Alpha Zander
Chapter 46

When I left Liverpool after speaking with her mother, I went straight to the cottage to see if that’s where she was. I even stayed a few hours into the night. But she never showed.

I knew it was because of Grace. At least during the week, she would come to the cottage, but after the interaction at the packhouse, nothing.

I debated for hours during the night and this morning whether.I should pick her up or not. I even went to the car and got in once or twice, but I convinced myself that she wouldn’t want that, that she was already pissed off and angry enough as it is. And throwing I gasoline on fire would only end up with me getting burnt or worse.

Danni watched me running back and forth like a mad man with a stupid smirk on his face. He knows I’m still pissed at him for pulling the stunt he did. But I guess it f*****g worked because now I’m more territorial over her and more wound up.

I’ve had to shove Jace down a few times when Danni was around, so he doesn’t rip his head off.

He should have known doing something like that would only aggravate my wolf.

A few guys, including Eric and Billy, came into the packhouse carrying a case of beer and started drinking and chatting before it was time to go. Only one or two had dates looking a bit out of place with the lack of girls around. The guys wanted a night to blow off steam and chill without drama. Unfortunately for me, my mind was spinning like a mad house, wondering if my mate would show.

My head was still spinning, my heart was thumping. my hands were all clammy, and my breathing accelerated as the hummer pulled up to the venue. I was f*****g worse than I was yesterday pulling up to Liverpool pack house. Even now, the alcohol didn’t help numb the nerves.

It was a nice enough place. Half the chicks had their phones out taking photos or some poor bloke escorting them was trying to take a not-so-posed photo for their Instagram account. I smirked at some of the suckers who were already whipped, not even by their mates.

Jace scoffed and snickered. Don’t you laugh. You were like a lost little puppy today without Ashleigh,’

“Was not,’ I mumbled back.

We lined up, waiting to get our names marked off and heading into the area to have our dinner. As soon as I enter, I’m smacked with her scent. Jace is up, pacing around in an instant. I spot her at the far table in the corner closest to the outside windows. She looked amazing. Her beauty completely captives me. The flowing pink gown is f*****g amazing on her.

I can feel Jace push forward possessively, wanting to claim her. She must have caught my sent or realized I was watching her as her eyes dart around looking for me. She goes rigid when her eyes land on me. I see a flash of hurt move through her eyes. Jace whines when he sees the pain I have caused my mate. He wants to comfort her, to be with her. I move closer toward her, letting the tugging sensation of the bond guide me, but Billy grabs my attention and points to the other side of the room where our table is. Reluctantly I follow them to the table.

All night my eyes seem to gaze over to her, seeing her chatting with her friends, thankfully, she is seated between her two girlfriends, thank goddess, or that would have had a bigger problem. Once or twice I caught her looking at me. It seems she had the same problem controlling the pull towards me.

I guess not seeing her last night made it harder on us both. I’m sitting here fidgeting, distracted most of the night, just wanting to be close to her. It’s harder to control Jace when she is in the same room as me. I can sent her. I can feel her.

At least before, I could only feel her. Jace was going crazy, but not this crazy. I could at least control him before.

The guys haven’t caught on to notice my unusual behavior. They are too pissed drunk right now to notice.

For what seems like the tenth time tonight, I look over at Ashleigh’s table only to replace her spot empty.

Annoyance starts to pile up, pissed off that I didn’t see where she went to.

‘Use the bond,’ Jace internally rolls his eyes at me.

He’s anxious to be near our mate, egging me on to go to her.

“Bathroom,” I mumble to one of the guys next to me as I get up and leave the table, allowing myself to feel her completely, to open up to our bond fully.

I replace her outside, standing out in front of the lake.

What the f**k is she doing out here? It’s f*****g freezing this time of the year.

Most people are out the front near the fountain because they have gas burners for warmth.

Being close to the water is colder. No one else is around us. It’s eerie but nice at the same time. We at least have a little bit of privacy. She’s moved to the side away from the light, so no one can see her through the windows unless you really tried.

Even then, if you were to look through the windows, you would only see two people standing out in the night.

I see her shiver a little as I move silently closer, my hands all clammy. I can hear my heart ringing in my ears, thumping loudly against my chest. I didn’t want to spook her, but I just wanted to be closer to her. Hearing her suck in the cold night air, I cautiously step forward.

I haven’t said anything to her, and she hasn’t acknowledged me yet, so l’m unsure if she knows I’m here. Surely she would, though, right? She’s just ignoring me, punishing me for the s**t I’ve put her through this week.

“Are you cold?” l asked softly as I began to shrug off my jacket wanting to give it to her. I scolded myself as soon as the words left my mouth, ‘are you cold?’ Is that really the first f*****g thing I said after not talking to her this entire week?

She moves slowly around to face me, her arms across her waist, rubbing the sides of her arms, trying to keep herself warm. One hand clutching something in her fingers. Annoyance flashed through her eyes as she did a glance over me. “I’m Fine,” she mumbles but tightens her arms around her as she shivers again in the breeze.

“Here,” I step forward one more time, closing the gap between us so she is right in front of me. I tuck the jacket around her softly. She flinches a little when our skin connects, erupting with sparks of the bond, all the f*****g progress we made, and now she doesn’t even want to be around me.

Being this close to her, I haven’t since that night. It takes everything in me not to pull her in and hold her right there. I think I’m f*****g lucky she didn’t just push me away. I inhaled her scent once more as I finished putting the jacket around her, wanting more than anything to hold her. But right now, I knew she was mad or upset. Maybe both. I didn’t want to push my luck tonight, but I had to try something.

I reluctantly take a step back, giving her some space.

Even though every fiber in my being screamed to hold her, I knew I would have to earn that privilege.

“What do you want, Zander?” She sighs, looking up at me, sounding so defeated. It f*****g killed me that I made her feel that way. After everything we went through, I made her feel that.

” Dance with me?” I stammered, pleading that she would accept. I know I don’t deserve it, but anything to be close to her.

I wanted to give her a choice. Instead of forcing myself to hold her, I didn’t want to make things any Worse.

She looked at me, surprised and confused at my request. I just wanted to have this one moment before everything went to s**t.

I wanted to make her feel safe and loved again. Even though we were close to her, Jace was pacing in my mind again, agitated.

I knew we had a lot of s**t to talk about and figure out, but I didn’t want to ruin tonight for her. I had hoped maybe she wanted the same thing.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she mumbles and starts taking off my jacket. Now I frown, confused. Not confused because she didn’t want to be close to me. No, I knew that was a long shot, but why is she holding out the jacket in the gap between us? It’s f****g freezing out. She was clearly cold. “You’re cold,” I say, frustrated that she won’t just leave the jacket on, folding my arms across my chest instinctively.

“Yes, well, I don’t want anyone to smell your scent on me, especially Ollie or your girlfriend.” she snaps, tossing me the jacket, and starts walking along the path that wraps around the water. I stand there stunned for a second, looking at the jacket in my hand. I honestly hadn’t even considered it was marking her or putting my scent on her. I just wanted her to be warm, nothing more, nothing less.

Wait, did she say, girlfriend, ohh f**k, I didn’t want to bring up Grace just yet, and f**k, I haven’t even apologized to her about that yet. Guilt consumed me as I jogged to catch up to her. She hadn’t gone far. Despite the heals, she could still walk pretty fast.

“‘Sweatheart, please…” I start reaching out to her, but she cuts me off abruptly and moves her arm away out of my reach.

“Don’t call me that,” she grinds out.

“What.” l ask, frowning, spinning around to face her while walking backwoods, quickly trying to keep up with her and not stumble at the same time.

“You lost that privilege when you chose her. It’s Beta Ashleigh to you,” she growls and pushes me slightly to the side, trying to move around me.

“l didn’t choose her. I chose you,” I call out, stopping where she pushed past.

She suddenly stops and turns back to face me, walking a few steps toward me.

“You chose her the moment you turned around the first night, the moment you went to her instead of me, you chose her, so finish your choice and reject me,” she Snaps, Kia flashing through pulsing her aura.

can’t you speak with Kia? Help me out a bit here, please,’ I pleaded with Jace. He growls and glares at me.

Great, he f*****g hates me again.

“No, I can’t, and I won’t. I know I did it all the wrong way. I tried to do right by Grace and the baby but not right by you. For that, I am truly sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t do it knowingly. I was trying to get answers for you if you wanted any. I was trying to be prepared. It f*****g killed me every night I was away from you. But I didn’t want you, of all people, to see me as a disappointment like my father. Like everyone who is supposed to care about me, I am a disappointment, I couldn’t be that to you. I can’t lose you too.” I shook my head, and there I told her my greatest fear of being a disappointment to her and losing her.

As much as I was always around people, half the girls only wanted one thing, and the other half wanted the other, either a one-night with an Alpha or the Luna title. That title wás always for my mate, it was never, ever going to be passed down to anyone else, and the guys, well, Danni and Eric, are the two I can only really trust.

Billy only came into the fold at the start of high school.

Sometimes I even have reservations about him. And then there’s my father, now that’s a big f****g can of worms I don’t want to open tonight.

She stood there for a moment, just staring at me with a blank expression. I could see the gears turning in her mind, trying to figure out if l was telling the truth and if l got the chance.

“None of it matters. You are still having a child with another. I won’t stand by and be the other woman. I won’t be the one pushed aside.” She said, shaking her head, staring at me with glassy eyes, and went to move away.

f**k l should have started with Grace not being pregnant. Then maybe the pain would have been less if I had told her that from the start.

“She’s not pregnant. She faked the whole f*****g thing to get to me. She’s qone now. And she won’t ever be allowed back,” I say quickly, trying to move closer to her. Her beautiful eyes blinked at me. Her brow formed into a frown.

“Then why the f**k did it take so long?” she snapped, folding her arms back across her body, frustrated.

I felt my mouth gape open. Did she just sware? I don’t think I have ever heard her sware before. I quickly gathered myself together again, trying to dismiss that she looked f*****g hot when she was all pissed off and angry.

“I couldn’t get an appointment until yesterday, and I was going to see you yesterday evening with all the information. I am so sorry I waited that long. I’m sorry I didn’t go to you first. Just, please let me try to make it up to you. Let me take you out.” This is what I can do. This is what I am good at. Just give me a second chance, I plead. I can feel Jace’s annoyance and frustration over the whole thing. Hell, I’m frustrated, but I need to show her that I can be with her and no one else. I need to show her how much I love her.

“I’ Il think about it” she mumbles, looking down at her hands, holding something. I frowned, wanting to see what she was holding. Before l even get a glimpse of it, she curls her fingers around it and tucks it away again.

“That’s all l ask” I nod, letting out a breath of relief that I didn’t realize I was holding until now.

“I should go back in. l only said l’d be out for a bit,” she says softly, moving past me and making her way back to the venue.

I sigh, standing there for a moment, scrubbing my hand over my face. It’s a start. I just f*****g hope she says yes because, at this point, I don’t care who knows.

She’s my mate, and I need her. I don’t think I would survive if she rejected me.