I am Sam
Chapter Nine

I’m floating; the water feels so soothing against my skin. Noah’s holding my hand as he floats on his back, his head right beside mine when he speaks,

“This is where I come to relax,” And I instantly smile,

“So this is why you are such a chilled guy.”

It’s meant to be a joke, but he’s suddenly quiet, and I can tell he’s deep in thought; something is definitely worrying him.

After we left the bridge, Noah took me further up the river to a section where the water was much quieter. And the moment he suggested we go for a swim, I gave him a questioning look, one because I didn’t have a bathing suit, and two because he said we would be making it rain.

But Noah had merely shrugged with his sincerest cheeky Noah smile, saying we didn’t need bathing suites if we were going to swim with our clothes on. So here we are, both floating on our backs in the middle of the calmest part of the river in our clothes.

I’m still wholly absorbed with the calming flow of the cool water when his words suddenly bring me out of my musing trance,

“I was never good at much growing up, but I’m good when it comes to water; I understand water; it’s never let me down.” My brows instantly knit together at his confession, and I feel him tighten his hold around my hand as if somehow needing my support in some way,

“I don’t believe that; I think there are many things you’re good at, Noah.” Smirking, he sighs,

“Yeah, I’m good at covering stuff up with light-hearted humour. Every time Ronan singled me out growing up and told me how weak I was, how I was his greatest disappointment as an element, I guess I just learnt to cover up the hurt I felt with light-hearted jokes; it felt better whenever I made others smile, like in someway I wasn’t that much of a waste of time after all.” Gulping down the lump in my throat, I suddenly lift my head up out of the water as I turn to face Noah, the concern in my eyes the moment he lifts himself up to look into his, and I’m suddenly holding onto his shoulders. I don’t need to try and keep myself afloat when I’m holding onto him because he keeps himself up without any effort at all.

The pain in his eyes, however, suddenly has me wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in as I hug him tightly; Noah has quickly become my closest friend here because I understand feeling like you’re a disappointment, the agonizing hurt that it leaves within you suffocating you day by day until the only thing you have left is a smile to cover up the soul-destroying ache ripping you apart deep inside.

“Noah, Ronan was wrong to have said any of those things to you; you are a wonderful person with the kindest heart and soul I know.” Noah suddenly wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly, like he’s holding onto me for dear life.

“That’s the problem,” He whispers, his mouth close to my ear, “The feelings I have inside lately aren’t kind, I feel like there’s a monster lurking inside of me, and it scares me to death.”

Pulling my face away slightly to look into his eyes, my brows furrow in confusion as a sudden chill runs down my spine; his eyes are telling me he’s not lying; he believes what he’s telling me. And I’m not scared of Noah; I’m suddenly scared for him; what kind of monster could possibly be lurking inside of him?

“Why would you say something like that, Noah? Everything about you is good.” Caleb’s words again come ringing in my head, but I refuse to believe them; Noah could never be a monster; he just couldn’t.

“Because I feel it; something keeps clawing its way up to the surface, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to force it back down.” Swallowing a lump in my throat, I want to help him; how can I help him?

“Noah,” Gently touching his cheek with my hand, I slowly rest my forehead against his, feeling so deeply for my friend at this moment that I would do anything to take away his anguish.

“When I was five,” He continues, “I was the only one who cried in front of everyone when our mother was forced to leave; I remember clinging to her legs, begging her to stay, crying for her. Ronan telling me how pathetic I was, glaring at me with disgust because of it; Miera was even stronger than I was; she never cried once, at least not in front of me.” I can’t help the moment tears start welling up in my eyes, swallowing down the lump and ache in my chest.

“Noah, Ronan was wrong to take your mothers away from you; he’s the true monster, not you. Showing emotion isn’t a weakness; it’s the opposite, and you are full of kindness and love and everything that makes you the most amazing guy I know. Showing kindness in a moment when you could destroy everything around you, that’s true strength, not forcing down your feelings so someone like Ronan can approve of your worth. To hell with Ronan; he doesn’t deserve your loyalty.”

Swallowing a lump in his throat, he nods as he tightens his hug around me,

“Thank you.” He whispers softly, but I know there’s more to this; there’s so much more going on. His feelings towards Circen are mostly it, but there’s something else, the monster he’s speaking of; what does it mean?

It’s then that we both look over to the river bank and notice Liam standing there; how long has he been standing there? I wonder as I give him a smile and a small wave. He gives us a small wave back and a lopsided smile, which suddenly has Noah looking at me with a spark of excitement in his eyes and a wide grin on his face,

“Hey, remember I told you we would make it rain?” Nodding, I suddenly smile as I give him a questioning look. “Hold on, I’m going to show you something you’ve never seen before.” I’m still giving him a confused look when he shouts out to Liam, “Hey Liam, can you make a bubble for Sasha?” Widening his smile, Liam nods in response; I’m still confused about what he’s talking about when Liam suddenly places his hands together and closes his eyes. It’s clear that he’s concentrating on his powers when his hands begin to move further apart; I’m suddenly feeling a strange sensation form around my body; my eyes are instantly on Noah as they widen,

“What...” Giving me a reassuring smile, Noah gently touches my cheek,

“Don’t be scared; it’s so you can go underwater with me; I can breathe down there, but you can’t.” Nodding in understanding, I return his smile with my own; the strange sensation around me kind of tickles and feels really good.

Nodding, Noah suddenly let’s go around my waist, he’s still holding onto my one hand, and I’m not sinking; I’m floating, which is incredible. Giving my hand a soft squeeze, his eyes are telling me to trust him, and this is Noah; of course, I will always trust him.

As we start slowly descending under the water, I go to hold my breath the moment we go completely under. Still, I quickly realize there’s no need, and Noah shakes his head with a playful amused grin on his face. I’m entirely amazed the moment we’re completely submerged, and I can still breathe. I’m in the water, my hair floating around my face, yet I can live in this bubble; how is this even possible? Looking up at Noah, I’m astonished; he’s smiling; it’s then that I start to notice just how incredible it is under the water; it’s not murky like I thought it would be; it’s clear and sparkly. Like tiny diamonds reflecting a rainbow of colours, I can’t stop my jaw from dropping in amazement. His world is mind-blowingly beautiful down here.

Noah’s still holding onto my hand, and once he’s satisfied that we’ve gone down deep enough, he suddenly turns to face me and speaks to me under the water, and it doesn’t sound muffled at all; I can hear him clearly, how is he doing that?

“You like it so far?” Nodding, I can’t help the smile beaming across my face and reaching my eyes. Squeezing my hand once more, he points upward when he says, “Look up and enjoy the show,” with a cheeky wink. The moment he says that his eyes take on a shimmer of their own, like blue crystals; it’s breathtaking. A sudden bolt of lightning cracks up in the sky above the water, which instantly has me looking up.

A rainbow of sparks erupting everywhere, as another lightning bolt crashes, and it’s even more magnificent than the first one; the sound of thunder suddenly rumbles through my soul; all I can do is stare up at the sky through the shimmers of light.

I’m not scared; I’m completely in awe and captivated by the shimmering lightning dancing across and flowing past us, and the now darkened sky only makes the shimmers of light stand out even more. The rainbow of colours sparks to life with every lightning bolt that thunders across the sky far above; it’s incredible. I’m giggling as I look at him,

“This is amazing,” The words leave my mouth, and I can’t believe I’m speaking clearly under the water; this is unreal. Noah chuckles as sparks of blue crystals beam all around him, my friend looking like some mystical and magical being down here as he lights up.

The water just below the surface suddenly begins moving around vigorously, a sudden wall of hard rain coming down onto the surface. More lightning crashes across the sky, suddenly hitting the water and cascading sparks of shimmering lights as far as the eye can see. I suddenly notice golf ball sized white balls of ice crashing into the water, gasping at how incredible it looks. I’m squeezing Noah's hand tightly as I chuckle in awe. I’m still completely blown away by the raw beauty of what I’m witnessing when a sudden shake like an earthquake below us instantly gets my attention.

My eyes dart downward with a frown, and I have to do a double take the moment I see what looks like sharp shards of mountain rocks coming straight at us at a phenomenal pace. Gasping, I’m instantly looking up at Noah. Is this all part of the show?

I know it’s not; the moment his brows furrow and his jaw clenches, I feel his hand tightening on mine as he pushes up towards the surface; we’re suddenly moving at lightning speed like the water is spitting us out; what’s going on?

When we break through the surface, the dark sky is still erupting with life, lightning bolts crashing and more thunder cracking through the darkness in the clouds. I’m suddenly feeling scared, especially when I look at Noah’s concerned look on his face. He’s looking over at something across the water, frowning as he narrows his eyes; I try and look at what he’s looking at. But the waves are crashing down hard, and there’s too much going on; I’m about to ask Noah when a sudden mountain of rock and earth shoots up right in front of us. Noah’s voice rings out in panic when he shouts,

“I’ve got to get you out of here now!”

NOAH

Sasha’s still looking up in absolute wonder at the cascading lights of the lightning hitting the water; it’s like everything is alive with a rainbow of glistening astonishment. I’m just about to create the big finale moment of having two storms collide into one; she’s perfectly safe down here; I know Liam is fine inside his own bubble of protection on the river bank; I’ve done this once before for Circe. The sudden thought of her instantly has me swallowing a lump forming in my throat. There’s this feeling of aggression suddenly pulsing uncontrollably in my veins. Deep down, I probably shouldn’t do this, not with Caleb’s newly planted seedlings in the forest. Still, the thought of him with Circe suddenly pushes me over the edge.

Two storms suddenly collide as hail the size of golf balls begins raining down and hitting the water; we’re okay, and it’s entirely something to see the look of awe in Sasha’s eyes the moment she gets to see some of what I can do with water, I’m still looking at her with adoration, to see her witnessing all this for the first time suddenly has me feeling a warm sense of joy in my heart. Being friends with Sasha is so natural; she has a way of making me feel better even when my world feels like it’s falling apart around me.

A sudden shake somewhere beneath us has both of us looking down simultaneously, the rumbling becomes louder, and when I suddenly notice the mountain of sharp rock shooting up towards us, I instantly know who’s responsible, Caleb.

Tightening my grip against Sasha’s hand, I suddenly push up towards the surface. We’re moving at lightning speed; the moment we break through the surface, I’m suddenly panelled by hail; I can handle it. Sasha’s fine as well as long as she’s inside that bubble, but still, I need to get her out of here. The moment my eyes land on Caleb standing against the water’s edge, my own narrow in response. His eyes have completely glazed over with a luminous light of green; he’s too far gone, even I know that. Turning my head to look into Sasha’s eyes, I can instantly see that she’s frightened,

“I’ve got to get you out of here now,” The words leave me just as an incredibly large mountain of rock explodes out of the water in front of us.

The force of it and the water crashing against it suddenly has both Sasha, and I catapulted backwards; I suddenly lose my grip on her hand as more sharp rocks shoot up out of the water in front of me. I’m about to dive for her when a giant fist of rock suddenly slams into me and grips and pins me into place.

A wall of water is suddenly crashing down against the rocks with such force, but Caleb's grip on me won’t budge. I’m trying to force the water to calm down, for the storm inside of me to stop, but it won’t; it’s like that feeling, that monster inside me, is suddenly fueling my powers to go entirely out of control. I’m glaring at Caleb; I hate feeling this anger towards anyone, even him. Still, I have no control over my powers right now.

I’m suddenly shouting and screaming at him to stop. However, he doesn’t hear me, my eyes replace Liam still on the side of the river opposite Caleb, and when I see his eyes glaze over with white as he raises his hands out in front of him, the water around me begins swirling around, in between the chaos, I lost sight of Sasha as she went under. What the hell is Caleb thinking? He might be pissed at me, but to attack me with her still in the water... Has he lost his goddam mind? She could die.

Liam suddenly has a tornado forming in the water. I can only imagine he’s trying to lift Sasha out, and the waves continue to become wilder all around me; what the hell is going on with me? Why can’t I turn it off? It’s like the rage just keeps building inside of me.

The tornado is swirling and scooping water up; combined with how out of control my powers are ripping through the water, it’s turning into a goddam nightmare.

A rock formation suddenly collides with Liam, and I’m screaming for Caleb to stop, but it’s too late; the moment he’s knocked unconscious, I know Sasha’s bubble has popped under the water, and I suddenly have a wall of water hurling towards Caleb, the moment it hits him he’s momentarily distracted as he crashes back into the trees. His hold on me instantly loosens just enough for me to break free.

Diving down into the water, my heart is racing, the panic I feel as my eyes finally zero in on her unconscious body.

She’s pinned under a couple of rocks, and I suddenly have a force pushing the rocks apart, watching as they get shoved right off of her and collide into the sandy distance.

Scooping up her body in my arms, I waste no time in getting her to the surface. I’ve got the water forcing us up; the moment we break through, the water continues pushing us towards the edge. I can’t think. The moment we reach the side, I’m laying her sopping wet body down against the muddy soil; my eyes are scanning her body in a panic; she doesn’t look like there’s any bleeding, but her lips are blue, and I’m quickly checking for a pulse, “Please don’t die, please...” The moment I feel for a pulse in her neck and can’t replace one, I want to hyperventilate; everything inside of me is suddenly spinning right out of control.

I need to start mouth to mouth, but the raging anger is making it so I can’t think straight. Caleb is suddenly right by my side, his eyes wide with horror as they rake over Sasha’s lifeless body.

“What the fuck, Noah? What was she doing in the water!?” His voice is vibrating with anger and regret, and I’m suddenly glaring at him, the rage fueling me, and I fucking don’t know how to make it stop. The moment Caleb’s eyes collide with mine, his brows furrow as if he recognizes something in them, he instantly shoves me back hard, and the moment my ass hits the dirt, his eyes suddenly change; the illuminated green becomes something else, something similar to the look I’ve seen in Ronan’s, something equivalent to a monster. I’m instantly in shock as I stare at him in bewilderment; what the hell?

“Sit down!” He suddenly shouts at me, and I’m frozen in place; what the fuck is going on?

Caleb suddenly leans down and pinches Sasha’s nose with his fingers, tilting her chin up. It’s clear he’s trying to resuscitate her; when he starts doing compressions on her chest, he’s alternating between giving her mouth-to-mouth and compressions. I can see the panic in his eyes as he alternates between the two, but Sasha’s still not responding.

“Don’t you fucking die on me, Sasha,” His jaw is clenched tight as he carries on, “Please, fucking, please...” After doing more mouth-to-mouth, he continues again with compressions to her chest; he’s relentless, not giving up. I’m not religious, but I’m suddenly replaceing myself praying; I don’t know to who or why, but I’m asking for help; please don’t let her die, please...

It feels like it’s been a lifetime, and she still isn’t responding; I feel the tears stinging my eyes as I watch her lifeless form; we can’t lose her, please.

Liam is suddenly by my side, on his knees as his jaw clenches.

His brows furrowing as he stares at her; he’s got an open gash against the side of his head, but he doesn’t even care; just like me, both of us are staring at Sasha like we’re praying for a miracle.

And I know Liam, if anything happens to her, he’ll never forgive himself, nor will I.

I suddenly hear the shrill scream of a girl; I would know that voice anywhere; it’s Circe. She’s suddenly right by my side as she stares in horror at Sasha’s unconscious body. Still, I can’t even register anything besides a sudden ringing in my ears at her presence.

“What the hell happened!?” She’s staring from me to Liam to Caleb, but none of us answer her. Caleb hasn’t stopped trying to resuscitate her; he’s pushing down so hard against her chest that I hear a rib crack, wincing my body is wreathing; I instantly wish I could trade places with her; she trusted me, she fucking trusted me and now she could die.

Caleb does another set of compressions when I notice tears in his eyes; he’s shaking his head as if in disbelief, “Come on, fucking come on!” He shouts at her, “Don’t you die, don’t you dare fucking leave me, Cole.” And my brows instantly furrow as I stare up at him in surprise; it’s then that the penny drops; he’s lost in the moment, trying desperately to resuscitate his dead brother, but he only found Cole’s body after he had already died, didn’t he?

When he gives Sasha mouth to mouth, I suddenly hear a gargled cough as I watch her body contort. The water comes bubbling out of her mouth, Caleb instantly gasps in relief as he rolls her onto her side so the water can run out of her mouth, and we’re all sighing with the same amount of relief.

She’s alive.

Rolling her back onto her back, Caleb suddenly pulls her into his arms, resting his forehead on hers, whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, Sasha.” As he holds her tight. Since when does he give a shit about Sasha?

The moment Circe comes up beside him and rests her hand against his shoulder, it’s like an inferno of rage is suddenly unleashed within me; the anger is about to explode through me as the monster finally begins to break through, and this time I can’t stop him, seeing her so close to him I know it then to be true, she’s mine, she’s my mate, not his.

Something dark and sinister begins rumbling through my chest, which has both Circe and Caleb looking up at me simultaneously; I’m glaring daggers at him, something inside of me wanting to kill him and I can’t stop it.

Circe’s eyes widen in shock, but it’s as if something registers with Caleb; he’s not surprised to see me react this way; it’s like he was somehow expecting it.

What the hell?

Looking over at Circe, he pushes her away from him; she’s suddenly looking at him in shock,

“Caleb?” And she’s about to get up on her feet when he shouts at her,

“Stay the fuck away, Circen!” The shock and instant hurt in her eyes do nothing to pacify the rage inside me; I suddenly want to lunge at him like a goddam wild animal; my entire body is on fire. Caleb lets go of Sasha as he jumps up towards me, his hands gripping my shoulders as a low rumble suddenly comes from his chest.

“Caleb, Noah! What the hell is going on!?” Circe cries out as she quickly comes up to cradle Sasha against her, she looks scared, and right now, I don’t blame her; I’m fucking scared out of my mind.

Caleb’s eyes are boring right into my skull when our eyes collide,

“Calm the fuck down, Noah!” But there is no way that I’m going to calm down now,

“This is all you’re fucking fault; she could have died because of you!” I shout back,

“I didn’t know she was in the water, Noah! Do you honestly think I would ever hurt her intentionally?”

“Of course you would; you’re a fucking psychopath!”

“Oh, I’m the psychopath, says the one who decided to knowingly destroy my seedlings with a fucking hail storm!”

“They are just plants, man!” Stepping forward, he's suddenly in my face.

“They’re not just plants, Noah. They’re alive, and you killed them like it was nothing, and for what, to show Sasha the perfect hailstorm from below the water? What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

Another deep rumbling vibration suddenly erupts through my chest; this time, it feels like something is about to tear through my skin; Caleb’s eyes widen as he shoves me back, his hands gripping me tighter,

“Get Sasha back to the castle, now!” He shouts back toward a horrified Circe and Liam. But they don’t move, “I said fucking now, Circen!” He suddenly screams at her, which instantly has Liam scooping Sasha into his arms.

Circe is right by his side, giving Caleb a hardened stare of hurt as her bottom lip quivers,

“Your such an asshole sometimes,” And I hate hearing the pain in her voice, even more, when she doesn’t deserve it.

Turning back towards Liam, they instantly start hurrying back towards the castle. Caleb turns around to look at me when they’re finally out of view. His face hardening as he stares me down,

“She’s your mate, huh?” But I don’t answer him, “You want to know what the fuck is going on with you, Noah? Then come with me, and I’ll show you, but you can’t lose your shit in front of them; they’re not ready.” His voice is deep and commanding as he speaks those words. Blinking back the sudden surprise on my face, for the first time, I don’t want to kill him.

The rage has been replaced with something else, the knowing energy of something that is clearly connected to whatever is inside Caleb.

Nodding at him through a clenched jaw, he slowly lets go of my shoulders with a nod of his own. With that, I slowly start following behind him as we disappear into the forest.

What’s going on? What’s inside of me?