I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him – Chapter 38

Two years later..

Xavier’s point of view..

— I can’t wait Xavier..

My fiancée’s voice and her hand placed on mine force me to look away from the window to give her my full attention

. only offers him a smile, and places a k**s on his forehead.

“Stop worrying, you’ll see my parents will love you,” she continues, exhausted, laying her head against my shoulder.

— I hope so, Elisa.

Almost an hour into this plane, and she finally fell asleep,

letting my thoughts freely invade my mind.

I have been living in Turkey for almost two years, a magnificent country which has alleviated my pain, a different atmosphere, a new encounter with this innocent creature sitting by my side.

The clouds pass tirelessly before my eyes, unfortunately here we are on the way to France; we are going to get married soon… Elisa wants at all costs to put on her white dress in front of her parents, much to my misfortune;

I assured him that I can bring them to us but his family is large and having them all travel is not possible. And then I can’t run away forever; I knew that sooner or later I was going to go back there; this country where I have caused many more than one disaster, where memories haunt me day and night and a certain face does not leave my mind for a second.

I glance over at my fiancée who is grunting in her sleep,

clinging tightly to me. Elisa is a good woman but will

never occupy my already taken heart.

– Elisa, we have arrived, wake up, I whispered, caressing her cheek.

She slowly emerges from her deep sleep and flutters her long eyelashes a number of times.

— Have we arrived yet? , she exclaims excitedly.

I nod positively and try to share his enthusiasm.

Arrived at the airport, all our luggage in hand, we were waiting for a certain

Jamie, her driver she told me.

— He shouldn’t be coming long, I told him of our arrival a good

ten minutes ago already.

She slips her warm palm into mine, an angelic smile stretches her full lips, I intertwine our fingers and we walk side by side on this French land that I admit I missed enormously.

She suddenly releases my hand and runs like a fury, smiling at

lips towards a man in his forties, he takes her in his arms and turns her around… she hadn’t told me that she was so close to dear Jamie. I arrive at their height, stopping them in their reunion speech, and this kind man greets me warmly. He helps us

take our suitcases and guides us to the car parked not far from us.

The car journey is not easy with Elisa who blurts out an

impressive number of words… this woman is a real chatterbox: which is

starting to annoy me and amplifies my migraines.

I look at the familiar streets paraded, my jaw clenched impatient for all this to stop as quickly as possible… we will get married and get out of here as quickly as possible.

After half an hour of traveling, we finally arrived at our destination. A magnificent and immense villa faces us, my fiancée drags me impatiently with her and I can only follow her. Her family is waiting for us at the entrance,

seeing us arrived they rush towards her; all for a common embrace..

Their excessive reaction is understandable given that it has been a good six years since they last saw their tender and only daughter.

They finally notice me, they all scrutinize me from top to bottom without mentioning any details of my

Person, their smile that hangs on their face disappears just as soon… it doesn’t smell good..

— My darling, you didn’t tell me that Was he so old? , intervenes the one who I assume to be the father.

Five years apart isn’t much as far as I know, and my gray hairs haven’t appeared yet aside from a few that I can count on my fingertips. Being called old irritates me…It reminds me of the first time a certain blonde kid treated me like that.

Her insult amused me… forget Xavier!

— humm, don’t pay attention to my husband, young man, he loves to joke, you are rather very charming, exclaims the mother of my fiancée, rinsing her eye on my body.. An old lady comes closer to me, tells

me greets strangely and I freeze

when she slaps my butt.

— I approve of what my granddaughter says, you are a real sportsman at your age, she said without embarrassment.

This family is crazy, what the hell am I doing here?

A hand entwines my fingers, I meet the face of Elisa who smiles kindly at me…support Xavier; The sooner you get married, the better it will be!

— Don’t worry, they all love you already, so relax…

“Your family has a funny way of showing it,” I replied with a nervous laugh.

We all enter the house, my fiancée gives me a quick tour of the place, I let her know my need to rest and very quickly she guides us on what will serve as our bedroom for a few days.

I collapse heavily without further delay on the huge bed under the

curious gaze of Elisa.

— Dinner will be ready in less than an hour, don’t you want…? »

— I’m exhausted, I won’t be able to eat a single bite, I cut her off,

covering my eyes with my forearm.

She sits next to me, caresses my cheek and places a chaste k**s on my lips.

— As you wish, rest then I will join you later.

I nod, she leaves our room right after and I now replace myself alone, easily joining the delicious arms of Morpheus.

Unbearable heat prevents me from sleeping properly. My eyelids open lazily revealing the total darkness of the room, I release Elisa’s long brown hair which tickles my face unpleasantly, she is practically lying on top of me, which prevents me from making any movement.

I caress with my fingertips her bare shoulder which shivers at my

touch, I perform this gesture several times which makes her grunt and soon she turns around, leaving my body which is tingling. This technique to keep him away always works and fortunately for me.

I leave this comfortable bed, grab some sports clothes from my suitcase and lock myself in the bathroom.

After having freshened up and dressed, I discreetly leave our room, I take the stairs without further delay and arrive at the huge living room, I see a small silhouette near the window, grandma is early in the morning!

She notices me very quickly, looks at me, I greet her politely without receiving a response in return…maybe she doesn’t hear very well! I don’t linger too long on her, and hurry to get out of here.

The fresh air mercilessly meets my warm body, I inhale deeply, take a good number of steps before starting to run.

The first rays of the sun appear, somewhat out of breath from my run, I walk quickly, through alleys that are very familiar to me. I shouldn’t hang around there and yet my legs decided otherwise.

The closer I get, the more my body tenses…I stop about ten meters away, looking carefully around.

I lean against the wall angrily passing a hand over my face, my gaze deviates towards the small balcony… it must be 7 a.m…. the time when she takes the time to smoke a good cigarette, and yet she doesn’t it’s not there. Maybe

she has changed her habits. after all, two years is not

nothing…two years was huge for me; thinking back to the last day that we

saw my heart painfully compressed.

Flashback 2 years ago ***

It’s been a good few hours since I heard this news, she was expecting a

child, a child from this doctor. Why hadn’t she said anything to me? This

news doesn’t really delight me but this baby would change everything.

I would have known how to approach her and would be less violent with her! I

still haven’t left her room since the doctor’s words, she hasn’t woken up yet, and I’ve been waiting for a while.

I constantly pull my hair to calm myself down without success. What can I tell him? and why does an awful guilt gnaw at my guts? I didn’t know… I didn’t know that a being was inside her!

She attracts my attention when I hear her moaning, I cautiously approach her with my body trembling and my throat dry, her eyelids open slowly, she looks around then stops on me with frowning eyebrows.

“What the…,” she begins, holding her stomach.

I stop him from speaking and tell him to rest with my hand on his shoulder.

She pushes my arm away with a clenched jaw.

— My baby…, she said panicked.

Noticing that no words come out of my lips, she continues

– How is he?

— Liya, lie down and try..

— Answer me, what happened to him? she raises her voice with teary eyes.

I don’t know what to say…she starts to get agitated, pulling me by the shirt to force me to speak.

I ask him to calm down, remove his trembling hands and encircle his

cheeks with my palms, wiping away the first tears that have fallen.

“I just want to know how he’s going to answer me, please,” she whispers

painfully, placing her hands on mine.

— Liya I… I’m really sorry.

She immediately tenses up, looks at me askance, her cheeks flooded with tears.

— He’s really inside me, isn’t he? , breathes like an absent voice.

I shake my head in the negative, avoiding his bruised and despair-filled gaze.

— It’s not true… it’s a lie. I can’t lose him too. not him, not the only thing that links me to Gabriel I can’t lose them both

.

She shakes my shoulders vigorously waiting for me to tell her otherwise, but I can’t do anything for her.

– It’s all your fault! I lost it because of you! You should never have come, a*****e. Gabriel no longer exists. you took me away, you killed me Xavier! I don’t want to see you anymore, get out of my life! I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU CAN YOU HEAR ME? , she shouts, pouring out all her anger and pain on me and giving me powerful blows on the chest..

I let her do it, I deserve that she treats me like this. I had ruined her life and her mother, I was a big bastard and now she considers me a monster. I am after all… She

lost her child because of me! The father and the baby in a short time, I am detestable..

I had not noticed that these blows had stopped, nor that the nurses were there holding her firmly behind me to calm her down, I didn’t I no longer hear her cries of rage and despair. I no longer see her face distorted by immense pain…I just know that she hates me, and that she will never want to see me again, this abominable being which caused the loss of an innocent being.

I am pushed gently, forcing my legs to move forward, I am moved away from her, I do not react helplessly, my conscience whispers to me that this is surely the last time I will see her… End of the flashback…

This

incident haunted me every night, Liya in tears screaming at me a thousand and one atrocity and reminding me every moment of my unforgivable mistake.

I was a coward, in that moment I just thought about running away, getting away from her and I only thought about traveling; I thought I would be better off away from all that…I was totally wrong.

I very quickly became attached to her more than I would have liked, she attracted me like crazy since I was with her mother, a delicious forbidden fruit..

Love had nothing to do there, she bewitched and hypnotized me…the only one who knew how to make my cold heart beat…this young girl who was just 18 years old,

I push all those painful memories and thoughts out of my mind. it’s better for me to leave, I have nothing to do there I just have to get away as I did; I will leave in a few days with a ring in my hand as if I was never there.

I’m about to turn around but my whole body stops when I hear noises. I look towards his house, the door opens and I hold my breath impatiently waiting for what happens next.

I frown seeing a little girl come out, then a man who is unknown to me, my fists clench in front of this vision…but I widen my eyes seeing a woman different from Liya approach them and k**s them in turn…but who are they?

— Have you reappeared?

I jump when I hear a familiar voice, I turn around to face Liya’s old neighbor.

— And I will soon disappear again ” I replied impassively.

She calmly sweeps her yard without paying attention to my reply.

— The young girl you are looking for has moved for a while now…I haven’t had any more from her news poor thing, she makes me sad, this little one..me in her place I would have lost my mind if my child and his father

abandon me…

These words painfully compress my chest..I imagine to what extent she suffered. Is she well? Is she safe and is she happy? I know it is impossible for me to have answers to my silent questions; — And

where does she live now? ” I asked after a long moment of hesitation.

— Ah, I have no idea, my child, she disappeared suddenly without informing anyone.

I sigh loudly pulling my hair nervously, I thank her, greet her with a nod then turn my mind elsewhere.

I will not try to look for her, I will continue to stay away from her… it’s even better if she has moved, a sign that I must not approach her as I told myself, forget her forever and force my brain to imagine her living her life with a name where she deserves it….