deal of pain she’ll be facing in the coming days.”

“Days?” I don’t even recognize my own voice. Norah’s hand grabs mine and squeezes—tight.

Dr. Brock’s face is written persuasively in anguish. “Weeks, maybe. But yes, we’re running out of time. She’s running out of time. I’m sorry, Bennett. We’re at the end of our road.”

“But how can that… How? Two months ago, she seemed like she was—”

Dr. Brock interrupts me, a gentle hand settling on my shoulder. “Bennett, she’s hurting. Every day now…she’s hurting.”

Tears start deep in my chest, seizing and stealing the air from my lungs. My knees give out, and before I know it, my ass is on the cold tile of the hallway floor and Norah’s body is behind mine, her knees just barely holding my back off the floor too.

Dr. Brock is squatting in front of me, and other hospital employees rush around behind him, yelling to grab any manner of things I don’t give a shit about. He steadies my shoulders enough that he and Norah manage to prop me up against the wall. Deep in my face, he replaces my eyes and forces me to hold his. “You let yourself feel this, Bennett, okay? You take your time, and we’ll be here while you do. We’ve got you.”

Everything Summer’s spent seven years building in my soul shakes and rocks along with the surface of the earth. A world without her isn’t one I’m comfortable with knowing because it isn’t right.

She deserves to grow old and happy way more than a troubled, fucked-up bastard like me.

I reach for Norah, who settles into my arms with ease. And I cry like a baby—I can’t stop myself.

“What do I do, Norah?” I breathe into her hair. “What am I going to do?”

She wipes at my face with shaking hands, locking her warm brown eyes on to mine so hard I can feel her soul. “We’re going to love Summer with all that we have until we can’t anymore. That’s what we’re going to do.” I nod, but she steadies my head with the clamp of her hands, and I look back into the deep comfort of her sparkling eyes. “And Bennett, we’re going to let that little girl live. She’s dying,” she says, her voice cracking so hard on the word I feel it in my feet. “But right now, we’re going to let that little girl live.”

My whole being hurts, but I hear the words Norah says as if they’re written on my soul. The time for protection is over. Time management is over. These next few days…or weeks…they deserve to be the absolute brightest days of a dwindling summer.

“Dr. Brock,” I manage. “I think it’s time to take my girl home.”

He nods. “I’ll get it set up, Bennett.”

Norah’s right. With what little time we have left, Summer is going to goddamn live.