I am Sam
Chapter Eight

After a long hot bath, I was still entirely on edge after what transpired in the woods with Caleb; I couldn’t get those visions out of my head. Eris and Caleb, it suddenly occurs to me, does Atlas know?

I must have drifted off to sleep, even wrapped up underneath the thick blankets. I still can’t get that ginormous wolf out of my mind; there was something about him; I didn’t know him, but... what is it?

Tossing and turning the visions are infiltrating my dreams, turning them into nightmares. Is Eris the reason wolves aren’t allowed in the witch’s realm? What happened? I can’t stop thinking about it, so when I finally fall into a restless sleep, the frustrations inside me just keep building.

My body slowly begins to warm, like it’s heating up inside. Soothing sparks elicit from the core of my belly outward, I can feel strong arms wrapped around me, and a slow smile suddenly creeps up at the corners of my mouth. When I suddenly feel soft pepper kisses against my cheek, a low rumble of his chest suddenly has excitement aching in my core.

I’m suddenly turning my entire body into him, his lips instantly on mine in a heartbeat, devouring me hungrily like a starved man. And I want to ask him how he managed to get through the portal with the enchantment still on it. Still, Wolf doesn’t give me the chance to speak, his tongue diving into my mouth and claiming complete dominance, and all I want is more.

His lips begin trailing down my neck, which has me gasping as my pelvis pushes up against his stiff bulge, “I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper as a small gasp escapes my lips, “I love you.”

“I love you more,” His mouth is suddenly back on mine, and I know that I need him more than I’ve ever needed him before,

“I need you,” My needy moan suddenly has him intertwining his fingers with mine.

His lips nipping at the soft flesh in my neck as my legs suddenly wrap around his waist. “Please,” I’m pleading, begging him to take me and claim me; I’ve missed him so much, and at this moment, I never want to let him go again.

“Sasha,” His breath suddenly fans my ear, a shudder running down my spine as I moan.

I can feel his strength pushing up against my inner thigh, which instantly has me panting in anticipation of what I want from him.

I need him; I don’t know how he’s here, but now that he is, I’m never letting him go.

“Make love to me,” I’m panting through a hungry moan, and he’s suddenly tightening his hold around me,

“Are you sure you’re ready?” His voice purring beside my ear, and his question throws me momentarily as my brows furrow; since when has Wolf ever asked me if I was sure when he knew I was? He knows my body; it belongs to him. But I’m too far gone now to dwell on it nodding; "Yes," I'm suddenly whimpering the word “Please.”

He slowly starts trailing kisses down my neck, in between my cleavage. Oh...

Lifting my shirt up at the sides, he slowly trails kisses down my stomach, tiny sparks erupting from my skin the lower he goes. My heart is beating so hard, so fast. I love him with all I am; I’m suddenly feeling so alive, every part of me re-connecting with itself somehow; it’s mind-blowing. My sleep shorts slowly begin moving down my hips, his skilful tongue lapping and tasting at my soft flesh below my naval."Mmm," The sound escaping my lips only has him sucking and tasting me harder.

He continues trailing more kisses downward until he’s only inches away from my heat; my breathing is suddenly incredibly laboured. When he nips at the flesh against my inner thigh, I gasp as I groan out his name, “Wolf.”

The moment his body stills against mine, he slowly pulls away. And it’s like everything suddenly snaps together, immediately pulling me out of a haze, my eyes slowly opening to look into his confused ones. And it’s then that my stomach drops into a hollow abyss. The moment I realized what had just happened, the moment I called him Wolf, he realized it too. And the awkward silence suddenly stretching on between us feels like it’s suffocating us both.

There’s a raw sadness in his eyes and utter shock in mine as our eyes remain locked. For a second longer, I’m trying to process what is going on when he lowers his eyes and pulls away. How? One second I was in Wolf’s arms, and then I opened my eyes; shock and panic suddenly began rushing into my chest.

“Atlas,” But he doesn’t look at me. Instead, he retreats like I’ve burnt him, “Atlas...” And without hesitation, I’m up on my feet right behind him, grabbing onto his arm as he turns to walk away. “Atlas, stop!” His body stills, but the tension in the arm I’m holding onto suddenly has a lump forming in my throat; I suddenly feel horrible, like the worst person in the world.

“I didn’t mean to... I thought it was a dream...” Turning to face me, his brows suddenly furrow, and I can see the pain in his eyes,

“It’s fine; you were dreaming about Wolf, I get it,” And the lump in my throat only continues to grow. Am I feeling guilty for dreaming about my mate? I mean, should I be feeling guilty at all?

“Atlas...” My voice suddenly feels so tiny, the hurt in his eyes suddenly feeling like my own. All I want is to console him, fix this, and take away his pain. I would do anything for Atlas, but compared to what I feel for Wolf, it’s different; it’s uncomparable.

I would demolish the entire universe if it tried to take Wolf from me. And I don’t know how to explain it to Atlas without sounding like I would choose Wolf over him, so all I can do is stand there staring at him as tears start to shimmer behind my eyes, I don't want to hurt him. “I just, I need time to get to grips with having two mates; it’s not something I know how to deal with, and...” Clenching his jaw, he looks down, his shoulders slumped as he shrugs,

“I’m not mad over it; I know it’s hard on you; it’s just...” Letting out a deep breath, he slowly looks up at me,

“I didn’t come in here to try and have sex with you, I was worried about you, and I wanted to be there for you, to hold you and keep you safe... after you stormed off earlier, all I wanted to do was go after you, but Eris... while Ronan’s away we’re both in charge of the castle, with her being future queen...” I suddenly clench my jaw as I look at him, my brows furrowing, and I can literally hear my teeth grinding together. I’m suddenly feeling horrible inside; the thought of Eris instantly has a sour taste in my mouth. I know that I shouldn’t; I don’t have all the facts, I don’t even know her, and the thought of that just makes me feel even worse.

“I don’t trust Eris,” I mumble as I look down, my fingers intertwining as I fidget with them. Atlas’s brows furrow in surprise to what I just said,

“Eris is... difficult at the best of times, but she’ll make a good queen, she’s a strong fighter, and she’ll make an equal tough leader by my side.” Swallowing hard, my eyes slowly lift to his,

“Do you love her?” His jaw suddenly clenches as his brows furrow,

“No, of course not.”

“How can you marry someone you don’t love, someone who isn’t your fated?” The mere thought of living your life like that, has an instant hollow ache forming inside of me. Sighing he scrubs a hand over his face,

“Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to; it’s called running a kingdom.” Smirking, I shake my head at him,

“So why come to me when you plan on marrying her? Am I just someone to have fun with until you make her your wife?” I’m suddenly wrapping my arms around myself, feeling this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach because right now, I feel like the cheap mistress Atlas keeps hidden at the furthest end of the castle, the one he won't marry but won't let go either.

His brows instantly furrow as he shakes his head at me,

“What, no, of course not,” He suddenly wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest. “Don’t you ever say things like that again; I would do anything for you.” Pulling away from him, I suddenly take a step back as I lower my eyes,

“If you marry Eris, what will that make me?” Taking a step towards me, he slowly tilts my chin up to him; looking deep into my eyes, I can see many emotions swimming around his.

“What do you want, Sasha? Do you want to become Queen, to become mine and rule Aeonian by my side? I can’t base the future of this kingdom on a maybe; you’re in such a rush to leave that you won’t even give us a chance. I would fight my father to the death if I knew it was what you wanted, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, but you already have one foot out the door ready to go running back to Wolf, so you tell me, Sasha, where does that leave you?” His question suddenly has my lips parting to say something, but no words come out because I don’t know, I just don’t know. I want to go back to Wolf, and if given a chance, I would grab it and run into that portal right now. But this whole Eris thing keeps bugging me, the visions from last night; I’ve never had them like that before, so clear. Eris is hiding something, so how can I just leave and allow her to become Queen? And Atlas, looking up at him, my bottom lip suddenly quivers at the thought of him marrying someone who isn’t his fated mate. Suddenly, I’m riddled with guilt; no matter what I choose, someone will get hurt either way.

Atlas leans forward and pushes his forehead against mine as he wraps his arms around my waist; pulling against his chest, I slowly start to feel that same warmth and sparks eliciting through my body. Closing my eyes, I allow myself to feel the calming effects of his energy because right now, I really need it.

“I want you to be happy, Sasha, and I know you would be happy here with me.” Placing a gentle kiss against my forehead, he sighs when he pulls away slowly, “I’ve got to go sort out some stuff; I’ll see you a little later, okay?” Nodding, I lower my eyes to the floor; the moment he leaves and shuts the door behind him, I’m suddenly left with a feeling of emptiness inside of me.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly let it out; I need to figure this out, but how? Gasping out as I suddenly grab hold of my stomach, I’m struck by a sharp pain in my stomach; I instantly clench my jaw; what the hell?

Swallowing a heavy lump in my throat, my wolf is suddenly incredibly restless; she’s whining as she paces, the feeling so unsettling that I’m instantly nauseous.

My brows knit together in confusion, and the stabbing pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I’m grimacing, groaning as I grab my stomach with both arms, squeezing my eyes shut as my entire body spasms.

The door suddenly swings open, and Circen barges in all cheerfully into my room, followed by Noah and Liam. My squinted eyes fly up to them as their happy faces suddenly drop, concern suddenly sketched across their features as they rush over to me,

“Hey, you okay?” Noah’s right by my side, supporting me as he wraps his arms around me, the moment his eyes land on mine, I can see their concern. “Sasha, what’s wrong?” Shaking my head, the pain begins to dull, and as quickly as it came, it disappears. Leaving me feeling even more confused,

“I don’t know; I just had this strange sharp pain in my stomach,”

“Strange like how?”

“I don’t know how to describe it; I think I just need to get back to Wolf.” And I don’t know why, but I’ve never had a strong need to be back with him as I did when I felt that sharp pain.

“Do you want to lie down?” Shaking my head, I give Noah and then Circen and Liam my most convincing I’m fine smile,

“The pain is gone; I feel fine, really.” Poor Noah still doesn’t look convinced; Liam suddenly hands me a cup of... the moment the aroma hits my nose, I instantly moan,

“Coffee,” And I’ve never needed caffeine as much as this moment; taking the cup from him, I quickly peck him on the cheek as I say, “Thank you.” I instantly have him blushing as he smiles with a nod. Liam is such a sweet friend, seriously quiet and reserved but sweet.

Circe’s brows furrow as she gives me a questioning look,

“You’re probably just missing your wolf mate; he marked you, right?” Nodding, I take a sip of my warm coffee and almost melt in the intoxicating dark rich flavour,

“Yes, we’re newly marked; my wolf is just feeling restless; I think the pain in my stomach was her.” Circen suddenly gives me a sympathetic smile.

“It’s natural for your wolf to miss him, Sasha. Hopefully, once Ronan gets back from the Seelie court, we’ll be able to figure out what to do about Lisbon and the curse,” Nodding my brows furrow as I stare into my cup of steaming hot coffee,

“Yeah, hopefully.”

Circen suddenly pulls me from my reverie when she takes my hand and starts leading me over to the couch near the fireplace; sitting down, she pulls me down to sit beside her. Noah and Liam slowly make their way over to us and then take the couch opposite ours,

“Now, will you please tell us what went down last night with Caleb outside his room, or are you going to keep us in the dark?” When those words leave her mouth, I’m suddenly blinking at Circen.

“Um...” My mind is suddenly racing; how am I meant to respond to that? Is Circen upset that I went into the woods with Caleb? And I’m suddenly rambling as the words come out in a jumble,

“Atlas made me do it,” She suddenly blinks in confusion as her brows come together,

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Atlas, he wanted Caleb to teach me how to use a sword, and then he took me into the woods to train...” I’m still rambling when Circen suddenly bursts out laughing,

“Jeez, slow down; we know all that; you can relax.” Looking over at Liam, he’s also chuckling at my ramblings, but Noah isn’t; his jaw is suddenly tight as he sits back against the couch watching us, his arms are folded over his chest, and I’m suddenly concerned, is he okay?

“I’m talking about what happened outside his bedroom door with Eris?” My head instantly snaps over to her as my brows furrow in response,

“Eris?”

“Um, yeah, I don’t know what you did, but I’ve never seen Eris so unhinged and pissed off.” And I’m suddenly blinking in confusion,

“I- I didn’t do anything,” Snorting she merely rolls her eyes at me,

“Yeah, according to her, you were throwing yourself at Caleb, and he threw you out of his room.” My jaw suddenly drops as my eyes widen, my muscles instantly tensing in response,

“What!? I didn’t; she’s lying; I would never...” I’m suddenly blurting out the words, completely horrified by Eris's accusations.

“Relax, Sasha,” Circen chuckles, “You should see your face; of course, we know she’s lying. This is Eris, we’re talking about, I mean, she would kill her own twin if it meant her powers would double in strength.” Frowning, I’m suddenly giving her a questioning look,

“Who’s her twin?” Turning her head to look at Liam, she suddenly gives him an apologetic look, and my eyes suddenly land on him as they widen in surprise,

“Liam, he’s her twin?” And I can’t help the shocked look on my face; nodding slowly, he grimaces,

“Yeah, she’s my younger twin, but don’t worry, there’s no love loss between us. She would kill me and take my powers if she could have her way.” He shrugs nonchalantly, and I can’t help but give him an apologetic look.

“Liam, I’m so sorry...” Smirking, he shakes his head,

“Don’t be; I’m not. But I definitely don’t look forward to having to call her queen Eris,” Grimacing, he suddenly groans as he scrubs a hand over his face, “That will kill me.” And Circen grimaces as well as she nods,

“Yeah, can you imagine how miserable she’ll make our lives once she becomes Queen? I wish she would just replace her mate and call off this arranged marriage to Atlas?” I’m suddenly blinking back the surprised look at her words; I’m quickly diverting my eyes as I look away from her. If she knew who Eris’s mate was, she wouldn’t be so desperate for him to replace her.

“Anyway, so changing the subject,” Circen says with a smile back on her face as she looks at me, “How was your training with Caleb? He’s pretty amazing with a sword,” She says, beaming as her smile widens, and it’s then that I hear Noah scoff; the moment I turn my head to look at him, he’s rolling his eyes in response. Still giving Noah a questioning look, I turn my head back to look at Circen,

“Yeah, he definitely doesn’t go soft on you, that’s for sure; what’s the deal with him anyway? He’s such a...”

“Psycho,” Noah smirks, suddenly annoyed. And Circen and I turn our heads to give him a questioning look; what’s up with him today? I’ve never seen Noah irritable before; he’s usually such a happy-go-lucky guy.

“I was going to say a closed book,” I shrug with a smirk, but Circen doesn’t look impressed with Noah’s little comment,

“Caleb is not psycho; he’s just been through a lot,” Turning her head to look at me, she shrugs, “He lost his twin brother Cole eight months ago.” Eight months ago, I didn’t realize it happened just a few months ago. “He died in a freak accident eight months ago; it was horrible; he was attacked by a wolf.”

“A wolf?” I repeat, trying to seem surprised because I know about the wolf; I saw him in a vision.

“Yeah,” Noah responds with a shrug, “We used to have wolves in our realm, but it was because of what happened to Cole that Ronan and the Seelie Queen banned wolves from our realm,” Clenching my jaw, I suddenly look down at my cup,

“And that’s why Caleb is the way he is now?” I ask slowly, looking up at Circen,

“Yeah, I mean, he’s always been...”

“Psycho,” Noah repeats, cutting Circen off. I’m suddenly getting the impression that Noah doesn’t like Caleb. Rolling her eyes at Noah, Circen gives him a hard stare,

“I was going to say unapproachable,”

“Whatever, Circe, he’s insane, and you know it.” He retorts,

“He’s not insane, Noah. He’s a little different; why is it such a big deal?” She snaps at him, and Liam and my eyes widen as we look at Circen and Noah. Narrowing his eyes, Noah suddenly gets up and steps in front of Circen, staring her down. The whole energy shifts on its head, having both Liam and me looking at them in confusion.

“He’s a psychopath, Circe, and you know it. Just because he lets you hook up with him doesn’t make him normal,”

“He’s not a psychopath,” She suddenly jumps up, and all of a sudden, it’s like a stand-off between these two; I’m so confused that I can only stare at them with my jaw slack. “Noah. Jeez, what’s suddenly gotten into you? Why do you care what I do with Caleb?”

“Of course, I care, he’s just using you, but you’re too blind to see it. He’s never going to love you like...” Suddenly shutting his mouth, Noah swallows hard as he looks down, “I...” Shaking his head, he suddenly steps back as he scrubs his hands through his hair, “You know what, do whatever you want; I can’t be here right now.” Stepping around her, he’s suddenly bolting for the door, and Circen instantly spins around with a look of utter shock on her face when she calls out to him,

“Noah!” But he’s long gone, and we’re all looking at each other with confused frowns. “What just happened? Noah has never reacted like that before.” Circen's suddenly biting down against her bottom lip, concern and worry sketched across her face. And I don’t know why, but Caleb’s words come rushing back to me about Noah, ’You look at Noah like he’s some kind of saint, he’s just as much of a monster as I am, he just doesn’t know it yet.” And his words suddenly have me feeling really concerned for my friend. What’s going on with Noah?

~

Circen and Liam stayed a bit longer, but I could see that she worried about Noah after his outburst. Hence, they left to go and replace him, I offered to go with them, but she said I should stay in case he decided to return here.

Looking out of my balcony window, I suddenly notice Noah down below; my brows furrow when I see him sitting on the edge of the bridge, staring aimlessly into the water, falling further down; there’s no one else around him. Something suddenly tells me to go to him.

When I finally make my way outside and onto the bridge, I’m suddenly approaching him cautiously; what if he doesn’t want company? What if he snaps at me? Taking a deep breath, I suddenly shake it off, this is Noah, and whatever is going on with him, he’s my friend, and I’ll always be here for him.

“Hey, mind if I sit with you?” I ask as I come to sit down beside him, but he doesn’t even look at me when he responds with a shrug.

“I’m not really the best company right now.” Shrugging, I sigh as I give him a playful nudge,

“Well, when I wasn’t very good company, you never gave up on me, so what kind of friend would I be if I just gave up on you? Besides, everyone’s allowed to have an off day.” Smirking, he swallows hard,

“It’s a bit more than an off day,” Taking a deep breath, he slowly turns his head to look at me, “I don’t know what happened; Circen didn’t deserve me going off at her like that. I just...”

“What, Noah? You can tell me.”

“The past two days, I’ve had this weird feeling inside me; I can’t explain it.”

“Can you try too?” I say encouragingly,

“Circen and I have been best friends since we were babies, but for the last two days... Whenever she talks about Caleb, I get furious inside, and that’s not me; I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“You’re in love with her.” His head suddenly snaps up in my direction with wide eyes,

“Jeez, no, no way. We’ve never been attracted to each other like that.” Giving him a sympathetic look, I shrug as I look down at the water,

“That was before; things can change, you know; what if it turns out she’s your mate.” Shaking his head, he looks back down at the water with a frown, smirking he gulps,

“She can’t be my mate; Circen deserves better than someone like me,” And I’m suddenly surprised by his response,

“What do you mean someone like you, Noah? You’re an amazing guy, funny, genuine, sincere, handsome, sweet and kind; you tick all the boxes. Smirking, he sighs,

“Yeah, but I’m not Caleb, and Caleb is who Circen wants. And the thing is, I don’t even know what she sees in him; the guy’s a ticking time bomb, all dark and broody; one day, his tether is going to snap and then what, since his brother died, it’s like he’s just gotten worse over the past few months.” Shrugging, he says, “It doesn’t matter anyway, they’ll probably end up being fated mates, and then my feelings won’t matter to her.” Giving him a sympathetic look, I take his hand in mine and give it a slight squeeze,

“You should tell her how you feel, Noah.” Squeezing my hand, he gives me a lopsided smile,

“Haven’t you heard? Nice guys finish last. The bad boy always gets the girl; it’s the messed-up ways of the world. I just want her to be happy, to really be happy.” Turning my head to look at him, I’m suddenly seeing the sadness in his eyes, and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Noah look so sad, and my heart suddenly wants to break for him when I blurt out,

“I don’t think they’re fated mates,” Scoffing he rolls his eyes as he looks at me,

“Oh really, little miss sunshine, and you know this how?” Shrugging, I give him a small encouraging smile,

“Call it a hunch.” Giving me a small smile, Noah slowly shakes his head and then sighs,

“Well, I don’t know about your hunch, but if you’re up for it, you can come and help me make it rain.” I’m suddenly giving him a questioning look,

“Didn’t you make it rain last night?” And Noah suddenly has a mischievous grin on his face when he shrugs,

“Yeah, but I know it’ll piss on Caleb’s parade if I drench his seedlings, and right now, that’s all I’ve got, so...” Rolling my eyes at him, I’m suddenly smiling as I shrug with a cheeky wink,

“Well, in that case, let’s make some rain.”