I am Sam
Chapter Nineteen

SASHA

I haven’t been able to get much sleep these past few nights; images of Wolf with another she-wolf are plaguing my dreams, turning them into nightmares; it doesn’t help that tonight is the full moon, and I haven’t seen nor heard from Caleb since the incident in my room with Asher; the truth is no one has seen Caleb, I don’t know if he’s in his room or not; because each time that I come to stand before his door, it’s wholly barricaded with thorny vines; and it doesn’t matter how much I try to force them apart with my own magic, I can’t, they’re tightly gripped and intertwined together.

Asher has been popping into my room every so often; he’s such a strange guy; he won’t sleep in my room; he prefers the forest to the comforts of a bed or a couch. Every time I suggested he have a bath in my bathroom, you would swear I was asking him to amputate a limb or something; he would back peddle so fast out of my room through the window, saying that the river is the only place he washes. Strange guy.

Ronan has been keeping Atlas so busy, but Atlas keeps sneaking off to spend time with me whenever he can; he’s been training out in the forest with me; he even taught me how to use a bow and arrow; it’s something I took to quite quickly, way easier than how long it took me to get a handle on using a sword that is. Atlas pushes me, but he isn’t Caleb; he holds back like he’s scared of hurting me. I don’t want him to hold back, and somehow I’m missing Caleb’s training lessons; how crazy messed up is that?

Atlas is my comfort, the one and only person I can go to and rely on for support. When he holds me tightly against his chest, I can cry and let it out without feeling like I need to explain myself; we’ve become incredibly close these past few days since I nearly killed him. He’s my brother, my rock and the only solid foundation in this place. Honestly, I don’t know how we ever got through life without each other in this way; I can never see my life without my twin in it now.

~

I’m making my way towards the kitchen; I went for a run late this afternoon, so I’m all sweaty and sticky, but I needed to burn off some built-up energy; considering what tonight represents, I’m incredibly on the edge and irritable.

Buttering a slice of toast before grabbing some bacon in front of me set out on the table by the kitchen maid, my moment of silence is suddenly disturbed by an unwanted presence the moment Eris walks in, she’s all dressed in her usual black attire from head to toe, pulling off the sinister bitch look like she was born for the role. Her long, pin-straight white blonde hair comes down to her elbows, and as much as I’m trying to ignore her while I eat my slice of bacon toast, my wolf is so edgy that it’s proving to be quite tricky. I secretly wish she’ll push my buttons, my skin all prickly as my wolf vibrates through me in anticipation. The moment she does, I can’t help the satisfied smirk that suddenly creeps up in a grin at the corners of my lips.

“Sasha, I was meant to ask you how twin bonding has been going with Atlas, you know, since replaceing out that he’s you’re brother and not your... lover.” Turning her head to give a devilish grin, I swallow down on the bite in my mouth before giving her the best fuck you smile I possibly can muster up just for her.

“What does my twin bonding time have to do with you, Eris?” Smirking, she sighs as she twirls her finger through her long white hair,

“As the future queen, it has everything to do with me. Atlas will soon be my husband, and I’ll get to have all of him, so you see, whatever affects him, affects me.” Narrowing my eyes at her, I’m suddenly grinding against my teeth, the following words suddenly spewing out of me as a low growl reverberates through my chest,

“It will be a cold day in hell before I allow my brother to marry you.” She suddenly blinks back in surprise but then smirks with another grin,

“And you’re going to stop me. How exactly? Ronan wants us to be mated and married; he can’t wait for Atlas and me to have our own children and...” I suddenly cut her off as my wolf surges with deep yellow in the green; blue, and red of my eyes,

“You have some deep dark secrets, Eris, and I know some of them, like how you’re fated to Caleb; but that he can’t stand you; even after he fucked you, he still doesn’t want to be with you,” Her grin suddenly falters when she glares back at me, “Or how about how you’re to blame for Cole’s death, and ultimately responsible for the Ultima wolves being banned from the witches realm,” Gulping, her brows suddenly furrow nervously as she clenches her jaw, “I know about Asher,” The moment I mention his name she swallows hard as she takes in a quick breath. Narrowing my eyes as they pierce hers, my wolf is swirling around my eyes, suddenly more prickly than she’s ever been before when another growl surpasses through my throat, “I won’t stop digging, Eris, not until I know everything you’ve done, and then when I do, I’ll take all of it to Ronan,” Clenching her jaw tighter she suddenly smirks as she narrows her eyes at me,

“What makes you think he doesn’t already know?” And I suddenly blink back in surprise as my brows furrow in response; of course, Ronan knows, somehow I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s behind it. The moment I smirk before looking back up at her, I suddenly cock a brow at her,

“But does Atlas know?” Eris glares at me when she mutters, “Bitch,” Before suddenly lunging forward across the table at me, knocking plates as she comes straight at me like a lunatic; the moment she grips me around my throat, it’s like my wolf instantly goes berzerk when I twist my body with hers as I grab her shoulders, we’re suddenly tumbling to the floor. Plates and cutlery shattering and clanking all around us as she relentlessly starts scratching at my face, but I’ve got her pinned down, she’s strong and feisty, but she forgets one fundamental difference with me, my wolf is being driven by the weight of the full moon tonight; so when I grip her by her hair hard and yank her head back, she isn’t expecting the sudden surge of strength fueled behind me.

“You bitch!” She screams at me, “I’ll kill you, I swear I’ll kill you,” She seethes and screeches. Caleb must be rubbing off on me because her manic chaotic behaviour is only fueling a sudden need and hunger to tear her a new one; I want to fight her; I’m not scared of her like I was before.

She suddenly grabs for a knife off the floor. My reaction comes so quickly as I punch her square in the nose, blood splurging everywhere as she screams, and it’s then that I notice arms wrapping themselves around me and pulling me off her.

Still glaring down at her, I’ve got Noah’s arms around my waist, pulling me back, and Circen is pulling Eris back. Her bloody nose is smeared across her face as she glares back at me, and all I want is for Noah to let go of me; I’m ready to end this bitch right here, and now, my wolf swirling fiercely as more prickly sensations shoot up and down my body,

“Sasha! Hey! Calm down, come on, she isn’t worth it, stop!” He’s pleading with me when Eris’s eyes suddenly glaze over with white as she begins chanting, but Circen merely spins her around and shoves her back against the cupboard behind her before glaring fiercely at her,

“No! No incantations in the castle, you know that, Eris, don’t be stupid.” She snaps at her, which instantly has Eris snapping her mouth shut, “Now, what the hell is going on in here?” Circen looks from Eris to me and then back towards Eris again, but neither of us is talking; we’re just glaring at each other. “Well, is somebody going to talk?” But still nothing, instead Eris turns her head back to look at Noah when she narrows them,

“Get your mate off me, Noah, or I swear...”

“You’ll what!?” Noah suddenly snaps furiously at her; the sudden harshness in his tone even has me flinching; Woah, I’ve never heard him bark like that. He’s glaring at her with a sudden loathing I’ve never seen in his eyes. I understand where it’s coming from; Circen is his mate. From my understanding, dragons are even more protective and possessive of their mates than elemental witches. Noah’s dragon is showing in his eyes as he glares at Eris.

“Okay, let’s just all calm down,” Circen says as she speaks calmly as if to soothe Noah, who’s now gripping me even tighter than before; jeez buddy, if you grasp me any closer, you’ll snap a rib, I think to myself as I furrow my brows up at him.

Circen suddenly lets go of Eris and steps back, “Get out of here, Eris, and leave Sasha alone, or I swear you’ll have both Noah and me come after you.” Narrowing her eyes at Circen; Eris smirks,

“You’ll be sorry you sided with her,” She seethes before quickly spinning in the direction of the door and rushing out. Circen, however, instantly moves in front of us, her eyes trained on Noah’s when she places both her hands against his cheeks,

“Noah, shhh, Noah, calm down, breathe...” She’s trying to soothe him because right now, it feels like his hold is crushing me; he’s my friend, I don’t want to fight back and hurt him, but man, his grip is intense. His breathing is heavy and laboured; he’s clearly trying to calm his dragon down,

“Noah, look at me, I’m fine, Eris is gone, she won’t hurt me, she’s gone, Noah,” And as she slowly pushes her forehead against his, I’m suddenly sandwiched between them when he crushes his lips to hers. Great.

He kisses her with such urgency, and all I can do is turn my head away; as much as I love these two, this is way closer than I would ever want to be with them. But I suppose the kissing works because, in the next breath, Noah lets go of me and grips Circen around her waist before turning and shoving her up against the wall to his right; his breathing is still laboured, but I quickly realize it’s for a whole different reason now. And I immediately decide to duck out there; watching them go at each other like wild animals is not something I want to stick around for; the last thing I hear him murmur before I gap it for the door is, “You’re mine, Circe, I’ll kill anyone who touches you.”

Getting back to my room, my wolf is only growing edgier by the second; it seems that she's pacing up and down inside of me, bursting to be set free, and I know why; she can feel the onset of the full moon tonight.

Going to stand in front of my bathroom mirror with a damp cloth, I take in my appearance; I’ve got dry blood smeared across my face from Eris, the girl had it coming, and she’s lucky the only thing she got was a bloodied broken nose. To attack me like that over what I said is a clear indication that I struck a nerve, a big nerve.

As I wipe the first bit of blood from my face, my bedroom door suddenly swings wide open; leaping out of the bathroom to see what’s going on, I’m suddenly startled to replace Caleb standing in my room, his fists clenched as he stares down. Before I can even say anything, he marches up to me and grips me by my wrist so forcefully before turning and pulling me behind him as I shriek,

“Caleb?” But he doesn’t answer me. Instead, he only tightens his grip against my wrist. We’re already halfway down towards his bedroom when I suddenly yank my wrist back, but he’s got a damn iron grip on me,

“Caleb, what the hell are you doing?” I shriek, suddenly feeling really confused by how strange he’s acting,

“It’s the full moon tonight, isn’t it?” He grumbles without looking at me,

“Yes,” I mumble as my brows furrow in response,

“Well, I said I would take care of you tonight, didn’t I?” He grumbles even louder,

“Yes, but that was before...”

“Before what!?” He suddenly snaps at me as he swings around to stare down at me, “I gave you my fucking word, didn’t I?” The moment he looks at me, I suddenly gasp, the darkness of his eyes instantly taking my breath away as I widen my eyes in response; if Caleb looked dangerous before, then he definitely looks like he’s half demon tonight. Before I can say anything, he’s suddenly pulling me with him again; the moment we get to his room, the thorny vines just part on their own, like even they are afraid of him.

Suddenly gulping as I frown at him, he quickly shuts the door behind us, thorny vines closing the door to stop anyone from getting in or me from getting out. Gulp.

Letting go of my wrist, he suddenly goes up to the wall, bolted into the wall is a round hook, frowning I’m suddenly feeling confused as I watch him pick up a sturdy-looking rope,

“If you need to pee, do it now,” He grumbles, his back towards me as he speaks,

“Why?”

“Once I tie you to this wall, you’re not going anywhere until it’s all over.” Swallowing hard, I suddenly blink back the shock on my face,

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,”

“Yeah, I heard you, but I’m trying to understand what’s going on in you’re head. I haven’t seen you for...”

“This isn’t about me, Sasha!” He suddenly barks at me, which instantly has me snapping my mouth shut, “Do you want to be walking around while you’re in heat?” Clenching my jaw, I suddenly remember the first time it happened as I take in a quick breath of air,

“No,” I say, my voice suddenly feeling small.

“Well then, do what you need to do and get over here so I can tie you to this wall,” Gulping hard, I quickly turn around when I realize he’s not messing around; he actually plans on tying me to that round hook bolted into the wall.

By the time I’m standing against the wall, Caleb is vigorously binding my wrists together; he won’t look up at me; his movements are cold and calculated.

“Caleb, I...” But he merely cuts me off when he threads the rope through the hook,

“What happened to your face?” I'm startled by his question when I answer him,

“Um, I got into a fight,” He suddenly stills as his dark hooded eyes lift to look at me,

“A fight, with whom?”

“Eris,” Narrowing his eyes, he clenches his jaw,

“Did she hurt you?” His question suddenly has me smirking as I roll my eyes at him,

“This is her blood, not mine.” And it’s then that a sudden spark of something even more dangerous swirls in his eyes when he smirks,

“Who were you fighting over?”

“Well, you, but...” And I’m about to continue by telling him that it was also to do with Atlas and Asher when he suddenly smirks before running the soft pad of his thumb across my bottom lip,

“You shouldn’t fight with Eris over me, little one; I’m not worth it,” my brows instantly furrow in response; since when did I become little one again?

Pulling away from me, he continues tying a double knot into the hook above my head; giving him a questioning look, I raise a brow at him,

“Boy scouts?” Smirking, he shakes his head,

“I just have a raw talent for knots,” Gulping, I’m suddenly wondering if this was a good idea, having someone like Caleb tying me up in his room. Atlas’s words suddenly come rushing back to me; if Wolf saw me like this with Caleb, how would that make him feel?

“Caleb, I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” I suddenly mumble,

“Of course, it’s not a good idea; I’m tying you to the wall in my bedroom on the night when you’re about to go into heat,” He smirks with a low, sinister chuckle. “But have you got any other ideas?” He asks, suddenly looking down at me through his hooded eyes, but I don’t say anything because I can’t; I have no other option right now; it’s not like I can lock myself in my bedroom, if Ronan hears me screaming in agony, he’ll put two and two together, and know that we’ve been lying all this time.

~

It hurts so much; that I can hardly think straight. Caleb’s big plan to tie me up when I go into heat; gagging me to muffle my screams while he cranks up his heavy metal music and watches over me, seemed like the only option at the time, but now I’m not so sure; my fever suddenly has things spiralling out of control when I swing myself around to face him; tears streaming down my face as I whimper; my eyes are suddenly pleading for him to make it stop; and as he reluctantly comes to stand in front of me, gently running his hand down my cheek, he swallows hard. I can see it in his eyes; he suddenly can’t fight it; he wants this; he wants to claim me. The moment he pulls the gag down and crushes his lips to mine; I feel the aching sensation in my core burning its way down my legs, squeezing my legs together; I tighten my grip around the ropes; I hate this feeling, the tighter I push my legs together the friction only has the sensation intensifying within me. As much as I don’t want this, my body is betraying me; my animalistic side wants this so badly.

Suddenly pulling away and turning my face to the side as I squeeze my eyes shut, I’m biting down hard against the inside of my mouth until I can taste the metallic tang of my own blood on my lips. Pulling my face back to him, I hear a deep grumble reverberate through his chest, noticing a thin trickle of blood running down the corner of my mouth. A sudden excitement has the corners of his mouth turning up with a smirk,

“I like seeing blood on you,” He mumbles before dipping down and running his tongue up my chin, licking up the blood running down it. “Even more when I get to taste it,” He groans.

“Caleb, please, stop...” I’m whimpering; my body says I want this, but my heart and head are screaming for him to stop. My eyes are still closed when he pushes his forehead against mine,

“Open your fucking eyes and look at me, Sasha,” The moment I do, his dark eyes are piercing mine, and I can see it in them; something so cruel has taken over; it’s like he doesn’t care when crushing his lips to mine his tongue again suddenly begins dominating my mouth. A deep groan vibrates through him when he pulls back and sucks on my bottom lip, making a popping sound as he pulls it between his lips. “I can take away your pain and replace it with my own,” He grumbles against my lips. Shaking my head, I suddenly cry out in pain,

“No... Caleb... No!” I whimper between cries; the moment he cups his hand over my heat, I suddenly groan when I reluctantly push my pelvis into his hand, wincing at how good it feels to have it there; I suddenly hate myself. I hate that my body wants this so badly. The moment his hand slowly dips into my tights, and his lips again crush and dominate mine, Wolf’s face suddenly pops into my mind; seeing him with that she-wolf, the pain I felt and still feel over it; and it’s like an inferno of rage suddenly pulsates through me the moment I scream, “No!” A sudden blue beam of energy explodes from me and collides straight into Caleb, launching him back through the air as he smacks into the wall on the other side of the room with a loud thud.

I’m gasping for air between the pain and fever, the warmth of my core aching for a release as I stand glaring at Caleb, and don’t ask me why, but at that moment, I link Atlas, it’s probably the worst idea given the circumstances, but I don’t know what else to do. The moment I do, I scream out again. I don’t know if he heard me asking him to help me, but I suddenly can't focus.

Slowly rising to his feet, Caleb has a wicked grin on his lips when he tilts his head to look at me through his dark eyes; he’s turned on by what I just did instead of being pissed off. A sudden sharp shooting pain has me screaming out in agony; my fever is getting worse; I can feel it; I’m suddenly panting hard as I pull against the ropes of my bondage. It’s then that Caleb suddenly clenches his jaw; it’s like he’s fighting an urge as he clenches his fists by his sides, “What the fuck am I doing,” He grumbles, lowering his eyes to the floor. The moment I cry out again, it’s like something snaps into place with him; he suddenly grabs for his phone lying on his bed, scrolls through it, and the moment the song starts playing, it’s the heaviest metal song I’ve ever heard, he cranks up his speakers until it feels like it's slicing through my head.

My body is twisting and turning with the onset of each burning ache inside me; the moment Caleb appears in front of me, he immediately slides the gag back over my mouth before stepping away from me and lowering his eyes to the ground, I’m crying out, but it’s wholly muffled. This is like a nightmare I’m living in right now when the vines against the door suddenly fall down to the floor; Caleb furrows his brows as he looks over at the door, only to have it swing wide open and have Atlas storm in. He suddenly takes in with wide eyes what he’s seeing when he looks from Caleb to me and back at Caleb again; furrowing his brows, he suddenly bellows through the blaring music,

“What are you doing with my sister?!” Using his powers, he suddenly slams the door shut behind him before stepping up and in Caleb’s face; his eyes explode with blue sparks as he glares at Caleb; I’ve never seen Atlas this angry before. The moment he grips Caleb around his throat and shoves him back against the wall behind him, Caleb doesn’t even fight him. Instead, he allows Atlas to push him around. “Turn down your music!” Atlas shouts, trying to throw his voice over the blaring metal music; looking him in the eyes, Caleb clenches his jaw and narrows his eyes at him before moving his hand across the air, the music instantly lowering itself.

“I can’t fucking be in this room with her,” He grumbles through gritted teeth,

“What’s going on?” Atlas shouts, shoving him back again. Smirking, Caleb suddenly cocks his head at him,

“It’s the full moon, Atlas; look at her, do the math, man,” He grumbles back. And when Atlas slowly turns his head in my direction, they suddenly widen as he gulps.

“You mean...” And he instantly looks horrified. I’m whimpering, panting as I turn my face away; I don’t want him to see me like this, the memory of the last full moon still way too fresh. Gulping, Atlas blinks before turning his head back to look at Caleb.

ATLAS

“So you tied her up?” Nodding, Caleb suddenly looks angry as he narrows his eyes before looking down,

“I can’t watch over her; I thought I would be able to, but...”

“I’ll do it,” I suddenly mumble without even thinking twice about it, clenching my fists. I know this sounds insane. Scoffing, Caleb cocks a questioning brow at me,

“You?” Looking him dead in the eye, I give him a challenging look,

“She’s my sister,”

“Yeah, but she’s still the girl you wanted to fuck a month ago, remember that?” Caleb scoffs, tightening my grip around his throat. I’m suddenly squeezing.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Swallowing hard, Caleb looks down,

“If you’re serious, you’ll need to crank up the music when it starts getting bad; I did some research,” He says, looking up at me, “If you think it was bad before, this time will be even worse, every month that goes by, her heat becomes more intense, more painful. That’s why we need to get this fucking curse lifted and get her back to her mate; if it carries on like this, her heat could kill her.” The moment he says that, my jaw goes slack, and a thousand different scenarios suddenly have my mind going in overdrive; ever since a month ago, I didn’t even think about the fact that this could get worse for her; I can’t lose her, she’s my twin, my responsibility to protect.

Her muffled scream suddenly pulls me out of my thoughts when I let go of Caleb and swing around to face her, she won’t even look at me, and I know why, which only makes me feel worse.

“Go, Cal, I’ll watch over her; she’s my sister, my responsibility,” I grumble, nodding. Caleb picks up his phone before handing it to me,

“It’s on autoplay; it’s the most hardcore I’ve got. It will help to drown it out,”

“You mean so no one else will hear her?”

“No, man, it’s so that you won’t.” Clenching my jaw, I nod again as I look up at her, she’s in so much pain, and this time it’s not lusting; I feel for her; it’s a pity. She’s going through hell right now because she’s away from Wolf, and some of it is partially my fault.

When Caleb leaves the room, he instantly barricades the door with vines, and I’m suddenly left facing her as I crank up the music. I’m not one for heavy metal music, but honestly, it’s kind of fitting for the situation we’re in. As I go to sit down in the corner of the room, I’m staring at her; sweat droplets are running down her face as she tightens her grip against the ropes binding her. She’s whimpering, sobbing in between her panting; and as I watch her, my jaw is tight and my brows furrowed, I suddenly decide to do something; I choose to mind link her,

“Sasha?” But she doesn’t respond; her face is turned away from me, whimpering harder as she rubs her upper thighs together. Fuck, this is insane; trying to understand the inner workings of a wolf, I’m instantly relieved that I’m not mated to one; it would drive me out of my mind to have to deal with this kind of stuff. Taking a deep breath, I try again, “Sasha?” Turning her head towards me, she slowly opens her eyes, but instead of speaking, the moment she links back, the only thing I feel is pain, gut-wrenching pain.

Wincing, my entire body tenses, fuck, this is insane. I immediately decide that I need to do something to help her; she can’t deal with this pain alone; if it’s enough to knock me, a grown-ass man, what is it doing to her? Looking up at her again, I’m suddenly focusing my energy on her; I want to try and take some of her pain, anything to help. The intense words of the music push me and fueling me as I focus harder, our eyes are locked, and as I watch her pain, it’s like it’s suddenly becoming mine too.

Groaning, I suddenly feel it come at me like a tidal wave; it’s intense, raw and enough to grip at your soul. How the fuck is she coping with this pain? The deeper I connect with her, the more I feel what she’s feeling. It’s intense; I’m suddenly pushing myself up into the corner of the room, clenching my fists as I wrap my arms around myself. I don’t know whether to sit, stand or pull my hair out. The sensation running through my body feels like the most intense pain I’ve ever felt; my dick is rock hard, not for her, but because of what she’s feeling. It’s enough to make me want to lose my mind.

My eyes are still on hers, and I can see that I’m helping her alleviate some of the sexual pain she’s going through; clenching my jaw, I swear I’ve never felt anything this intense before. The need and desire to fuck someone like an animal, it’s enough to have me wanting to bash my head against the wall just to get rid of this animalistic feeling spiralling out of control within my body.

It feels like it’s been hours since Sasha started her heat when she suddenly drops, hanging down from exhaustion. Only then can I unlink from her, and I know I’ve cum in my pants from how intense that was. Looking up at her, she’s passed out; I sit like that for another five minutes before slowly getting up. Walking over, I slowly start untying her bondage before catching her and pulling her up in my arms. She’s completely out as I slowly carry her over to Caleb’s bed, gently placing her down. She suddenly grips me around my neck when she mumbles, “Thank you.”

As much as I want to move away from her right now, I can’t. Lowering myself beside her, I hold her, pulling her tightly against my chest. I can’t help but feel sorry for her, fuck, is she meant to go through this every month until she gets back to Wolf?

Closing my eyes, I’m suddenly exhausted; this is crazy, witches, I understand, but wolves... thank fuck I’m not mated to one.