Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)
25.

No.

Lara!

No!

Goddammit! Just no!

No!

“Okay.”

I heard it; I heard my mouth saying that word quietly. In a huge contrast to how loud the alarm, launching somewhere in my head was. Yet, I still agreed. I still let him grab me by hand and lead me back to his Babygirl.

Yes.

It was a bad idea.

It was a damn insanely bad idea, I knew it. And the moment he put his hands on the steering wheel, only assured me of that. My demon didn’t start the engine, he just got stuck and kept staring at the wheel in front of him. And I might have stopped breathing.

Well…

Thank you, Lara.

And thank to your great ideas as well.

For example, to provoke demons.

It didn’t take much to understand the cause of his reaction. I didn’t need even a fucking nanosecond to realize why he was suddenly so stiffened.

“Next time you’re locked up here alone, think of me. How I´m touching your steering wheel. How I am caressing it. I’ll take your Babygirl, I´ll take all of her and I´ll let her have me. Either I’ll make her moan today, or she’ll do it to me.

I immediately recalled what I´d said to him earlier when I wanted to return his teasing. And right now, there was only one problem left.

My demon wasn’t sitting here alone.

I was sitting next to him and direct from the front row, I could watch as he ran his fingers slowly through the leather. I could hear his breath deepening. Even the quiet moan coming from his throat.

Holy crap!

I really needed to clench my fists, I rather looked somewhere out of the window. Because it came, that only one idea occurred to me. That instead of the stupid steering wheel, he would be touching me like that.

Fuck!

Dear brain, stop torturing me!

“Dove,” I heard him beg softly, “I need you to drive.”

He didn’t have to say more. In an instant, I was out of the car ready to switch the place with him. And to be honest, I was pleased. I didn’t expect to drive his Porshe ever again. And now, not even thirty minutes after I said goodbye to her, I was sitting on a driver´s seat again.

I swear, it was like Christmas. As if half an hour after unwrapping all the presents, I found out that another batch was still waiting for me. And she growled sensually as I turned the key in ignition.

“Oh, gosh, girl,” I greeted her, placing my hands on the wheel, “you´re still not satisfied, are you?”

And my demon’s face ended up in his hands.

I froze, I froze completely realizing that I didn’t watch my mouth again. I didn’t intend to provoke him anymore, not when he was sitting next to me. But the damage was obviously done.

“Princess,” he begged with a painful tone of his voice, “please…, just drive off!”

I took a deep breath to tell him something. However, as soon as I saw his tortured expression, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why do you mind?” I simply asked. Because no, this wasn’t clear to me. “I’m just talking to her.”

He let his hands fall of his face only to look at me. And I didn’t even have to try to see his confused expression. He raised his eyebrows at me. But then he frowned anyway, giving me the impression that I didn’t see the most obvious thing in the world.

“Lara,” he muttered, making me almost shiver as I heard his voice roughen. “The adrenaline I feel in every part of my body when I´m driving fast is absolutely nothing compared to the adrenaline that the view of you driving my Babygirl arouses in me. The passion, shining in your eyes when you touch her. When she dares you to throw away your restraints, to tame her.”

Um.

What?

My mouth went dry, I replace myself lost for words, there was nothing I was able to answer. And he just narrowed his eyes, trapping me in their glow as his voice took on a honey-velvet tone: “So no, Dove, I don’t mind. It makes me clench my fists and try so damn hard to control myself. Because yes, every fucking time, I am too tempted to simply replace out what it would be like if I dare you. If you would throw those restraints and your fear with me. Whether I could tame you at all.”

I see.

Good.

Never mind.

What the hell am I supposed to answer him?

I swallowed dryly as I understood that this, running away with him, was really one of my worst ideas.

“Sweetheart, you realize that you’re gonna have to look at me as I´m driving your girl and behave, don’t you?”

It dawned on me. My demon’s eyebrows shot up again, his senselessly stunning smile beautified his lips again and it really dawned on me. What I´d said.

“Did you just call me sweetheart?”

“Yeah, by mistake,” I snorted. “Don’t get used to it.”

He burst out laughing. Suddenly, there was just a tiny space full of Eric’s cheerful laughter. Which was clearly saying to me how much he didn’t believe me. I shook my head over myself, but… whatever. I stepped on the gas, I released the clutch, and head out into the night.

Yet, I didn’t solve anything by trying to concentrate on driving.

It makes me clench my fists and try so damn hard to control myself. Because yes, every fucking time, I am too tempted to simply replace out what it would be like if I dare you. If you would throw those restraints and your fear with me. Whether I could tame you at all.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I couldn’t get the image out of my head.

And the tiny space shrank even more. It wasn’t filled with his laughter anymore, instead I just felt a strange suffocating longing. Willy-nilly, I was fully aware of every deep breath he took. Of his whole demonic charisma along with his damn bewitching scent. Even of the way he was looking at me. Now, with a serious expression on his face.

I didn’t turn to the highway this time. This time, I headed in the opposite direction. I didn’t feel like challenging Babygirl anymore, I didn’t feel like trying to get the best out of her. Instead, I wanted to enjoy the tranquility of the night, the sleeping nature between the villages, adorned with shades of blackness. I wanted to enjoy the narrow paths that were empty at this hour.

I reached for the radio; I didn’t hesitate to break the silence between us with music. And again, once more I let the same song play. Although I’ve heard it about three hundred and forty-eight times tonight, it still didn’t bore me. I raised up the volume in an attempt to shut up my brain, I opened my window a little bit, and let the wind play with my hair. I kept my eyes on the road, here and there, I checked up on my speed. It didn’t help.

None of this helped.

Nor the fact that Eric remained silent.

Every fucking nerve of mine was on alert. And I swear, I did my best not to think about the way he kissed me a few hours ago. About the passion that had been written in his eyes. I did my best not to feel his closeness so intensely. But it didn’t work, I couldn’t help but notice. How stiff he was sitting next to me, how tense his divine body was. How he preferred to redirect his gaze on the shadows of the night outside the window.

It hung between us. Suspense. Lots of unspoken words. At least once a minute, I admitted inwardly… Dammit, I was yelling at myself that this really wasn’t a good idea.

I tried to forget that he was beside me. I tried to remember how relaxed I felt two hours ago. When I was singing aloud, happy. And just so, suddenly, for the first time that night, I really listened to that song. To its lyrics.

The hunger inside given to me, makes me feel alive. Always out, stalking prey, in the dark I hide. Feeling, falling, hating. Feel like I am fading, hating life.

I got a little stuck. Because yeah, it was strange. The lyrics was strange for the boy who was sitting a short distance from me now. I would never say he listened to something like that.

However, unless…

Unless the lyrics meant something for him.

They say I cannot be this, I am jaded, hiding from the day. I can’t bare it; I cannot tame the hunger in me. Always searching, you can’t fuck with fate. So instead, you’ll taste my pain.

Or unless, the words of this song were telling something instead of him.

You say your life I’m taking, always bothering me. I can’t take this anymore, I’m failing, always smothering me. Nothing seems exciting, always the same hiding. It’s haunting me.

I couldn’t help but look at him.

He didn’t stare at the darkness outside any longer. He stared at me. His gaze was unreadable and yet, I had the impression as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. As if he knew what was going through my head. And he switched to another track immediately.

And I… Hell! Not that I didn’t want to ask, I did, my tongue literally itched. Still, I bit it. Because it was his turn.

He was the one who had screwed up, and I refused to beg anymore. If he wanted me back, if he wanted to have me, he knew what he was supposed to do. To try damn too much.

Holy crap!

Lara! Fuck! Girl, you’re not thinking about the third chance, are you?

Please tell me no!

What are you thinking?

Yes, maybe it’ll work out at the fiftieth try.

A rather heavy sigh escaped my lungs, even though I attempted to hold it.

I can’t, I won’t be another of his triumphs!

“Princess, please say something,” he whispered. Despite the roaring radio, I didn’t overhear the desperate tone of his voice. How could I when it almost broke my heart. “Say anything, just don’t be quiet anymore. Please.”

Good.

Talking might not have been such a stupid idea.

“Spikey’s dad owns a bakery with the most amazing chocolate muffins in the world. I swear, they taste like heaven. The pieces of chocolate in them, damn, they aren’t solid, but it’s not a filling either. They are exactly in such a perfect consistence to start dissolving in your mouth. Oh, I would give anything to have one right now.”

I downshifted, slowing down the Babygirl as the asphalt began to zigzag and a thick tangle of trees appeared in front of us. Thanks to the moonlight, they looked more powerful, and for a moment, I felt like we were crossing the border of a fairy tale land. But even when I meticulously watched the road, I couldn’t help but notice that the corners of my demon´s lips rose.

“Spikey always brought me one when he pissed me off. As a forgive-me gift. Because he knew I would never resist their chocolate taste.”

“Muffin?” My demon asked in disbelief. “He made it up to you with a muffin?”

I held back the laughter and just shrugged nonchalantly. “Did I mention the pieces of chocolate that were in it? Did I, right?”

I counted those few damn seconds when his too intense gaze was literally piercing me. Until he took a breath.

“No,” I announced vehemently, not allowing him to speak, “no muffin in the world won’t help you.”

And shoulders of my demon dropped as if carrying a huge weight.

“How about a cake?”

“No.”

“A very large cake. With lots of chocolate. And nuts. How about a very large cake with chocolate muffins on top…?”

I burst out laughing, I didn’t suppress the urge anymore. Because he suddenly looked too serious. Because of the very weird combination he had come up with. Something relaxed in me, I sighed with relief as the thought crossed my mind. That this, me and him together, doesn’t necessarily have to be so complicated.

Oh, how naive I could be.

The silence crept between us again, and it might have occurred to me that I should keep talking. That we should break it.

“Lara?”

I didn’t manage to even open my mouth, my demon spoke out first, and only the way he pronounced my name made me notice. It made me understand that sometimes it´s better to listen to my intuition. I knew this tone of his voice; I knew that one of his questions would come. One of the questions only he could ask.

“What is it like to be in love?”

I wasn’t wrong.

And I burst out laughing again.

That boy was kidding me!

“Don´t you rather want me to explain Einstein’s principle of relativity to you?” I asked hopefully. “I might be able to do that, although I know nothing about physics.”

He smiled at me, but then he looked somewhere down. He didn’t say a word and I didn’t know what to tell him either.

“I don’t know how to describe it, Eric,” I admitted the truth. “It can’t be described either. You just feel it. You’ll know when it comes, you’ll know it at that very second.”

And he probably still didn’t know it.

Not when he asked.

Not with me.

“It will turn your world upside-down. Everything you know suddenly stops making sense to you. Out of the blue, there will be only this one girl. You will see only her. She will be the one whom your world will start to spin around.”

I perceived it too vividly when he looked at me again. Peripherally, I saw his eyes widen. But I couldn’t return his gaze. I simply couldn’t.

“You will feel it, you will want it yourself. This time, you won´t be able to control it. You will be the captivated one.”

No, I really couldn’t look at him. Because in an instant, I felt scared. That if I did, he would understand that my heart was speaking to him through my mouth. That I just described how I felt.

“Damn,” I sighed. It was high time to change the subject. Very quickly. “The full Moon is truly beautiful.”

And even though it was, I didn’t care at the time. I just needed him to think of something else. Something that wouldn’t disconcert me.

“Tomorrow, Princess,” he replied. Although he seemed to be lost in his thoughts, he answered making me realize that my tactics worked. “The full Moon is not until tomorrow. But you’re right, the Moon´s huge.”

I didn’t help myself. The magical smile which beautified his lips, sent me far beyond my borders of delusion.

“You know,” I laughed, “when you’re not provoking me, you can be pretty cute.”

I remembered admiring the Moon an hour ago. When I thought I was going home, when I had no idea how this night would turn out. That I would be able to keep driving his Babygirl and that the hot envoy from my personal hell would be sitting next to me. Exactly the one with the sparkles in his eyes.

“And what am I like when I provoke you, Dove?” The corner of his lips rose into a crooked smile.

I was expecting it.

I was waiting all night for the moment when I cross the line of intoxication. When my brain shut down and simply darken. And yes…, it came. I just sighed again, hearing his question. And as if sitting here alone, as if talking to myself, I told him the truth without thinking: “Hot as hell.”

He took a sharp breath, forcing me to jerk, forcing me to collect myself. I immediately opened my mouth, I wanted to make an excuse. I needed to come up with something. Maybe to tell him that I was kidding.

But I didn’t manage it either as the blackness in my head completely engulfed me.

All my thoughts disappeared, there was nothing left that I could process, or register at all. Everything seemed irrelevant when I heard the first tones of the song that started to play.

Something in me shattered into shreds as soon as I recognized it. And the boy next to me just exhaled without a word. He raised his hand automatically to switch it to another track, but I managed to catch him, stop him before he could do so.

“Let it play,” I smiled weakly. “After all, the song´s beautiful.”

He acquiesced; he didn’t try to press the button on the radio anymore. Instead, he ran his fingers through the back of my hand to intertwine them with mine and put both our hands back on the gear lever.

And I acquiesced as well.

I succumbed to that touch, to the heat of his skin, to his gentle grip that told me he wouldn’t let me go so easily. I took a brief look at his bracelet and the inscription that was engraved there. The same word that I heard now resonate from the speakers throughout the car.

Unbreakable.

I listened to it, I listened to that beautiful melody, because it continued to play only at my request. And I suddenly regretted it. I wished I had stopped him, as it reminded me of the day, I first realized that this boy had become everything to me. My greatest weakness, my greatest happiness. My greatest love.

And my eyes slowly but surely began to fill with tears.

At first, I managed to suppress them. However, as the song resulted in an incredibly amazing solo, my vision blurred. It would have upset me even under normal circumstances, but now, as I was still driving, it meant big trouble.

Thank heavens, I noticed a sign announcing a rest area in front of us and I slowed down the car. He looked at me with surprise, and I guess, I saw a bit of worry in his eyes too.

“I need to wake up a little,” I lied, I had to lie. Because it sounded much better than telling the truth. That my heart ached. That I needed to stop my emotional crisis.

I stepped out of the tiny space as soon as I parked by the small wooden gazebo. It was cold outside, it was terribly cold outside, yet I breathed in the icy February air. But no, it didn’t help. It didn’t help me calm down, put myself together, run away from him. It didn’t help me run away from what I felt.

“Dove, are you okay?”

He got out of his car too, and even when I stood with my back leaned against the door, I still could feel his burning gaze with every bit of my body.

“Sure,” I tried a relaxed tone so he wouldn’t notice. I hoped, I really needed my answer to satisfy him. So he would give me at least a minute to sober up.

But he was Eric, he was my demon, who knew me. Who always knew exactly how I felt. I didn’t even have time to blink, and he was already standing in front of me. I didn’t even have time to prepare for it, and he was already hugging my face with his palms as he was studying me. And as if he saw something, as if he understood, he just said quietly: “It’s freezing outside. Go back inside, I’ll take you home.”

And I didn’t tell him anything.

Because I had no idea what.

He didn’t stop watching me, his eyes searching for what I really wanted. But I wanted to know it, too. Again, and again, the endless struggle of the two greatest rivals took place in me. For about the millionth time, my heart fought with my brain. And it made me so terribly tired. Because it didn’t matter anyway. It didn’t matter whether my heart, or my logic wins, I knew I wouldn’t be happy.

And he leaned his forehead against mine.

“Lara,” he muttered softly, but I still heard the pain in his voice. “I wish I could erase the thorniness I see in your eyes. It’s because of me, it’s my fault.”

Yes, it is because of you.

You caused it.

Just like the unbearable heat I feel in the middle of a freezing night because you’re breathing in my face.

Just like the burns on my lips. It was your lips that left them there.

Just like you cause the irregular rhythm of the thing in my chest that should keep me alive. You know, I need it to beat. You know that, right?

“It was only a business. I made a deal with her and I simply kept my word. There was nothing emotional, no romance in that fucking kiss. Because she means nothing to me. I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know that it could hurt you… I… If I had knew…”

What???

What did he just say?

“I’m so sorry,” he closed his eyelids, he was no longer looking at me. The already gentle touch of his hands on my face eased even more. And my demon took a deep breath. “I never wanted it that way. Not with you.”

There were million questions my pounding heart wanted to ask immediately. But instead of opening my mouth, I froze.

Because I knew him too, I already knew him too well.

He wasn’t looking at me because he didn’t want to look, not at all. He closed his eyes because he needed to hide something. Because something had changed in them.

“I wish I could turn back time,” he shook his head. “To the day I first kissed you.”

He looked up at me, he opened his eyes again, and the despair that had grown in them said the remaining words for him.

Until it disappeared.

Until he let his hands fall off my face.

Until he stepped away from me.

“I wouldn’t have let you go,” he breathed too heavily. “I would have never…”

He got stuck. But not because he wanted to, he needed to gasp for air. And it occurred to me just as suddenly. That terribly unpleasant premonition that something was happening.

“You…, Dove…” He stumbled, he blinked, his breath stuttered. And at that moment I knew exactly what was wrong.

“Dammit, Eric!” I blurted out.

But this time, I didn’t make it.

I didn’t manage to finish my rebuke. To run to him. To reach out for him. To catch him. My demon slumped to the ground.

I felt it. It must have been panic, an indescribable fear that gripped my heart, making it stop beating. I immediately ran to the boy I loved so much.

“What happened to you?” I shouted, dropping down to my knees. “Fuck! Tell me right now!”

But he didn’t speak anymore.

Instead, he just crouched as if in pain. As if he was suffering so much that he couldn’t even breathe. Suddenly, I didn’t hear him breathe at all. He raised his hand, he pressed it to his chest again, and I couldn’t stand it. Because it seemed that there was the problem. Out of the blue, I recalled his disappearing tattoo.

I unzipped his sweatshirt, panicking as he tried to stop me, but he didn’t have the strength to do so. Something must have been fucking wrong with him.

It was there, or rather wasn’t. The drawing was almost completely gone, I didn’t see it in the darkness. Still, I couldn’t control the desire to place my fingers on his skin. I simply couldn’t. Cause it was luring me, I swear... It wasn’t desire, it was an irrepressible urge.

“Lara, no! Don’t…!”

Maybe I really heard it, maybe it was just a dream. Maybe his face really looked horrified, maybe it just seemed so. Something wiped me off, my vision blurred.

And then, the darkness engulfed me.

***

Eric:

I was lying here.

I was lying on the ground somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

I was lying on that fucking icy ground somewhere in the middle of nowhere, unable to move.

I perceived the wetness that filled my eyes. Perhaps there were tears, streaming down my face as I was looking at her.

My heart was filled with heat. It kept gradually crawling through all over my body to my fingers. But I couldn’t reach her yet.

Still, I felt it.

I felt her energy flowing through my blood vessels.

I had it all back.

My strength, my power returned. I was complete again. I was coming to life.

And my Princess, lying motionless next to me, was dying.

(A/N - The lyrics belongs to Marilyn Manson´s Redeemer)