Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 21

I stifled a yawn as we drove past the lush tall trees on either side of the road. It was only 9:30am, but I still felt like sleeping. Probably because I didn’t get a decent sleep last night.

“You look tired,” Aiden said, shifting his gaze towards me for a few seconds as he slowed down to go over a bump. “You can sleep before we get to the hospital,” he added, turning his attention back to the road.

“It’s fine. I’ll sleep after the session,” I said softly, closing my eyes as I leaned more into the chair.

“Why didn’t you sleep well?” I heard him say, and my eyes flew open quickly.

“Hmm?” I asked, my voice soft and groggy.

“I saw how you kept tossing and turning last night. Is everything okay? I kept a close watch thinking it might be the heat coming back,” he explained.

“Oh, no. It was…nothing.” How was I supposed to tell him I was suffering at the thought of him leaving? He was the only person I was close to in this new environment, and knowing that he’d be gone for ten days had all sorts of thoughts running through my mind . What if it was his way of leaving me forever?

I quickly shoved the thought away and adjusted my sitting position. I was wearing a blue Ankara with stripes of red and yellow sewn into an A-shaped gown. As always, the sleeves were long, with a zipper to adjust when I felt uncomfortable.

“Is something bothering you? You can talk to me,” he murmured.

Without replying, I turned to look at him. He wore a tracksuit today, ash in color. And just like yesterday, he’d left his hair without the band, with some of the soft curls falling to his face while I still maintained the two braids he had woven into my hair. For some weird reason, I didn’t want to loosen them, especially knowing that he’d be gone for days.

His thin line of beard shone underneath the faint glow of the now rising sun, and I had the urge to sweep my fingers through, to feel its texture.

‘You can touch it and he’d thank you for it,’ Erin whispered.

I shut the connection between us, afraid that I’d give in to her demand, and turned away from looking at him.

“Lacie will stay with you until I return. I also asked Mama to send some of the omegas from the royal house over so they can help with the chores. Donald will also stay around if you need anything,” he explained.

I nodded. It was happening. He was going to be away for ten days.

“Why didn’t we ride with the others?” I asked, recalling how he had stopped the driver and Kane from riding with us. He’d instead, asked Donald to ride with them too and meet us at the hospital.

“And miss this?” He gestured between us. “Not for the world. I wanted to spend more time with you before I leave.”

“Oh,” my throat worked on an involuntary swallow, and a wave of heat swept over me. I had never seen the point of small talk like this because I had never enjoyed them. But since I met Aiden five days ago, I was beginning to see the appeal.

He sighed, holding the wheel tighter and my treacherous eyes followed the trail of the muscles on his hand. For a moment, I thought he was going to say something. But he didn’t, instead, he pulled off to the side of the road, turned off the ignition, and placed his head on the wheel, his hands still holding onto it.

“I wish I could go with you,” he sighed.

“Why did we stop?” I asked, looking around the silent road with lots of lush trees along the side.

“I want to look at you and to take my fill. Not that it is going to help in any way. I already feel empty, Nala,” he whispered, his eyes fluttering closed. I watched the way his lashes framed his eyes. And I wanted to touch them.

His eyes flew open and my breath caught. Those deep dark eyes stared back at me with so much intensity that I squirmed in my seat. I could feel the magnetic pull of the bond, the same way I could feel the fear slowly return to my pounding heart. I knew I was still scared. And I was certain I wasn’t ready for all of this yet.

But he was leaving, and I can at least make a compromise for once.

He sat back, rolled the sleeve up of his right arm and I caught sight of a large mole there. Just like Lacie’s.

“I have another one just a bit further than this,” he said, staring at me.

My fingers itched to pull his sleeve up, and I unconsciously wavered over his arm until he caught my hand in his and pressed it to his skin. Directly above the mole. An electric jolt shot from my fingertips straight to my heart. He looked so perfect, like carved stone, but his skin was smooth and hot, firm but giving, alive.

“You can touch me,” he said. “Anywhere.” He added, a crooked grin on his lips.

Even though the invitation thrilled me, it made me pause. Touching was such a private thing. I didn’t understand how he was able to do it so well. I was already a nervous wreck. Shaking. And I was sure it was evident because he dropped his hand from mine and I quickly pulled mine away from him.

“I…I…” I was breathing heavily, and the thought that I had just touched him…this intimately, was jarring. I could feel my hand still shaking, and the tingle from where he held me.

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have done that,” he mumbled. “I…”

“Do you like being touched?” I spewed the question out without thinking. I couldn’t help but wonder, if perhaps because I have a trauma related to being touched, I was not particularly inclined towards being touched. So when he asked to touch him, I was shocked and wondered how anyone would ever be comfortable being touched. And what it would feel like when being touched.

That crooked grin returned in full force. “I like being touched.”

I simply stared at him, unable to fathom why.

“Would you like to try?” He asked.

“Try what?” I asked, pulling in my brows.

“Touching it again.” He said, his voice a whisper. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”

When I didn’t move, he leaned closer, the handbrakes the only thing between us. He bent down so his lips hovered a hairsbreadth away from my ear and whispered, “I can show you,”

I simply nodded, determined to try this while I’m sane and not in heat. In my head, this was a parting gift between us.

He gathered my braids to one side and brushed a fleeting k**s behind my ear. It happened so quickly that by the time my body tensed up he’d already pulled away.

When he didn’t move to repeat the caress, my muscles relaxed once again. The place where he’d kissed me burned with awareness.

Without touching my skin, he stroked his fingers over my hair, through the braids. Slow, measured movements that swept from my crown, past my neck, and down my back. The motions calmed me even as they put me on edge.

As much as I wanted to do this, I was slowly beginning to panic, so much so that I felt my body shake, and he quickly pulled his hands away and pushed me back to my seat.

I shut my eyes, trying to contain my breathing and calm my nerves. My heart squeezed tight, and my skin prickled with panic.

‘Stop pushing yourself too hard. Nothing good will come of it!’ Erin snapped angrily. ‘In the end, you are only going to cause more harm to yourself. Stop pushing it!’ she added.

In my attempt to show I can do this, I ruined it. The atmosphere in the car was…

“Nala?” Aiden’s voice floated through my ears. “Are you okay?”

“Ye…yes,” I said, beaming unnaturally. “I… I’m fine,” I added, trying to sound more natural.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you…”

“No. Don’t blame yourself. I wanted it…I wanted to touch you,” I rush to say, hating that I made him feel bad about this. Yes, rushing this was not the best option for me now.

When I looked up at him, he had a wide grin that for the millionth time that morning, made my stomach flip.

“You’re cute.”

I blinked once. Twice. Then quickly turned away. I heard him chuckle, then heard the click of the seatbelt as he fixed his. I fixed mine too and the car began rolling.

“Let’s get you to the hospital.”

The silence after that was comfortable, and soon Aiden decided to play some music. The best of it was hearing him hum along to the music, and sometimes, he sang along. Listening to his throaty voice as he sang lulled me to sleep. The sleep I had been deprived of since last night.

By the time I pried my eyes open, the first thing I noticed was that we were already at the hospital. Then my nose picked up a scent, Aiden’s scent so close that it felt as though I was sniffing him closer.

It was then that I noticed that I had my head leaning on a shoulder, and an arm was securely wrapped around me, keeping my head in place. The pressure of his undemanding embrace reached deep inside me, calming me and loosening the knots I hadn’t known was there.

I burrowed my face into his neck and breathed him in. Then I skated my hands over his skin as I tried to nestle closer to him. If he could just hold me a little tighter… Something hummed hard bringing me back into my senses and I quickly drew my head back.

“You are awake,” he murmured, his hooded gaze fixed on me.

“Yes,” I replied, moving back again as I pressed my back against the door. What was I thinking? It was then that I allowed myself to look over him. He leaned closer, in an uncomfortable curve that would no doubt cause him pain along his midriff later. Half of his body was sprawled on my seat, the same place I had just moved away from.

“You looked uncomfortable sleeping that way so I thought I should help.” He explains, pulling back.

“How long have I been sleeping?”

“Roughly just over an hour,” he replied, as I moved my gaze to the car clock and saw it read 10:40 am.

“What? My therapy starts at 10:30 am!” I shrieked, patting my face.

“You looked tired and I knew you didn’t sleep well last night. So I wanted to let you sleep a little longer so you can focus in the session,” he said.

“And your flight?” I asked quietly.

“I would have had it rescheduled until you woke up,” he said matter of factly. “Perks of being royal,” he added in a cheeky tone with a lopsided smirk.

Great. He keeps doing and saying things like this that make me want to melt.

“I’m awake now so you can go,” I smiled. “And I need to go in now.” The nervousness was back. The prospect of meeting the doctor again and discussing my fears ate at me.

His jaw worked, as though he wanted to talk before he simply nodded his head and pulled the door on his side open.

“Don’t move,” he instructed as he shut the door to his side and walked over to mine. He pulled the door open, stretched his open palm towards me, and smiled. “Come on.”

I sighed and wiped my sweaty palms on my gown before I placed one into his and stepped out. The sun was up now, and when I looked to the side and found Kane and Donald looking at us, I became shy.

“If you waste more time, we are going to be late, Your Eminence,” Kane called from where he stood.

“I’ll go in with you,” he said, ignoring Kane.

“No. I can… I can go in. You’ll be late if you waste any more time here.”

“There’s nothing like wasting time doing things for you,” he insisted.

“Thank you, but I can manage. Besides, Donald is here too.”

“Donald isn’t me,” he said, his voice tight .

“You’re right, Donald isn’t you,” I nodded. “You can take me in then,” I added, watching as the tension in his eyes vanished.

We strolled through the hospital hand in hand. It seems he likes holding my hand, as that is what he mostly does. People bowed as we passed, and though that made me uncomfortable, I didn’t show it.

Just as we were about to round the corner that led to the doctor’s office, I saw Tiffany. She looked better than she looked three days ago, and a wide smile stretched on her lips as soon as she saw me.

“Good morning, Your Majesties,” she positioned a hand on her chest and then bowed.

I smiled, untangled my hand from Aiden’s, and walked up to her. “How are you?”

“I feel better, Your Majesty. Thank you,” she replied, her head still bowed. I looked at her short, black hair and wished mine was that way. It would save me lots of time trying to untangle it.

“Are you done with treatments?” Aiden enquired, coming to stand beside me.

“Yes, Your Eminence. I just got discharged.”

“That’s good. I’ll have someone take you to the packhouse for now. I’ll replace you a new place when I get back…”

“Can she…can she stay with me before you come back?” I asked, afraid I may be crossing the line.

He turned to look at me, and I could imagine the thoughts running through his head. What he didn’t know was that this woman reminds me a lot of myself. The scars, the bruises. The only thing different is that I don’t see as much fear in her eyes as I have.

“Please?” I pressed on.

“Anything you want, Nala. If you want her to stay with you before I return, she can.”

“Thank you!” I beamed, clapping my hands to my mouth to stop myself from screaming. Then I turned to face her and smiled. “Wait for me. I’ll come for you once I see my doctor.”

“Of course, Your Eminence,” she said with a smile.

As we resumed walking, I couldn’t keep my grin away, at least, that was until I found myself standing outside Doctor Lily’s office. Dread washed over me, and the nervousness returned in full force.

“Here we are,” Aiden said softly.

I stared at the door for a while, chastised myself then turned to him. “Have a safe flight,” I whispered.

“I’m going to miss you, Nala,” he murmured, taking a step closer. I could feel his breath on my face, and the way his eyes danced looking at me . “I’m going to miss you terribly,” he added.

I gulped, the words having more effect than I would care to admit, so I simply kept my mouth shut.

“Can I…Can I…I …” He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked away. Then after a few seconds, turned to face me with a small smile. “Go in, I’ll see you when I get back.”

I had wanted to ask him what he wanted, but knowing the nervous wreck I was at the moment, I knew I may not be able to do it. So I smiled, the biggest I could muster, and turned. I knocked on the door and heard a quick ‘Come in’ before I turned the knob.

But I didn’t step inside quickly, instead, I turned to look at Aiden one last time, catch a glimpse of his grin as he waved at me before I smiled back and stepped in, my heart thundering.

Stepping into the office took away all the feelings Aiden had roused. Now, I was painfully scared of what this may turn into.

“Welcome, Natasha! I had a call that you would be late,” Doctor Lily smiled. Today, she was already sitting on the sofa beside the one I sat on last time. She was already prepared.

I walked over to the sofa she gestured to, my legs shaking. Settling on the edge, I clasped my hands and smiled at her. “Good morning, Doctor. I kind of…dozed off on my way here.”

“That is fine. How are you today?”

“I am…fine?” I replied, knowing it sounded more like I was asking her a question.

“I see,” Doctor Lily said, nodding. “Is there anything you want to say to me?”

“No,” I replied. “Nothing to say.”

A moment of silence before the doctor spoke again.

“If you could tell me about one of your happiest memories, what would that be?” she asked.

My face instantly lit up, and for the first time since I stepped into this office, my nerves calmed down. I began talking non-stop about the days I had spent with my parents. The time Abba would carry me on his back and run around our little one-room house given to us. Or the days I’d lay my head on his lap as he oiled my hair and braided it, while Umma cut my nails. I told her about the days we would run in the forest, with me secured on Abba’s back while Umma chased us. I kept talking non-stop, till the last memory I had of them before I paused, a dark fog covering my eyes.

They were dead. I would never share those memories with them again. Never.

“Is there more you want to tell me about them?” she asked softly, keeping her eyes on me before looking down at the file before her.

I worked to swallow so I could speak, but this happens every time I tried to speak about their death. When I realized I couldn’t speak, I shook my head.

“Do you have any other happy memories to share?” she asked again.

I thought carefully, but I had no happy memories. Even if I do, those were memories I had forgotten. Again, I shook my head.

She nodded, then wrote something into the file before she looked up. “Would you like to tell me one of the things that scare you? It can be anything, Natasha. Don’t worry, I’ll listen, and I won’t judge you. You just have to speak to me.”

Scared? I was scared of so many things. Scared of shifting ever again. Scared of meeting Matteo. Scared of getting too comfortable around people. I was scared of lots of things and I wanted to tell her that. But once again, I couldn’t talk.

The clock she had placed on the center table rang, and I heaved a sigh, knowing that the session had ended. I needed to…leave.

“That’s it for our session today, Natasha. However, before you leave, I’d like you to have this.” She handed me a brown leather book. “You can write your fears in here, and when you come for your next therapy in two days, you can bring it with you.”

I took the book she gave to me and clasped my shaky fingers around it. I simply wanted to leave.

She smiled, then walked me to the door. Once I had stepped out, I sighed.

That…that was harder than I thought it would be, and I wasn’t looking forward to the next session.

Not even a bit.