Hatred With Benefits
S E V E N T Y - N I N E

EVA.

"Hanna?" I call out her name and she sighs. "Eva, I'm so glad you're here. "I step to the side and she hurriedly walks inside.

When I turn to her, I say, "What are you doing here and-" I don't get to finish my words before Hanna closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around me, her head moving against me as she whispers, "You're fine. You're fine, aren't you, Eva?"

I pull her away to stare into her eyes, my voice breaking as I let out the words. "Did he ask you to come here?"

"Emerson?" She calls it out for me and she shakes her head when I hum. "No, he didn't. I— I just wanted to make sure you're alright.

"So you know he's gone?" I ask her and she takes a step away, guilt covering her expression as she looks down. She raises her head again after a while and starts to speak, "I can assure you that he didn't tell me. I only know because El-"

"I don't want to hear it. " I whisper and she closes her mouth, a sad expression covering her face as she bends a little to grab my hands. "I'm so sorry, Eva. I don't know the full story, and I probably don't have the right to say this, but I want you to know that Emerson isn't-"

"He isn't the type of guy to stay in one place for too long. He probably got bored. "I let out a sad chuckle and she shakes her head, "That's not what you think."

"Yes, that's not what I think because that's what I know. He left, Hanna. Your brother left." I drop my hands from hers and start to move to the other side with her trailing behind me. "Yes, he did but you don't think he did that because he was bored. Eva? That's not what you think, is it?"

"I don't know, Hanna!" I raise my voice and then sigh when I turn back to the horrified look on her face. "I'm sorry. I— I'm sorry for raising my voice just now. I just... I don't know what to think other than the fact that he left me."

"I know," she smiles as she strides closer. "But you should also know that he wouldn't do that without a good reason. I'm not trying to defend his actions because I don't know what they are myself, Eva but I know my brother, and I know he is the happiest when he's with you so why would he want to leave that happiness without a valid reason? Just think about it. Why'd he just leave if he loves you?"

"Maybe he didn't love me as well as he thought he did. Or I did. "I raise my shoulder and she shakes her head again. "No, you don't mean that. You're only saying that because you're hurt, and you're in pain and you're "

"And I just want to forget about it all. "I complete her words. "I just want to forget about your brother, and the way he made me feel and this place, and the memories and everything else that was between us.

"Eva-"

"If I don't do it, then I'll lose it. " I whisper, rubbing my thumb under my eyes to stop the tears. "If I don't force myself to forget about how I felt for him, then I'll turn insane because these things I feel without him here; they're strong... And they get stronger with each second without him. "

"1

"Eva." She calls again, her voice softer this time and I let out a small laugh. "It's only been two days but it feels like I've been through a whole year of hell. I can't go on like this. I can't keep getting hurt because I'm not enough for him. Because I wasn't enough for him to stay."

"I'm so sorry." She says and I smile, stroking my cheeks to wipe my tears. "I won't stay here."

"He'll be back." She assures me and I say, "I won't be here when that happens.

"Eva, leaving will only worsen things. I know you know that." She grabs my hands again, "You once told me that you can't imagine how your life would be without him so why would you want to leave when it would never be fine without him?"

"Because I can't stay! God, don't you understand? He did this. It was easy for him to do this to me, and he'll do it again. "When the time comes, Emerson Ford will leave me again and again, and I'll get hurt again and again, and every single fucking time I will have to pick myself up because I let him do that to me. Every single time, I have to go through all this, just because I love him and for what? For a guy that will do it again when he has a 'good' reason.

"He won't." Hanna's voice brings me back to the reality that's before me and I scoff, "Your brother isn't who you think he is, Hanna. "

"He's not," she agrees. "He's stupid, and he does stupid things without thinking about how they end. Just like this. This was a stupid move from him, but you can't throw everything away now, Eva. You were doing so well... The both of us."

"Until we weren't. "I say and she sighs. She drops her hands from mine and turns away from me, her hands moving to my hair as she paces across the room. When she turns to me again, she says, "He's at New York. "

"What?" The tremor in my voice doesn't hide the shock that comes with that one word. New York?

"He's with Elias, our-"

"Older brother. He told me about him. "I say and she nods, moving closer to me again. "I don't know the whole story because Emery told me nothing. Elias was the one who revealed it to me, and he didn't tell me much either, but what I do know is that he went there for you, Eva. "

"He went to New York, where your brother is? For me? "A laugh falls from my lips and it only gets louder, till I feel like I'm insane and maybe I am. I thought he could be anywhere, but I didn't think he'd leave the damn whole fucking state without fucking saying it to my face.

"I'm truly sorry, Eva." She utters and I shake my head as I turn my back to her. I raise my head to the ceiling as I attempt to blink back my tears, but despite that; one still manages to escape and I wipe my hand across my cheek harshly; the skin burning from the touch.

"Eva"

"I appreciate you coming here to try and explain things to me, Hanna. And for- and for checking up on me, but I think you should leave now. "I say to her without turning back and there are sounds of her footsteps before Hanna appears in front of me.

"There are tears in your eyes." She whispers and then tries to lift her hand to my face but I'm quick to step back before her skin can touch mine. "I just want to—" "Please, leave Hanna. Please. "

"Will you be alright?" She asks and I give her a small nod. "I'll be."

She takes a while. Just standing there, and staring at me before she finally gives in and nods. After a hug that I couldn't replace in me to return, she withdraws and smiles at me before she walks to the side then out of the house. When her frame disappears out of sight, I take a few seconds just staring at the door before I finally let out the scream that's been building up inside me and give in to my weak knees of falling to the floor.

"I never ask. "I mumble, rubbing my folded hand down my thigh. "I never asked you, Emerson. I never fucking asked you to do that!"

"How?" My previous headache kicks in after another scream and I clutch my heart, hitting my hand against where it badly hurts. "How could you be so fucking selfish? I would never do this to you. I'd never-" my voice gives out till all that comes from my mouth are cries and I stay there on the floor, in the middle of the room, letting it all out. Because after that, I refuse to come back and I refuse to seek relief in a place where there's none.

-FOUR DAYS LATER-

EMERSON.

"When last have I been here?" Elias sighs from his seat as he looks out the window and I turn my head to his view, smiling as he mumbles, "Everywhere has changed so much."

"You've only been gone for years, Eli. Not centuries; I'm pretty sure some things are still the same. "I tell him and he turns his head to me, "Pretty sure of that. Like a certain spoiled boy right next to me." "I'm not spoiled. "I say and he laughs, "You certainly are. That look on your face the moment I told you goodbye?"

I look away from him to hide my embarrassment as I speak. "I was young, and I only reacted that way because you always said you'll never have to say goodbye like mom. It's always see you around or I'll be back."

Silence swims around us and his heavy breathing is the only confirmation I have that he heard the words. When I feel his hand cover mine, I snap my head to the side to meet his eyes and he says, "I only said that because I needed you to know that I wouldn't be around like I always were. "

"I know," I assure him. "And I should have thanked you then, like I should be thanking you now. You gave up your dreams for me. You did everything all so I could-"

Eli shushes me. "Gee, Emerson. Can you not spend one second without getting emotional?"

A chuckle leaves my lips and I shake my head. He removes his hand from mine and leans back in his seat, "Maybe I did back then, but what I'm doing right now isn't as bad as I thought I'd be. I love my job, except for the part where I have to answer to dad, of course." He grumbles the last part and the small smile on my face drops at the mention of the man.

The last time I saw him didn't end so well, and there's no doubt that he scorns me even more now for that hit I gave him; one I didn't bother apologizing for. Not that he didn't deserve it. "Are you scared?" Elias's voice pulls me out of my thoughts and when I look back at him, he adds, "To meet her. "

I've been gone for five days. And it'd be an understatement to say I suffered all through those days. They were five days without contact, five days without proper sleep and five days without Eva Carson by my side. Each second, each minute, each hour and each day was spent reminiscing our moments together, and imagining how she'll feel when I appear before her once again. What would be her first reaction? That's the question I've been asking myself for days; a question which answer I dread.

"Wouldn't it be stupid of me not to be?" I respond to his question and he hums, "It would. You should be scared. Not for Mason, but for her. "

I gaze down to the photocard I have between my fingers and hold a hand over my chest, rubbing it against where it's been aching for days as I mutter, "I am. "

"I have to ask, though. When you came to me at first; what was your plan?" He questions and I say, "I had no plan.

"You didn't?" He repeats for affirmation and I nod. "What I knew was that I needed to get away from her until I prove Mason wrong about me. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how I was going to do exactly that. I just left, and maybe you're right; maybe I did let dad shake up my entire world."

"What if I didn't want to help?" He throws another question at me and I lift my gaze to him, "You wouldn't do that."

"But what if I did? What would you do then? What would be your plan?"

I take a while before I open my mouth. "Begging. I'd beg Mason Ford until he listens to me."

11

"Isn't that giving in to exactly what he wants?" He reminds me, and I nod. "Maybe it is, but I'd be left with no other choice. Look, I'm not you, Eli. I'm not influential, and I don't have anything against dad. I'm aimless and the only sense of direction I have is her. If you weren't here, I'd beg. And I will do it repeatedly until he listens to me."

"And what if he doesn't want to? What'd you do after that? Will you let go of her just to keep her safe? Or will you defy all to keep her by her side? What'd be your choice if it comes to that, little brother? Despite your refusal to break her world apart just so you could stay by her side; what'd you do if that's the only way you have?"

"Love is selfless. "I mumble and he nods. I tear my gaze away from him and lift the card in my hand. Staring at the gorgeous smile on her face here, I give my answer. "And that's why I don't want it to come to that, but I'd be selfish if it does. "

"That's what I thought. " Elias slaps my shoulder. "I have to know you'll choose to break it all apart if there are no other options left. You..." He points a finger to my chest. "...have to know within you, because we're heading there now, and I'll try my best for you, Emerson. I promise. But you'll have to be willing to do all it takes. No matter how tricky the path is, your result should always be her. That's when I know it's worth it."

"You aren't as completely clueless as you claim to be. "I say and he chuckles, "Life is full of surprises."

I look at the photocard again before I close both of my hands over it and bring it to my chest, shutting my eyes as my anxiety grows stronger the more we edge closer to where it all began.