Emily's Seams
Chapter 33: Leaving Home

Mr. Puggums greeted me at the door with a screech. I picked up the bony cat and carried him to the kitchen. After filling him up on some brownish chicken paste, we both sat on the couch and watched television. I had left a window open the entire time Angus and I were gone but the smell of smoke was still in everything.

It would be okay for a bit, but this place had too many ghosts in it. And that wasn’t even including the actual ghost that had been here. I turned off the television, took a seat at the kitchen table and got out a pen and paper.

As I wrote a letter to my landlord, I realized that I had lived in this rental apartment since I was eight. Nineteen years later I was finally going to leave home.

My building manager had stopped by my apartment the day after I’d handed in my notice.“I wanted to say that I’m sorry to see you go. You and your aunt have been great tenants. No complaints about either of you!”

“Thank you.” What was this lady’s name?

“Well, say hi to Jude for me. Tell her to stop by.”

“Uh...I’m really sorry you didn’t replace out sooner but my aunt passed away almost a month ago.”

The little old lady’s eyes got wide and frightened. “Oh my! I had no idea!”

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize you two were friends.” I suddenly felt really bad. I hadn’t told anyone that she had died. I hadn’t put it in the paper or called the bingo hall she frequented. I wasn’t the only one that had known her, but it had never even crossed my mind that someone besides Angus and me would want to say goodbye.

She nodded. “Well, at my age you get used to this sort of thing. Still sad. She was a real nice lady.”

“Yeah, she was really sweet.”

“You know, I first met your aunt in the grocery store. This was a year after your mother had passed away. I was in line at the pharmacy to pay for my test strips and needles...I have the diabetes disease, dear. Anyways, I didn’t have anywhere near enough and she helped me out. I was able to pay her back the next month, but that was still a kindness I never forgot. Where is she buried, dear? I wouldn’t mind putting a few flowers down for her.”

“Well, actually, she requested to be cremated and released on the Californian coast.”

“Well, my! Now isn’t that the way to do it!” You’d think I’d just told her that my aunt was taking a luxury cruise around the world the way she gushed about the final arrangements.

I nodded. “Yeah, guess my aunt was a bit of a closet romantic. Anyway, I’d better go or I’ll be late for work. So out on the 30th by noon?”

The little old lady shrugged and smiled. “You just drop your keys off and a forwarding address whenever you’re heading out. I’m not gonna cry if this place airs out for a couple of weeks.”

That night I left the lab at six instead of five. George had a mouse experiment to do and wanted me to help. I had agreed on the condition that he didn’t touch any of the animals.

On my way home I picked up a pineapple and cheese pizza, a grape slushie and a bag of five cent candies.

Tomorrow was Saturday. I had decided that that would be the day to clean out Julia’s room, so tonight I was having all her favourites.

I had no idea where she was. Maybe she was living in the wall of an abandoned farmhouse, rattling chains in some old castle in Europe, or maybe she was wherever Angus and the others had gone on to. But she wasn’t here. Each thing in her room was a memory of her that I had bottled up. For her sake and mine, I was ready to let go.

I had told myself that I would be able to keep one thing of hers and the rest would be given away. I ended up with two grocery bags full of stuff I was keeping, but I decided to not give myself any grief about it.

I had kept her teddy bear named Pig; a framed photograph of her and our mom; another one of her and me; her favourite t-shirt, which I told myself would only be okay if I actually wore it occasionally; her diary, which I would never read; her special Barbie doll collection that consisted of three dolls with mix and matched limbs secured with glue and cropped and marker-coloured hair; an unopened glass bottle of coke and her baby blanket. She had called it Hanky until she was six.

My aunt’s room would be easier.

By Monday, my living room was full of bags and boxes of things to give away. There wasn’t even standing room. I had booked the day off knowing the disaster that would await me, but this was worse than I had imagined. I had called Big Brothers that morning and they had agreed to stop by around noon as they would be in the area anyway. All I had to do was get my donations to the front lawn.

By the sixth bag I was swearing the whole way down. This building was full of seniors and to take up our only elevator for this would have ruffled some geriatric feathers. I was sweating and my hair was sticking to my face.

“Emily?”

My stomach dropped four feet and I felt the cold pizza I had had for breakfast rise up in my throat.

It was Robert.

I just looked at him.

“Hey. Are you having a garage sale?”

I didn’t process his question and it must have shown on my face.

“I mean, you’re putting all this stuff down here...I just...”

I finally shook my head. “No, no. I’m getting some stuff out here for Big Brothers to come pick up.”

He nodded. “Heard you quit the lab.”

“I heard the same thing about you.”

“Yeah, well, I figured it was time to move on.”

Like a girl, my brain tried to work out the numerous double meanings of everything he was saying.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m so sorry for what I said to you. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever known. I didn’t mean any of it.”

He did nothing for what felt like forever.

“Anyway, they’re going to be here at noon so I gotta...” I didn’t finish my sentence. I just started walking backwards.

“Em?”

I sucked in a breath of air. “What?”

“Would you like some help?”

I felt my face squish up in confusion. “Uh…sure. Yeah, if you’ve got time.”

“I’ve got some time.”

I ordered in Thai food and we sat on the front lawn of my building waiting for Big Brothers to show up. It was already three in the afternoon.

The day was warm but not hot. It was kind of perfect.

“How’s Toronto?”

Robert smiled. “It’s good. It’s really good.”

I nodded. “That’s...good.”

“Yeah. But I’ve decided to take a break. My supervisor is great though, so it wasn’t a problem.”

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?”

“I’m going to Europe.”

“Seriously? That’s...wow. When?”

He shrugged. “Came back to see my parents. Thought maybe I’d check in with a friend, see if she wanted to come with me.”

“Oh.” I looked down at the noodles I was eating.

He sighed. “I take it that’s a no.”

I dropped my food. “What? Me? You want me to go with you?”

He looked at me like I was very stupid. Probably because I was. “Yes you. Why do you think I’d have brought it up?”

“I don’t know, I just…but I’m so mean! I can’t even believe you’re speaking to me right now, let alone asking me to go to Europe with you!”

He smiled and brushed away some hair from my face. “No, you weren’t mean. You were just sad.”

The cold part of me that had kept it all under wraps for so long wanted to ask him what his problem was, didn’t he know punishment when it was repeatedly kicking him in the face. But that part of me was just a little too quiet then, so I kissed him instead.