Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane
October 3rd, 1968

I foolishly believed that my superior intellect would be a boon inswiftly becoming skilled in the language of music – in this case, learning toplay the piano.

But, as with the learning of any new language, the true advantage comesfrom possessing the natural serenity and persistence of a child’s patience; thepatience that normally comes with youth.

It is this same tolerance that all children naturally possess whenlearning, not only a new language, but in many cases, their first and only one.

Through repetition the baby will eventually start saying its first words.In many cases this is normally ‘Mamma,’ ‘Dadda’ or similar words of equalsignificance and weight.

It can take years before a child even begins stringing together his firstbarely-intelligible sentences.

This is why it is also far easier for a child to learn the language ofmusic. Only a child has that special resilience that comes with the infuriatingnecessity of much rote; the endurance necessary for accepting the inculcationof data.

I, unfortunately, do not have that youthful staying power.

Having to learn scales is having me scale the walls!

And, although Miss Fifield, my piano teacher, an old spinster who wearsher hair in a bun, and if her skin were green would have an uncanny resemblanceto the Wicked Witch of the West, possesses the kindness and patience mostnecessary in her line of work - I, unfortunately, do not!

If anything, this exercise has certainly increased my admiration for allthose people who have managed to master proficiency in this particularinstrument.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to go the distance with this, onceambitious and exciting, idea and endeavor.

I had hoped by now that I would be banging out a few Cole Porter orGershwin tunes.

Hell, I can’t even do a decent rendition of the bloody chopsticks!!!