In The Name of Love
59: Confrontation

During Minna’s wedding supper, Fifi replaces herself torn between two feelings. Every time she glances towards her sister and Adalberto at their small, private table, the two of them seem enamored with each other and Fifi’s heart overflows with happiness for them. However, she cannot take many glances at the newlyweds because she is seated between Casimiro and Didier, both of whom are determined to take as much of her attention as possible for themselves. Each word either of them says to Fifi increases her frustration and irritation as she keeps forcing smiles and making brief, polite replies. Her cheeks ache from trying to eat while maintaining her facade of cheer through dozens of courses.

Most irritating of all to Fifi is the contrast between the two princes competing for her attention. Didier is preferable to Casimiro in every way—he makes an effort to catch and keep her interest in conversation, and his manners are impeccable—which makes her want to scream. If he hadn’t hurt Minna so badly, and if I hadn’t met Kai, I could really like him, she realizes, making her stomach clench around the few mouthfuls of food she’s managed to consume. But Didier doesn’t hold a candle to Kai. The walls seem to be closing in on her as she continues her polite, cheerful princess charade. I have to get out of here. I just want to go home, she thinks, over and over again.

Finally the Royal Orchestra plays an expectant chord, cuing Minna and Adalberto to rise from their seats to lead the dancing. Fifi all but jumps out of her chair, makes her excuses to Casimiro and Didier, and walks quickly towards the ladies’ drawing room. To her dismay, she’s not even halfway to her destination when Emiliano plants himself in her path.

“May I have the first dance?” he asks her with a half-bow. His tone is polite, but the set of his jaw and the hardness in his dark honey eyes indicate that he won’t take no for an answer.

Stifling a sigh, Fifi drops a half-curtsey and accepts Emiliano’s hand. Don’t make a scene. Smile and endure, she tells herself, hearing her mother’s voice alongside her own in her head. She knows Minna would do the same for her, but she’s also painfully aware that she’s not her sister, not even close. At least this time it’s a pavane, instead of something more strenuous. As they dance, Emiliano spends most of his time grumbling about how Casimiro got to sit next to her at supper and how that wasn’t fair to him, allowing Fifi to smile and nod but spend most of her time watching Minna dance with Adalberto. Both of them exude effortless, joyous grace and are focused solely on each other. I’m glad she’s happy. I’m glad they’re happy together.

The dance ends, and Fifi makes a deep nod to Emiliano and excuses herself from him, still hoping to escape from the majority of the dancing, but she only makes it half a dozen paces before Didier intercepts her.

“Will you do me the honor of dancing next with me?” he requests, making his trademark elaborate bow and extending a hand to her.

Fifi wants to refuse and run away, but she knows that doing so would be unthinkably rude and cause trouble, and so she reluctantly places her hand in his and allows him to lead her in the next dance. Please let this be enough. Please don’t try to have a conversation, too, she prays. They’ve talked more than enough for her liking since her arrival at Zosya.

“You’re an elegant dancer,” Didier compliments her as they sweep across the ballroom floor. “I thought so the last time we danced, but I believe you’ve improved even since then.”

Fifi’s face clouds over at the mention of Minna’s Quest for Favor. “Thank you,” she replies.

Didier looks at her as though he’s hoping she’ll say more, but sighs moments later when it’s clear that no more words will be forthcoming without prompting. “Are your feelings towards me the same as they were in your most recent letter?” he asks, his voice low as his emerald eyes search her face for answers.

Fifi takes a deep breath, bracing herself to crush his hopes as politely as possible. “You’re very charming, and I appreciate all the effort you’re putting in. You’re certainly better company than the other princes vying for my attention. But I’m not interested in marrying you.”

The Vyrunian prince nods, shadows flickering across his face. “Do you think that you could…replace a way to be happy with me anyway?”

Fifi arches an eyebrow at him, replaceing herself at a loss for words. How much more clear could I have made it? she wonders.

“I mean, because my father and yours are working on an alliance,” he continues, “for the good of our kingdoms, and—”

“What about our good, Didier?” Fifi interrupts as her patience shatters. “What is it you see in me that’s made you determined to try so hard? If this was only about the alliance, you would have stayed in Minna’s Quest for Favor until the end. But you didn’t. So why me? What do you even know about me?”

Didier’s eyes widen as though she’s slapped him. He misses a couple of steps in the dance, making Fifi stumble too, as he sputters and fumbles for words. “I…admire your forthrightness. The way you always speak your mind, even when it might be more politically expedient not to…. It’s refreshing. Not many royals and nobles possess such boldness, such spirit. And your honesty is combined with intelligence and a genuine caring for others, which are also admirable.”

If you only knew how much I’m holding back, Fifi nearly tells him. “Your praise honors me, but I don’t believe I would make you happy, not long term. And I am certain that you could not make me happy.”

Didier’s features harden into an indignant frown. “I beg your pardon?! How can you be certain—”

“You’re so focused on politics that you don’t see the beauty around you. You don’t take time to just live because you’re so hung up on your royal duty. I understand that you’re the crown prince and these things are expected of you, but that’s no life for me. I can’t be chained forever in matrimony to someone who doesn’t—”

“Teach me, then.” The earnest intensity in Didier’s eyes kills the rest of the words on Fifi’s tongue. “Maybe you’re right about me, as I am right now. I’ve been raised to be a king, and I want to do right by my people and my kingdom. But that doesn’t mean—”

Noblewomen shriek on the other side of the Great Hall, cutting Didier off. The music from the orchestra dissolves into cacophonous screeches as all around them people start panicking and yelling. Fifi’s heart leaps into her throat and she starts scanning the crowd for Minna, but all around her is noise and confusion.

“Help! Murder!”

“The king! The king!”

“Don’t let him get away!”

“Get the children out of here!”

“What’s going on?! What’s happening?!”

“Let me at him!” a voice that could be either Casimiro or Emiliano cuts through the chaos.

Didier grabs Fifi’s arm and pulls her with him, away from the crowd.

“What are you doing?!” she protests, squirming in his grip. “I have to replace Minna—”

“Keeping you safe. Whatever’s happening now isn’t good, and anyone could be next,” Didier answers.

“But Minna—”

“Has Adalberto to protect her. Let me protect you.”