Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 20

NATASHA.

I slammed the door behind me as I stood on shaky feet. What was that? As I stood there shaking, I realized just how close I was to moaning in his presence. To lean into his touch. As I stood there, I realized just how much I had enjoyed the touch, and the sparks it ignited on my body did not help in keeping me sane. I was this close to losing my sanity. All for what? For a simple caress on my lips.

The fear of that caused me to flee, packed with the confusion of what I had felt in that moment. And how Aiden confuses me all the time, today, being the worst. And what was that with a new name?

One moment he was all smiles, and the next thing I know, he’s angry. And then, he changed again almost as though he was trying to…seduce me.

Soon, I figured that I was still holding tightly onto the door handle, so tight that my hand was starting to go numb. I let go and slid down to the floor. My legs couldn’t hold my weight any longer, and I simply sat there staring into space. Unable to fathom what had happened.

Breath trickled from my lungs before it gust out. I inhaled sharply, as I leaned on the door even more.

‘I enjoyed it, Erin,’ I said quietly, still unable to believe what I had felt. Not that it was the first time I had felt the sparks when Aiden touched me, no. But this was the first time it felt close to being real. Too real for my frail heart to take.

‘I figured that from your reaction, Nat,’ Erin murmured, her voice slightly hitched and hoarse, just like mine. ‘I enjoyed it too, as I’ve slowly begun to ever since I started to accept this. Was it too much for you to handle?’ she continued.

‘Yes!’ I replied, nodding vigorously. ‘It was too much for me. I couldn’t understand why my heart thundered that way when he leaned in, or why I was suddenly filled with the urge to lean closer and take in as much of his scent as I could. I also couldn’t understand why, for the love of Goddess, I felt the urge to lick his neck, Erin! Of all places, as I stood in his presence moments ago, I wanted to lick his neck!’ I grunted, burying my face between my knees as though I was facing him.

Erin chuckled slightly. ‘It seems your obsession with licking him isn’t only during heat, Nat,’ she said. ‘But I do understand your concern. You are very much expected to feel that way. Was that why you fled?’

‘No, no,’ I replied quickly. ‘No, Erin. I fled because I was scared.’

‘Scared of what?’ she asked.

‘Scared that I’m slowly getting used to this. Scared that it might end up worse than Matteo,’ I admitted.

‘Were you scared that he’d hit you, Nat?’ Erin mumbled.

I sighed, rubbing my temples to ease the tension ebbing in them. ‘For some weird reason, despite his explosion, it didn’t feel as though he’d hit me. Granted, I was taken aback by it and even cowered back in fear, but I suppose that was because it was one of the reactions I had gotten accustomed to over the years, hence the reaction. But I didn’t feel the need to cover my face, or plead for mercy. So no, Erin, I didn’t flee because of that,’ I explained.

‘Then why did you flee?’ She asked again.

‘Because I was scared that I wasn’t scared of him, and despite that, I enjoyed his touch, even if he seemed and looked different at that moment,’ I said quietly. ‘Does that make any sense?’

‘Absolutely,’ she said with a hint of a smile in her voice. ‘It makes perfect sense,’ she added. ‘You were ambushed with emotions you weren’t used to, and from what you’ve known so far, it came in as a slightly different experience for you, causing you confusion at the very least. I felt it too, Nat. But I think we all have a long way to go. I know you are trying to act strong, but I knew how scared you were when he exploded, I felt it. I still feel it,’ she said.

I ducked my face even more into my knees, shame washing over me as my little fiasco was realized.

‘Ever since Aiden found us four days ago, we’ve been hit, you precisely, have been hit by different emotions all at once. I know how you struggle to embrace them, how you are trying to fight back, but it is hard, Nat. And you shouldn’t force yourself to do all that now. You put on a face and stood in his presence moments ago despite the way he yelled and cussed, you stood there shaking, refusing to show the effect it had on you. And that is wrong. At the end, you’d only make things worse that way instead of better. Do not feel like you have to rush your healing, no. Don’t rush it because I asked you to give it a chance, it’s only been four days, and from what I can see, we have a lifetime to spend with our mate,’ she finished.

‘But he was frustrated. I could see that. It showed in his expression and his actions. I didn’t want to react more and cause him to flare even more,’ I mumbled.

‘He knew what he was getting himself into when he agreed to take us in,’ Erin chuckled. ‘Not saying he shouldn’t be frustrated, but don’t take it all in while trying to show you are accepting it. Let the healing process flow naturally. That is why we are starting therapy tomorrow!’ she said in a singsong voice.

I smiled faintly, the pounding in my heart reducing a bit. My bottom l*p still tingled from his touch, I still remembered the way my body shook from the impact, and how I wanted to m**n, not once, but twice. And when he called me ‘Kamla’, I had to do everything within my power to stop myself from crying. He called me perfection. His perfection.

‘Maybe I should try to avoid doing things that will make him angry. I blame myself for his outburst. If I hadn’t made him angry, he wouldn’t have…’

‘Don’t you dare say that,’ Erin hissed angrily. ‘He has his own issues to deal with, and you are NOT responsible for them. What? You simply asked if you made him angry, which was what he said. He said he can’t help looking at you and feeling angry, I get he might say he dislikes seeing you always scared, but he directly said that to you and all you did was ask. So no, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OUTBURST, Nat,’ Erin finished, her voice rising a bit.

I pursed my lips, thinking about what she had said. Am I really not to be blamed? Every time something like this happens, it is always my fault. I am always blamed. However, this isn’t my past, and so far, the people I’ve met here aren’t like those from my past. I guess.

Instead of arguing with Erin on that, I chose to keep quiet and let my thoughts drift to these past three days we’ve spent at home, most of which I was alone with Donald and Lacie in the afternoon after he went out.

I always wake up with no idea of what transpired the night before, at least, not until Erin explains some parts and I catch little glimpses of what I did. Neither Erin nor I have any idea what caused this heat, so, I always feign ignorance about everything the next morning, because I do not have the slightest idea how to face him. Today, however, I woke up feeling normal. No heat or perspiration on the body. No wild crazy thoughts of what I want to do with Aiden. No urges to touch him or wrap my legs around him as I grind him. None of that. Which means, I’m perfectly okay today. And hopefully, that means the heat has ended.

I spent most of the afternoon watching his old games, documentaries about cars and doing some research on PTSD and how to handle therapy smoothly. Then I chat with Lacie, who is so loud and whom I, personally, do not enjoy her company very much. I enjoy Donald’s company more than hers most of the time.

This morning after waking up, we had Akara (Bean Cake) and Pap (Millet gruel) and some fruits. The breakfast was quiet, with most of Aiden’s attention fixed on me while I tried to act as though I didn’t ask if I could lick him the night before. When he offered to make noodles for lunch, I didn’t stop him. To be honest, I was looking forward to seeing him chop vegetables. I did sneak in to look at him, but sadly, he didn’t chop any.

And now, he had said something about me not being able to make him angry when all I do is make his sack full. What sack? And what was that about his eyes?

‘That wasn’t him. After his outburst, I felt a stronger presence. His Lycan took over for some time,’ Erin explained.

‘Are you serious?’ I asked, my eyes widening. ‘That was…his Lycan?’ I bristled.

‘Yes. That was him.’

‘How did you know? And what was that about a full sack?’ I asked.

‘I felt the presence. And that sack part…are you sure you don’t understand what he meant there?’ she murmured.

I was quiet for a while, recalling the way his eyes had glowed with a shade of golden, and the way his voice had a timber to it when he spoke. There was certainly something different about him then, and it was in that moment that I had felt the mate bond in a way I’ve never felt before. And then the sack…the sack meant his…

‘Oh my!’ I cried, covering my mouth. ‘How am I ever going to face him after what he had said?’

‘It’s nothing. There was a shift in his demeanor after you asked if he should stop. I don’t know what caused it but I felt it.’

‘Do you think I was the re…’

‘Don’t you dare finish that,’ she hissed. ‘No, you aren’t. He may just have finally realized the amount of fear and trauma you carry.’

Before I could reply, however, there was a knock on the door and Lacie’s voice floated.

“Natasha, are you in there? I’ve brought lunch from home,” she called.

I stood up from where I had been sitting by the door. Fixed my skirt, and adjusted my blouse before I pulled the door open.

“Hi, Lacie.” I forced a small smile. “How have you been?”

“Great, as you can see. Except of course, I hate that I have an evening class so I’ll be leaving early today,” she explained as she took my hand and we began walking to the living room. Deep inside, I was playing with the idea of how I would be able to face Aiden.

“Do you not like it?” I asked, looking up at her. Her long dark brown hair was tied into a ponytail, her lips were painted with a deep shade of red lipstick. Perfectly drawn brows, a small mole beside her nose on the right and a nose ring. She looked exceptional, and again, I couldn’t help comparing myself with her.

“Who does? I’m sure no one does. I can’t wait to be done with this degree program, serve and start working in my father’s company,” she murmured.

We got to the living room and I found Donald seated on one of the sofas. A wide grin instantly spread across my face and as did his.

“Hey Nat,” he smiled.

Before I could reply though, my phone, which was in one of the pockets of my skirt, vibrated. I pulled it out and saw a message icon with Aiden’s name on.

The rhythm of my heart picked as I stared at the screen, I sat on the sofa beside me, shut my eyes for some minutes, before I pried them open and tapped on the message.

‘I wanted to see you before I left, but after what happened, I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. I’m off to have some work done and will be back by evening or nighttime. Until then, can you do me the favor of taking care of yourself? Give me a call or text if you feel any pain before I return. You are my perfect gift, Kamla Nala. Never doubt that.’

Yep! There he goes with those words that make my heart skip and have me questioning my sanity. There he goes throwing words I’ve never heard, evoking emotions I’ve never felt. Certainly, I wasn’t sure how much time I needed to do this, but I want to do so.

“You can close your mouth now and come eat. He’s not here so he can’t see that reaction, Nat,” Donald teases, and I suddenly felt my face heat up.

Yup, I just had to show the effects his words had on me.

“Uhmn, it’s nothing,” I said, desperate to take their attention away from me. Which didn’t happen. But then, I had a great day with them.

By the time Aiden returned, Lacie had already left, and I was with Donald alone, who left after a while too. Aiden and I had a quiet dinner, neither of us eating more than five spoonfuls of the sweet potato and chicken porridge Mama sent.

I personally couldn’t stomach much food, not while looking at him. The way his brows etched up in a thoughtful look, or the way his mouth moved as he slowly chewed on the porridge. My treacherous mind did not stop there, no. It had to move to his fingers, which held the spoon tightly, and I couldn’t help but imagine him holding me that way.

What in the name of macarons am I turning into?

Realizing how awkward the situation was, I excused myself and went back to the room. I took a quick shower, changed into cream colored pajamas and hopped into bed. I picked my phone from the bedside drawer, read the message he had sent this afternoon as well as the ones from the past again and smiled. I was about to lock the phone and set it back when my eyes caught the app Lacie had downloaded for me this afternoon. It is called ‘Dreame’. She had told me there are thousands of books on the app which are amazing and had already added some to my library.

“The Villainous Lord’s Obsession,” I read the name of the first book I saw in my library, then allowed my eyes to scan through the rest. “Daughter Of Light, The Would Be Alpha King, The Warrior’s Child, The Desert Alpha’s Mate, and Alpha Markus,” I read all the titles aloud.

Hmmn, sounds interesting. I should start with the first one and see, I thought.

The soft tap of the door made me stop, and I looked up. Nothing. Then a knock came and I heard Aiden’s voice.

“Nala? Can I come in?”

My heart squeezed and flipped to the side, then almost instantly, it was beating fast. Too fast. Too hard. Just the sound of his voice did this to me. How much of a mess am I?

I pushed the quilt away and sat up. For some weird reason, I found myself pushing back the little strands of hair that had escaped from the braids Aiden made yesterday. I was about to push from the bed and run to the mirror to take a look at my face when another knock came in.

“Nala?” he called again, his voice sounding a bit worried.

“Come…come in,” I called, wincing at the sound of my voice.

I watched as he stepped in, still dressed in his suit pants and white shirt. He had dumped his coat in the living room. I had totally forgotten that we share the room together, and the few clothes in the closet were both mine and his. Lacie told me he doesn’t stay here, and has most of his things back at the royal house where Mama and his Baba stay.

He moved here for my sake, and that alone, filled me with immense joy.

“I thought you were asleep already,” he said quietly as he walked towards the bed. He stood before me, hands in his pockets as he looked everywhere but me, as though he was afraid of looking at me.

“No. I…I just showered,” I replied. Wait, why did I tell him that?!

“I see,” he nodded, then perhaps coming to a decision, he sat at the edge of the bed.

Silence stretched. Awkward uncomfortable silence, and I didn’t like it one bit. So, after much thought, I decided to speak.

“I am sorry for what happened this afternoon.”

“I apologize for what I did this afternoon.”

Aiden and I both said at the same time. We stared at each other, the static energy around us increasing with each passing second. It burned and cackled, as though waiting for an opening to attack. I could feel Aiden’s eyes bore into mine, as though he was staring deep within my soul.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said quietly. “I was the one at fault and I should be the one apologizing,” he finished.

“There must be a reason why you were angry. It was just you and I, which means I was the reason. So, allow me to apologize just like you did,” I replied.

He shifted, pulling one of his legs up and tucking it underneath.

“I am sorry about my outburst. I didn’t mean for that to happen and I certainly…”

“That’s fine,” I cut him off, feeling utterly uncomfortable hearing him apologizing. “Please, it’s okay. I took no offense,” I added, unconsciously tugging at the edge of my pajamas shirt and pulling it over my wrist.

His eyes caught the movement, and I saw the shift in them before he looked up. Then he smiled, albeit faintly.

“You seem to do that a lot,” he commented, a hint of sadness in his voice.

I dropped my gaze to my wrist and simply nodded. “It has become a habit.”

Another silence stretched, and this time, I didn’t know how to break it.

“May I?” I heard him say, his breath fanning my face as soon as I looked up. He caught me off guard, because I didn’t hear when he moved closer.

“Hmn?” I asked, drawing my brows in confusion.

Then ever so slowly, I felt the tip of his finger on my neck, right on the silver scar I had there. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, a low hum settling deep within me as my stomach did a double somersault. It rose to my chest, and then caught up in my throat, making it nearly impossible to swallow no matter how badly I wanted to.

“You don’t have to hide your scars from me, Nala,” he said softly, his finger still grazing the mark. “I may hate seeing them on you, I may feel angry every time I do. But that has nothing to do with you. I am only angry because I didn’t replace you earlier to stop all of this.”

“Well, I should save myself first before someone else does, right? So, you are not to blame for any of these. I didn’t save myself so I suffered the consequences,” I said with a small smile, the tension in my stomach continuing to rise as his finger kept tracing the scar.

“I didn’t mean what I said this afternoon. Not in that sense. I didn’t mean that seeing you makes me angry, what I meant to say, and what I really wanted to say was that seeing those scars hurts and makes me angry,” he explained.

“It is why I keep them hidden,” I murmured. “I am ashamed of them.”

“No,” he said quickly, his voice rising a bit. “I didn’t mean it that way either. I am bad at explaining myself, hence why I always say the wrong thing. What I meant was that, you don’t ever have to feel like you need to hide them from me. You are perfect just the way you are. The scars are a part of you and I accept that,” he finished.

I didn’t know what to say, all I could do was stare at him. All I could do was absorb his words. He might really want me just the way I am, but do I want myself enough that way? I may, but perhaps, I’m not ready.

A wash of cold hit me when he pulled back. Only for him to give me one of those looks that usually melt my insides.

“Want to hold hands?” he asked, pushing his open palms towards me.

I hesitated, not because I didn’t want to, but because I was scared of the effect it would have on me. But when I looked into his eyes again, it was as though I was hypnotized, I placed my hand in his and released a shaky breath as he covered it with his other hand.

“Thank you,” he murmured, his lips lightly grazing the back of my hand after he had shifted his, before putting it back again. “I’ll be traveling tomorrow,” he announced.

All the emotions, all the feelings aroused, suddenly died. The thought of him traveling was just…

“I’ll be gone for a week, or ten days, at most,” h added.

I couldn’t speak. The words caught in my throat.

“Nala?” he called, giving my hand a light squeeze.

“Oh, that’s cool?” I said. “I mean, that is awesome!” I added quickly, a small smile on my face.

“You…you don’t mind? You didn’t even ask where I am going or why?” I could hear the pain in his voice. Could see it on his face.

“Where are you going?” I asked, still unable to accept the sad feeling that he’d be away for a week.

“I have two matches scheduled. I’ll be going to the human country.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?” I asked, wide eyed.

He chuckled. “No. They have no idea we exist,” he replied.

“But why will you stay for that long?” I finally blurted.

“There is a three day interval between the first and second match. Plus, the weather over there is terrible and sometimes, flights are canceled,” he explained.

“Oh,” I nodded. “I see. So you leave in the morning?”

“Yes. But I’ll take you to the hospital first before I leave. So I’ll be here until around 11am,, h replied.

He still looks out for me, I thought with a small smile.

“Leo says he’d like to talk to you when we get back,” he continued.

“Leo?” I asked.

“Leonardo. My Lycan part,, e replied.

“Oh!” My cheeks heated up as I recalled what he had said. “Of course.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. Instead, he leaned closer, as though he was going to hug me. But he didn’t. He simply sucked in a deep breath, the same way I took in his scent before I pulled back.

“Sleep, Nala. I’ll be on the couch like I promised you,” he murmured, dropped my hand and stood up.

But as he was about to turn and leave, my eyes caught a white thread, possibly from the curtains or something else hanging on his hair, the soft screw curls scattered as they fell to his face. Today, they weren’t tied using a band, which made time wild and untamable. Almost similar to how mine was before he had braided it. Just that his locks were not as much as mine.

“There’s something in your hair,” I murmured, pointing towards his hair.

“Where?” he asked, bringing his hand to his hair but missing the exact area the thread was.

“Gashi nan ta gefen damanka,” (It is there to your right ),” I replied.

After many attempts though, he looked up, and a small smile tugged at the edge of his full plump lips. “Ko zaki taimaka ki ciremun? (Would you like to take it out?)”

My breath hitched, and an involuntary shiver ran through me. It became even worse when he leaned closer, his head directly across my chest. My fingers were shaking as I raised them and removed the thread.

He lifted his head, without moving back and simply stared at me. When he spoke, the cool scent of mint left his mouth, and it overwhelmed my senses, alongside his intoxicating scent of pine woods and cedarwood. When he leaned closer, his beard lightly grazed my jaw before he moved back.

“Nagode (thank you),” he replied, using Hausa as well. “You seem to enjoy speaking Hausa,” he commented.

I cleared my throat and simply nodded. I wanted to tell him I was doing it because Mama says he loves the language, and that I love it too. Which is perfect for both of us. But I didn’t say that, instead, I simply smiled and laid back on the bed.

“Have a goodnight’s rest,” I murmured, closing my eyes and pulling the quilt over me.

I felt his thumb lightly touch my right cheek before he spoke. “And you too, Nala.”

But I couldn’t sleep. I watched as he went into the bathroom, then watched as he stepped out with only a pair of shorts on, his chest bare. And once again, I caught a glimpse of the burn scar on his back. Not even after he had laid back on the couch had I slept. Long after he had fallen asleep, I still had my eyes fixed on him.

And soon, I drifted into Lala land as well.