Becoming Fae
Fear

Mal

I knew I should have been sleeping. There was nothing I could do for Fae right now. I had my objections, but this truly was the best option available. Still, it made me nervous.

“You worry so much,” a soft voice said, and I turned to see Netiri holding a metal cup of tea out to me. “The Bond is very strong.”

“I don’t know how it managed to be so strong,” I replied, taking the cup from her as she joined me by the small stream we had stopped by. “I really messed things up in the beginning. I was so sure the damage would be too great.”

“The soul is a confusing thing,” she chuckled. “Unlike the fickle spirit, it doesn’t change and though it’s often too fragile for its own good, it’s a lot stronger than we think. It doesn’t break easily and if put in the right hands, it heals quickly.”

“Did you feel the pain? When they had Immail?” I asked her after a moment.

“Yes,” she answered softly. “He tried blocking me from it, but it was too much. Even for him.”

“How did you deal with the fear that it could happen again?”

“That never goes away,” she put her small hand on my shoulder. “But I trust in us both to never allow it to happen again. Things were... Different for us then. At first, there was so much fighting all over the place that it was difficult and dangerous for us to meet. To be together the way the Bond demands.”

“Painfully, I might add,” I put my hand on my chest where the discomfort would be if I was apart from Fae for too long.

“Yes, it’s quite annoying,” she said flatly. “It was years of this before our separate efforts began showing signs of calming the chaos around us. We left our homes and started a family, confident that we would be safe. Too confident.”

“We don’t have that luxury,” I shook my head. “Not with Fae drawing demons to her.”

“No, you don’t,” she agreed. “But she’s a lot like the soul. Stronger than we could ever understand.”

“I don’t want her getting hurt,” I admitted.

“That’s life,” she laughed and looked out into the night. “Life is pain and suffering just as much as it is beauty and peace. But, like the soul, Fae won’t break easily. She’ll get hurt, but I’m pretty sure Fate put her in the right hands with you, just as she has you.”

“I’m not so sure,” I sighed. “She’s this amazing, wonderful, powerful person. A princess, on so many different levels and quite possibly a queen unlike any before her.”

“Doubting your worth, huh?” she lifted an eyebrow at me. “Slippery slope.”

“Don’t I know it?” I groaned.

“Fae is a lot like Immail, despite her looking like me. That’s incredibly uncanny and slightly disconcerting, by the way,” she said, and I chuckled. “Strong and powerful on the outside, but so soft and delicate inside.”

“Not at all what I get from him,” I said, peering over my shoulder where he, Naz, and Fae were sleeping, and Harmon was adding wood to the fire.

“He hides it well,” she giggled. “You might not see it yet, but you and Fae are balanced together, just as every Bonded is. We complete each other, fill in the gaps, and strengthen what’s already there. And from what I remember, the Kings were as solid and steady as a mountain and with what I know already, she’s in desperate need of that.”

“I’m not really a King, though, am I?”

“Blood can’t be erased, and it never lies,” she scoffed. “As much as we would sometimes like it to. Names mean nothing, anyhow. The point is that you are exactly everything Fae will ever need and she’s the same for you.”

“I never said she wasn’t,” I sighed.

“It’s a little daunting, being next to someone so large, isn’t it?” she laughed.

“You would know all about that,” I snorted.

“Yeah, the size difference is pretty astounding,” she laughed harder. “You’ll come to understand that the Bond doesn’t care about who has the bigger name or the stronger muscles. It’s about the bigger picture. The whole, not the parts that make it.”

“I’m supposed to help her, but I seem to just do nothing,” I said, putting the tea down and rubbing my hands over my face. “I can’t help her with her fear of the dark, the loss of her sight, claiming the Throne. She’s been taken from me three times and I was late getting to her the first time, and I did nothing to get her back the other two. She was tortured, starved, caged and what did I do?”

“You were what made her fight harder,” Netiri smirked, stopping me from rambling farther. “She was tortured, but she held on. For you. She came back. For you. She broke free and came to you. You are the beacon that calls her home, Mal. You are where she rests when she’s tired, where she goes to feel safe, where she feels the most loved. Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed of us.”

I sat there and thought about what she said. I knew all of it already, in some part of me, I think, but now that she brought it to the forefront, I had to admit, it felt good to hear it from someone on the outside. I smiled at Netiri and she chuckled and put her hand on my shoulder before she got up and went back to the fire.

Fae

“Easy,” Immail said, putting his hand on my back. “It’s not real, remember? Just a dream.”

“It’s terrifying,” I breathed out shakily as I stared at the cave in front of me. “Last time I was here, I kind of nearly tore the place down. Pretty sure those freaky little bats are pissed at me.”

“Bats? Really?” he looked at me.

Now that he said something, he did kind of have a bat-like appearance. Huh. Odd.

“And I won’t feel anything?” I looked back at the black maw of the cave I had escaped once before.

“Garloth is feeding on the physical feelings, but you will still feel the emotions,” he assured me. “Once you walk in, you won’t see me or hear me, but I’ll be there the whole time. I promise, embrasa, I will not leave you alone.”

I might know next to nothing about him, but I believed him completely. He might be a big, bad, uber-demon who was a little twisted and very dark, but he wasn’t evil. He was just... demonic.

“Will I remember it?”

“You must,” he nodded.

“Will you?”

“Not unless you want me to,” he answered.

“And Naz?”

“I’m afraid he’ll remember no matter what. He’s sifting through this as we speak, taking away the physical feelings,” he nodded. “But he will say nothing of what he learns here. He never does, not even to those he follows.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s done it for me after we got free,” he said. “Are you ready? There is only so much time in the night, little one.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, hoping I made it through this without waking myself up with my own fear. I wasn’t ready for this. I would never be ready for what I could likely see in there, especially if those freaky bats were hanging around, holding a grudge. Pretty sure the old geezer would have a few choice words to say, likely along the lines of more freaking fog.

I opened my eyes and forced my feet to move, carrying me into the mouth of the cave. Almost immediately, darkness surrounded me, only it felt like a blanket, muffling and dampening everything. I could hear my breathing growing faster and the ragged edge to it, but it was like listening to music through a wall. I snapped my fingers, willing some fire to come beat the darkness back, but nothing happened.

The feeling of suffocation grew stronger, and I clawed at my neck and chest, fighting an invisible force that didn’t even exist. I knew it didn’t and it was just my mind playing dirty, but rationality didn’t apply to phobias like this. My heart thundered as it battered my ribs and I swear, it was on track to break free and run for the hills without me.

A strangled scream made its way out of my throat, and I fell to my knees just as the first images came to me like a film in the theater. Some were memories that I had forgotten, like Gary waiting until I was almost asleep before he attacked me, breaking my arm, nose, and four fingers. Some were irrational fears, like waking up burning with flames that couldn’t be put out, no matter how hard I tried. Falling down holes that had no bottoms, having millions of little bug legs crawling all over me. The worst one was losing everything I had found the past year.

My parents broken lifeless bodies at my feet. Blaine with a gaping hole where his heart was supposed to be. Ben’s fox with no skin left and glassy eyes. Rollie with a spear pinning him to the side of his barn. Naz hanging by his feet with his throat cut. Harmon plucked of his feathers.

“Fae.”

Oh gods. Please, no.

I closed my eyes and felt the tears that were already threatening to overflow break free. When I opened them again, Mal was clawing at the ground as he crawled to me. His face was broken, and his wings had been cut from his back and it looked like he’d been hit by a bus or something as blood trickled from the side of his mouth.

“I’m so sorry, Mal,” I whispered.

“You should be,” he spat, hatred in his eyes as he reached my legs and used them to pull himself up to his knees. “I never should have jumped in that pool after you. You should have died, then none of this would have happened. Look at what you’ve done!”

“I didn’t do this,” I shook my head, looking at the smoking, ruined battlefield and the thousands of bodies that littered it. “I didn’t do this.”

“You’ve destroyed people. Nando was your brother. Zane loved you. I loved you,” he hissed. “You destroyed everything and everyone. Are you happy now? Are you satisfied with what you’ve taken? Are you finally content, now that there’s no one left?”

“This isn’t what I wanted,” I sobbed. “I didn’t do this!”

“But you did,” Mal accused. “You are alive and because of that, this has happened. You might not have been the hand that dealt the blow, but you’ve done nothing to stop it. It’s all your fault.”

“No! No, this is what I'm trying to stop,” I cried, backing away and putting my arms around myself.

“You haven’t done anything but hide,” he snapped as he fell to his hands and hacked a raged, rattling cough. “You’ve used every excuse. The demons that devoted themselves to you, the army that you insisted we had, the stupid decision to go the Vale. And for what? What good has anything you’ve ever had a hand in done? You were only just born when you caused trouble. You are a menace, Fae. One that I’m glad will not linger much longer.”

“What?” I looked at him.

“I’m dying,” he snapped. “Everyone would have been better off if you never existed in the first place, but at least I’m taking you with me when I go.”

He rose up to his knees again and pulled a blade from somewhere, lunging at me with nothing but hatred on his face.

Immail

“Enough!” I bellowed.

The dream broke and I heard Fae gasp before her sobs filled the night.

“Fae! What happened?” Mal said, going to his Bond.

I sat up and Garloth met my eyes from across the fire as Netiri crouched beside me, a look of concern on her face.

“What happened?” she asked me softly.

“I felt her fear stronger than anything else,” I shook my head and Garloth frowned.

“You shouldn’t have felt anything,” he said. “It’s not your dream.”

“I felt it,” I put my hand over my heart where I could feel it beating like a hummingbird's wings. “It’s not something we can fix, my love. I’m afraid that this is all going to be on you.”

“You are by far the most equipped for these delicate kinds of things,” Garloth nodded. “All for the best. Another dream-eater reached for me. There’s trouble in the Pits.”

“What trouble?” I asked.

“The other Sins have gathered all of the ones that want the Throne to the palace. They’re going to wait for Fae to arrive while Envy leads an army to the encampment,” he replied. “It’s larger than any other force combined, except, maybe, the Legions.”

“We don’t stand a chance, do we?” I heard Fae ask in a shaken whisper.

I looked at her. A daughter of my blood. One of very few that were left. She looked scared yet resigned and I knew that even if I lied, she already understood what was going to happen and she had accepted it.

“No,” I finally answered.