Discovering Fae
More Learning, More Stress, More Freaking Fog

Traveling back to Phoenix Hollow was, for me, filled with anxiety. I knew the questions I wanted to have answers to, but I didn’t know if I really wanted those answers or not. So far, the only thing answers have given me is more problems. I wanted to know who my parents were, now I was freaking royalty and not sure how I felt about it. I wanted to know what I was and that was turning into more of a headache than I bargained for. Maybe I was better off just not knowing.

My curiosity was a traitor, though, piqued by the unsettling and strange sensation of something moving about under my skin while we flew. Whatever Dad did to stop the pain before we left the others had apparently freed my wings to wiggle and I wasn’t a fan.

We landed and waited, like before, which was strange.

“You might be safe from the heat and fires of a life cycle ending, but Mal and I aren’t quite as durable,” Dad explained when he saw my confused look.

“What do you mean, she’s safe from the heat and fire? No one is safe from a phoenix’s flare,” Mal pinched his eyebrows together.

“We figured it out by accident last time,” I explained. “Well, sort of. I’m not sure how far it goes, but I’m more or less immune to the heat, at least.”

“Is there anything else I need to know?” Mal sighed, and I felt his irritation in our Bond.

“I’m sorry, Mal. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but the things we learned last time were pretty astonishing,” I said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Mary and I have a more mature Bond, so I was able to share the information without it being overheard, but you two don’t have that benefit just yet,” Dad explained. “And that news is absolutely not something you want to have out in the open.”

“Is it that bad?” Mal’s frown deepened.

“‘Good’ and ‘bad’ have yet to be determined, but that’s exactly the reason why secrecy is needed,” Dad answered.

“Personally, I’d go with ‘not good’,” I muttered and rolled my shoulders as my wings moved around again. “This is very uncomfortable. Did you two go through this crap?”

“No. Dragons, and avian species, like phoenix and the rare bird Morphi, and some demons grow wings after their Awakening, like you, but for the rest of us, it happens while we’re going through our Trials,” Dad answered.

“Lucky me,” I grumbled.

“I was wondering when you would return,” came Raiz’s voice from slightly above us. He landed quickly, with a shocked look on his face, seeing me and my new look. “This is quite a change from the last time, Lost Princess.”

“Drop the formalities, Feathers. I’m not in the mood for them and I’m about fed up with all of this, if I’m being honest,” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“May I?” he held a hand towards my arm.

“Why the hell not?” I shrugged. “I should start getting used to being a freak.”

“You aren’t a freak,” Mal snapped, and I felt his anger.

“I beg to differ,” I gestured to the markings all over my skin and gave him a flat look.

“Unique, certainly,” Raiz muttered as he held my arm up, tilting it this way and that and tracing the designs with a finger. “Is it like this over your whole body?”

“Unfortunately,” I deadpanned.

“This is quite interesting,” he said, letting my arm go. “Well, in either case, the copies you asked for are complete and I took the liberty of looking through our records for anything else that might relate.”

“Do have anything on the demon Houses?” I asked.

“Yes, but I’m not sure how that would be useful,” he tilted his head and gestured for us to follow him as he led us towards the building we had been in before.

“A dream demon is claiming she is the heir to the House of Immail,” Mal rolled his eyes.

“Truly? And what House does he claim to be from?”

“Ardigon,” I answered.

“I don’t believe he’s the Lord, though,” Mal snorted.

“Naz’gra’hal?” Raiz asked. “Yes, he is the current Lord of that House. A title he’s held for a very long time. Only a few Lords in history have held their position for longer.”

“He’s so puny,” Mal shook his head.

“That’s what he wants you to think,” Raiz chuckled. “Lord Naz’gra’hal is as cunning and devious as they come. He is a terrible enemy to have, but should he decide you have earned his respect, he is a fierce ally.”

“I don’t see it, honestly,” Mal shrugged.

“Dream demons are not judged entirely on physical strength, young fairy,” Raiz said. “They are strong in their minds, which makes them dangerous, should you face them as an enemy. Naz’gra’hal is both, however. If he has said you are the heir to the house of Immail, then you are. I will have the copies of our texts brought as well.”

“Then it might also be worth deepening your education on demon studies and hierarchy,” Dad sighed. “Something tells me that him saying you’re the Demon Queen isn’t the same as your mother being Queen of the Sidhe.”

“Is that what he claims?” Raiz stopped and turned to look at me. “If that is so, then you are in for a lot more trouble than I thought.”

“Gee, thanks,” I grumbled.

“But, if I’m right in my assumptions, I think you’ll be more than equipped for it,” he added, then continued walking.

-----

“Here,” I said and pointed to the writing in purple ink on the scroll that we had seen before. “What is this?”

“I see nothing,” Raiz frowned.

“I thought you were the one that copied this. How could you have copied it if you don’t see it?” I asked, looking at Dad and Mal, who were also frowning.

“Can you copy the markings so I may see if I can translate them?” Raiz said holding out a piece of paper and an ink pot and quill.

While I copied the large paragraph of strange writing, Raiz and Dad caught Mal up on what we had talked about on our first visit. When I was finished, I handed it over to Raiz, who tilted his head sideways.

“There is nothing here,” he said, turning the paper around to show me my own writing.

“There is,” I frowned as well.

“I know there is, because I saw you writing it, but there’s nothing there, Fae,” Mal said. “It’s like the paper absorbed the ink without leaving a mark behind.”

“That explains a lot, actually,” Raiz looked at the paper like he was deep in thought. “There could be an enchantment somewhere in the words of the scroll. Perhaps even in the drawings. The original section that Fae has copied is protected so it can only be seen by whoever meets whatever requirements.”

“If you can’t see it, then how did it get copied over the years?” I asked him.

“I suspect there’s more enchantments in the scroll. Once they are copied, it would also copy the section that you see as well,” he shrugged. “There are sections of this scroll that not even the oldest of us can translate, as those languages have never before been seen or recorded. Some are in dialects of known languages that have long since died out, so it is difficult to know exactly what is being copied.”

“That sounds incredibly dangerous and also very irresponsible, Feathers,” I gave him a flat look.

“For others, it would be, but there is more to us Phoenix than fire and pretty feathers, Princess,” he chuckled. “We are resistant to most magic, but are entirely immune to passive spells, like enchanted writing. There are precautions to prevent others from coming to harm, of course, like dampening runes in the stones of The Nest and other buildings we inhabit.”

He gestured around us, and I couldn’t stop the smirk from turning into a snort.

“Nest, huh? Really embracing the avian nature, I see, but I don’t see how this fortress is anything like a nest,” I pointed out as he held up the paper that I had handed him between two fingers, and I watched as it turned to ash.

“This is not The Nest. This is only an overflow for the obscure and more confusing documents we possess,” he said, holding his hand out to show me a pile of bags and leather tubes. “I took the liberty of including books I felt might aid you in understanding the syntax and lingual flow of the translated sections, as many of them are nonsense otherwise.”

“Great. Flying back with books,” Mal groaned.

“Good thing there’s two of you, huh?” I patted his back.

“I see a lot of Mary in her,” Raiz smiled at my father, and I gasped.

“You can do more than scowl!”

“Yes, she’s very much like her mother,” Dad chuckled.

“Well, before you start packing up to leave, I am concerned about a few things. First, your education,” Raiz crossed his arms. “You are the next queen of the Sidhe and I understand the unique circumstances of your history, however, that won’t matter. If anything, it will make most of the races push harder in hopes of replaceing a failing in you.”

“There are plenty to choose from, I can assure you,” I rolled my eyes.

“Yes, I can clearly see, but I mean the ones that can’t be overlooked or forgiven easily,” he agreed.

“Rude,” I muttered.

“You know nothing at all about interacting with this world and its many species and races. Poor manners, to some, is a capital offense,” he warned me. “Even more, now that Lord Ardigon has acknowledged you as the heir to the Infernal Throne, you will also need to learn about the ways of the demons.”

“Gods, that’s an entirely new level of Hell,” Dad groaned. “I abhorred demon studies as a child.”

“I found my studies to be... lacking in content and incomplete,” Raiz blinked his large bird eyes.

“Of course, you did,” I laughed. “You’re kind of like a librarian.”

“I’m not sure what this means,” he tilted his head.

“Custodian of knowledge,” Dad cleared his throat.

“Oh. Then I am agreeable to this,” he nodded.

“What about Fae’s wings?” Mal asked, rolling his eyes.

“I had to rupture the fluid sacs,” Dad nodded.

“Gross,” I muttered, making a face.

“Already?” Raiz tilted his head sideways again, only to the other side.

“Is that bad?” I asked slowly.

“No. Tell me, Fae. How was the flight over here?”

“Uncomfortable,” I deadpanned. “An understatement, but we’ll go with that.”

“And therein lies the greatest weakness of both sides of your lineage,” he nodded, holding up his finger. “Unlike most fae, who can use glamour, our illusion magic, to hide their true appearance, like horns, tails, wings, and such, the Celestials could not and only a few of the winged demons could.”

“Succubi and incubi can,” Dad held up a hand.

“Not lesser demons, Quinn. I’m referring to the elite class of the Hell Pits,” Raiz shook his head. “The Sins.”

“Hold up,” I put both hands up, stopping the men from another debate. “Back up. Explain the wing part, first.”

“Under your skin, your wings are growing, much like a caterpillar in a cocoon,” Raiz said. “As they develop, they begin to outgrow the protective sac of fluids that keep your body from reclaiming them as they grow. Eventually, they become developed enough to no longer be threatened by your body and the process of developing the muscles, tendons, and connective tissue necessary for flight begins. Once that is finished, the wings will have grown in size, leaving your skin stretched and tender, creating a kind of pussy boil until they rupture.”

“Gods, this is disgusting,” I shuddered and of course, I felt things moving around back there again.

“For most of the airborne species, like fairies," he gestured to Mal and Dad. “This process happens quickly during the Trials. Some of us fledge after. It is a lengthy process for some.”

“So, Mary had a question that I, honestly, am not sure I understand,” Quinn said, looking at me. “All things considered; Fae’s powers should be far more powerful than they are. You wouldn’t happen to know what might be causing that, would you? A guess, even?”

“Considering the lineage involved, it’s very likely that her powers are linked to the development of her wings,” Raiz tilted his head as his yellow eyes fixated on me, the pupil expanding and restricting rapidly. “Awakenings are the general rule of maturity in non-humans, however, there are exceptions. Dragons are one of them. The Elder Demons are another, which is the class that your forebear, Immail, belongs to. Celestials, as well. It’s the mixing of races and species that first brought about the Awakenings. Dragons do not replace the form of other species pleasing, so they never deviate from their own kind when it comes to mating. The Celestials had removed themselves from other fae and very rarely mingled with them, let alone reproduce. The Elder Demons, however, ... I’ve never heard of them having progeny that lived to maturity from a mixed union, which is why it’s incredibly fascinating that the royal line even exists at all.”

“Gods, I am so confused right now,” I rubbed my temples.

“The more your wings develop, the stronger you’ll become,” Raiz said, his feathers ruffling in annoyance. “When they burst, you should be able to access the full scope of your raw, innate abilities.”

“I don’t want to get stronger,” I huffed.

“Want or not, that’s how it’ll be,” he shrugged. “At least, that’s my theory.”

“Un-theory it, then,” I snapped and rolled my shoulders as my wings moved around again.

“You said that the type of wing she has indicate which side of her lineage she'll take after,” Dad said, looking at me. “Is there a way to tell before they burst?”

“You do realize that most of this is guessing and hypothetical, right?” Raiz lifted an eyebrow. “I suppose, the closer she gets to fledging, the more signs there will be, but since the fledging of the previous two wasn’t recorded in any way that we know of, interpreting those signs is anyone’s guess.”

“Lovely. So, I’m back to not knowing what flavor of freak I am. And here I thought I’d crossed that off the list of “What the Actual Fluff?” my life has turned into,” I threw up my hands.

“You are not a freak, Fae,” Mal said firmly, and I felt his anger and irritation.

“Look at me,” I gestured to my skin. “Tell me this is normal, and I’ll take it back, but you and I and everyone else know these aren’t just pretty markings. They’re a brand, marking me as a freak of nature that not even the phoenix can identify. And don’t think I forgot about the part where glamour can’t hide the wings that shouldn’t be there.”

“You’re on fire again,” Dad said calmly.

Raiz chirped this weird sound and took me by the shoulders, hustling me through the building and into the inner section.

“You shouldn’t hold it in, otherwise it will only get harder to control,” he said as we walked across the blackened dirt towards the center of the open area. “Here is the safest place to flare and is where the phoenix who live here come to end a cycle and begin anew.”

I noticed the square windows were being closed with the large bricks as we walked, and I felt like crying.

“Why am I like this, Raiz?” I sniffed. “What have I done to earn this? Aside from that one time I kissed a boy and enthralled him.”

“You enthralled someone?” he chuckled. “I doubt that. It was most likely your Celestial heritage. The purity of their emotions can be addictive. It is often mistaken as an enchantment but is merely a natural reaction.”

“Does it matter?” I shouted.

“It does,” he nodded and crossed his arms. “Maybe not right now, but it matters. I don’t know why it’s you and not someone else, Fae. I have a lot of answers at my disposal and information to span millennia. But not even I can tell you the path Fate has placed you on.”

“Fate can go suck a sea pickle, then,” I snapped.

“Yes, Fate can be cruel, often to those that least deserve it,” he nodded. “But I don’t believe we are given more than what we are capable of handling. Not all of us raise to the occasion, but we are all capable of making it through.”

“I just turned eighteen, Feathers. Up until now, the biggest problem I’ve had is constant relocation and paranoia,” I took a shuddering breath. “I wanted normal, and instead I get this.”

“And what, exactly is ‘this’?” he asked. “You don’t act like the marks are that much of a bother, despite what you say. You seem quite accepting of your new appearance, actually.”

“It’s not about what I look like!” I shouted. “It’s about what it means!”

“So, what do you think it means, then?”

“I can deal with a lot, okay?” I said pacing back and forth as the flames destroyed my clothes a little more at a time. “Not human? Whatever. Royalty? Not the greatest outcome, but fine. Being a target? I’m used to being on the run. I was raised that way, so it’s nothing new. But every weird thing that I discover about myself only ends up putting a larger target on my back. That thing was so big, even before my Awakening, that it ended up killing-.”

I gasped and held the center of my chest as tears flooded my vision and the pain and grief sent me to my knees.

“I got one of my best friends killed,” I sobbed. “And I didn’t even know why until it was already too late. And compared to now, back then was safe.”

Raiz put his hand on my back as he knelt beside me in silence, letting me get my tears and pain out of my system. The flames around me died slowly and a slow rain began to fall, the sound of distant thunder rolling softly above us.

“You blame yourself too much, young princess,” he finally said when the sobs no longer shook my body.

“Don’t tell me it isn’t my fault,” I sniffed.

“In part, it is,” he agreed. “But not in the ways you are feeling.”

“What do you know about it?” I scoffed and wiped my cheeks with the backs of my hands.

“Nothing, but I know flames. Yours are very confused, Fae,” he said. “I can imagine why, and I can’t begin to understand what you feel, but unless you dealt the blow that killed your friend yourself, or were directly involved, I can honestly say that you are taking too much blame.”

“If it wasn’t for me, he never would have been there in the first place,” I shook my head. “If I hadn’t made that stupid Call, he’d still be alive.”

“Would you have not been friends otherwise?” he asked.

“Of course, we would have been,” I snapped and looked at him.

“Then the Call made little difference,” he shrugged. “He would have gone wherever it was he went because you needed him and friends, the ones that are true, will always go where they are needed.”

“Nando is dead because he never should have been there. Zane is missing because he didn’t get the help he needed. They are lost, Raiz, because they were in a battle to save me. I may not have been the one that killed them, but it’s my fault regardless.”

“Regret the outcomes, princess. But look at the good that’s come of the action that started it,” he motioned to an open door where Dad was holding Mal back from coming to me. “You have lost a great deal for someone so young. Things have been taken from you that you will never get back, but you’ve also gained so much. Would you give it all back so easily?”

“I can’t lose more,” I closed my eyes. “If it means not knowing what it feels like to have something inside of me ripped apart, to know that a mother still had her son, a brother still had his twin, I would.”

“Even knowing that you would not know the love of your parents? The embrace of your mother? The guardianship of your father? The boundless and immeasurable love of a true soulmate? You would take that from them as well?” he asked, his yellow eyes as sharp as any talon on a bird of prey. “Your pain and grief are clouding your eyes like a blanket of fog.”

“What?” I whispered.

“Let the fog clear, Fae. Then, you might see clearly enough to notice the gifts around you,” he squeezed my shoulder and stood up. “I’ll replace some clothes that can withstand fire a little better.”

I blinked as he left, a little shocked by what he had just said.

Fog. Really, Feathers? You couldn’t be anymore original than that?

But I did start to wonder if maybe that was what Geezer had meant before. All of that ‘clear the fog’ nonsense that he refused to explain further might actually make some sense now. Prickly phoenix: one. Sacred bats: zero.