Desire for you- ALPHA RYAN Book 1
Chapter 41

ILAY

By bonding with Catherine, Ryan and I could clearly sense her emotional state. Even though Catherine hadn't marked us yet, the bond was ninety percent complete. We could both feel her pain and grief, which almost brought us to our knees.

"I want to apologize to you too...", I said, looking at her. She was leaning against Ryan and almost didn't want to tear herself away from him. The sight made my heart ache and something in the back of my mind told me that I had already lost this battle for her.

"To 'attack' you like that wasn't right... I should have handled the situation differently."

She looked at me again fleetingly and lowered her gaze again. She didn't give me an answer. No answer is also an answer. She didn't want to know anything about me, even if the bond made it difficult for her.

I looked desperately at Ryan, who didn't seem to want to give an opinion on the situation. After all, I had kidnapped him and caused all this chaos. It was going to be a rocky road to convince Catherine that I was right.

She gasped and paused. I looked at her confused "Is something wrong?" I asked her and reached for her hand. She turned slightly green in the face and it seemed to me as if she wanted to throw up.

"Bucket... I need a bucket." She croaked. Apparently she was really sick. She had clawed her fingers into the blanket and was trying to hold back with all the strength she had in her condition.

'Achira, bring a bucket and preferably something for nausea.' I instructed her and less than two minutes later she was in the room.

She handed me the bucket and looked at me in confusion.

I passed it to Catherine and she vomited her guts out. Even though not a lot of stomach contents came up.

Ryan held her hair back. Achira handed me another damp washcloth, which she had fetched from the bathroom. When Catherine had finished, I gently wiped her mouth.

She leaned back into the bed and exhaled deeply. "Should I call the doctor?" I asked her uncertainly.

She shook her head "No, I don't want a doctor... I want to rest, that's all..." she pulled the blanket tighter around her and I saw her eyes close again and again. No wonder, she hadn't been conscious for several days. Her body couldn't possibly have taken it all.

Ryan and I looked at each other uncertainly. "Do you think something didn't work properly?" I asked him uncertainly. Suddenly I was unsure about everything. Had everything worked smoothly or was something missing?

He remained silent and said nothing.

'Ryan?' I nudged him again. I searched him for an answer.

'I don't know... I really don't know.' He whispered softly and gently ran his hand over Catherine's hair.

"Here, take this tablet, it'll make the nausea a little better." Achira said and handed Catherine a tablet and a glass of water.

Catherine looked at Achira with wide eyes and nodded. I sensed an uncertainty in her and wondered what she might have noticed? Perhaps I still needed to contact Azrael. After all, he had been in contact with her recently.

That was nonsense. She'd been unconscious the whole time, what did anyone want to know? I was probably imagining things. I sighed softly and ran my fingers through my hair.

Ryan really did have the better cards, even if he had messed up a lot more than me, his tolerance threshold was higher than mine. No wonder.

I had to get Ryan away from here somehow so I could spend time alone with Catherine. Or as Ryan called her, Cate.

As if God had heard my thoughts, Ryan was apparently summoned by Tristan.

"I have to go... Kilian has a problem with Chiara... She still thinks you're dead, Cate. I need to make this clear before chaos breaks out." He said with a serious face and looked at me.

'Don't you dare do anything to her or say the wrong thing...' he warned me.

I gave him a dirty look, 'I would never do that! I replied and finally looked down at Catherine, who now looked even sadder than before.

She nodded slightly and bit her lower lip.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, let me know if there's anything." Ryan said to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

She just nodded, hardly daring to look over at me. She was probably also wondering why Ryan and I hadn't already slashed each other.

Well, I can't explain to myself why that didn't happen. Any other man would have marked his territory and claimed his property. Even though Ryan was a joke to me, he was still an Alpha, who were known to be jealous and possessive.

He probably figured I wouldn't stand a chance with Catherine after everything that had happened.

"I'll let you flick me out of here, Ilay." He finally said, glaring at me. I nodded and finally teleported him away. Achira looked at the two of us: "I think I'll leave you alone too, let me know if you need anything Ilay, I'm cooking in the kitchen." Achira said and disappeared out of the door.

Now we were effectively alone. Just Cate and me.

I didn't know what to say to her. No words in the world could ever make up for it. The simplest thing was always the truth. Even if it might be complicated and carried consequences.

"I never thought this situation would degenerate like this... I thought I would lose you... When I pulled you out of the water and couldn't feel a pulse... I was so damn scared of losing you Catherine." My voice became shaky as I thought about it. The situation still got under my skin and made my blood run cold.

Catherine didn't give me an answer. She was quiet and simply said nothing. I didn't want to let up, I had to get her to talk somehow. Even if she cursed me, shouted at me or even slapped me, I would prefer anything but this silence. This silence was cold and full of pain. It was unbearable and unpleasant.

"I would give anything to be able to hold you just once, to tell you how strong my feelings are for you. I would do anything for you..."

She bit her lower lip and avoided my gaze in every possible way.

"What is it, Catherine? Do you have a guilty conscience towards Ryan? Is that why you won't even look me in the eye?" I asked her directly. The shoe had to be on the other foot somewhere and if it hadn't been, nothing would have stood in our way.

"I can sense your feelings, Catherine, and I can also sense that deep inside you, there is a spark of interest in me."

I gently lifted her chin so that she had to look me in the eye. Her icy blue eyes were enchanting and I had never been so happy to finally be able to see them again.

She looked at me too and I could feel her swallowing on my fingers. The way she was looking at me, she was probably thinking about what to say.

"Say something..." I whispered softly.

"I don't know what to say to you... You showed up in my life when everything was a mess, and yes, I care about Ryan. How do you think I feel knowing that I have two mates and I'm supposed to do them both justice? Do you think I can push Ryan aside like, hey-make room?"

She shook her head and bit her lower lip.

I looked at her "What's wrong with being allowed to love two people? I'm not saying you should give up Ryan... I just want a chance to prove myself to you. I want to show you that there's nothing wrong with loving me... In the end, you can still decide, but at least give me this run up to show you that I'm not who you think I am."

Her expression was pained and she looked out of the window. She shook her head and looked at me again. "It won't work Ilay... It won't work out that way in the end." She whispered softly.

"Why wouldn't it work, Catherine, you decide who you want and who you don't want in the end. What's wrong with that?"

"It can't..." she croaked out softly and lowered her gaze again.

I looked at her in confusion and didn't know what else to say to her. I finally nodded and left the discussion alone, she had only just woken up and still needed to recover. I didn't want to upset her. "Think about it, you can always talk to me about it." I said quietly and stood up. She looked after me as I walked out of the room. It tore my heart apart to leave her alone in the room, but even I was getting too much.

I was disappointed that she didn't want to get involved with me, even though we had as much of a bond as she and Ryan did. Was it really her guilty conscience towards Ryan that was holding her back? I couldn't really 'get rid of' Ryan now, especially as we were, strangely enough, connected, which I didn't quite understand either.

I went into my bedroom and took some fresh clothes out and stood under the shower in the bathroom after I had undressed. I let the water run hot and enjoyed every drop that splashed down on my skin.

This woman was going to drive me out of my mind...

After I had finished showering, I got out of the shower and grabbed my bath towel and dried my body. I got dressed again and dried my hair. I combed my hair to one side and set it with hairspray. After several days, I finally looked decent again. I had really missed it.

As I ran out of the bedroom, I heard another choking sound from the next room. I quickly ran back into the room to Catherine, who was over the bucket puking her guts out again.

I got behind her and helped her to sit up again. She was still out of breath from all the vomiting and was staring into space.

"I'll call my doctor over... I don't feel well if you feel sick all the time." I insisted and looked at her. I cleaned the corners of her mouth with a tissue and didn't know what else to do.

She shook her head "No, really... it must just be an upset stomach. I really don't want...".

"An upset stomach?" I'd call the doctor anyway. "I'll make you some chamomile tea, wait a minute," I finally said. I got up and went into the kitchen to see Achira. She stood behind the stove and cooked Catherine something tasty to eat. "I don't know if it will stay in her stomach for long. She had to vomit again, maybe it would be wiser if you made her some vegetable soup..." I said to her. She looked over at me, "Isn't she feeling better?" she asked me.

I shook my head with a sigh "No, not really. My fear is that something has gone wrong, I can only hope that everything else is right with her. As soon as Ryan is back with her, I'll have to go looking for Azrael and ask him what might have gone wrong." I shrugged and turned on the kettle. I took a tea filter from the kitchen shelf and put it in a cup. Once the water was warm, I filled the cup with it.

"Apparently she's not really approachable where you're concerned..." Achira said, looking at me askance. She had tied her wild curls into a bun.

"No, not really, she's too attached to Ryan. I also suspect she has a guilty conscience because of him." I said and looked at her.

"How's your shoulder feeling again?" I asked her, biting my lower lip, because the aftercare was painful. It had to be immobilized so that the doctor could do his work.

She smiled at me "Oh, it was just a scratch. It will slowly get better, don't worry about me. You have a relationship to save, I don't think it's going to be that easy with her." she said, amused.

I nodded and agreed with her "Yes, it will be a little more difficult than I had planned..."

"Don't worry too much, it'll all work out in the end. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you..." Achira patted my arm "Now go on, otherwise the tea will get cold." she said and put some pans back inside.