When He Desires: A Dark Mafia Romance (Fallen God Book 1)
When He Desires: Chapter 44

She’s looking at me like she’s never seen me before. And the truth is that she hasn’t.

What she saw before was a mask.

And now that the mask is gone, she has no desire for the man behind it.

It’s not surprising. I knew she’d never accept Nero, but what I didn’t know is how much her rejection would decimate me.

This morning, I woke up happy in the knowledge that she would stay with me, that she was going to try to have a life with me.

But now that it’s dark outside, that happiness is no more than a distant memory. My mind is a vortex of bleak, joyless thoughts.

Sandro’s not the only person I lost today.

“Where are you taking me?”

I don’t answer, because I don’t know. I need to think.

When she talks, her voice shakes. She’s scared of me. Petrified.

Of course she is. She just saw me kill a bunch of men.

I don’t regret killing them, but I hate that she thinks I’d ever hurt her. That she fears me.

My heart throbs like an open wound. I want to kiss her, to give her comfort, to tell her everything will be okay, but she doesn’t want any of that from me, and she doesn’t need more lies.

Whatever we had between us… It’s over.

Maybe I was an idiot to think it would ever work between us. A criminal like me, and a pure soul like her.

I squeeze the wheel between my hands. Fuck.

If I hadn’t pulled a gun on Brett, he wouldn’t have had enough evidence to convince those bikers to look into me.

I made a mistake. A terrible fucking mistake.

Why did I do that? So that I could feel powerful? So that I could be Nero again?

Well, I’ve gotten my wish.

The air thickens inside my lungs. I messed up, and this time, I’ve got no one to blame but me.

Blake’s been quiet for the last few minutes. I glance at her. There are silent tears slipping down her cheeks, and the sight makes me feel like the world’s most wretched man.

How could I do this to her?

She notices me looking and meets my gaze. “Just let me go. I’ll take care of myself.”

It’s impossible. She can’t go back to Darkwater Hollow. Someone from the Iron Raptors will take her as soon as they discover she’s back. She’ll pay for their deaths. “It’s not safe there for you anymore. That life is over.”

“My house is there. What about your company? We can’t just disappear.”

“If we go back, we’ll be killed. We have to leave everything behind.”

She’s silent for a beat, and when she speaks again, her voice is no more than a weak whisper. “So what do we do? Where are we going?”

There really is only one option.

A city I thought I’d never see again.

I have to go back to New York. And she has to come with me.

The Ferraros know I’m alive. Lyle must have talked to someone on their side. He was confident he was going to get paid for delivering me. That means when we don’t show up at the meeting spot two days from now, we’ll be tracked down, hunted, and killed.

My cover’s blown. My new identity’s done.

I don’t have a way to get new documents for me and Blake. Not without reaching out to my old friends, and if I do that, I’ll only get them in trouble and probably die anyway.

Truth is, I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of running, lying, and living a life that isn’t mine.

There’s a clean way out of this.

I can face the consequences.

Give myself up to the Ferraros.

Let them kill me.

But I have to replace a way to protect Blake first. I need to be sure that even after I’m gone, she’ll be safe.

Think, Nero. Think.

The Ferraros won’t grant me any favors. If they know she’s important to me, they might just kill her as punishment before they kill me.

Maybe I can replace a way to talk to Rafe before I give myself up to them. I can ask for his help.

But I know my old boss, and he won’t put his relationship with the Ferraros in jeopardy. If the Ferraros decide to kill her after I’m gone, they could do it. She’s a nobody to Rafe. He wouldn’t try to stop them.

She’s not family. If she were, things would be different. The don must protect the family of his made men. That’s law. That’s something the don swears to all of us when we become made.

I stop at a red light.

Hold on.

That’s it. I can make her family.

Then Rafe won’t be able to refuse me. And then, no matter what happens to me, she’ll be safe.

‘I asked where we’re going?” she says.

I turn to her, taking in her glistening blue eyes. “We’re going to get married.”