Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)
20.

He didn’t look any better.

His gaze seemed blank as he was staring outside as he was watching the raindrops trickling down the huge window. Although he held a book in his hand, he didn’t read. It looked like as if my demon was lost in a completely different world.

I was searching for him.

In the hallways, in the classrooms, everywhere I went. I needed to know if he was okay, if his weird pain didn’t get worse since yesterday. But he was nowhere to be found all day.

It tormented me until lunch, I was really desperate until I finally saw him sitting in the lunchroom a few feet in front of me. I exhaled, yes, I was pretty relieved, yet the longing in his face made my heart ache.

I no longer listened to growling of my stomach, I was no longer interested in the cheesy-spinach pasta. It was only he who stole all my attention for himself. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. And he probably felt it, he must have felt it as he returned my gaze.

Something soothed in his eyes, forcing me - perhaps only automatically - to recall last night. To recall my own fear which kept whispering somewhere inside me about how much I cared about this boy. And he was looking at me, he was staring at me right now as if he meant dead serious what he´d told me yesterday.

“My heart is broken, too.”

And I hesitated.

Because I wanted to. I desired to get up, to go to him and ask how he was. Whether he was feeling better, whether it happened again, whether he didn’t need something.

Maybe a hug.

Or me.

But out of the blue, clouds appeared in his irises and he frowned.

I could see that; I could watch the storm forming in his eyes. My heart started to pound; I was thrown off balance as I didn’t understand it at all. And then, a brief moment later, another face obscured my view of him, making me realize the reason of Eric´s annoyed reaction.

Aha.

I see.

“Hi, Colin,” I greeted my friend. I had no idea whether I should be grateful that he´d prevented me from getting up and talking to the demon, or whether I should be upset that he´d disturbed me in snooping on the only love of my fucking life.

“Lara,” he smiled, sitting opposite me. One second, he was gaping me, the next one his gaze dropped down. Actually, he was looking everywhere but not at me, forcing me to get the impression as if he was a little nervous, a little tense.

“I gotta run to the gym class, I just wanted to...”

He began timidly to get stuck right away. He reliably gained my attention only to himself. I mean, yes, he’d basically been behaving like that lately, but after yesterday, I started to panic. I was scared whether he didn’t want to repeat his attempt to confess his feelings today. Right now.

Calm down, girl!

He said he had to run to the gym.

“Will you go out today?” He blurted out.

What?

That´s all he wanted?

“Yeah, why not,” I shrugged.

Going out to Bill´s for a beer with the whole gang wasn’t a bad idea.

Anything that didn’t involve thinking about Eric Lestrad was not a bad idea.

“With me?”

Anything that would finally…

Wait…

What?

What the fuck did he say?

My eyes widened, as it immediately dawned on me. Because it did, I put two and two together just to understand why he acted so nervous, so timid.

Did he just ask me for a date?

Damn!

Fuck!

Did I just say- yeah, why not?!

All those variants of how to turn him down that run through my head in few nanoseconds didn’t help me. I didn’t want to offend him. And I couldn’t say I was planning something else anymore, as I´d just admitted that I had time tonight. If I changed my mind now, it would be quite clear that I didn’t want to go out with him.

“Okay.” To my horror, I realized that it was my voice answering him quietly. Though my head couldn’t believe it, those words really came out of my mouth. I literally ran from him yesterday and today, I agreed with a date.

Great.

Simply great!

I’m going to have to come up with something. To ask Jessica and Kyle to join us by chance, or to ask Jim to do something. Maybe to pretend having a heart attack. At the age of thirty-two.

“Perfect,” he smiled at me as he finally looked at me. He did, he looked me straight in the eye, just to let me notice the genuine joy that was reflecting in his irises. Hell! He was happy, he was glowing! “I’ll pick you up at eight, okay?”

Shit, I can’t cancel, I can´t do that to him!

Should I really give him a false hope?

I couldn’t replace the damn traitorous voice anymore, I just nodded. At least I tried to smile as he got up from the table.

“See you later,” I guess I heard him say.

And then nothing.

Then the blackness filled my brain as I looked ahead, as I searched in vain. Because the place where my demon had been sitting, was empty.

Last class.

I was waiting for it all day, and now… Now, it was just a proof of how everything can go wrong epically in fifty-five minutes. It was a real challenge for me to survive them at all.

I didn’t perceive what our teacher was talking about, I was still thinking about a thousand excuses as to why and how I could cancel the date. But I also didn’t want to break Colin’s heart. Just because I knew better now. I knew how much it could hurt.

Why the hell did he have to fall for me?

Maybe if I acted like a pig or a dummy, he would fall out of love.

Or I´ll dress like a beggar.

I won’t brush my teeth.

I will have oily hair.

I rubbed my face with my hands. My ideas only made me realize that I should rather go see a psychiatrist. And then, there was still the memory of an empty chair in the lunchroom that made my mood drop somewhere to the Earth’s core.

I felt tired, terribly tired. I just didn’t want to deal with this shit anymore. It was hard for me to get up from my desk when it the school bell rang, announcing the end of the class. I just wanted to crawl to my car somehow.

“Lara!”

If only it was that simple.

I wished it was just an ugly nightmare. But no, something inside my head told me clearly that this was real. That I heard that deep damn hot voice behind me.

“Lara, wait!”

Simple?

Hell no!

It all suddenly got more and more complicated.

I speeded up. As much as I wanted to meet him all day, I didn’t want to see him now. But there was no other corridor, no escape route, no ladies’ restrooms where I could hide. He overtook me easily and forced me to stop. Just by the way his body stood in front of me forcing me to take a step back.

“What is it, Eric?” I exhaled, inwardly waving my freedom and the idea of ​​a peaceful afternoon goodbye. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him, I wasn’t really in the mood for anything.

My gaze fell upon the mud on the floor, which was probably brought here by the soccer team. I stared at the stones and wet tracks, I stared at anything else as I couldn’t look at him.

Because it was here. I was sure he heard every word from my talk with Colin, and the remorse didn’t wait anymore to overwhelm me. Right now, there was only apathy I felt.

And my demon made me change my mind very quickly.

“You can’t go on a date with Colin!” He exclaimed commandingly. With a tone that should not be protested against or quarreled with. And which made me automatically look at him.

He was pretty pissed; I could see that right away. The storm I noticed in his eyes before turned into a hurricane, and I could watch in detail now how strong it became. Now, when he was standing in front of me. He crossed his arms on his chest, the posture of his body, the whole expression of his divine face was telling me only one thing. He wasn’t interested in my opinion, how I saw it. He didn’t negotiate with me.

“Excuse me?” I said softly.

Because I didn’t understand the meaning of those words. Or I didn’t want to understand him. Or I just refused to admit that he´d really uttered something like that. But the strange irritability that had woken in me, that had pushed my previous apathy into the corner, only proved me that my ears were still functioning properly.

“You can’t go on a date with that jerk!” He repeated. Emphatically. Commandingly. With frowned eyebrows.

Damn, what this supposed to be?

I stared at him for a moment, unable to decide whether to laugh or get mad. And in that little moment, all the remorse I had simply vanished. This was none of his business, I didn’t belong to him. He wasn’t there to make decisions for me! He lost the right to care. Twice!

I managed to hold the inappropriate reaction; I tamed the anger he´d made me feel. I just shook my head and wanted to leave. Because there was nothing, I would be willing to discuss with him further.

But Eric saw the whole situation completely differently.

He didn’t let me take a damn step forward. He blocked my escape way with his body, and instead of moving away from him, we were standing five inches apart now.

Okay.

So, the second option.

Suddenly, I felt like a boiling kettle that was about to explode.

“Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what to do and what not to do?” I hissed in his face. Because yes, I was already furious. “Hey! Here´s an idea! What if you leave me alone and call your ex-girlfriend and arrange a date, too?”

I recognized it.

I recognized the moment.

Exactly the one when I crossed his line.

He took a sharp breath, as if he had to try really hard to keep his anger under control. Or as if he had to try really bad to suppress something. And his jaw clenched.

I was expecting it.

I expected him to say something ugly, something that would hurt. Or he would fuck me off straightaway. But no matter how angry he looked; I was right. Nothing bounded us anymore, I didn’t owe him anything. He was the one who kissed someone else. Why the hell couldn’t I go on a date?

“Larissa,” he growled, letting me know how close to losing his temper he was. He was, it was clear to me. But I didn’t care anymore.

“What?” I snapped at him. Damn, I could feel his burning gaze all over my face. “What’s your prob…?”

Possessively and hastily.

That’s exactly how he pressed his lips to my lips.

Directly and without hesitation, he gave me his answer.

No, I couldn’t go on a date with someone else.

Because I was his.

It wasn’t even a nanosecond, I wasn’t able to collect myself, I didn’t manage to defend myself. Suddenly, his hand was on my back, pulling me to his chest. He dug the other one into my hair. Without asking, without prompting or at least warning, he reached out to me cheekily. As if to show me I had no choice. As if to make me realize that no one else had the right to do it.

The boy, the demon in front of me, simply showed me how easy my life was before he crossed my path. Now I didn’t even know myself.

I didn’t, I really didn’t.

Because as much as I wanted to push him away from me, I fell for the touch of our lips hopelessly.

I wanted to yell at him to stop. Instead, I threw away my backpack. I wanted to scold him for what he dared to do. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

He automatically tightened his grip, running his hand through my hair as he gasped for air. But I needed it too, I necessarily needed oxygen that he literally took away out of my lungs.

I opened my mouth to breathe in again, but I wasn’t allowed to do so. My demon himself didn’t allow me to breathe. At that one moment when he deepened our kiss, when he caressed my tongue with his, he reopened the wound in my heart again.

Because he was able to make me love and hate him at the same second. To make me want to belong to him and to be as far away from him as possible. He was able to pull out all the anger I felt and turn it... Well, into anything that was overpowering me right now. All I knew was that it was burning. It was burning, something really ached somewhere inside my chest.

I put myself together. I guess only by miracle I succeeded and returned into reality. The dirty ugly reality, where I wasn’t the only one. And the thought, a reminder of my pride which screamed at me that I didn’t want to be so weak with him, made me wake up. It cost me all my remaining strength to tear him away from me.

The only problem was that I didn’t have a bit of strength left to deal with his suddenly too bright eyes. They kept watching my mouth. He didn’t take his gaze off them, as if he knew very well how crazy it was driving me.

“Dammit, Lestrad! What that supposed to be?” I snapped at him for the third time. “Why did you do that? Why won´t you just leave me be? Are you…?”

“What, Dove?” He interrupted me. Fuck! It was plain as the day that he didn’t even notice my rebukes as he seemed to be completely mesmerized by my lips. His deep voice was telling me all about it as the anger disappeared. And instead, a challenge crept into his tone. I swear, he was challenging me! He was challenging me only with the way he confidently took that one step towards me, shortening the distance I had placed between us.

“Don’t deny it, Lara. Don’t deny the bond between the two of us,” he whispered. “You kissed me back again.”

What?

I was standing there. I was standing in front of him. I was standing on that fucking dirty floor and…

Fuck what?

What the hell did he say?

Did he kiss me just to see whether he still had power over me?

And my imaginary kettle exploded.

I didn’t control it, I wasn’t able to control it, I wasn’t able to hold it back. With all my strength, I punched him in his face.

I was paralyzed by the sharp pain in my hand. I immediately loosed my fingers and then I got even angrier. Because he neither moved nor wavered, letting me know that I probably only hurt myself. And my demon sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

“Princess,” he began amusedly. Perhaps he wanted to say something, perhaps he wanted to rebuke me. Still, he became serious and shook his head in defeat. “How many of your fingers are broken?”

His absolutely calm attitude disconcerted me even more. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure whether I caressed him a minute ago or I really tried to break his nose. And maybe it was only my disorientation that made me forget to defend myself as he took my hand in his palm and began slowly to examine my fingers.

“Don’t do it again,” he said softly. As if he just commented on some food that I cooked and it didn’t taste well. “Or at least, use a baseball bat.”

Excuse me?

Damn!

Reprise, please!

I hit him. He didn’t get mad at me. Instead, he examines my hand to replace out whether I hurt myself. And he gives me instructions how to take him down next time.

Does this make any sense to anyone?

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, breaking the brief silence between us. “I didn’t mean to say something that might offend you.”

What?

My eyebrows shot up to the heavenly heights as he surprised me with his words. Holy crap, the boy was confusing me more and more! But it seemed as if he´d meant it. The teasing and the challenge in his eyes vanished, I also didn’t see the anger that had dominated his face before. Instead, his expression reflected his own remorse.

“Eric, what the hell is your problem?” I frowned, asking right away. Because I stopped enjoying guessing the mood he was in right now. It was simply exhausting me.

And my demon exhaled heavily as he ran his fingertips through the back of my hand. I had the impression that he couldn’t look at me. However, he opened his mouth and finally gave me my answer: “I don’t want you to go out with Colin. I don’t want him to be around you.”

I see.

He doesn’t want.

AND?

If I suppose to start listing what I don’t want…

“You know you have no right to tell me what I…”

It was the sharp pain again which interrupted me. Which made me yell and immediately pull my hand away from him. It took a moment for it to fade away. A brief moment, when it demanded all my attention. Yet, I still didn’t overlook as the envoy from my personal hell froze, paled and his head dropped.

“Let me take you to Jim,” he looked up at me guiltily. “Please.”

Yes, I was sure he blamed himself. But no! I lost control of myself, I hit him because I wanted to. It was all my fault. And the last thing I needed was for him to think he was responsible for my injury, so he felt the obligation to take care of me.

“No need, Eric, don’t worry,” I declined. “I can go alone.”

He frowned, shaking his head vehemently, forcing me to understand that this wouldn’t be so easy. But I didn’t want to stay with him anymore!

“Princess,” he began, and only the determined expression on his face made it clear to me that he would argue with me until I agree, “you can’t drive with one hand. You will go with me.”

I opened my mouth, I intended to protest when he did it to me again. When he turned off a half of my brain activity as he approached me and bent down to face me.

“Please,” he said. “Please, Lara, I beg you. Let me take you to Jim. Please. Pretty please. Please.”

Fuck!

The heartbreaking tone of his voice! Those puppy eyes! And I stood there in front of him, I was just standing there in front of him, with my mouth open. I was unable to do anything else. Just to exhale in defeated.

And to watch helplessly as the corners of his lips widened into a breathtaking smile. The first one I saw on his face today.

He didn’t hesitate to grab me by my healthy hand. And I wondered, I really wondered why I didn’t protest when he dragged me to his car.

***