CHASE
46

Plain white walls. Plain white floors. Plain bright lights. The empty feeling of this soulless place was nothing but old to me. I'd been here before, many, many times. Stood right in my exact same spot, staring at the same plain white door. It'd been exactly five months since I last saw Chase, five months and I'm here again, stood in the same plain white Whitley Psych Hospital.

I'd put too much thought into this, to do what I'm about to do. Chase turned himself in as he had said and we parted ways from there. But the only thing that kept me going in the past five months was the thought of seeing him again. At first, it was easier, everything was fresh and I still had hate and rage towards him, and believe me I still sometimes do, but it's less than before. A lot less.

I guess I got used to the sick feeling in my gut, I became accustomed to the nightmares I had of him. But then those nightmares turned into hurt and pain as they switched from him hurting me, to me, hurting him. I saw the pain in his eyes every single night, I saw his face as he almost lost his life, I saw the lonely boy who lacked love and affection, so I was here, yet again, about to give him all of the things he'd been missing out on.

Adrenaline ran deep in my body as I fiddled with the doorknob, it felt like the very first time I came here and saw him. Like the first time I set eyes on those beautiful brown orbs. Like the first time, in a long time that I felt alive again.

My heart thumped against my chest as I opened the door and stepped inside with my eyes closed, I wasn't sure if I wanted to open them just yet. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be rejected by him which was highly likely. After all, I had rejected him when he needed me the most.

The beating of my heart halted as I felt his presence right before me. He was close, so close that I could feel him breathe against my lips. I didn't open my eyes though, I wasn't ready. Instead, I lifted my arms up blindly and pressed the palm of my hands onto his solid, broad chest. He felt good beneath my touch, he was warm, too warm. I could feel the pounding of his heart against my hand, causing me to melt in my place.

Finally replaceing the courage to open my eyes, I stared at his face while he stared at mine. We just stood there for a long moment, in silence, breathing each other in. He was the first to break our trance as his large hand found its way to the back of my head and he pushed my head into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist while he dug his fingers into my hair, showing me just how much he was happy to see me.

I didn't fight the tears that escaped my eyes and dampened his shirt, I let them fall free because for the first time, I was crying of happiness. I had never felt so at home until now as I stood in the arms of the beast who broke me down and the beast who was about to build me back up.

'Sofia.' He breathed into my hair, never letting go of me, the tense muscles in his body relaxed as I rubbed his skin, my arms still wrapped tight around him. I didn't mind anymore that he called me by my real name. I didn't want to hide who I was, just like he had never hid who he was. I had learned a lot from him in the past five months, even if he wasn't there, he never failed to teach me something new.

'Chase.' I whispered back, my heart pounding in my chest as I lifted my head up and stared him in the eye. He looked like he was lost as he stared back at me.

'Are you real?' I wanted to laugh at the irony. Five months ago, that was the same question I had asked him when I thought he was dead but then found out that he wasn't.

'Yeah, I'm real.' I shot him a small smile which he didn't return but I could see the flicker of light flashing beneath those layers of brown, in his pupils.

We were silent, but I didn't mind. It was nice and soothing, giving me plenty of time take to him in and adjust to him. I tiptoed and leaned closer to him, my lips almost touching his as the words left my mouth before I could stop them..

'I love you.'

My chest tightened and his facial expression changed, he looked shocked, almost as though I'd just told him that I'm an alien. I watched his Adam's apple lift as he swallowed hard, right before he crushed his lips against mine, holding my face in his hands.

The entire world stopped, our past stopped, our future stopped. The only thing that went on was the present, and the present consisted of his lips devouring mine. It wasn't harsh or rough, it was a needy kiss, like he had long yearned for this moment and I had granted him it. Fuck, I needed it just as bad as he did.

By the time we stopped kissing, I could barely catch my breath.

'I love you.' The words left his mouth and he crushed me against the wall, his lips back on mine.

For the first time, my heart didn't ache anymore.

It felt complete.

CHASE—

As I lay there with the girl I had wronged, in my arms, I felt nothing but peace. Her presence put me at ease and I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she actually came back to me.

Although the voices had stopped since I'd been taking my medication and the urge to hurt her had faded, I didn't expect her to feel safe around me and yet she willingly lay there, her head on my chest, giving me her heart.

The past five months had been hell for me. Knowing that I'd lost the one person in my life that meant so much to me, it cracked me to pieces yet I couldn't bring it out in words to tell her how much I'd needed her. I was still working on getting my feelings out to her and letting her know what's going on in my head. I'd been so used to just dealing with own shit that I was held back from saying the things I want to tell her.

'Sofia' my voice was low and I knew she liked it as she rubbed her head against my chest.

'Mmm?'

'Do you still think about the things I've done to you?'

'Stop.' She lifted her head up and put her index finger on my lips as she shook her head.

'It's in the past, it's over.' Her voice was barely a whisper and I couldn't help but notice that she seemed hurt at the conversation and by the memory of me abusing her.

'I will change for you.' I knew that it would take time and she'd have to work with me but I was willing to be a better man. I was willing to take my medications for as long as it was needed and become the guy who would show her my love for her with my heart and not my hands.

'The way you are now, I like that. I don't want a fake you. I want the real you.' I had to suck in a deep breath to hold myself from crashing as her words hit home. It was strange to have her tell me she liked the way I was. I was used to everyone being against me.

'I use to lay right here with Becca. She always use to tell me that she didn't deserve my love, that she was a horrible person. I think she hated herself.'

'But I loved her, no matter how much crazy was in her head, she was still a person and she deserved to be loved and accepted. She didn't ask to be that way and neither did you.' I tensed at her soft fingers tracing up and down my abs. I wanted to hold her and tell her that I was sorry about what had happened to Becca, but my words came out silent and she never got to hear them.

'So be the real you. And if you gradually get better over time then I'll accept that, but to change who you are for me? Who am I to create your personality for you? No one asked me to change, why? Because I'm known as the norm in the society and you're damaged? That's not how it works.'

Her words were like music to my ears. I wanted to cherish them forever. The world had always been against me, but now, I had Sofia. I wouldn't lose her again.

I leaned down, pressing my mouth to her ears as I whispered 'If you leave me, I'll kill you.'

She stilled for a second before she lifted her head up and looked at me with a smile on her pretty little face.

'That's the Chase I know and grown to love.'

With my finger on her chin, I tilted her head up further, pressing my lips to her soft ones. My entire body went up into flames as I felt her tongue trace across my mouth, waiting for me to give her entry, and when I did, our tongues tangled and my chest roared with the need to have her.

I flipped her over, moving on top of her, placing myself in between her legs as my hands held hers captive above her head. She let out a small whimper and my heart raced at the sound. Crushing my body against hers, I began to kiss down her neck, sucking and biting on her delicate skin. Another whimper escaped her throat and I dug my fingers harder into her wrists.

The urge to rip her clothes apart was getting intense and I could no longer contain myself from ravaging her body, getting a feel of being inside her again. I pressed my groin in between her thighs as a low growl erupted from within my throat. Before I knew it, I was breathing heavy from the need of having her, taking her. So lost in my own head that I hadn't realised that her whimpers weren't from pleasure, but they were from fear.

I let go of her wrists as soon as I saw the crack in her eyes. I stared at my hands for a minute, trying to think why I had just been so rough with her. I could see the imprint of my fingers on her wrists, informing me that I had lost my control.

'I'm.. ' I wanted to say it, to say I'm sorry but I couldn't. If I was really sorry then I wouldn't have lost control, then I wouldn't have scared her. I tried to move off of her but she gripped my biceps, holding me right there.

'No, I'm sorry.' She whispered as a single tear left her eyes. A tear I didn't want there so I wiped it away. It's like she had read my mind and knew what I wanted to say but she said it instead.

'I just, I, for a second..' she stopped talking but I finished off her sentence, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

'You remembered the times I raped you.' Her eyes widened with my statement but she pulled herself together soon after. I guess she had become accustomed to hearing me say things so casually. I didn't know how else to say it. And for a minute, I felt pain at the fact she couldn't be comfortable with me because of what I had done to her.

'Chase..' she said my name like she was the one that did something wrong. I didn't understand why she kept taking the blame for my wrong doings.

'Sofia, don't.' I wrapped my hand around her mouth, not wanting to hear her treat me like a child. I was a grown ass man and I was going to take responsibility for my actions.

'I shouldn't have been so rough.' She watched me intently, as if she wanted to comfort me when she was the one that needed comfort. I'd hurt her and I needed to make up for it now. What did I expect? For her to scream 'fuck me'? Who told me to think that she was ready?

'We'll take it slow. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. And when you're ready, we'll go from there.'

'And I don't want to hear you apologise or cry anymore.' I pressed my hand into her mouth and leaned forward so she was staring right into my eyes.

'Got it?' My voice was low and my throat dry as I watched her nod. I removed my hand and got off her, holding her waist and turning her back to me, I wrapped an arm around her and buried my face in her hair. My heart beating against her back as I inhaled her sweet scent,

Breathing in everything that was Sofia.