Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)
21.

My uncle burst out laughing.

When Eric told him how it had happened to me that I had hit him, Jim burst out into a laud guffaw.

And didn’t stop.

He almost choked with laughter all the way down the hospital corridors as he was leading me to the X-ray. I admit it, I wanted to punch him too. But my right hand still ached, and my left hand was too weak for that.

Something was boiling inside me, bubbling. No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t calm down. Because all of this. Because of his request on me not to go out with Colin. Because of his impudence. Because of his lips. Fuck, those addictive lips of his! Shit, I couldn’t stop thinking about them the whole time they x-rayed my hand. He kissed me again!

Apart from my heart, there was nothing broken, and Jim only treated my injury with a strange-smelling ointment and bandage. He warned me that it could still swell. He told me to put ice on it, and also where to replace painkillers if I need them before he comes home.

And everything would be okay if he still hadn’t amusement all over his face. If he didn’t try very hard not to laugh again.

“Where’s my driver?” I asked irritably. Because I didn’t hide the irritation. Especially when my uncle’s shoulders shook again with a quiet giggle. And I had no choice but to roll my eyes.

“I threw him out of here,” Jim replied nonchalantly. “He was being unbearably annoying as he couldn’t stay sitting even for a second. And he kept asking me whether you´re gonna be alright. I think he went upstairs.”

My eyebrows rose. I didn’t feel like exploring the hospital corners on Friday afternoon just to replace him. However, I didn’t have time to ask where exactly I should be looking for him.

“Honey, not that you’re going to cook tonight!” Jim interrupted my thoughts. “Don’t put too much strain on your hand. We can order a pizza, okay?”

I really appreciated his offer as I suddenly had no energy for anything. Just to go home, curl up on the couch, watch a movie and eat all my secret hoards of chocolate.

“And speaking of tonight,” my uncle began, as we stood in front of the emergency room and I was about to say goodbye to him, “Eric and I would like to watch soccer. Will you mind?”

He was serious, the fun was over. I knew he was really asking about my opinion. That he cared about me agreeing. And I froze.

Tonight.

Willy-nilly, that one word made me wake up from my disorientation. Reality slapped me hard in my face when it made me remember that I already had plans for tonight. I didn’t have to care what my uncle, or the envoy from hell would do together.

But it came. An imaginary light bulb lit up in my head, and I slowly understood it. And the realization pretty much threw me off balance again.

“Just out of sheer female curiosity,” I asked through my gritted teeth, “Whose idea it was?”

My previous anger returned, knowing in advance that I´d asked unnecessarily. The answer was already clear to me.

“Eric’s,” Jim, obviously confused, confirmed my assumption. “But Honey, if it...,”

“No, Jim, of course I won’t mind,” I interrupted him sharply. Hastier than I originally planned. However, my uncle was still relieved. “I’ll see you later, okay? And I’m counting on that pizza.”

I ran upstairs to replace the hellish envoy, I run away from Jim before he could ask something else. I promised him that I wouldn’t interfere in his friendship with Eric, and I also intended to keep my word.

However, this was a completely different situation.

Because I was sure of that. I was 100 percent sure my demon wasn’t interested in soccer at all. He just wanted to be there when Colin would pick me up. He wanted Colin to see him sitting in my house, that he was welcomed there. He wanted to check up on me when I would go on that fucking date. He wanted to know when I would come back.

I entered some hospital ward, searching for him. At one second, I wanted to replace him and skin him alive. At the second one, I just got stuck and forgot how to speak when I saw him.

He was standing by an older lady’s bedside. Lots of monitors around her, and the infusions with tubing spoke for themselves. He held her hand in both of his palms and I… Dammit, it touched me. The pain that was filling his eyes.

“It´s gonna be fine, Dolores. You´ll see.” Yet, I heard a smile and hope in his words. Even I believed him.

“Thank you, Eric,” she said with great effort, “for coming to see me again. But now go, I think your girlfriend is waiting for you.”

She looked at me and my demon followed her gaze. He smiled beautifully and just said softly: “She’s my Princess.”

“Oh,” Dolores smiled weakly, too. “Don’t you waste any time with me then! Go and bring her next time with you.”

I was embarrassed.

Very embarrassed.

I had no idea if I should stay standing here or go to them and introduce myself right away. But the beeping of the monitors slowed, and I knew Dolores fell asleep. And my demon just carefully placed her hand on the bed and turned to me.

Hell, no! Not this! I didn’t want to look at him like that, I didn’t want to be moved. I didn’t want to recall all the people I´d ever seen in this state. I wanted to yell at him. I didn’t know him from this side, and I also didn’t mean to admit that I liked it. At this point, I just needed to stay upset.

For that kiss.

For my hand.

For soccer.

For everything!

I knew he was walking behind me, but I didn’t wait for him and got to the car first. Although he unlocked it remotely, I didn’t sit down, I stayed standing by it. And perhaps this moment alone helped me organize my thoughts, and when he approached me, I really felt much calmer.

“Could you please cancel your plans with Jim tonight?” I asked him. Kindly. Very kindly.

And the envoy from the deepest hell twisted his mouth, looked up somewhere, pretending to think. “Mmmmm,” he muttered, fixing his eyes back on me. Fixing them somewhere on my soul. And then he just opened the door for me. “No.”

I took a deep breath. My recently acquired ataraxia just wobbled, yet I managed to control myself. I even tried to smile. “C´mon, Eric. Pretty please, cancel it.”

“No.”

And all of a sudden, that insurmountable anger was back.

“Cancel it!”

“No.”

“Do you want to check up on me?” I snapped. I couldn’t identify the feeling that was beginning to take hold of me. All I knew was that it was burning me inside. All I knew was that only he could evoke it in me. He, who made it all worse as he leaned against the door, as he bowed his beautiful face dangerously close to mine.

“I want to beat the shit out of him for even daring to talk to you,” he replied quietly. “I want him to understand that I’m not sharing you.”

Fuck, what?

“Checking up on him, that he won’t try something on you when he walks you to the front door is just icing on the cake, Princess,” he winked at me cheekily.

He wasn’t kidding, he didn’t tease me, his body attitude only underscored how serious he was. But for me, at the moment, he just added oil to the fire. Into the already pretty furious fire.

“Cancel. The. Soccer. Evening. Eric,” I said slowly, putting an accent on each word, so he finally understands how much he was straining my nerves.

I saw it. Dammit, even if it was just for a second, I saw it! The corner of his lips lifted into a crooked smile. He provoked me shamelessly, he must have been doing it on purpose. As if it wasn’t enough that he was already leaning to me, he bowed even more and shortened those fucking inches between us. Suddenly, it was his nose that touched mine.

“Cancel. The. Date. Dove,” he imitated my speech style.

And something in me broke.

I swear if there wasn’t a car door, separating us, I’d kick him. But if I´d learnt anything today, then it was definitely the fact that wanting to cause him physical pain just ended with mine. There was no point in arguing with him, there was no point in trying. Instead, I followed his example and went even further.

His lips, oh, it was such a damn captivating feeling to erase any distance between us and run my lips through his. He froze, he absolutely petrified, and I achieved my goal as I pulled away from him and he followed me without hesitation. He wanted to touch me again, I was sure of that. He wanted to kiss me again. And with pleasure, I returned the teasing to him.

“Go to hell,” I whispered into his face as I pushed the door, forcing them to open more. Forcing him to back away from me.

I didn’t wait for his reaction, I just sat down trying to ignore him. But it was useless to me, totally useless, because I heard very well as he burst out laughing.

I didn’t talk to him all the way home, I refused to make a sound. But that didn’t stop my demon from chuckling.

“I’ll pick up your car for you, ” he was the first to break the silence as we stopped in front of Jim’s house. If he wanted to get my attention, well…, he chose the best way to do so. I didn’t manage to stop myself and I looked at him. Because whether I liked it or not, his offer would help me a lot.

“I just need the keys, Dove,” the corners of his lips twitched.

He was looking at me, he was watching me, studying my reaction. And he was really damn trying along. Not to chuckle. It pissed me off, because… My gosh! Wasn’t it already enough for today? Yet, I still took the keys out of my pocket and put them in his palm.

“Thank you,” I muttered softly. And I would have meant it honestly if he only hadn’t been about to burst into a guffaw any second. “Dammit, stop laughing!”

He pursed his lips, he tried a serious expression, but it didn’t take a second and here we go again, the twitching of his lips was back. Holy crap, that boy were simply driving me insane!

“See you tonight, Princess,” he didn’t forget to remind me, and I rather got of his car immediately. Without saying goodbye.

I needed to calm down, I needed to stop thinking about it. However, it remained only a desperate wish. For the rest of the day, I kept marching around my room like a lion in a cage.

It bothered me.

That I let him kiss me.

Again.

That I kissed him back.

Again.

That he acted like nothing had happened, like there wasn’t any ex-girlfriend.

That he would be waiting for me here and checking up on me as if he had a right to do so.

But nothing bothered me so much than the idea of me agreeing with a date.

Hot chocolate, a hot shower, not even a double shot of Jack Daniels didn’t do their job. I didn’t get rid of the tension. At seven o’clock in the evening I was biting my nails as I sat down for the first time since visiting the hospital.

My chair, my comfortable chair, I longed so much to sit in it all evening. I’d listen to Iron Maiden, or watch some good movie…,

Damn!

Some good movie!

I stood up again when the saving thought hit me right in the head. I didn’t hesitate and immediately grabbed my phone.

“Princess,” he said with an incredibly sweet voice, “that’s a very pleasant surprise. How are you today?”

Looks like I’ll go buy a baseball bat tomorrow.

“Cancel the soccer,” I said politely. And then I had to take a deep breath to be able to ignore his giggles.

“Cancel the date,” he didn’t change his attitude. It was still the only answer he had for me.

“I can’t, Eric, I don’t want to offend him,” I began to beg. However, in my defense, until now, I didn’t really realize how much I wanted to prevent the whole dating thing. So much that I kept the phone to my ear and didn’t send the hellish envoy back to hell.

“Listen,” I was about to present my proposal. Fuck, I prayed he would stop being so stubborn.” I need a living room and I need Jim. When I suggest to Colin to stay here, where my uncle is, he won´t be trying anything on me. Come on, cancel the soccer!”

And then there was silence.

“You got yourself a deal, Dove,” he finally told me.

“Eric, please!” I said, just to get stuck. Because it took a while, it really took a while for his words to reach my brain. My hemispheres processed them, but they were unable to believe that he´d seriously said it. “Wait, what?”

I heard the quiet laughter on the other side, telling me that my demon knew exactly what I was thinking about. Yet yes, it was not a dream, I realized that when he told me: “You´re right. He won’t try to touch you in Jim’s living room. I’ll cancel the soccer.”

I felt it, I swear I felt that huge load being taken off my mind. There was nothing anymore that could stop me from calling Colin. I told him about my injury, I lied that it still hurt me, that I didn’t feel like going out. And I asked him whether he would mind staying with me at my place and watching a movie. In the back of my mind, I hoped he would suggest a delay, but no, he didn’t, he was okey with the change of plans. Nonetheless, I was still relieved. For the first time that day.

I instructed Jim to cross the hall from time to time to keep my friend in safe distance from me. He promised me to do so, not forgetting to ad a pretty amused smile. Yet, he couldn’t hide the disappointment over the change of his program as well.

And maybe it would have been nice.

Maybe it would have been a pretty relaxing evening with all those crazy comedies with Adam Sandler, with absolutely perfect pizza, and with Colin, who just acted like a good friend. We talked a lot, he even managed to make me laugh enough to fall off the couch.

Yes, I would have been like really happy if my phone hadn’t vibrated in the middle of the second movie.

So, Dove, how’s the date going?

Damn, I admit, it made me smile.

I was grateful, at that moment I was incredibly grateful that my demon couldn’t see me. But there was no point in lying to myself. Now that I finally felt more than comfortable, I also looked at the whole situation differently. Actually, I didn’t expect him not to call or check up on me. But this way it seemed much more bearable.

I still didn’t approve anything of his previous behavior, not at all. But…, just for myself, just a little bit, I admitted that I liked it. That he didn’t take me for granted, that he was scared of losing me, that he was jealous. Fuck, I even liked his possessive manners.

Shit, Lara! Are you saying that he has you in the first place, so that he can be afraid of losing you?

I sighed at my disordered thinking, but it wasn’t realistic that I would solve the mess in my head today. However, I wanted to let him know that I appreciated his attitude, that he had withdrawn again. I answered his text message.

I’m laughing a lot which is quite unusual in recent days. By the way, I’ve been thinking about it and let’s say I owe it to Jim. So, feel free to come to watch your soccer tomorrow night.

Because I was really in a good mood. Because my uncle deserved it for all his patience. Because I promised him that my fights with Eric wouldn’t concern him. And because Eric had no reason to babysit me tomorrow.

Somehow, I hoped he would refuse, but no, no way. It wouldn’t be my demon if he didn’t throw me off balance. It wasn’t even a minute and my cell phone vibrated again.

Eric: What if I came today?

Me: I don’t think Jim would be interested in watching soccer after midnight.

Eric: To see you, Dove.

What the hell!?

What was he thinking about?

No!

Me: No way! And stop being so friendly!

Eric: Maybe you should close your window properly.

Fuck!

“Colin, I have to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” I blurted out without thinking. I immediately got up from my seat, as there was nothing more important than replaceing out whether that stupid window was closed. “I’ll get you another beer, okay?”

He smiled, dammit, the boy next to me smiled sweetly, forcing me to feel remorse. Because I had someone else in my head. “Sure, Lara, thanks. Should I pause the movie?”

“No need,” I shouted from the hallway. “I’ve already seen it once.”

And it was my favorite scene that my demon tore me away from. But he did, there was no chance I could stay sitting still, when I had no idea what the hellish envoy would come up with today.

And then I dug up a grave for that chance to have a place to die.

It was perhaps for the 150th time that day that my blood pressure rose to the heavenly heights when I saw him sitting in my chair with his phone in his hand. This time, I just threw up my hands helplessly.

“I missed your sarcasm, Dove,” he said, as if answering the question of what he was doing here. But it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. And the corner of his lips lifted into a crooked smile.

“Eric, you know this is no longer funny, don’t you? What do you want?”

I gave my best shot to sound reproachfully. And a second later, I regretted it. Because he got serious, my demon truly got serious and, to my horror, he stood up. I automatically jerked as he stepped forward, as he took that few steps to get closer to me. He stopped at exactly the same spot where I had asked him the same thing three weeks ago.

“I’ve already given you the answer to this question,” he said, making me realize that he also remembered that January evening. “I want you. All of you.”

Damn, shit!

Why, why is he doing this to me?

“Fine, otherwise,” I shook my head. “Why are you here now?”

Another step, he took it, he bridged the remaining distance between us. And I wondered, I fucking wondered why I hadn’t already run away from him. All this crap…, in one day, he managed to exhaust me totally and I didn’t have the energy to deal with him anymore. Not to mention that this was the most inappropriate moment as I had a company down in the living room.

I didn’t have to raise my head to see him, to look him in the eye. It was he who bowed to me. It was he who made the ground under my feet shudder. Right after he whispered, right after he answered my question: “The idea of kissing you won´t leave my head. It tortures me, it haunts me, it drives me insane.”

I swallowed dryly.

A pretty big lump grew in my throat and my attempt to tell him something failed. I could only return his burning gaze. I could only let him hypnotize me.

“Yeah, right,” I managed to stutter. I wanted to, I tried to sound relaxed, yet my voice radiated nervousness. “Maybe some other time. I´m on a date right now.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. He trapped me in the black of his irises, but I still didn’t know what he was thinking about. And he smiled softly at me, he did, but there was something demonic in the tempting expression of his face.

“You kissed me back,” he whispered. He didn’t have to speak louder, his deep voice resonated strongly inside me. Not even nine hours ago, the same words of his made me angry, and now… Now, I just felt scared. Because I suddenly had the impression as if he could read my soul. As if he knew very well how confused I was at the moment.

“You´re angry, Princess, because you´re fighting with yourself. You can growl at me, you can turn me down, you can beat me as well, but...” His breath stuttered as he let his sight drop to my mouth. “Your lips speak for you and damn, they’re telling a whole different story.”

I looked away, I don’t know, I looked somewhere else as I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t endure hold of his attention. Not when it was true, nothing but the truth he’d said to me. Even though I didn’t want to admit it.

“I came to tell you that my offer still stands. Just say one word and I´ll disappear from your life. One word and I’ll be gone.”

What?

My heart started to pound madly. Hell, it literally went crazy, assuring me that I heard it, that I heard right. That he´d said something like that.

The boy, the demon who was standing in front of me once again. Who showed me how easy my life was before he crossed my path. Now I didn’t even know what I wanted. He just did it. He made me love and hate him at the same second. To make me want to belong to him and to be as far away from him as possible. He was able to pull out all the anger I was able to feel and turn it into the greatest passion that engulfed me.

And I knew only one thing.

That I would never allow him to leave.

“But unless you ask me to, unless you say it aloud, I won’t give up you.”

I didn’t stop the huge mess that filled my heart and took control over my mind. It blocked out any words I wanted to say to him. I just stared at him blankly. I just wished he would stop tormenting me.

“I have to go back,” I whispered.

I understood that he wouldn’t stop me, I recognized that he was about to leave. At that very moment when he hugged my face with his hands and pressed his lips to my forehead. He leaned against it, sliding with his lips down to kiss my nose gently as well.

And I was waiting for it, I expected him to touch my lips too. Yet, my demon didn’t dare to do it this time. He was just looking at me, he was studying me. As if he knew very well, as if he understood what I longed for the most right now.

“Good night, Dove. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His touch left me. I watched quietly as he turned, put my car keys on my table and approached my window. He opened it; he was about to leave me alone with my confused thoughts. But then, he looked at me.

“You didn’t say anything, you didn’t say a word, Princess,” he said. “I will consider your silence as a proof that you still want me in your life.”

Yes.

Maybe it would have been a really nice evening.

If only I hadn´t been pretty torn apart.

***