Wild West of the Heart
FORTY SIX

It took Obi a while to settle in but once he did, he was across his bed with his laptop in one hand, and his literature textbook in another. He had to start his reading for the next paper on time today. Besides he was still very much interested in Amebo and the rest of the books. He sat, crunching on the chinchin he stole from Mira.

And just as he was about to resume taking those dumb quizzes, there was a knock at the door. It was well past five, so it could only be one person.

"Mira?"

The door opened slightly and she walked in with her phone in her hands. The sun tinted his room a crimson orange color. It was ethereal, the moment Mira was bathed in such light.

She had on a scarf around her chest, and shorts well above her knees. Light makeup to show she had been experimenting for the night. And dunlop on her feet to reveal her white colored nails.

"Hey" She sat next to him and Obi closed his laptop. "Hey Mira. How can i help you today?" He teased but she wasn't having it.

"What?" She asked, a little off. "Like you haven't been coming up in my room lately" Obi replied.

"To be honest, you've been a little distant"

"Distant?" She echoed, looking to him.

"It's not my fault, Obi"

"It's really not mine either. I'm always here" He said to her and she scoffed. "Are you really?" She asked, stoping whatever he was about to say next.

"Remember when you were like six, and we made this promise to not be like me when i was your age. To never close up and keep a distance. To never lie or keep secrets, Obi" She started. "We said we were never going to be like the rest. It was us, just us against DaSilva and the whole world"

He chuckled slightly. "Not just at paintball"

"What are you saying, Mira?" He asked, his tone lowering a bit. "I was there, when this all started. I was the first person you told that you wanted to try hormones out. You wanted to see. I was your number one fan and we'd stay up till midnight watching Hassan" Mira stared into his eyes. He was immediately restive as if knowing where this was headed. But he still played cool for a while.

"No" He pushed a lump down his throat.

"Let me talk. Obi. Let me talk because you had this entire time to, and you didn't"

"Mira" He interrupted. He had to play it cool.

"You know i know when it started. With the club and eventually those nights were stolen from me as it busier and you started binging Hassan alone. It started then, i know. Because you might have felt as though i wasn't there. But i was❞ She said.

"Maybe not physically. But one hundred percent i was there if ever needed it. And it hurts, Obi. It hurts to see you hurt. And you not tell me. It hurt that i had to be my mother to go through your drawer and replace it there. I should've known because by last month you were to get a refill. But here i was, caught up in work and everything-"

"-that i failed to see it. I failed to see you" Obi reached for her palms as tears streamed down her face. "It's not your fault Mira. None of it is"

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

"Because" Tears wetted his eyes as well. "Because i was ashamed" He said with doubt in his voice. The thing was he didn't know why himself. "No. i was confused. And i hadn't even told anyone. I hadn't even told myself. Like actually sit and let it sink in what i was doing"

"That i was taking a hundred steps back to who i was before. I had failed, i feel like a failure. And i can't do anything about it. First i tried to think it fear because of Jazz. But it's failure" Obi burst out in tears. "And i guess, telling you would have you see me as a failure as well"

"I mean trans people are misunderstood enough, and are laughed at for being impulsive or- It made me feel like they were right. Every hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me was right" He whispered and Mira shook her head. "No" "What? Obi. No"

"It's how i feel Mira"

"You're not a failure" She replied. "You're quite the opposite. Literally the strongest person i ever know and having a stumbling block doesn't make you weak. It just proves you're strong enough to know when to take a break. When to stop, and to self reflect. When to pause if the world's orbiting a bit faster. If life gets too hard and loud" She said.

"You pause. And you talk to people that love you Obi. People that could help you. It may not be me, but maybe Ola. I envy you two, and how you always have each other's backs. I didn't have that"

"It happened so fast. Everything happened so fast. The changes, the transitioning. I felt weaker, the acne and it was as if i was gaining more weight. That i had worked so hard to lose that year. I needed a break" He replied, clenching his palms. "A break, Obi?"

"Does that mean you'll still continue?" Mira asked softly. And he just scoffed. "I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know what i want. It's like i still want that, but not being a female as well—"

"I don't know, Mira. I feel so unsettled and until i replace out who i truly am, i won't replace peace" He looked back to his laptop, remembering that word. Non-binary.

"You have all the time to figure that out. Someone told i do, and if i do, you have even more" Mira said. "But do you have any regrets?"

"You don't have to tell me, just answer it yourself"

The truth was, he didn't think he did anyways. He had learned it was all part of his growth, if he ever was to even continue or if now was the end.

He rested his head against Mira's shoulders as she patted his back. "You'll be okay, Obi. I promise"

"It's common. Well not really, but the struggle to replace yourself is" She whispered into ears. "Even till you're thirty, you might not even still know" He looked down at her hands. "You might not know. Some say they spend their whole lives on that journey of self discovery-"

"Now you're scaring me, Mira" Obi chuckled as she laid back unto the bed. And he did. She stared at him for a minute, finalizing that her news had to wait yet again for the right time. She held him close to her like a mother would. And she sighed.

"I got something for you"

"What?" Obi asked. "What we're doing for christmas" He raised her brows a little. "We're going on a road-trip. With Silva" Obi sat up.

"To where?" Excitement beamed in his voice.

"The game reserves!" He exclaimed and Mira just rolled her eyes. "Even better. One name. Two. She's an icon, she's the moment-" Obi's gasped suddenly. "Shut up" He pointed at her, climbing down his bed. "Hassan Madu?"

"If we're lucky enough, we might see her" Mira said. "Courtesy of an obsessed fan" She smirked.

"I-I dont know what to say. I have so many questions. I don't know what to say" She fidgeted.

"Start with a thank you to Silva. And then, you come back and we renew that vow we made years ago" She smiled. "I'm sorry" Obi whispered.

"Don't be. You're allowed to grow and take as much space but when you're not okay, when you need help, you have to come meet me, Obi" She continued. "You have to know whatever it is, that i'm here. For as long as i can. i'm here." He stood by the door on his tippy toes.

"I know, Mira. Thank you" He replied. "Always"

"Forever" She said to him, gesturing with her left pinkie the sign of a bet. And Obi's lips just morphed into a smile as tears dried to his cheeks.

"One more thing, Mira"

She looked to him. "I don't have any regrets-"

Someone once said you should never regret anything in life. If it's good, it's wonderful and if it's bad, it's an experience. One must never have regrets because at one point, you wanted it. You wanted that thing. And to Obi, it was right.

He didn't dare to regret, even if it was more than just a break he was taking. And he'd familiarized himself with the depths and beliefs revolving around that concept of rue and regrets.

But it was all news to Ola who prepared to walk into his house after what seemed to be both the longest and shortest day. He keyed the door, sliding the lock out of place and then pushing it. Only to see his father behind it, with a belt in his hands. And eyes red with anger. Ola stood there, for a second as his heart skipped a beat.

"Mum" He called unto Mary who peeked from the corner of the room. Akin inched closer and with each step, Ola questioned how far he was from the door but he couldn't make it out. Except he was the flash or something. He just had to give. Give in to whatever this was.

"If i lay my hands on you, i will kill you" Akin gritted through his teeth as Ola shut his eyes. "So you're going to go up into your room—"

"And you'd stay there. Till i tell you to come out"

Ola walked around him, arching his brows but then his eyes caught a specific tag on the kitchen table. It looked like it belonged to the police and he was quick to put two and two together.

The thing is, did he immediately feel regret?

"No. I can explain d-"

"Go upstairs" His voice raged the room. "You're grounded till further notice" He looked to his mum who couldn't even utter a word and his eyes began to water. How could doing good bring about punishments and so much regret? It was a fable mix of the things that could happen with the Bankole household. It wasn't the twilight zone or some sort. But with look in Akin's eyes-

-it felt close. "Shit" Ola cursed.

To be continued...