CHASE
45

Stretching my arms out long enough to pull a muscle, I yawned and lifted my legs over the bed, making my way towards the knock on my apartment door. I'd came back to my own house three days ago, knowing that I couldn't be a burden to my beloved parents for the rest of my life. I'd let them be there for me and I was there for them in return but I knew that I had to eventually get back to my life and do what I always do best, hope enough to make it happen.

My brows furrowed as I scanned the box that was placed behind my door, getting a bad feeling that whatever was in the box, was not going to be good. I hadn't ordered anything and I basically had no friends to send me gifts, mum and dad clearly didn't do this, so the only thought that came to my head was.. Chase.

It had been a week since I last saw him and I couldn't quite put into words how I felt during those seven days. I'd went through hell and back but I also had my days where I felt good. Like he really was gone. But then I'd sit there and think to myself, was I turning my back on him again? It's like no matter how much I knew that I had every right to hate the beast, I just felt guilty every time I thought about how alone that beast would be. But I'd managed to push aside my guilt and think logically about the situation, anyone in my place would forever banish him from their life, right? Right..

Settling down on the sofa, I set the box down in my lap. My nerves picking up speed as my fingers traced around the lid of the box. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to see what was inside yet. I slowly pulled the lid up and my eyes fell onto another small box inside the box and then a note that was also placed inside.

Weighing my options, I decided to open the smaller box, the note could wait. I stared at it for a long while, contemplating if it was best to just bin it all right now before it was too late. However, something held me back and I ended up opening it up.

My heart dilated in my chest and I sunk a little further into the sofa as I eyed the beautiful gold necklace with a hummingbird as a pendant. A single tear dropped free down my face, I didn't bother wiping it away as I sat there holding the meaningful necklace in my hand.

If this was from him, it was one of the nicest things he's ever done for me, excluding the part where he saved my life. I stared at the glowing necklace before I reached for the note, I didn't understand why my fingers shook as I unfolded the note in my hands. My heart was a swivelling mess and my eyes were glued to the writing..

'You want freedom and I promise to give it to you. But before that, meet me within the woods of the one place that binds us together. 8pm tonight.'

Goosebumps appeared across my body and settled upon my skin as I held the note tight in my hands. I wasn't sure what the note meant or where he was talking about to meet him.

I sat there for a long while, rereading the words over and over again. 'Within the woods of the one place that binds us together.' A place that keeps us connected.. could that be?

The orphanage.

I swallowed hard at the realisation and my mind went blank. He was offering me freedom which I already had, he was gone, or so I thought and wanted to so desperately believe. If I showed up, god knows if he wants to take me with him again or worse, kill me. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself that this was a bad idea and that I should just bin the note. I couldn't help but wonder, what did he want from me? Why did he want to meet?

I'd been sat in the same exact spot for the next couple of hours, contemplating, leaving to go and meet him or to ignore this. But the nagging feeling in my gut told me that I should go. That if I wanted everything to be over, I needed closure. And he's never went over his word, although I had no reason to trust him personally, I trusted his promise. And he had promised to give me freedom which means, he clearly wasn't going to cage me up.

I swallowed hard at my next decision, replaceing my way to my room I began to put warm clothes on. I was going to be driving for about an hour to the orphanage and I didn't want to freeze in the car. I put on my thick jumper and jeans with a jacket on top. A scarf around my neck and knee high boots.

When the time came and I was sat there in my car, driving towards the unknown, I cursed myself for quite some time. The closer I got to my destination, the worse the thoughts hit me. I wish I had told my parents I was doing this in case I went missing again. Or left the note in my apartment instead of carrying it with me, but then again, it's not like he gave a certain location, it was just a vague note that barely held any information.

I took a deep breath as I stepped out of the car, yet again, my boots sinking into the thick clog of snow. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath for a moment. Searching my surrounding, my eyes fell onto the many trees that circled the orphanage. I wasn't sure exactly where to meet him but I kept going. Sinking further and further into the white patch on the ground, my heart melting along with it. The sun had been ravaged by the moon and the darkness had forbidden any form of light to path my way, yet from a distance, I saw light.

I saw light and I followed, it didn't seem too far from me. I breathed out once more, my heart beating in my chest while every step I took closer to the light in the middle of the trees made my brain ache with all of the possibilities that may or may not happen in the next couple of minutes. He could kill me. Maybe that's what he meant by freedom, maybe that's how he was going to set me free.

Oh god. Panic rose in my bones and I was too close to the light, I could see that it was just fire that lit the woods up, maybe he was planning to burn me. I wanted to turn and leave but then I heard his voice.

'Sofia.' I cringed at the choice of name he always called me by. My eyes scanned the area then my heart stopped when I saw him standing right behind the fire. He looked more like a shadow and I didn't know how I had missed his large form when I had looked towards the fire before.

'You came.' His voice sounded distant, almost as though he wasn't here anymore. Like he had lost touch with himself and I was stood here with a stranger and not Chase.

'What do you want?' My voice cracked and I had to clear my throat to stop myself from breaking down right before him.

'What I want is what I can't get.' He stood still by the fire, not moving an inch as I stood by the other side, staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

'And what's that?' I whispered into the cold winter air.

'You.' My heart clenched and my my body shook with his statement. I wanted to melt into the ground and disappear from this place.

'Chase..' I whispered once more, not sure what I even wanted to say.

'I'm not going to hurt you. Once I say all the things that need to be said, I'll be on my way.'

'I thought about you a lot in the last week, hell I thought about you a lot during my entire life.'

'But within these seven days, I thought about the things I done. The things you did. I think it's time I go back to Whitley. I'm going to hand myself in and then you'll never have to see me again.'

I felt myself breaking at his words. I knew that the only place that would be safe for him and other people would be Whitley but to know that he's going there on his own terms broke my heart. He really had lost touch of himself, because the Chase I knew, he would rather die than be in that four walled prison again.

'I'm not sorry for what I did to you. Guess it's more than obvious I'm sick in the head.' He let out a small laugh that sounded painful and then he carried on.

'I won't lie to you and apologise. No matter what I am, I'm not a liar. I won't ask for your forgiveness, I don't need that either. But I want one last thing from you.' My heart was pounding with every word that left his mouth. He was breaking and I could feel myself crashing down with him

'And what is that Chase?'

'I want you to kiss me.'

All thoughts halted and I froze in my place.

'Kiss you? Didn't you get enough of that when you forced yourself on me?' I knew that my words were going to cut him but I had to get everything out once and for all.

'I spend every night crying myself to sleep. I feel sick every time I look at my body in the mirror. You broke me Chase, and now you're asking me to kiss you? Do you even know how much you hurt me?'

'I was seven! I was seven when I turned my back on you. I had just watched the person I relied on the most kill the only people that I had in my life, whether they were crazy or not, I didn't know any better. I was scared.'

'And I'm sorry for that, unlike you, I feel guilt. I spend every night thinking about how this all went wrong and I come back to the conclusion of me betraying you and every time, I feel sick, I shun myself for turning my back on you but Chase, I was so young, I was so naive, how can you hold that against me?'

'I thought you was suppose to be my anchor.' Tears slipped free from my eyes and my heart groaned in my chest with all of the hurt I was feeling. I had just spilled my guts out to him and all I wanted was to be held but I didn't know if I wanted that from him.

'I was your anchor.'

'I protected you, every scar you see on my back, they're all from the many times I stopped that dick from touching you. Every time I interfered, he'd do this to me.' I could see his hands clenching into fists as he closed his eyes and relived the painful memories.

'It hurts Sofia. Everything hurts.' I ached for him, even when I didn't want to.

'I wanted a dad to arm wrestle with, a dad to take me to school and a mum that would tell me if I didn't get good grades she'll ground me. I wanted a family. I didn't want the beatings, the cuts that I can still feel on my skin. I didn't want to have to watch the only person I trusted in the world to get abused, I didn't want to see you hurt. I didn't ask for this Sofia, and neither did you. If I could go back and change everything I would but I guess I don't get that luxury in my life, I never have.'

'I didn't mind being alone, I was used to it. But some days it was too suffocating, I felt like it was me against the world and I still feel that way. Do you know how hard that is?'

'To have no one there but yourself? To know that even if you're on the verge of dying, no ones going to hold your hand and kiss you goodbye? That hurts. It cuts. It cuts deeper than the scars on my skin.'

At this point, I was leaking with tears. I couldn't hold them back anymore so I let them run free down my face as I ached a little more with every word he said.

'I'm sorry.' I managed to whisper, stepping towards the fire. I needed a clearer look of his face, and when I did get that, I could see the tears that had escaped his stone heart and ran down his cheeks. His eyes were red and I could see the pain buried deep inside his brown orbs.

'I'm so sorry Chase.' I didn't know what else to say or what else to do as he stood there staring at me, he wasn't the man who had abused me, this man standing before me, this was the lonely hurt boy that I always had saw in him.

'I'm not.' His voice was croaky and I could hear the tears in his tone.

'What's happened has happened and I can't change that but I won't sit here and feel sorry for myself. I don't deserve it.'

I ached even more now, he had been hurt, he had been just as much abused as I had been and he still didn't believe he deserved to be set free. He blamed himself just like I blamed me. We weren't so different after all.

I walked around the fire and pulled out the necklace from my pocket, I held it out for him, when he took it from my hands I turned and lifted my hair from my shoulders. My body shook as I felt him putting the necklace on me and then placed a small kiss on my shoulder. I was suffocating with all of the emotions that had came crashing down on me at once.

'Chase..' I stared at the fire before me, my sliver dry in my throat as I considered what I was going to say next.

'I had a miscarriage.' When my words left my mouth and hit him, he groaned out in pain like I'd just stabbed him. His reaction informing that he had no idea.

'I'm so sorry.' I looked down and when I looked back up, he was in front of me, his hand rubbing over my stomach. I swallowed the lump in my throat while my heart shattered in my chest.

'No.' He gripped my waist as he fell to his knees, placing his head on my belly. 'No!' He cried out while he clung onto me for dear life. We were both breaking and I didn't know what to do, so I sunk to the floor with him, wrapping my arms around his neck, giving him the only thing he had ever wanted from me. A kiss.

Our lips crashed against each other, while our hearts tore apart.

For fate, had broke us down,

And left us crumbled.