Hatred With Benefits
S E V E N T Y - E I G H T

EVA.

"You're awake." She smiles at me as she stands with her back to the door and I move up on the bed, pressing my palms into the soft mattress with a groan leaving my mouth. The instant headache and coldness kick in; reminding me of the struggles from the previous night and I shut my eyes for a brief second to pull back together.

"Are you feeling better?" I open my eyes to her voice and raise my head to her. I don't give her a response as my eyes move across the room before I open my mouth, "Where's Aliya?"

"She had to go home. " Mom informs me and I hum, looking away from her. Silence takes its residence around us before she speaks again, her voice drawing closer and I know she's coming near me. "Baby." True to my instincts, she's right above me and I still as she settles at the edge of the bed, her hand moving across the sheets to cover mine. "Please talk to me."

I angle my head to the other side and gently remove my hand from under hers.

"Eva please," her soft voice floats in the air and I shake my head, "I want to be alone.

"No, baby. You can't do that to me. I'm your mother, and I need to make sure you're alright. I need to look after you."

"But why do you care?" My head snaps to meet her eyes and she jerks her head back in what? Surprise? Scare?

"Why'd you say that, Eva? Of course, I care. You're my baby." She says and a scoff slips through my lips. "Didn't seem so last time I was here."

"Eva, please. I understand you're angry about the decisions we took, and you have every right to be, but you can't exactly blame us for this, baby. This was all we were watching out for; this was all we warned you of."

"No," I tell her with a shake of my head. "This was all you wanted. This is exactly what you were hoping to happen.

"

"Of course not. We'd never wish for your pain and your tears, Eva. We're your parents." She says, lifting her hand to grab mime again but I pull back before her touch meets my skin. "You did the minute you opposed my relationship with him. Dad wanted me to stay away from him. He wanted me to leave him and come here, and I can remember you being in full support of that."

"Eva I-" she starts to say but I interrupt her. "No, you don't get it, mom. You don't. You don't understand how it feels to be at the highest point of your life, and all it takes is one second and one realization for it to come crumbling down. You don't understand how it feels to be the happiest you could ever be, only for it to get ruined. You don't understand. None of you does. None of you can understand how I feel, because you're not me. You're not the one who got left, you're not the one who's feeling all these... All this darkness, the emotions, everything. So you don't get to tell me that you do. You don't."

"I'm so sorry, Eva. I'm- I may have not been there for you once, baby but I do understand how you feel. Because you're my baby, and I'm your mother." She smiles, a single tear rolling down her cheek and I look away from her.

"Forgive me, baby. Eva, please. Don't let me leave. Let me be here for you; come to me, Eva. You don't have to be in this alone." She pleads, her voice breaking through each word and I drop my head, my hands gripping the sheets tightly. "Please. I do not want to lose you too. We cannot, Eva. "

"It hurts, Mom. It hurts so fucking badly. It's like my heart is being ripped into pieces.

"

"Oh, baby. I know. I know, baby. I'm so sorry." She shifts closer to the bed, and brings me into her arms. My head falls against her chest as she wraps her body around mine and her sobs mixed with her silent pleas fill the space around as I stare ahead of me with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I walk into the living room since the first time I've been here, and both their heads snap in my direction at the sound of my footsteps.

"Eva. "Mom smiles, holding her hand out to me and I merely walk forward to stand a few steps away from her, averting my eyes to the man who stands next to her with a small smile on his face.

"Why are you here? You should be at the office. "I tell him and he smiles as he trudges forward and takes my hands in his. "How do you expect me to be when you're here?"

"I'm fine." I repeat the words that I've been uttering all day to the lot of them.

He sighs and pushes forward. "I know you're mad at me because—"

"I'm not. "I'm quick to say, silencing the rest of his words. "I'm not mad at you, dad so you shouldn't think that."

"Your screams, Princess. I heard them at night, and they got me so scared. They reminded me of what once-"

"I know. "I whisper, dropping my gaze from his and I flinch at the feel of his touch against my skin as he moves his hand to my chin to lift my gaze to meet his. His eyes roam around mine for a while before he opens his mouth, "I want to help you. Let me help you, Princess."

"You can't. "I let out a laugh at the words coming from him. "Not anymore. You threw away your chance to do that.

He stares at me as if he weren't expecting those words, and then he speaks again. "But I still can. It doesn't have to end this way, Princess. I can still help you. I'll go to Mason and ask him to—"

"Ask him to do what?" I cut in and his chest falls as he mumbles his next words. "I can talk to him about this. I can bring him back to you, Princess. Let me do that for you.

At the end of his words, I jerk my hands away from his and take a step back, letting his hand fall from my chin. "You want to do that now? After what? My tears? My pain? Is seeing me like this what it took for you to have a change of mind, father?"

"Princess, no." He attempts to make a move closer, but I shake my head and hold out my hand, halting the movement. "That's the sad truth, isn't it? It always has to take me getting hurt." "Eva, please understand me. I just want you to be happy-"

"And you had a fucking chance to do that!" I scream, no longer able to hold back. "I fucking begged you, dad but you didn't care. You didn't care about my happiness, so why start now?"

"I made a stupid move. I'll admit that, but I was protecting you, Princess. I knew what will come to-"

"Stop! Just fucking stop! Stop with the preaches about protectiveness. I don't need your fucking protection, dad. I'm old enough to know what will harm me and what will do me good, so you don't get to tell me that you were protecting me from Emerson. You did what you did because you wanted to, not because you were thinking about me, and I get that. Your Ego and your gratification came first, and you shouldn't let anything change that. "

"Eva!" It's mom's voice now. A frown covers her face as she marches forward and stands next to dad. "All your father has ever done is for your sake and you should never for once doubt that."

"Oh, right." I snort out a laugh, turning my back to them. Mom's voice echoes behind me as I begin to stroll forward. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Away from here. "I respond without turning around and her alarmed voice comes again, "Eva, you can't go out there alone. You're not "

"Don't worry, mother. I'll be back. I just need to get something over with. "I meet her eyes and throw her a forced smile before I walk through the door and out of the house.

"You can do this, Eva. You just need to get it done and move on. Holding on will only hurt more. It'll only bring more pain.

I take a deep breath before I open the door and stride inside the house, my eyes immediately running across the familiar sight as I shut the door behind me.

I stand there for a while, just gazing across every opening, and inch. The sounds of our laughs blended as we tease each other ring in my ears and I start to question how it come to this. How did those memories fade to become one of pain and sadness? Why did this happen? Why now?

•A SHORT MEMORY.

"Emerson, stop!" My giggles fill the air around us as Emerson continues to stuff his face in my neck, his nose tingling my skin and exciting my nerves.

"Stop. Please! That tickles. "I struggle to push him off me as his hands slide down my sides, fingers pushing through the thin material of the shirt and into my flesh. When he finally pulls away, a smile graces his gorgeous features and he looks at me with that gaze again. Eyes that tell me moments like this mean as much as they do to me to him, and that he could continue to live in them forever.

"I'm so glad you didn't leave the second you walked through that door that day." He mutters and I match his smile with one of mine as I lift my hands over his head to lock them around his neck. "Why?" I know the reason behind those words, but I'll never grow tired of hearing them. "Because I can't possibly start to imagine how my life would be without you in it, Eva Carson.

"But I've always been in your life. "I tease him, and he shakes his head, pushing his face closer to brush his nose against mine and when he withdraws, he keeps his forehead pressed against mine so we're staring into each other's eyes closely. "I don't mean as my enemy, baby. I mean as the woman I'm so fùcking in love with, and the woman I'd do anything to keep my side forever."

My gaze shifts to his mouth and when I say nothing, Emerson speaks again, the concern in his voice unmistakable as he lets out the words. "Don't leave me, Eva. Please, don't ever do that to me. If you ever replace yourself in a position where you're no longer in love with me; let me know and I'll make you fall all over again."

A laugh slips through my lips and I raise my gaze. "What if you fail to?"

"I won't." He argues, shutting his eyes now as he blows air to my face. When he opens them, they're the brightest I've always seen, and they draw me in once again. "Stay with me. Always. Promise you'll always be here by my side, no matter what happens.

"1

"I'll always be here by your side. No matter what happens. "I tell him the words, not only because he wants to hear them, but also because they're nothing but the truth.

His lips meet mine and I groan into his mouth, my legs immediately replaceing their stance around his waist and just as I slide my tongue between his lips, Emerson pinches my side and my head falls back as another laugh leaves my mouth.

•PRESENT.

The beautiful moment slowly fades away and I'm back in a room with the absence of the man I made the mistake of falling for. Every single time, every single moment we spent together; Emerson has always been the one worried about me leaving him, but isn't it ironic that he's the one who left?

I sniff back my tears and walk further inside the living room, and I take a glance at the kitchen but before I'm reminded of another beautiful yet agonizing moment; I take the corner that leads to the room.

My hand trembles as I wrap it around his knob and I take in a long drag of the air before I push the door and enter the room, the familiar scent filled with him engulfing my senses.

The images come rushing in as I stand in the middle of the room; each moment displayed around me.

On the bed: my head is against his chest and his one hand is around me as he takes me to sleep.

The shelves of books: he comes from behind me and wraps his arms around my waist as he peeks over my shoulder to take a look at the book I have in hand.

The closet: he stands beside me with his arms crossed against his chest as he watches me look through his clothes to steal yet another one of his favourite hoodies.

The wall: my moans are fixed with his grunts as our hands struggle hard to grip onto any and every skin possible.

The floor: I'm sitting on his lap with my back to his chest as he reads a book to me.

There's at least one moment between the two of us in every corner of this room, reminding me of what we once had, but no longer do.

My body shivers slightly as I pace to the edge of the bed, tracing my hand over it before I fall on it. I grab the pillow by my side and clutch it to my chest, closing my eyes as his warmth surrounds me. "You didn't have to do this, Emerson. You didn't have to do this to me. Not when I feel like this. Not after you told me it's alright to feel. Not after you assured me it won't hurt to give my everything."

The tears that were forced to stop since I step in front of the apartment finally drop and soak the pillow I have in hand. My chest hammers against my ribcage and my sobs break as I lift my head and run my hands across the sheets, taking me back to the night he left. Without a word to me, he left me with only a note.

A note.

The note. I didn't finish reading the note that day. No doubt that his final goodbye lies at the end of it, but I see no better way to accept it's done than to feel everything.

Moving my entire body on the bed, I spread my hands across in search of the small piece of paper, but end up with nothing.

"Where are you?" I hiss as I move off the bed, and stare across the floor. I was in here? Or was it my room? Did I replace the note in my bed?

I proceed to walk out of his room into mine, but I halt my steps and let silence take over to listen to the almost soundless sounds coming from the living room.

"What's that?" I mumble under my breath as I angle my head to the side to bring my ear closer, and the small sounds come again.

I begin to move in the direction of the living room, and the closer I get; the louder the sounds get till I'm inside the room and realize the sounds are knocks. Someone is at the door.

Furrowing my brows, I take a steady step forward, then two and another till I'm in front of the door and I pull it open, taken aback by the sight before me.

"Eva. '