Wild West of the Heart
FORTY-ONE.

Mira's palms wrapped around the handle as she banged against the door. Silva was behind her, his face in the online version of the book. By this time, he was already in chapter two as well since he got alot of reading time at the back of the cab. "You know we didn't have books like this growing up" He said to Mira, upping a step to the porch. There was a crack in the wood as Mira looked to him. "You know, it's good to know that time's changed now. And the young ones won't replace it difficult looking up someone" DaSilva added. And Mira nodded.

"Do you think we'd be different if we had some sort of guide growing up?" She asked, and Silva shrugged his shoulders. "Honestly, maybe" He said, as he looked at Mira's thrifted jacket and her black turtle neck beneath it. She had cargo pants to go with it, and leather boots.

In her defense, the harmattan had just begun to hit in mid November and she was about to meet a semi famous author, at the back at the door. So she had to dress for an occasion. While Silva was in shorts and a grey tanktop, with shades to shield his hungover eyes. "But here we are" He added, just before the door opened t reveal Reginald at the door. Silva looked at his photo on his phone with gum between her teeth and she nodded. "He's the one"

Reginald Ojo was unlike his pictures, he was much shorter in person and he'd grown out a full beard now. He was plump and had a protruding stomach to match his size. And he was in a rainbow colored tanktop as well. "Twins" Silva said, making his way into his house but he halted.

"Who are you?" Reginald wedged between the door, maybe he was used to psychotic fans but even at that, it was unwise he was the one at the door. Mira stepped forward, looking at him.

"You were at the police station, reporting a crime involving our friend. And your lover" She said and his lips fell apart. "We're friends of hers" She didn't need to see her name until he gave way, and Silva was the first one to make his way inside.

And soon he was seated on the couch, as he pulled off his glasses. "Please, make yourself at home" Reginald said, with some sarcasm in his voice as he raised the curtains. "You don't say" Silva said. "Sorry there just took the light" He said, climbing down the stool he had up to reach the drapes. "And most of the time, if i'm not out promoting a book, i love to sulk up in the darkness" He added. "Relatable" Silva waved a finger as he put off his phone. "Before we go into anything, i just want to say i am huge fan. Well, since today. But still" He said and Ojo was flustered. "Well, thank you" "One question though" They begun to get along with each other like they had been friends. It was Silva's natural trait while Mira was still getting used to her environment. "What is it?" Ojo asked. "How did you get the ministry of education to approve of an LGBT book for schools? Because i'm much of a writer myself" The last part was a lie and by the way Ojo laughed, he knew it was. "Well" He paused. "It's actually the West african board that approved the book for an exam. And in a way forcing Nigeria to adopt it. One would say the times are changing, and there are activists fighting for stuff like inclusivity and equality" He cleared his throat. "I was pretty shocked when i saw it myself, because it's been like four five years since i published Amebo" He continued.

"Well, what was your inspiration?" Silva asked and he just scoffed. "Are you undercover journalists?" He threw back a question and Silva waved his hands. "Please, i'm literally in a tanktop. And so are you" He chuckled. Mira did. "Fair point"

"The thing is, i would have envisioned you as the type that had guards and all that. Not the kind to come open your own doors" Mira finally spoke and Ojo turned to her. "I am all but a normal person. And you're one of the few that actually treats me that way" He turned to Silva.

"So, i'm going to answer your question. Even if you are or are not journalists" He smirked and crossed his legs. Silva and Mira made eye contact where they each gave each other a proud nod.

She sat forward, as Ojo started.

"As you can tell, my inspiration came from Pius. Or you might know her as Jazzlyn" His voice broke as his eyes stumbled away. "Yes" Mira said.

"I was one to never believe in love at first sight. But all that changed the moment i saw her. It was like six years ago when I was nobody, other than a struggling writer with no agent. I'd dropped out of School to focus on my writing and nothing was really going well for me. Until i met her"

Mira's pupils dilated. She didn't know Jazz beneath that person he talked to twice or thrice, so to finally hear her story, she was intrigued.

"We were young. And i used to drive this mustang from my father. One day I saw Jazz on the roadside as i was about to turn into this junction and she saw me. She saw me in the way that no one has, and for about a minute in traffic, it was this staring contest. Literally" He chuckled.

"There are sometimes when something happens and you can't get off your mind. Times like that, because i eventually left but then i couldn't stop thinking about this weird encounter with this stranger. So i drove by that junction the next day, hoping there was traffic-"

"I met her the next day and the one after that. And it was just the same weird ass staring contest till one of us actually had the courage to say hi. And it was her. I remember that day, she walked up to my windows and spoke for the first time" Ojo recounted.

"She had the voice of an angel. And she told me her name was Jazz. This might sound like something you only see in romantic movies but it was the type of person she was. She made my life seem like some movie" He scoffed, the corner of his lips morphing into a smile.

"And each day, it was a new thing i got to learn about her. About how her favorite color was pink which was cliché enough. And how she was growing up literally on her own. Her mother had nothing to give her, not by choice. But really, she had nothing. Over the course of a week, i gravitated towards this stranger and she was telling me deep shit like how she started transitioning at a very young age. And how she actually had no one, why she rarely spoke" He whispered. "She had a pure soul, it was why she never really trusted anyone. And she had been through so much childhood trauma and-"

"I began to more than just like her. I liked her story. And she begun to be my inspiration into what was my big break. Of course she knew, she was the one that gave the name, Jax. Because it was almost sort of like Jazz. She didn't want it to be female as well, she wanted to tell a boy's story because she thought representation was much more difficult for them. So we begun working on Amebo but we figured we needed just more than a coming of age story" He added. "It was why we needed a conflict. A climax, so after all the past, they got into a public school. Jax and Ben but it didn't get better. Because then there was this anonymous person that kept sending letters round the school, revealing the most taunting secrets about the students. And ultimately Jax being trans was one of them—"

"It was when we hit some sort of big break in Amebo. Because something very similar happened to Jazz in university. And it sort of changed her, and the way she looked at the world" He said.

"We spent days together, trying to wrap up the book and in the course of that, like every human, we began to fall in love. And we made promises like how proceeds will go to her, and how she'd have a much better life than she did then. But instead, she told me of her plans to start a foundation with the money to aid trans kids and trans people of color like herself" It was then there was tears in his eyes. "She had plans-"

"Big plans. And it hurt me that people didn't really get to know the real her. The real Jazz, beyond what they saw in the streets. The real Jazz was messy and suffered from being manic episodes but when she was herself, she was the best version. She was the best version of both, and i fell completely in love with her. She was like a shot of expresso. very energetic and pure bliss. And she had the widest smiles but no one would know"

"What happened then?" Mira asked before she broke into tears. "The book was done but it didn't do great then. All of our dreams, and plans were just gone. And i beat myself up for it, for failing to keep my promises. And each day, i blame myself because it was then we begun to drift apart" His voice cracked. "She began to get sicker and i had no clue because i wasn't there for her"

"It's not your fault" Silva sat forward as his knees began to quiver. "It is because then i moved, and we still talked but it was no surprise when she broke up. It was no surprise at all" He pushed a lump down her throat. "I feel people would have learned so much from her, it was why we made that book. She always talked about purpose and how she knew she was trans since she was a kid"

"And she didn't needed hormones or surgery. She began transitioning non-medically. She said how physical appearances wasn't what she needed to conquer femininity. She already did in her mind, regardless of what society said about her. Or what life had thrown at her since she was a kid" Tears streamed down Mira's cheeks as she looked to Silver. She realized she couldn't relate more to a person. And she saw much of herself in Jazzlyn.

"Two years later, i get a call from her mother that she was murdered in cold blood and if i could make it for her funeral. I remember how my voice cracked and how my heart fell when i heard. I couldn't make it, i couldn't see her like that" He whispered. "And it was just when our book was doing great. When i could have fulfilled those promises that i made to her. I could've given her a better life, but she was just " He squeaked, folding his arms together. "She was just gone" "And i blame myself everyday"

"Reginald❞ Silva yelled, trying so much to hold in his tears. "It's literally not your fault" He said, as Ojo looked away. To be honest, he wished he was much more drunk so he wouldn't get to feel this.

Feel the emotions that came from this story.

"The least i could do was dedicate Amebo to her, in the revised copies. Even though she said she never wanted the attention. She deserves it, she deserves the world to scream her name for justice. And that's exactly what i told that officer that day"

"She deserves the whole world to know her name, and know the true Jazzlyn Pius" Mira cupped her chin, allowing the tears to fall. She shook her head, knowing how much levity she had taken this case with. It shouldn't be a question of hope and prayers for justice to be served, it had to.

Because as much as bad shit always happened to the best of people, the rest should also be held accountable.

"And besides, i managed to convince her then that everyone just skips right past the acknowledgements and dedication pages. So it won't be that big of a deal. But here you two are" Ojo smiled. "Here her story's been told" He said. "And everytime i get on that stage, or sign an autograph, i remember her. I remember how i got here, and how she was the reason i have all this"

"The first weeks were rough but eventually i made peace with the fact that every person around the world that reads Amebo, gets to know a little bit of Jazz. The part i knew, the part i completely fell in love with. It isn't tragedy per say, because they don't even end up together at the end" He added.

"But at least the possibilities were endless. One didn't have to die, one's life wasn't cut short. The possibilities were still there, but it's not like that in real life. There is no such thing as hope, only the brave dare to hope. There is only the need

to"

"And right now, those bastards that hurt Jazz, those bastards that hurt the love of my life need to be held accountable. And they need to pay for all the shit they have done. And i won't rest—" He a said, wiping his face. "Because it's what i owe her"

"It's the least i owe her. Justice" With that, he stood, walking into the corridors. And Mira hefted her eyes up to the walls and there they were, Ojo and Jazz in a blurry black and white photo. One you could tell he kept all these years.

Silva looked to her as she burst into tears. It was as if something had shifted within her, and she couldn't even tell. She just knew something did.

Perhaps it was in realizing that Jazz was a lot like her. And realizing how she'd tried to tone herself down for society. How all her life she's strived to be just the right amount. To be perfect- when she just had to be herself. In that moment, she was happy because at least, Jazz had one great love in a lifetime. And that was Ojo who still loved her in her death. Mira had none of that. For God's sakes, she wasn't even true to herself.

So in that moment, when it her, she burst into tears and Silva had to walk up to her. He held her up in his arms. "Life is shitty" She muttered. "Life is-" DaSilva rocked her side to side. "I know-❝ "I know" He placed his chin against her head.

The reason why Mira didn't have anytime to think anything through, it was because there was always something in her childhood. Was it her toxic parents and their need to be perfect? Was it dropping out of university or getting kicked out of every place she ever been? Was it that one time she got beaten so badly that she couldn't move?

Her trauma prevented her from actually staying true to herself. And she could lie to herself as many times that she was happy because she had Obi, but she really wasn't. She wasn't content, because she knew there was more. Possibilities. "I hate myself, Silva. And i feel like i've wasted my life" Mira cried into his arms as he held her close to her chest. "It's okay" He muttered as a default.

He wasn't sure of that.

No one was really sure of that.

-

As much as Obi hated labels, he soon realized we needed them in this diverse society that we are in. Labels are the frontscapes of our identity.

And our identity is who we truly are. It's how we choose to define ourselves and it runs far deeper than mere adjectives. It's an expression, it's our strength and our uniqueness. It's who we are, and it helps is figure out what exactly we want. Obi's eyes darted from the book in his hands as his lips fell wide open. He'd been entrenched in it all day that he had no idea when the final bell had rung. It wasn't just that it was interesting, he'd taken a liking to a particular character. And that was Ben. While everyone was swayed by Jax, he related to Ben just as much.

The gender dysphoria growing up, the hating of his body and his "failed transitioning" He saw someone that had been through it. Through male and the desire to identify as female. It was always between those two. But it didn't have to. He figured from Ben that he wanted the middle.

He didn't want to be either, he wanted something out of a binary society. He didn't want the limits that came from just being one thing. And Ben was just that, he was non binary. Was that what he was?

He pulled out his phone to search the exact wordings, after hearing from Abdul at first-

how to know if you're non binary?

He cleared his throat, looking around as he closed the book. All his life, he never felt like one thing, and this was all new to him. This label, that could very much solve his identity crisis.

This label, that just felt right. But where exactly did that out him? And why couldn't he still get Ab out of his mind? Because in that moment, he just wanted to run to him and tell him all he knew.

Tell him he loved the book, and that he missed him. Tell him he loved him, this time.

And he was a fool to have been scared, to have gotten in the heat of the moment. Tell him that he might be non binary. Tell him to tell him he was not insane. Obi was euphoric, on the verge of figuring out himself.

While, Mira's came as a breakdown. Her own realization came as a breakdown in Dasilva arms.

How long did she have to run from the truth? How long did she have to hide under the disguise of baggy clothes and a jacket. And a fucking cap.

How long did she have to bear the boots when she so badly wanted the heels? It was what she'd wanted as a kid. To wear them, to do makeup. To be female, and she needed more than an hour a night to do so. She needed it to be her whole life.

So after many years of hiding, she maybe decided it was time for her to finally come out. Because if there was anything she learned for Jazzlyn, it's to always stay true to yourself. And though, she might not have had the longest of lives- -hers was well, worth it. In that picture above her, it was proof that Jazz that loved both deeply and widely for who she truly was. She was truly happy, and in that, lies true perfection.

In a life perfectly lived.

"I have an idea" Mira sniffled, after her breakdown and DaSilva now sobered enough, leaned towards her. "What?" He asked and a smile crept to the corner of his lips.

"What is it, bitch?" He smirked.

To be continued...