Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane
July 12th, 1968

My folks haven’t had a night on the town since little Claudia was born.So although I was surprised at first when my mother announced to me that theywere going out, alone, for a meal and a movie, they (especially my mother) hasby now rightly earned the right to a little well-earned leisure time.

I guess that she also feels that Claudia has reached an age where it isnow safer and somewhat less demanding on her peace of mind to be leaving her inthe care of a babysitter.

She had announced and warned, “Your Father and I are going out to celebrateour wedding anniversary tonight. Hannah will be looking after you and Claudia.”

The thought of having someone babysit me was highly objectionable.“That’s not necessary, ma. I’m big enough already to look after the both of us.You don’t need to be paying any unnecessary money for a silly old babysitter.”

“Don’t you be silly! You’re barely nine years old. There’s no way I’mleaving you alone with Claudia.”

“But I’m in that special class at school and you know that Hannah’s notall that bright?”

“Bite your tongue! I won’t have you saying nasty things about that girl,you hear? She may be just a little slow, but she’s a lovely sweet person; andshe’s marvelous with children. The Johnson’s are also very happy with herbabysitting their two as well. She’ll be a fine mother herself one day.”

“But, ma?”

“I said, ‘No!’ It’s all been arranged already. I don’t want to hearanother word.”

“Oh, fine!”

“Another thing!”

“What now?”

“Don’t use that tone on me, young man.”

“If I’m a young man, then how come…”

“Stop trying to be so clever! You listen carefully to me now! It’s beenquite some time since we last had Hannah babysit for us. She says that she’slooking very forward to helping out, so I don’t want you giving her a hardtime, okay?”

“Okay, ma!” My tone was starting to display my frustration.

“If I hear any nonsense stories about you terrorizing her with rubbersnakes or spiders or whatever, I’ll get your father to give you a taste of hisbelt.”

“Yes, ma.” There was more of the frustration present.

“You’re a big boy now; a lot older now than the last time she was here,so don’t be childish. The school says you’ve got the intelligence of a mucholder child, so behave like one, okay?”

“Yes, ma!” My tone was now overflowing with my annoyance.

“And I told you not to be using that tone of voice on me, young…child!”

“Sorry, ma.”

“In fact, I want you to help her wherever possible. In case I forget totell her something, you know where I keep all Claudia’s things. I’ve even shownyou how to change a diaper.”

“No thank you very much. Maybe if it’s a number one, but Hannah can havethat honor all to herself if it’s a number two.”

“Stop being so squeamish about a little mess. Two seconds ago you werevolunteering for the job, now look at you.” She smiled, and then we both laughed.“Yeah, you’re not so sorry about having a babysitter over now, are you?”

“Definitely not!”

“Good!”

“What’s showing tonight?”

“It’s an old classic, Ben Hur with Charlton Heston. I would havepreferred something a little lighter or romantic, but beggars can’t bechoosers.”

“I guess that makes me a classic too.”

“Why’s that?”

“It was first released in the year I was born.”

“Don’t be silly. Well it definitely will become a classic then.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“A classic little clown, yeah.”

We laughed again before I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…remember thatit was your anniversary. I would have gotten you something.”

Her expression became sad. She looked to the side as if she could seesomeone standing there; someone who had hurt her deeply. “Yes, you weren’t theonly one.”

“He forgot too? I mean dad forgot?”

“It’s okay. He’ll make up for it. I’ll make very sure of that! I’vealready made reservations at the most expensive restaurant in town.”

“The Hillside Tavern?”

“Right!”

“Wow, that’s great! They make an excellent pepper-steak!”

“How would you know?”

“I…uh, heard it somewhere.”

“Hmm, well I’ll see. I’ll probably order something less spicy. Maybe a Schnitzel.”

“And how doyou know…”

“I also heardit somewhere.”

“Well, I hopeyou enjoy yourself…selves?”

“I intendto!”

To mymother’s delight, Hannah arrived a little earlier than expected, and sheproceeded to show her the ropes – especially all the dos and don’ts concerningClaudia.

I decided toretire to my room to do some reading. I had taken out a non-fiction book of theRAF’s involvement in the Second World War. I was replaceing it rather enlighteningand engrossing.

At seven o’clock, Hannah and I said goodbye to my folks at the front door.

The flick wasa long one and the last show was starting at 08h45 sharp. They (Actually, itwas entirely my mother’s arrangements.) planned to do The Hillside Tavernfirst, and have night caps at Pierre’s after.

Hannah waswelcome to sleep on the couch if she got tired; a blanket and pillow wereprovided for her comfort.

Hannah hadimmediately settled herself down in front of the TV with some knitting. Itdidn’t seem to suit her at all. It is an activity I always associate withelderly ladies. Still, I was impressed at how remarkably swift her two largeknitting needles moved as she hardly ever glanced down to inspect her progress.

She appearedlike a ravenous Chinaman devouring a bowl of rice, but having more interest insomething other than the victuals he was rapidly popping into his mouth. Therewas something very comical about it. I smiled before returning to my bedroomand my book.

About an hourlater there was a knock on my door. Hannah stuck her head in.

She sang,“Hi, Connie! Everything okay in here? What you doing with yourself?” Then therest of her body followed her head into my bedroom.

“Justreading,” I answered abruptly.

“You’re soquiet up here. I thought you might be getting up to mischief.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I knowhow little boys’ minds work.”

“I ain’tlittle anymore, and for your information, the school says I got theintellect…the brain of a twenty year-old.”

Her eyesbrightened. “Yeah, I heard all about that!” She sat down on the side of my bednear the foot. “I hear you’re in a special class, too.”

I sat up.“Too?”

She blushedand lowered her head. “I was also in a special class at school, but it was justfor the opposite. It was for all the…slow kids.” She smiled and jerked upstraight again. “I always knew you were special! I always said you were abright kid; even when you were just a little baby like Claudia. I said tomyself, ‘This little guy’s gonna be a doctor or a scientist one day.”

I swung mylegs over the side of the bed. “Yeah?”

“Really! Andnow look at you. Gee whiz, look at that thick book you’re reading. Wow, it’s sogreat! I’m so happy for you…and your folks! They must be so proud of you? Ijust frustrate mine all the time. I know they love me, but…” She paused thenlaughed again. “Just look at that book you’re reading? At your age I was stillhaving trouble with The Cat in the Hat. I’m so proud of you myself.” She leanedover and gave me a hug.

It was myturn to blush. “Uh, thanks. I…appreciate it. Thank you very much.”

She leanedback again. “And such a little gentlemen. Just look at you. So clever andhandsome too. One of these days you’ll have all the girls running after you.”She smiled mischievously, “I’m going to be so jealous of them. Do you rememberhow I always used to tease you?”

“About youand me getting married one day?”

She noddedviciously. “Uh-huh! I knew you’d remember!” Her face reddened some more. “Yeah,you always used to be so embarrassed. Now look at me. Now I’m the oneblushing.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I don’tknow? I guess it just seems silly now that you’re so clever, and I’m stillso…stupid.” The last word was uttered very softly.

“Not stupid!Just a bit slow is all.”

“You soundjust like momma!” She gave me another hug. “I love you, little Connie! Youalways used to terrify me in the past with all your naughty pranks and things,but you always knew how to make me laugh and feel better in the end.” Shesuddenly remembered something. “Ooh, I need your help with something?”

“What?”

“I knowyou’re gonna think it’s sissy stuff, but I need help with my wool. I needsomeone to hold it while I…” She never finished her sentence as Claudia’s wailinghad suddenly interrupted her. “Oh, dear! Your little sister’s calling for herbottle. I’ll speak to you later!” She rushed off.

I followedher to Claudia’s room and watched as she gently lifted my sister out of thecrib.

Claudia’sface showed concern at the stranger’s touch and voice. Her crying would becomemore frantic if I didn’t help out.

I spokequickly to her, and she immediately relaxed at the sight of a familiar face.Hannah bounced her up and down while I calmly spoke to her.

After aboutten minutes, Claudia had fully accepted the surrogate mother, even calling herby that moniker.

“Mamma!” shesaid putting her hand on Hannah’s nose.

Hannahcorrected her. “No, I’m Hannah. Say, ‘Hannah? Han…nah?’”

“Mamma!”

We laughedand so did Claudia, thinking that she had done something clever.

Hannah spokeagain to Claudia. “Hannah is not a Mamma yet! But Hannah wants very much to beone. Hannah wants to have her own babies one day.” Claudia chortled. Hannahlooked at me but continued to speak to Claudia. “Hannah hopes her babies willalso be clever, just like Claudia and Connie.” The statement was meant to beflattering, but there was an underlying poignancy that only I experienced. “Oh,dear!” muttered Hannah feeling the bottom of the diaper. “I think it wasn’tyour bottle that woke you up.” She lay Claudia down and peaked inside thediaper. “Whoopsie, it’s a poopsie!” Claudia chortled proudly at herachievement.

I blurted,“Wouldn’t it be great if somebody invented disposable diapers?”

“What?”

“A cheap diaperthat you could just fold the mess into and dump in the trash can? No need tokeep washing and sterilizing the same ones over and over.”

“It might beeasier just to make a robot nanny who can do all the cleaning for you, Mr.Flash Gordon. Have you also been reading a lot of that science fiction stufftoo?”

I laughed.“You think disposable diapers is science fiction?”

“Yep! Rayguns, robots, little green men from mars, spaceships, time machines anddisposable diapers are all science fiction.”

I laughed again.“Well, that’s certainly a subject matter that Verne and Welles never imaginedto write about.” I scrunched my face up at Claudia’s little disaster. “That’sstrange, you know? She hardly ever messes herself in the day when she’s awake.”

“Children arelike that at her age. It’s just at night that they go in there diapers.”

“Yeah? Howwould you know that?”

“I’ve had alot of experience with children.” She ruffled my hair. “You included.” Iblushed and shook my head away from her hand. She laughed. “Ah, you do stillget embarrassed?”

“I’m gonnaread my book! And it ain’t science fiction either, okay?”

“That’s okay!Me and Claudia are friends now.” Then she spoke to Claudia again whilst givingher a stomach a rub, “Isn’t that so?” Claudia squealed in delight. “Yes,Claudia and Hannah are good friends now. Hannah’s gonna clean up your littlewhoopsie while Connie reads his big, thick book again. Your mamma told Hannahthat Connie don’t like it when Claudia makes a number two. But Hannah don’tmind at all.”

I knew thatthere was not a shred of sarcasm, a hint of vindictiveness, or even an iota ofmildly playful teasing in her words or tone – Hannah was not the type; she hadnever done or wished bad on any one in her whole life!

Still, I feltuncomfortable by her words and her innocent sharp, stabbing honesty.

Intelligencemakes one proud and vain. And pride goes before a fall.

Wounded, Iretreated to the sanctuary of my bedroom.

About half anhour later Hannah tip-toed into my room. She placed a finger on her lips andsaid, “She’s sleeping again. Are you gonna come help me?”

“With what?”

“Myknitting.” She indicated for me to follow.

I reluctantlyclosed my book and obeyed.

My facereddened again as she wound wool around my parted hands.

I asked, “Whyare you doing this

“It’s mucheasier to knit when the wool is looser.”

“What are youknitting?”

“A scarf forPoppa. The front of the bakery, by the counter, gets very cold because of therefrigerators. He once had a stiff neck for two weeks. Ooh, I felt so sorry forhim. I just wanted to hug him and tell him how I felt, but he said it wouldonly make it worse.” She giggled before adding, “So I just hugged him by hisbig stomach.” Her eyes widened. “If your mamma buys the wool, I’ll make one foryou as well.”

“I’ll tellher!”

“Great! Whatcolor would you like?”

“Blood-red!And one day when I ride down the street in my new sports car, the scarf’ll blowred and flashy in the wind behind me.”

“Wonderful! Ihope you’ll give me a ride?”

“You’ll be myvery first passenger ever!”

“Really?”

“Promise!”

She hugged meagain. “Oh, I love you! I’m just gonna love riding down the street with you inyour fancy car. I’m gonna wave to all the other girls and make them so jealous.For once in my life I’ll be able to feel beautiful and important – just likeJackie Kennedy or Princess Grace. Oh, I can’t wait! I know it’ll really happenfor you. Because I just know all your dreams are gonna come true for you!”

“You’rebeautiful and important to me already, Hannah! In fact, I think you’re the mostbeautiful person in this whole town.”

She loweredher head. “I know you’re just saying that?”

“Am not! Mostpeople don’t really know you at all. But I see you just like your momma seesyou too. Has she ever told you that you’re beautiful?”

Her headbowed even lower. “Yeah!”

“And, did youbelieve her?”

She smiledsheepishly at me through the hair that had fallen partly over her eyes. “Yeah.”

“See! So whybelieve her, but not me?”

“It’sdifferent.”

“How?”

“All mother’sthink their daughters are pretty.”

“And alldaughters are. It’s just that some daughters grow up to be ugly – especiallythe very pretty ones!”

“That don’tmake sense?”

“That’sbecause you’re too beautiful to understand.”

“That makeseven less sense!”

“But youdon’t need to ever worry. You’ll never be ugly.”

“Why not?”

“Because yougot too much love inside you for everybody. Even for all the people who haveever treated you wrong. And if those ugly people can’t see your beauty, then itis their loss, not yours.”

“I don’tunderstand everything you’re tryin’ to tell me, Connie, but I know you make mefeel good. You’re a wonderful friend to me.” She hugged me again. This time Iwanted to hug back, but the wool around my hands prevented it.

We chatteduntil ten past ten when she suddenly blurted, “Oh, my! Look at the timealready! Your mum said to have you in bed at nine thirty already! Come on, offyou go!”

“You gotta bekidding me?”

“No! You kidsof today are lucky. I had to be in bed by eight o’ clock already! Hurry up, anddon’t forget to brush your teeth first!”

The eveninghad been a pleasant one so far, and I had no intention of spoiling it. Iobeyed…to a point.

I wasn’tfeeling tired at all, so I crawled under the covers with my book and a torch.

Around tenthirty, just after starting a new chapter, I heard the chiming sound of thedoor bell, followed by the sound of the TV being turned down.

I slipped outfrom under the covers and moved swiftly to the stairs. I heard Hannah’s voiceby the front door asking, “Mrs. Crane?” There was consternation in her tone.

The answerwas a male voice. “Nah, Hannah, it’s me – Frankie!”

“FrankieHollywood?”

“Yeah!

His real namewas Francesco Rossi, but everyone called him Frankie Hollywood because he wasalways telling everyone that one day he was going to be a big filmstar. Thename was born out of derision, but he had grown to accept it with much pride.He loved to comb his hair like James Dean, and although I am loath to admit it,he was rather handsome and dashing in appearance. His personality on the otherhand, was more slippery than a greased viper.

Theconsternation in her tone had increased substantially. “What do you want?”

“Let me in.”

She opened the door on the chain. “What do you want?”

“I’ve come to visit.”

“The Crane’s are out for the evening.”

“I know. I’ve come to visit you.”

“Me?”

“Sure, why not. Gloria told me you were babysitting at the Cranestonight. I figured you’d like the company. Are the brats asleep yet?”

“They’re not brats!”

“Are the little kiddie-widdies asleep yet?”

“Of course! It’s very late already!”

“Then, open up already.”

“That’s not a good idea, Frankie. You know my folks don’t like you beingnear me.”

“How old you now Hannah?”

“I’ll be nineteen next month.”

“Nineteen? And you’re still letting your parents make all yourdecisions?”

“You know I’m not all that bright.”

“Hell, you’re a working girlalready.”

“You’ve been drinking! I can smell it from here!”

“One beer! Not even a whole one. Me and my goons shared one goddamnedbeer between the three of us!”

“I don’t like it when you talk like that!”

“I’m sorry! I thought I’d be friendly and give you some company, but youtreat me like the plague.”

“Where’s Pete and Jake?”

“I dropped them off at home already.”

“Where’s your car now?”

“I parked around the corner.”

“Why?”

“Look, are you gonna let me in or not?”

“What do you want with me, Frankie? I know you got a girlfriend over atValley High.”

“She’s just a friend. Nothing serious.”

“You sure she won’t mind you visiting me?”

“Of course not. She and Gloria are friends. Do you think Gloria wouldhave told me where you are if…”

“What do you really want?”

“I told you I just want to visit awhile.”

“What’s awhile?”

“Ten minutes or so. I thought you’d like a little company. It must beboring sitting up all by yourself?”

“I dunno? Neither my folks or the Cranes will be happy if…”

“Nobody’s gonna tell nobody nuthin’!”

“Promise?”

“Promise!”

“Just ten minutes?”

“I promise!”

There was a short silence. I heard the chain on the door clinking.“Alright then! But keep it down. I don’t want to wake the children.”

There was another short silence. “I hope we’re not gonna stand here inthe hallway the whole time. Let’s sit down.”

“Okay, but keep your hands to yourself.”

“Look, they’re in my pockets.”

They moved into the livingroom where I could see them clearly from behindthe railing at the top of the stairs. The only lights came from a lampstandnext to the sofa, and the silent flickering TV screen.

They sat down and Frankie asked, “So, how’s things at the bakery thesedays?”

“Oh, fine I guess.” There was less tension in her voice. “Momma wants totry a few new recipes, but Poppa says she’s just being foolish. He says thecustomers are happy enough with what we’re selling. Momma says she’s tired ofbaking the same old stuff, day in and day out – year in and…”

“You know I’d love to come see you at the bakery, but your pa don’t likeit at all. I don’t know why? I never done him any…”

“I know! He told me also to make sure that I stay in the back wheneveryou do come in. Not only you but also…”

“I miss seeing you around, Hannah! You’re so pretty and…”

“Now you’re just teasing me.”

“No, really! I mean it. I think you’re very pretty. You’ve got a greatpair of tits.”

“Frankie! Don’t talk like that! It ain’t proper.”

“Well, dammit, it’s the God’s honest truth!”

“That still don’t make it right to be talking like that.”

"Why not? Is it wrong to tell a girl she’s pretty?”

“Just because I got large…breasts, don’t mean I’m pretty, or give you theright to…”

“Would you rather be sorry about the things you’ve done or about thethings you haven’t done?”

Now I knew where Hannah had received her questionable philosophy! It hadcome from the smooth banter of this questionable slimy greaseball.

She said, “I don’t understand what you mean?”

“If we made love tonight would you be sorry about it tomorrow?”

“Frankie! I think it’s time for you to go!”

“I’m just trying to explain what I mean. You were the one who asked! It’sjust a harmless question to help you understand. I don’t mean anything by it!”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! Alright, maybe I should have asked it the other way round first.Let’s do that then. If we didn’t make love tonight would you be sorry tomorrowthat you didn’t?”

“Say that again?”

“If you and I don’t make love tonight would you be sorry tomorrow thatyou didn’t?”

“Why should I feel sorry?”

“Because the opportunity might never happen again, and then you couldspend the rest of your life wondering how it might have been. Understand?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, now let’s try the other question again. If you and I were to make lovetonight would you be sorry about it tomorrow?”

“If Poppa found out, for sure. In fact, he’ll kill me if he just knew youwere here right now. He told me if he ever found out that I went off alone withanother guy, he’d beat me within an inch.”

“Okay, but what if your pa was never to replace out?”

“Oh, he always replaces out when I done something I shouldn’t.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“So you’re saying he’s gonna know about me being here now?”

“No!”

“But you just said…”

“We ain’t doing nothing wrong.”

“But you also just said that…”

“Then maybe you better leave already.”

“It’s too late already. The wrong’s already been done. So does that meanhe’s gonna replace out about it?”

“No!”

“Exactly! So stop your worrying then.”

“Okay.”

“Are you going to answer the question now?”

“How does it go again?”

“Listen carefully. If you and I were to make love tonight, and if your pawere never to replace out, would you be sorry about it tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh, but only if I knew for very sure that Poppa would never replaceout.”

“I heard about what happened with you and Johnny Lime at the SundaySchool picnic out at Lake Lincoln.”

“You know about that?” she asked loudly surprised.

“Whoa, keep your voice down. You’ll wake the brat…kids up.”

“That happened a long, long time ago!”

He crossed his fingers. “Hey, me and Johnny are like this. He told me allabout how the two of you made out in the bushes while everyone else wasswimming. But don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

“It’s not a secret. My folks know all about it too.”

“They do?”

“Mrs. Arbogast saw us coming outof the bushes together. She told momma.”

“Coming out of the bushes together don’t mean anything?”

“Momma tol’ Poppa, an’ he beat me till I told him the truth. He says if Iever fall pregnant he’s putting me out on the street. He’s not gonna have anyunwed mother living under his roof. I ain’t been with anyone since. I’m tooscared now.”

“I bet you touch yourself, though?”

“What do you mean?”

“I bet you sometimes use your finger to make yourself happy?”

“Do not.”

“Don’t lie?”

“Do not!”

“Come on, you can tell me the truth. There’s nothing wrong with it, youknow?”

“No!”

“No you don’t do it or no you’re not gonna tell me the truth?”

“I’m not telling you anything, Frankie Hollywood.”

“I do it you know?”

“Do what?”

“Play with mine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, all the time. In the shower or when I lie in bed at night. There’snothing wrong with it, you know? All the guys do it.”

“Really?”

“Really!”

“I do too,” she said with a hint of embarrassment in her tone.

“See, I knew it. No need to be ashamed. I told you, there’s absolutelynothing wrong with giving yourself a little pleasure now and then.”

“Really?”

“Of course not! Where’s the harm? Can it make you pregnant?”

“Of course not.” She laughed. “Don’t be silly. It’s my own finger.”

“What about someone else’s finger?”

“No, of course not.”

“So then, what’s wrong with touching each other?”

“What?”

“What would be wrong if I touch you and you touch me?”

“I dunno about that?”

“Why?”

“How do I know you won’t try to do, you know, something…more?”

“Because I wouldn’t want to make an unwed mother out of you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” After a short silence he said, “So?”

“So what?”

“So, let’s do it then?”

“Hmm…uh…”

“Remember what I said about being sorry? If you don’t do it, you mightend up being sorry about it for the rest of your life?”

“O…kay.” Then she added with far too much enthusiasm. “Alright!”

“Great! You do me first, then I’ll do you.”

“I thought we were gonna do it atthe same time?”

“Nah, it’s better this way - safer.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Of course. Frankie Hollywood is always right.”

“Okay. Just wait a minute.”

“What now?”

“I want to check the children first.”

“Alright, but move your ar…hurry up.”

I dashed back to my bedroom and gently closed the door.

Then I jumped into bed and narrowed my eyes pretending to sleep.

It felt like an eternity before my door opened. Hannah’s silhouette stoodwatching me for about half a minute. She had obviously checked on Claudiafirst.

As soon as the door closed, I immediately jumped out of bed again andquietly opened it. I crept back to my spot in the darkness behind the rail.

As I peered through, Hannah sat down next to Frankie again.

He asked, “Everything okay?”

“Fine, they’re both fast asleep.”

“Good, let’s do this then.” I heard the sound of his zipper. “Just a sec.Uh….okay, there we go. There it is. What do you think? Is that beautiful orwhat?”

Hannah was always painfully honest. “Johnny Lime’s is much bigger.” Shegiggled.

There was a hint of embarrassment in his tone. “Yeah, well it ain’t whatyou got; it’s how you use it.”

“Oh?”

“Right! Besides, you haven’t made him angry enough yet.”

“Angry enough?”

“Forget it! Just be nice to it then, okay?”

“Okay.” I saw her arm shift across. After an extended period of time shesaid, “I can feel that you like what I’m doing. And it’s making me feel goodtoo.” She used her free hand to fan her face. “Shoo, I haven’t felt like thisin ages.” I knew only too well the effect that a hard Mister Winky had onHannah. If Frankie knew it as well, she would be putty in his hands – just theopposite of what he was in hers! She asked, “Am I doing this right? Do you likethe way I’m doing it? Does it make you happy?”

He replied with his own question. “Do you like making me happy?”

“I do! Very much! I just told you that…”

“Would you like to make ol’ Frankie very happy?”

“How?” He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “What?”

“Why do you sound so shocked? Johnny Lime told me you did it for him?”

She slapped his arm. “Johnny Lime promised me he would never tell anyone!”

“It’s not my fault he broke his promise.”

“He’s a liar, liar – his pants are gonna catch fire!”

“Come on, please. It’s safe too. You can’t fall pregnant.”

“I dunno?”

“Why not?”

“Okay, but you also got to promise then.”

“You sure do love making people makepromises don’t you?”

“If you don’t promise I won’t…”

“Alright! I promise! I won’t tell another living soul – ever!”

“Not just that!”

“What else?”

“You also gotta promise me that you won’t…” She paused.

“Yeah? Won’t what?” This time she leaned across and whispered in his ear.“Of course! I would never do that!”

“Promise?”

“I promise! Are you happy now?”

“Yeah.”

“Then how about making me happy as well.”

“Okay, but just tell me when you’re getting close, okay.”

“You mean when I’m angry enough to spit?”

“What?”

“Forget it. I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Okay.”

Her head disappeared into his lap, and he grunted his approval. Then hedid a very strange thing. He started pointing frantically at the back of herhead with both hands.

It took me a while to realize what was happening. There was a movement bythe window and I just made out the shape of two heads peeking in.

Frankie was indicating his latest conquest to his two misfit pals, Peteand Jake. They pressed their noses flat against the pane in order to see better.Now I was also able to see them more clearly. They grinned like two kidspeering into a candy store. Then they indicated their approval by showing theold thumbs up.

Frankie returned the signal with both hands.

Ignorant that she was the main attraction in Frankie’s sick little show,Hannah’s head continued to move rhythmically in his lap.

I felt the heat of anger rising in my chest as the two idiots outsideclamped their hands over their mouths to stifle their mirth.

Moments later a different heat rose from Frankie. In an instant Hannahpulled away and bolted down the passage towards the bathroom. I heard hergagging and spitting.

Frankie quickly tidied himself up, and after indicating to Pete and Jaketo meet him at the front entrance, moved with all haste towards the door.

I heard the door open and close. Followed by loud, vulgar laughter.

Then I heard Hannah coming back towards the livingroom. “You lied to me,Frankie Hollywood! You promised me you wouldn’t…” She paused at the sight ofthe empty sofa. “Frankie? Frankie!” She gazed around, and for a moment Ithought she had seen me. But then she heard the laughter outside and rushed tothe door.

I heard it open again, and then I too rushed downstairs into the passage.She stood in the doorway and shouted, “Frankie? What’s going on? Why are Peteand Jake here? I thought you took them home?”

The three outside began to chant, “Hannah Marnowijk likes to suck dick!”Over and over and over!

She slammed the door and began to sob. “You’re also just a big fat liar,Frankie Hollywood! Just go away and leave me be! I should have listened toPoppa!” She continued to cry until the chanting had faded away into thedistance. “I hate you, Frankie Hollywood. You’re going straight to hell whenyou die!” Then almost immediately. “Oh, sorry!” She stood there moving her armsand hands rapidly, as if shaking water off them, and repeating, “Sorry! Sorry!Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean that. I was just upset. I’m so sorry! It was my ownfault again. I shouldn’t have let you in. I’m sorry.” Then she just continuedto cry softly, her shoulders making irregular shudders.

Even though what had happened between Frankie and Hannah had ended in anawful transgression of both her trust and character, it had still managed toarouse in me a strange hunger. A hunger that would not be denied!

And although I felt extreme pity for this poor wretched creature;although I wanted to hold her and comfort her and tell her that everything wasgoing to be fine - at the same time her naivety instilled in me a dark passionthat pulsed inside my pajama trousers. I can’t ever remember wanting a woman sobadly – and I hadn’t even reached puberty yet!

I knew that the fire that Frankie had lit still burned fiercely withinher loins.

I would use it to my own advantage!

Hannah’s body gave a jerk as she turned and saw me standing in thehallway. Then she smiled awkwardly and said, “Connie? You gave me quite astart. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Everything’s fine. In fact, it’s just great.”

She frowned. “Why are you talking so funny? Did you have a bad dream?”

“Nope, but I been dreaming up a pretty damn good one.”

“Don’t cuss like that, or I’ll tell your mother!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes!”

“I wonder who’s story she’s gonna replace more interesting – yours or mine?”

“What story?”

“The one about you letting Frankie Hollywood into our house.”

“I just spoke to him through the door! There’s nothing wrong with…”

“You’re lying!”

“That’s also an ugly word. You should rather say fibbing!”

“Whatever! Fibbing or lying, you’ll go to hell for both!”

“I wasn’t fibbing!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes! Now get back to bed! It’s way past your bedtime already!”

“When you checked to see if I was sleeping earlier, I was justpretending. Right after that, I snuck back down and saw everything. I meaneverything!”

“You’re fibbing?”

“Am I?”

“What did you hear?”

“I said, ‘Everything’!”

“Such as?”

“‘Better to be sorry for what you’ve done than to be sorry for what youcould have done.’”

“She slapped her hand over her mouth. After staring at me for the longesttime she asked with a tremor in her voice. “What all did you see?”

“Everything too!”

“Like what?”

“Like what you were doing to his Mister Winky!”

“Oh my!” she exclaimed, her hand covering her mouth again.” She startedpleading, “Please! You can’t tell anybody what you saw.”

“Can’t? Why not?”

“My father will kill me!” She placed a hand on her chest. “I need to sitdown.”

She walked past me down the passage and returned to her spot on the sofa.She stared at the flickering images on the TV. There was a monotone image of acouple passionately embraced on a beach, but I knew her thoughts were on moreauthentic matters.

I switched on the main light in the livingroom and moved between her andthe TV.

She looked into my face and pleaded again. “Please, I beg you. I’m sosorry you saw what you did.”

“Are you sorry you did it, or sorry because I saw you doing it?”

“Both.”

“You’re fibbing again. What was that you were doing to Frankie?”

She blushed, and after some deep thought said, “Uh, we were just playinglollipop!”

“It seemed like a lot of fun?” I smiled and laughed to help relieve thetension.

Her eyes brightened and she laughed. “Yeah, it was!”

“I know he enjoyed – what about you?”

“Oh yeah! She said widening her eyes some more. “It was…it made me…it wasfun!”

“Don’t be shy to say it? ‘It turned you on!’”

“Hoo, where did you hear that? I don’t think you should be talking likethat?”

“Don’t be silly. I already told you that I’m like twenty years oldalready. Besides, it isn’t called lollipop.”

Her mouth gaped wide as I explained all the terms that I knew for it.“How…”

“I read a lot of books. And I bet playing lollipop made you feel asthough someone had lit a fire inside you?”

“Yes! My gosh but you’re bright. You seem to know me better than I evenknow…”

“More than you can imagine. I know that you felt that same feeling thattime you were bathing me. I know that it wasn’t a cramp or a crab that made youscream.”

She turned a flush of the reddest hue that I have ever seen her, or anyother person, produce from embarrassment. If she was not inclined to refrainfrom blasphemy or profanity she would have filled the air with an abundance ofboth. Instead, she finally managed to choke out, “Oh my goodness! All this timeI thought…was hoping…”

“That I never realized what you were doing to yourself while you werewashing Mister Winky?”

“Yes! How…”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m…ahead of my time. You maythink I’m a silly little kid standing here in front of you, but I’m actually agrown man.”

“You’ve definitely made that very clear!”

“If you understand that, then you must also understand how frustrated Imust be.”

“Of course! It must be terrible for you. What with everybody stilltreating you like a kid all the time.”

“Exactly! But the worst part is that I also have the desires of a grownman.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I want to hold and kiss a woman. I want to be able to make loveto her. I don’t want to wait years for it to happen. Do you understand that aswell?”

“Of course.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then will you help me. Will you also play lollipop with me?”

“What?”

“You heard me?”

“No!” She turned her gaze awayfrom me. “I couldn’t! It would be wrong!”

“More wrong than what you did for Frankie?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a…a…a…”

“Go on, say it, ‘A kid!’ After all I’ve told you, you still treat me justlike all the rest. I’m still just a stupid little kid in your eyes!”

“No!”

“Yes! Even after I was kind enough to tell you that you’re not stupid youstill hurt my feelings by calling me a stupid little kid.”

“I never said…”

“Maybe not? But I could see it in your eyes! That’s exactly what you werethinking?”

“That’s a big fib!”

“Is not! Go on! Admit it?”

She struggled for some time to replace the words, then blurted, “Alrightthen!”

“See, I knew you’re like all the rest! Just…”

“No! I mean alright, I’ll do it!” For the briefest of moments I wasstunned into silence. We stared intently at each other before I finally chokedout, “Really?”

“Yeah, but only if…” She paused and glared some more.

“If?”

“You first gotta promise that you won’t tell another living soul – ever!Not about us, and not about me and Frankie either.”

“Frankie ain’t a nice guy at all, but he was right about you and all yourpromises.”

She smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, but I know that you’ll never ever break yours.”

“I’ll do even better than promise – I’ll pinky swear! Lightning willstrike me dead on the spot if I ever tell another person about what we’re aboutto do; what you and Frankie did; and about the time you said you got a cramp inyour foot - not ever!”

She bounced up and down on the sofa. “Oh, that’s great. I love you!” Thistime I was able to hug back. I found myself crushed against that magnificentchest. The feel and smell of her was an unnecessary aphrodisiac. She waspensive again for a short moment before adding, “Guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m actually looking forward to helping you! It must be terrible havingthe feelings of a grown man inside a child’s body.” It was a statement not aquery.

“Does your momma know that sometimes you can be very quick too?” Shelaughed and I said, “And, if you like I’ll help you too if you start to havefeelings. I can help you put out that fire inside you - again.”

“How?”

“I know just what to do! Trust me.”

She giggled. “Okay, this is so exciting. I can’t wait!

I gazed down the hallway. “Did you put the chain back on?”

“Of course!”

“I’m gonna double check to make sure. You go up to my bedroom in themeantime and make yourself comfortable. I don’t want to take a chance thatsomeone might see us through the window.”

“Okay!” She ran off giggling even louder. “Hurry up!”

“I’ll be as fast as I can! You can trust me on that!”

I had rushed towards the front door to check that it was properlysecured, but I had taken my time on the way back towards my bedroom. I wantedto give her the opportunity to make herself more comfortable.

On flicking the bedroom switch, I was disappointed to replace that she hadmerely removed her sneakers before lying down flat with her head on the pillow.

“That was not what I meant when I said, ‘Make yourself morecomfortable.’”

“What then?”

“I was hoping you would have taken your clothes off as well.”

“What? I don’t think…”

“Come on,” I said stripping completely naked. “It’ll be easier and muchmore fun this way.”

Her eyes had fixed on my groin area. “You’ve certainly gotten a lotbigger since the last time I bathed you.”

I gazed down at Mister Winky who had gotten himself very excited at theprospect of near-future events. “See, nothing to be ashamed of? Your turn now?”

“Okay, but put the light off?”

“Shit, don’t tell me you’re one of those always-do-it-in-the dark types?”

“Watch your mouth, Connie Crane! Just ‘cause you’re like twenty years olddon’t mean you got the right to cuss like one!”

“Sorry!”

“Put the bedroom light off. There’ll still be enough light from thelivingroom. It’ll be more romantic too!”

I flicked the switch and she started to disrobe in the subdued glow. Shehad been correct. It was far more romantic… and sensual…and stimulating.

She stood naked, the livingroom light producing magnificent crescentsalong all the rounded parts of her body.

I expressed my approval in a subdued tone. “Wow.”

She laughed nervously. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“Why do you always dress yourself in such…frumpy clothes? Look at you?You’re…if there was a better word than beautiful, then that would be the onethat describes you.”

“Poppa says he won’t have me walking the streets looking like some cheaphussy.”

“I wish I could make love to you on a big four-poster bed with silksheets and flower petals sprinkled all around.”

“Oh my, that’s amazing!”

“What?”

“That’s exactly the same wish that I’ve always had. It’s unbelievable!”

“That’s because in some ways we’re alike. That’s why we are meant to bedoing this.”

“You’re so clever, Connie. You’re always so right about everything. Youknow just what to say to make me feel good.”

“I also know just what to do to make you feel better than just good.”

She folded her arms across her large chest and asked, “So, how do youwant to do it?”

I smiled inwardly remembering in my first life that it was I who hadasked very similar words on the day I had made love to her for the very firsttime. She had taught me well that day.

Now I would return the favor!

“Lie down again and I’ll show you.” She obliged and I climbed onto thebed, standing above her. I looked down at her much larger frame in awe andappreciation. “Open your legs.”

“Why? What are you going to do?”

“Stop worrying, Hannah. I won’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to do.”

“Promise?” Then she laughed. “I guess I do ask people to promise a lot?”

“You sure do,” I smiled before giving her the assurance that she so oftensought. “I promise.” Perhaps her need for guarantees is born from a lifetime ofbeing taken advantage of?

She spread her legs and I dropped onto my knees between hers. I then usedthe outside of my fingers to gently caress the insides of her thighs. “How’sthat feel?” I asked.

“Okay. Nice, I guess?”

I heard the nervous tension in her voice. I could also feel it clearly inthe muscles beneath her smooth skin. I needed to be patient. “Relax,” Icrooned.

For the next fifteen minutes I felt like a horse whisperer, stroking andcalming an anxious filly. With each stroke I moved my fingers just a slight bitfurther up her thighs. I smiled as Ifelt the tension beneath my fingers fading with each caress. I knew I wasgaining ground when she unclenched her hands from on top of her chest andplaced them casually behind her head.

She smiled and said, “I really like what you’re doing. You’re so gentleand loving with me. The other guys just wanted to get it over with as soon aspossible. And when they got what they wanted they had no more thoughts for anyof my needs or feelings.”

“I want you to be happy tonight. Do you want me to make you happy?”

“Yes, Connie, very much so. Please.”

“You won’t mind if I touch it then?”

This time the anxiety was from expectation. Her breathing had grown rapidas well. “I want you to. Please, do it!”

She tensed slightly, and for a moment her breathing ceased as my fingersfound warm wetness. Her mouth opened wide, but for the longest time she neveruttered a sound, although her tongue and bottom lip shivered and moved, as ifshe were a mute trying to force sound from her quivering throat and mouth.

Yep, she had given me permission to use her remote control. And Iutilized it to my utmost advantage…and pleasure. I had felt like an evil geniuswho had, at his fingertips, the means to bend the mind of a physically largerand more powerful entity to do his bidding.

I also knew that I could make her do that bidding in such a fashion thatshe would believe that her actions were a product of her own desires andmaking.

And, as I am very familiar with the exact button to press to achieve thatdesired result, I had absolutely no problem activating her into action.

But, it required not only theknowledge to know where to replace that particular button, but also the necessaryexperience to know how to subtly push it in the exact proper manner.

I had once been told, in my younger, rushed, inexperienced forays intothe mysterious realm of the female anatomy, that I was failing to producearousal, and had, in fact, created an incredible desire within the test subjectto…‘take a pee,’ as she had so blatantly divulged to my eternal embarrassment.

But, fortunately, I have learned well from most of life’s little knocks,and I am a far better man and lover for it.

The worst mistake that any man can make in the sack with a woman is to beimpatient.

I don’t have a timepiece, but I had made a point of checking the hallwayclock on my way up. It had been 10h45 pm. There was time enough to take time,but even an aroused woman has limits to her patience. And when it becomes timeto take her to that happy place (Not heaven, but very close to paradise.), anyfurther patience on the part of the man will be frustrating and annoying.

Foreplay and teasing are fine and necessary, but they have their limits.

About twenty minutes after my initial incursion, Hannah showed all thepositive signs that she had indeed been pushed to her limit, and that it wastime to push her button!

My finger moved up, and into position. She affirmed my accuracy with apositive and excited, “Yes!” It took less than a minute to open her bomb baydoors. She started to repeat my name frantically. “Connie? Connie? Connie?”

“What?”

“I want…I want you…I want you to…”

“What?”

She was too ashamed to put her desire into words, so she simply andphysically created her intended desire in a series of four swift actions.

Firstly, she had pulled my hand away from the aforementioned button.

Secondly, she had sat bolt upright.

Thirdly she had enfolded her arms around me, squeezing tightly so that Ifound my head pressed snugly in between those delightful mounds of firm fleshthat dominated her large chest.

And fourthly, still clutching tightly, she laid back down again.

As she moved back again, my legs straightened, and I fell forward on topof her.

Maybe I had maneuvered my hips slightly, or maybe it had been just sheerluck, but I…we found the target first time - again! And in that same instance,I realized with a sensation of victory and ecstasy that, in this lifetime, TheRoxy was not to be my first.

I now had a new special place to file to memory.

Like the Roxy, my bedroom, had many wonderful memories. But no toy hadever given me this amount of pleasure.

Still clutching tightly, Hannah had unnecessarily issued the commands,“Don’t stop now! Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Whatever you do, don’t stop!”

I happily obliged and we actually both reached the happy place at exactlythe same time.

This time I reveled in the new tension in her thighs as she clamped metightly between her knees. She was suddenly endowed with incredible strength asshe crushed me to herself. My breath was forced out of me, and I felt pain inmy hips and ribs as her vice-like grips threatened to squash me. It was sheerbliss!

I was proud, that although I wouldstill grow to be much bigger, I had managed to produce thatcramping-pain-scream from her once again. And, unlike many of the women from myfirst life, I knew that it was genuine, unbridled pleasure that had made herexclaim her approval in an uncontrollable manner.

Thank goodness I was still wearing her large, fleshy earmuffs at thetime. I could feel her heart galloping frantically against my cheek as well.

My patience had paid off in the end.

When she finally relaxed, releasing my small frame from between herlarger arms and legs, I rolled over and, moving up, placed my head next to herson the pillow.

I waited, wanting and allowing her to speak first. She put the back ofher hand against her forehead before breathlessly admitting, “That was the bestI’ve ever had!”

I couldn’t resist the old standardreply, “I bet you say that to all the guys?”

“No!” she exclaimed it’s true. No guy has ever made me…you know…get tothat part where…you know…it becomes really…”

“Like a cramp?”

“No! A cramp is painful! That’s like…I can’t even describe it it’s sowonderful.”

“I told you I knew just what to do.”

“I never would have thought it possible to be so good from readingbooks?”

I laughed. “You think I learned that from a book?”

“How else?”

I felt like quoting Woody Allen and saying, ‘I'm such a good lover because Ipractice a lot on my own.’ Instead I blandly answered, “Sometimes it just takes a bit of common sense.”

“Well, you sure got plenty of that!” She thought for a moment, then askedwith a smile. “How come you call him…it, Mister Winky?” We both looked at theshiny subject.

My mother had probably given him that moniker because, as is the casewith most mothers, she would have found it embarrassing to use the correctanatomical term.

Although I lied to Hannah, the explanation seemed like a very valid one.“Because he only has one eye, so he’s always winking. Look he’s winking at youright now – giving you the eye. He also thinks you’re the best.”

She laughed. “Shame! Poor guy! I feel kinda sorry for him.”

“Nah, he’s very happy that you helped us out. Besides, don’t concern yourself too much about myone-eyed fella. He plans to have frequent visits to the…Kingdom of the Blind.”

“What?”

“Don’t youknow what they say? ‘In the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man is king!”

“What’s thatmean?”

“I think itmeans that the disadvantaged are able to take advantage of themore-disadvantaged.”

“Would youever take advantage of me?”

The questionhad left me pondering too long. She gave me a push. “Would you?”

“You meanlike what Frankie did?”

“Yeah.”

“Nope, Iwould never do something like that to you…or any other woman – ever.”

“I know!You’re a good guy, Connie.”

Before I knewit, the question had leapt out of my mouth. “Am I?”

I had felt a slight tinge of guilt! After all, the irony of the situationwas not lost to me:

A man in a child’s body had justseduced a child in a woman’s body!

If anyone is at fault, it is not Hannah. But, at least, I know for acertainty that both of us had found the experience extremely pleasurable andexhilarating!

“Of course!”She grinned. “You’re…you’re my best friend now!”

“Oh, who wasyour best friend? Well, maybe Ruth. But she’s married now, and moved far away.”

“Who’s Ruth?”

“My eldersister, silly? Don’t you remember her?”

“You’ve gotan elder sister?”

“Yeah!” Shebecame pensive for a moment before saying, “Ruth’s bright like you. Poppaalways jokes that it’s good she was born first.”

“Why’s that?”

“He says ifit had been me, he would definitely never have had any more children.” Shelaughed.

“Your fathersaid that – to you?” The anger in my voice was clearly discernible.

“He was justjoking, silly! Relax.”

“I don’tthink that any father should ever say nasty things about, or to, his children.”

Again she became pensive for a moment then added in a depressed tone,“Poppa often calls me stupid when I make silly mistakes.” Then she smiledcheerily again. “But you can’t blame him, especially when I cost the bakerymoney at times. Last month I burned a whole batch of vanilla cookies.”

“What happened?”

“He made me eat them all myself. Took me a whole week to do, but he madesure of it.” She smiled some more. “Actually, they weren’t all that bad. Wejust couldn’t sell them to the customers is all.”

“Do you like working in the bakery?”

“It can be tiring some days. But at least I get to spend most of my timewith my folks.”

“Don’t you ever wish you had a place of your own?”

“Oh, no! I would miss them too much.”

“You said you want to have your own kids one day. What if your husbandwants to also move far away like Ruth did?”

“I dunno? I’d really miss seeing them. I really miss Ruth too. We alwayshad such fun together. We used to bath together and everything. It was her whoshowed me how to…you know…touch myself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! I would never have known what happens, when you do it long enough,if it wasn’t for her.”

“Uh-huh?”

“She’s so lucky and clever. She’s got two little boys. They can be realterrors. Just like you!” Her expression was of one that had been rudely slappedthrough the face. “I mean like you used to be. I’m sorry! I’m still gettingused to the fact that you’re not a child anymore. Sorry!”

“It’s okay! Relax! I understand!” I needed to change the subject. “Iwanna ask you a favor?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not my right to tell you what to do, but it’s for your own good.”

“What?”

“Try to stay away from Frankie Hollywood?”

“You’re jealous! That’s so sweet!”

“Yeah, that’s right. So will you do it – for me?”

“Nobody’s ever been jealous over me before. I think I like it.”

I made my young voice as stern and as demanding as possible. “Will you dowhat I asked?”

“I’ll try, but he’s always popping up somewhere to tease me.”

“Trust me! You gotta stay away from him. Your Poppa is right. That guy’sjust trouble, okay? He’ll tell you anything to have his way. Look at what hedid tonight? He made a joke out of you in front of his pals. He had you intears. You’re too good for him, Hannah. You forgive and forget too easily. It’sa wonderful quality to have, but one day it could get you into serious trouble.If you see that guy coming towards you again, you run the other way, okay?”

“Okay, Connie. I’ll do it. But only because you asked me to.”

“Promise?”

“I promise!”

“Pinky swear?”

“Okay!” She smiled offering me her little piggy.

“Just remember now, lightning will strike you dead if you don’t?”

I’m very happy that my mother was so determined and adamant about theneed to have an older person cater to mine and my sister’s needs.

In fact, I can’t wait for her to babysit us again!