Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)
28.

“Hi Princess.”

Damn!

Of course, I didn’t miss it.

The way my heart started to pound in my chest as soon as I saw him jump off of my windowsill. I was haunted all day by the malaise of yesterday, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. And voilà, one captivating demon in my room was enough for me to be suddenly able to get out of the bed.

But I didn’t help myself anyhow. I mean, it was totally his fault that my dizziness returned. Because he didn’t hesitate to brush my hair away from my face and press his bewitching lips to my forehead. He held a paper bag in his hand, I didn’t miss that either. Not when he handed it to me three seconds later. “I brought you something.”

I raised my eyebrows as he surprised me. Yet I reached out for it just to smile. Okay, to be precise, I burst out laughing as I pulled a chocolate muffin out of it. “Didn’t I happen to say that it wouldn’t help…?”

“I know,” my demon interrupted me with a smile. With a damn cute boyish smile. “This isn’t – I’m sorry – muffin. This is just – you said you liked it and I wanted to make you happy - muffin. It’s not from Spikey’s dad, it probably won’t be good enough to ask for forgiveness anyway.”

He looked down, he timidly let his gaze fall somewhere between us. And at that moment he looked so vulnerable that I no longer argued with my desire. Maybe I wanted to thank him this way, maybe I just needed him to look at me again. Without thinking, I raised my hand to run my fingers through his cheek.

“How are you?” He gave in to my touch, letting me cup his face. But he didn’t grant my wish. Instead, he closed his beautiful eyes, as if he could enjoy my caress better. “How are you feeling?”

I guess it must have been for a thousandth that he asked me the same thing today. He called me in the morning, he called me around lunchtime, he called me in the evening. He was sending me text messages every now and then to make sure I was still alive. And yet he came to see me at almost ten o´clock at night. To ask me the same questions.

“Tired,” I told him the truth and just shrugged. “I was sleeping all day, but I´m still feeling pretty exhausted. But I don’t have to do anything else. Jim´s at work, so I’m basically good.”

I put his muffin surprise on my table. Next to the chocolate I´d bought at the gas station. The one I hadn’t even touched. And only then did I realize that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday.

I sat down on my chair, I almost lay on it, letting my legs hanging over its arm. And my demon sat down on the floor next to me and laid his head on my belly. He smiled as our eyes met again, and I didn’t suppress the impression that he was really relieved.

“What about you, Eric?” I returned his question. He was writhing in pain yesterday. On the ground, somewhere at a rest area, in the middle of the night. I also found quite interesting that I didn’t remember the rest. “How are you feeling?”

He kept piercing me with his deep eyes and I studied him just to recognize that he was struggling. And I so wished he would talk to me.

And a brief memory flashed through my mind.

I reached out to touch the hem of his T-shirt. I was awaiting protests; I was expecting he wouldn’t like it. But my demon let me, he didn’t say a word, as I slowly pulled up his T- shirt.

As if it was brand-new.

That’s exactly what his tattoo, or drawing, or whatever it was, looked like. The one that almost disappeared from his chest yesterday. Perhaps it somehow dawned on me, hard to say, but for some reason I knew I already found the answer to my question.

And a single glance in front of me confirmed my suspicions.

The circles under his eyes disappeared. He was no longer pale, there was no fatigue reflecting on his face anymore. The black color no longer dominated his irises, I found myself lost in the depths of their typical brown. My demon looked divine again. Just like before.

“I feel like I’ve been reborn,” he said, as if he was able to read my mind.

Silence fell between us, in fact, I didn’t even try to figure out how all this was possible. I just listened to his deep breathing and my heartbeat. But I couldn’t suppress the strange need that drew me to him. I ran my fingers through his hair to play with it. And my demon sighed as he looked at me. “Thank you, Dove,” he said. “You saved my life.”

Ehm.

What?

He surprised me. He surprised me a lot. All I could remember was him, writhing on the ground. I remembered my terrible fear. Then his vanishing drawing and my crazy urge to touch it.

“How did I…? What…? I saved your life? Why can´t I recall anything?”

I desperately wanted to organize my thoughts and stop stuttering. Yet the blackness, persisting in my head only became unbearably annoying.

“Lara,” he said my name softly. Guilt overwhelmed his expression, but he didn’t back down. The boy in front of me kept looking straight into my eyes as he gave me my answer. As he whispered: “I took your energy.”

I was staring at him; I was simply staring at him as if it could help me focus on what he was just telling me. As if it could help me understand. But no. None of his words made sense to me. Though, seeing the regret in his eyes, the remorse that tortured him, I just had to get up from my armchair and sit down on the floor next to him.

And it felt so damn nice to lean myself against his chest, to drop my head on his shoulder, and to let the heat of his body surround me.

My demon didn’t hesitate either. He immediately wrapped his hands around my belly in attempt to pull me closer to him. I obeyed him, I let his embrace engulf me as I was trying hard to figure out how to ask for an explanation.

I wanted to know, of course I did. This concerned me directly. Still, he was more important to me. I wanted to be there for him. To let him know that no matter what, I was there for him.

“What do you mean?” I began slowly. And carefully. “By that energy?”

And that unbearably charming envoy from my personal hell bit his lip. And it seemed as if he had given up his struggle with himself.

“Every human being has its tangible and intangible part,” he told me. “The body and then the spirituality. Energy, life strength, soul. You can call it whatever you like, Dove.”

Not much, Sweetheart, only your demon stole your soul.

Another flash of memory floated from some corner of my mind to the surface. Out of the blue I recalled the cold, something pretty hard I was lying on and the feeling of never-ending dizziness. My demon was there with me, and so was some girl who talked to me.

“So, she was telling the truth…,” I whispered, more or less to myself.

“What about you, Princess? Were you telling the truth, too?” He raised his eyebrows at me. He didn’t confirm my assumption, but he didn’t refute it either. And at that moment, it was probably the only thing I could hold on to. And I was determined not to let myself to be distracted when he rose his hand to run his fingers gently through my arm.

“Did I steal your heart as well?”

Wha…?

Wait!

What?!

“Did I say that?” I choked.

Thanks, my dazed self! Thanks a lot!

“Also, that I have a gorgeous butt,” he narrowed his eyes at me, measuring me suspiciously. Still, I didn’t overlook the corners of his mouth twitching. “Are you saying you didn’t mean it?”

Oh!

Great job, Lara, I applaud!

Suddenly he looked offended, suddenly I had a huge problem not to burst into guffaw. Especially when he kept looking at me with his eyebrows raised. He was waiting, dammit, he was still waiting for me to admit it. That he had a fucking divine butt. But even though it cost me a lot of energy, I managed to suppress that fit of laughter. It was his turn with confessing.

“How did you do that? How could you steal my soul?” I asked straight away, turning to him.

And I could only watch him lowering his raised eyebrows, and that slight amused smile was gone in an instant. His gaze fell upon my room´s floor, his head dropped on his shoulders, and he run his fingers through his hair. One hundred percent sign that my question threw him off balance.

“I… Well, you know… The full Moon… I was… The pattern on my chest…”

He got stuck, exhaling heavily. He didn’t look at me again, but I had the impression that he was thinking how to explain it to me. And I appreciated that. I truly appreciated that this time he was willing to talk. Even though it obviously wasn’t easy for him.

“The pattern on your chest almost disappeared yesterday,” I wanted to help him somehow, to encourage him, to show him my support. However, as soon as those words left my mouth it hit me like a punch in the face. “And today, it looks like brand-new. The difference between yesterday and today is that I touched you.”

Those thought were racing through my head, I was thinking aloud, putting two and two together. It was like a jigsaw puzzle that suddenly fit together. Nonetheless, there was still one thing left which wasn’t clear to me: “Wait! I touched you. How could you have taken my soul then?”

And my demon immediately returned my gaze. He frowned even more; he shook his head as if he didn’t even want to hear something like that. And I hesitated. Now, I wasn’t so sure that my theory was correct.

“That’s not the point, Princess,” he said. “It simply wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for me. I knew what was happening to me, yet I was so irresponsible and kept spending time with you. Damn, I was the one who asked you to go out… “

Moment!

What did he just say?!

Was I right?

Fuck!

I was right!

“No! Dammit, no!” I interrupted him as it dawned on me. “That´s not an insignificant detail to quibble about! Don’t blame yourself if you didn’t do anything wrong. And you didn’t do anything wrong, right? It was me who touched you, you wanted to stop me. I was the one who didn’t listen to you! It was me…”

I got stuck as I needed to organize my thoughts. However, out of all my memories and facts that my head was presenting me right now, only one result came out.

“You didn’t steal anything from me, Eric,” I said. “I gave you my soul. I gave you my soul by touching you.”

He shook his head again, kept shaking it, and I was suddenly pretty bothered by the desperate look on his face. “The details are insignificant. They don’t change the fact that it shouldn’t have happened at all. Never.”

I couldn’t… I just couldn’t stand the hopelessness that was literally radiating from him. Not when he thought he had done something wrong, and it wasn’t true. “Eric, I don´t regret it. I gave you my soul out of my free will,” I whispered softly. I took his hand as I wanted to gain his attention. I wanted him to perceive me, to understand what I was saying. That I mean it dead serious. “Just like I gave you my heart.”

And my demon closed his beautiful eyes. He sighed as if he needed that minute to realize, to convince himself that he did hear what I said.

“Dove,” he muttered.

Nothing more.

He took a deep breath and then he raised our joined hands to kiss the back of mine. But it wasn’t enough for him. Maybe he longed for my closeness as much as I longed for his, when he dug fingers of his other hand into my hair and let his forehead gently drop on mine.

One.

Two.

Three.

I kept counting the beats of my heart. But now, this time, my heartbeat was slow, calm.

“I knew it,” I laughed softly as it occurred to me as I found it funny right now. “All that time I knew you had the power to steal my soul. From the moment we first met, from the second you first looked at me. Already back then, you dazed me, as if my soul belonged to you a long time ago.”

He pressed his lips together and frowned. He didn’t look excited to hear something like that. As if he had no idea that I wanted to belong to him with all of me.

“It doesn’t matter how I felt back then,” I smiled. “The day you let me know you, I gave you my heart because I wanted to. Anything bad you think of yourself Eric, is not true. I do not believe it.”

Without a word, he ran his nose through my neck and rested his head on my shoulder. Still, I had the impression he needed to hear it. That he needed to hear that I didn’t condemn him in any way.

“What happened to you?” I tried my luck a third time. I had to. After all, he always protected his secrets and suddenly he was willing to tell me at least something. “Were you ill?”

The question of how to prevent it, how to prevent him from collapsing again, should follow right after that. However, his divine body tensed, letting me know that this wouldn’t be so simple.

“No,” he said very slowly, as if he didn’t want to answer at all. “Dove, I was…”

He got stuck, he froze, refusing to move. And although I caressed his hand to give him courage, he didn’t react. He also seemed unable to face me.

“I was dying.”

Maybe it was a second, maybe it took few seconds, but in the end, his words came to my brain. Eventually, they disrupted the nirvana of my heart and made him pound madly.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

I didn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe I´d heard something like that. That I´d heard that right. That he actually would be able to do something like that to me.

“You were dying?!” I barked as my mood turned 180 degrees. “Damn, you were dying, and you knew it and you wanted to stop me from helping you?! Fuck, you already knew it back on Thursday in Jim´s kitchen and you didn’t let me help you? All this time, you…”

It was his palm that silenced me. Which covered my mouth, forcing me to swallow further cursing.

“It’s not what you think,” he whispered desperately, and I was beginning to hate this phrase. “First of all, I had no idea you could save me. But even if I knew, this kind of rescue is definitely out of the question. Never again. Second of…”

No!

Hell, no!

“You knew what was happening to you and you didn’t say a word!” I forcibly removed his hand from my mouth. “You could have died and then what, Eric, huh? Am I not worthy to at least know that we could have seen each other for the last time? Damn, I can’t even talk to you right now…”

Because I couldn’t.

The fucking notion that he was dying, that he might have died, that I would never see him again woke up fear in me. A terrible fear I had never felt before. But the idea that after everything we´d been through, after everything we´d shared together and he would leave me without saying anything… I don’t know… I guess, I felt pain. And a huge disappointment.

The anger growing inside me made my blood boil, and I just knew I really needed to calm myself down. Before I say, before I do something I might regret later. And that necessarily meant leaving, getting away from him.

But the boy who was everything to me wouldn’t let me.

He immediately wrapped his arms around my belly as I tried to get up. He tightened his grip as I tried to wriggle out. It didn’t make sense like so many times before. Suddenly I wanted to cry as I, exhausted and tamed, fell back on his chest.

He was dying.

“Second of all, Princess,” he continued as if nothing. As if he completely ignored the seriousness of the situation. He spoke to me in a calm voice as he kept stroking my hair soothingly. “It wasn’t the first time something like this happened to me. I thought I could handle it. After all, I only had one day left. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect it to catch up with me at that rest stop.”

I took a deep breath in attempt to put myself together. And then again and again. Yes, I was upset. Yes, I was disappointed. However, whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was also starting to get pretty curious. Because hell! How long did we know each other? Five months? For five month I´d just desperately wished he would let me in. That he wouldn’t hide anything from me… And tonight, he finally seemed to be breaking down his barriers.

“Don’t do it, Lara, please,” he whispered. Still, I heard how heartbreaking his request was. “Don’t be mad at me, don’t go away.”

My face dropped into my hands, and for those damn few seconds I had no idea what to do. What I want to do. I rubbed my cheeks, I ran my hands through my hair, and then I looked at him.

“Don’t you dare to hide something like that from me ever again!” I growled, and then I was just glad I managed to growl. Before he smiled at me. Before he made all the anger I felt vanish. With one gentle kiss on my shoulder.

“Yes, ma’am!” He saluted. And I just hated how cute he suddenly looked like.

“What did you mean by that? That it wasn’t the first time something like this happened to you? That there was only one day left?” I asked, ignoring the pretty unpleasant voice somewhere inside me which kept saying to me that I should remain at least a little upset.

I needed to focus on something else and I wanted to know it too. And damn, let him try not to explain it to me now!

And my demon froze again.

Yet, he didn’t take his hands off me, he didn’t try to pull away, nor did he try to avoid my gaze. And then he took my breath away when he replied without any excuses: “It wasn’t the first time I lacked my life strength. Let’s just say I forgot to recharge it last month and it caught up with me. Normally, it wouldn’t be such a problem. But with all the shit that had happened, I was simply more tired than I thought I was.”

I see.

Yes…, well…

What?

I was sitting on the floor in my room. I kept leaning against the chest of the boy who was responsible for the accelerated rhythm of my heart. His breath tickled my neck, forcing those little ant bastards to crawl down my spine. And somewhere between the first ring he drew on my belly with his finger and the current one, I lost the ability to think. To be able to put two and two together.

“Do you know how exhausting it is to keep conquering you, Dove?” He laughed softly in my ear.

I snorted. Loudly. I had to react somehow at his totally nonsensical note. I turned back to him, I needed to look at him, I wanted to know the rest. “What day did you have left?”

Oh!

Those damn captivating, mesmerizing eyes of his!

“Full Moon,” he admitted quietly. “I need a full Moon to recharge my strength and survive.”

There was just my bedside lamp, casting quite poor light, yet I was sure I saw honesty in expression of his face. This time, he wasn’t choosing the right words. Or the words that he wanted me to hear. This time, he was telling me the truth. But it still didn’t make sense to me.

“I don’t get it, Eric,” I shook my head. “You said that the full Moon isn’t until today. But I gave you my energy yesterday. So how is it?”

And my demon sighed. Heavily. Again.

“I don’t understand it either. I don’t know how it´s possible. Something like this has never happened before.”

He shrugged, but there was nothing indifferent in the gesture. I knew it was eating him alive, that it was bothering him. That he himself needed to figure it out.

So he could prevent me from doing it again.

“Every action has its reaction, every for has its against, ying its yang,” he began to explain. Or he was just thinking aloud, as if it could help him solve the riddle. “Everything that exists must have been born somehow, and it must die one day. Or at least there must be a way to kill it. Simply put, there must be a balance. Something or someone with unlimited power or strength mustn’t exist. There is always a back door, or rather a loophole, a restriction, a limit. Let’s just say that it´s full Moon for me.”

I sensed his scent; I suddenly perceived his closeness much more intensely. In the light of the small lamp, his gaze seemed too deep, too contemplative. Nevertheless, I recognized a vulnerability there, in his eyes. As if he was scared, as if he was truly afraid of my reaction.

“It’s the only day of the month when I’m allowed to recharge my strength, you know?” He uttered quietly and I just needed someone to pinch me. Because I’d been waiting all evening for the moment when I reach his border. When he stops talking. But no, dammit, this was the farthest he’d ever let me go. My demon let me peek into his world, which he´d been hiding from me so fiercely.

“If I could recharge my energy at any other time, I would be too strong. That’s why it’s weird that you managed to do it yesterday. But I swear I have no idea how.”

The gentle touch on my hand caught my eye. He ran his fingers through its back to intertwine them with my fingers. But he didn’t stop, instead he started playing with them. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, he was staring blankly ahead of him. And the defeated expression on his face made me feel as if he were hiding guilt somewhere deep inside.

“Why do I have the impression that you know something about having too much power?” I asked.

And my demon closed his beautiful eyes, confirming me that I wasn’t mistaken. That my intuition didn’t lie to me.

“To be allowed is one thing, not to respect it, is quite another, Dove. And there were times when I didn’t respect any of what I was allowed to do. Power and ability to control were all I cared about. I took what I wanted without having regard to anything or anyone but me. I wanted it all.”

No, I still didn’t quite understand him and yes, it tormented me to stay quiet. Hell, I longed to ask what he meant by that. However, his constant stiffness made me not say a word. I could sense that it cost him a lot of determination to admit something like that. I felt as if he was ashamed, as if there was something ugly, he needed to forget about, to burry deep inside him.

And my demon sensed me just as well.

“You want to ask about it, don’t you?” He peered at me.

I nodded, I did. Nonetheless, his uncertainty, his confusion, his lack of self-confidence made me regret it. Actually, seeing him like this was pretty fascinating, as I didn’t have many opportunities to. Or none at all.

“But I don’t want to tell you,” he exhaled in defeat. “Not to you, Dove. I don’t want you to know this side of me. I’m not proud of it.”

“What if I told you, I did bad things?” My demon couldn’t even look at me. He was watching the waves. Or the lighthouse. Or maybe he wasn’t looking at anything purposefully. He just didn’t want to look at me. “Really bad things?”

I couldn’t imagine what he meant by those bad things. But just from the way he looked like, I knew he was at least sorry.

“I’d ask you whether you’re still doing them.”

He shook his head no, and that was all I needed to know. It didn’t matter who he was or what he did. What mattered was what he was like now. Absolutely perfect for me.

“Everyone makes mistakes, I have no right to judge you,” I whispered. “Not when I don’t know the circumstances.”

I remembered; I recalled our little trip. I recalled the afternoon when we were sitting on a wooden swing up on the cliff. When he told me about this side of his for the first time.

Did I need to know now?

If he didn’t want to tell me about it?

Would that change my opinion of him in any way?

“Can you look me in the eye and swear that it´s your past only? That it doesn’t concern your present?” I asked again.

And my demon finally looked up at me. Something was reflecting in his gaze as he fulfilled my wish as his eyes met mine. I don’t know, I guess I saw determination. It must have been determination when he replied in the same decisive tone: “I swear, I buried my past a long time ago. And I never want to fall back into my old ways again.”

I couldn’t help myself, I had to smile. He really was afraid of my reaction, and it impressed me. Because I knew now that he cared about my opinion.

“Then keep this little secret to yourself,” I agreed.

It was worth it; I swear it was worth the stunning smile that appeared on his face. Even the sparks that came to life in his irises. As if I just gave him hope, I don’t know, he suddenly looked so fucking cute.

“Thank you, Dove.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. He prolonged the moment, forcing me to feel the awakening heat around my heart. He ran his nose through mine, letting me feel his breath on my mouth. And in that single second, I was just dying of desire, I was damn longing for one kiss of his. Instead, he just leaned his face against my face and let me curl up again in his arms.

“What made you change?” I broke the brief silence between us. I wanted to know, and I wanted to know everything. Everything about him.

And my demon’s smile widened even more when he told me, “Amelia Delaunay.” Holy crap! He smiled simply magical, making me to raise an eyebrow. “Do you remember her? She brought you back yesterday.”

“Not much, sweetheart, only your demon stole your soul.”

“Dammit, Eric! I definitely want to meet her. That girl´s completely out of your league! “You’re very lucky, you know that, right?”

I didn’t remember what she looked like; I was too dazed, too disorientated. Yet, her voice, something about her still resonated in my mind.

Did she talk about me?

Hell, did she mean me?

“We’ve known each other for a long time,” he continued, making me to turn my attention back to him. “Mia found me when I was lost. Although I gave her thousands of reasons, she didn’t give up on me. Thanks to her, I started to think completely different. I owe her big time, she showed me that there´s a better way. She basically replaced Jamie when I needed him the most. She´s more like a sister than a friend.”

And that was exactly the moment when I sighed in relief. I didn’t want to be jealous of her. Not if she was so important to him.

“I was hoping you two would meet one day.” A little bit of tenderness beautified his smile as he tucked my hair behind my ear. “I mean, under completely different circumstances, of course.”

Oh yes…

Actually yes!

“How come I’ve never met her before? How come you´ve never mentioned her?”

Out of the blue, I found it strange. Damn! Out of the blue, I fully realized how many things I still didn’t know about him. After all, this boy managed to creep into my world only to dominate it. Only to become my best, my closest friend. I´d shared with him my thoughts, my dreams, my longing, even stuff Joel didn’t know about. And hey! He knew my piglets, he even met them personally. And I found out about his good friend after five months. Totally by accident.

“She belongs more into my world, Dove,” he replied. He answered very slowly and carefully, leaving me under the impression that he got uncertain again. “I had no idea how to mention her. Besides, we don’t see each other as often as we used to. Basically, only when I need her to pull me out of a trouble.”

Aha.

“Is that what you two have been doing yesterday?” I immediately asked as it occurred to me. “Was she pulling you out of trouble?”

He didn’t have to say anything. All he had to do was press his lips together, and all of a sudden it was just the strap of my tank top that had his attention. He tangled it between his fingers to release it right away. And then he did it again. And again. And I had no idea how to react. Although truth to be told, I was pretty close to burst out laughing.

“Can you tell me what happened?” I urged him again. “I gave you my energy so that you wouldn’t damn die! So why are you mentioning troubles? Why was Mia there?”

“Dove,” my demon moaned painfully as his face ended in his hands. “You gave me your energy, you gave me your soul,” his voice broke. And then I understood his reaction as he added quietly: “No one can’t live without it.”

***