Julia Lelieveld and the battle with the underworld
~13~

The next day I got out of bed with difficulty. I still felt numb, as if I had suffered another great loss. As if someone had been taken from me again. And the worst part was that I decided this myself. When Renzo told me last night why he had turned his back on his faith. Somehow I couldn’t accept it at the time. I had replayed it hundreds of times in my head. I knew why it had happened. That it wasn’t Renzo’s fault. It was because of his upbringing. His father had him so brainwashed that he no longer knew what was right and wrong. That in his eyes it was normal to take out a practitioner, just like Lucas did. How damaged those boys were. Only when it happened to Renzo, only then did he realize it wasn’t normal. Unfortunately, he found out too late. But he’s good. He would give his life in the fight against Evil. It had horrified him so much that he would do anything not to let Evil win. And yet I couldn’t forget the girl with the blond curls. Was I naive then? I knew he wasn’t that boy anymore, but still. And no matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn’t forget it. Despite our enormous attraction, our special bond. I still had the feeling that he was my soulmate, that we belonged together. It couldn’t be otherwise. We were complete together. But at this point I just didn’t know anymore. Geez, what a misery. The only one that made me feel so good. Where I could get rid of my misery and enjoy myself, I now pushed away. What was wrong with me?

On the way to school I took in the elements. It gave me peace of mind.

I was only just in time for school, the class was already largely full. Automatically I looked at Renzo’s place. He didn’t look up, a stab of pain went through my heart. Silently I sat down and could hardly keep up with the lesson. As we walked to history, Eva asked if I was okay. I wanted to be honest with her.

“Renzo and I had a fight.” And I shrugged, it hurt to say this.

“How annoying, what about?”

“About something that happened. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

She looked at me inquiringly. She nodded, took my shoulders and said, “If you want to talk, I’m here for you, okay?”

“Thank you.” And I really meant that, she was a good friend.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Renzo didn’t look up or down and we didn’t get a chance to talk. I wouldn’t know what to say to him either. After all, I said I needed time. But how much time did I need? Time couldn’t change how I felt about it. Would our attraction still be there if our feelings were obscured by these events? With these thoughts I got anxious. What if our attraction was no longer there? Would that be because I needed more time, because I still cared very much about him. Or would it be that he wouldn’t care about me anymore? No, I shouldn’t have thought that way. I drove myself crazy. But I couldn’t shake these thoughts. What if it were? What if it was really over between us?

There was no other way to replace out. When the last bell rang I rushed to the bicycle shed, that was the only way to speak to Renzo.

The gloomy weather already made the afternoon a bit dark. It was chilly. When I entered the already abandoned bicycle shed, I saw that his motorcycle was still there. My heart started beating faster. I would hate it if our feelings were gone, that he wouldn’t care about me anymore.

I leaned against his motorcycle, so I couldn’t miss him. A minute later I heard his footsteps coming my way, when he saw me standing I saw confusion on his face. That turned into a painful look. I saw him tighten his jaws and look away for a moment. He took a few deep breaths and then turned his head again and looked at me with that blank look again. Why did he cut himself off from me like that? I didn’t know what to say. Did he feel good? Of course he didn’t feel well. And he had built his wall around him again so that no emotion was visible.

Before I started to doubt, I stepped over to him and took his hands and looked straight into his eyes. I don’t know what he saw in my eyes but his wall was slowly crumbling. His look went from empty to pained. I hated seeing him like this. And without thinking about it, I stood on tiptoe and kissed him. At first I felt him stiffen under my lips, but after a few seconds he thawed and kissed me back. And luckily I was wrong. Oh what a kiss, my insides were on fire and I felt complete with him again. And I knew he felt the pull too. He took my face tenderly, yet firmly, and pressed our lips together even tighter. I grabbed him and pulled his body against mine. How could I have thought this would be over? This would never change. This felt so damn good. He ran his hand under my coat and ran his thumb along my bare back. A shudder went through me. I couldn’t stop touching him. My hands found their way under his coat. His slender but muscular body was warm to the touch. This couldn’t last long enough.

Suddenly I felt his body tense, oh shit, had he felt something I hadn’t felt, was Evil there?

And with that thought I heard someone enter the garage.

“Oh oops, looks like you’ve made up again.” Eva smiled and grabbed her bicycle.

I looked at her a little embarrassed, but still smiling. She gave me a wink and cycled away. I dropped my head against Renzo’s chest and I couldn’t help but laugh. How good that felt.

In a hoarse voice he asked, “Is she right? Have we made up again?”

I lifted my head and looked into his expectant look, my heart melted. I nodded.

“I hope so.” Then he smiled and grabbed me tight.

And yet something gnawed at the back of my head, with difficulty I freed myself from his strong grip and looked at him seriously, he was immediately alert. “That doesn’t mean I forgot. We’ll have to talk about it, I just need some time.”

He raised his eyebrows and nodded. I knew it must be hard for him to face something he struggled with every day. I kissed him and asked, “Will you come with me to my house?” He looked at me questioningly and surprisingly, he hadn’t expected this.

He nodded. “Gladly.”

“My father may be home or will come.”

“Does that matter?”

“Not as far as I’m concerned.”

“Me neither.”

I smiled and walked to my bike. “Do you want a lift?” He looked at me questioningly.

“Yes please.”

He gave me a helmet and we drove home at high speed. Dad wasn’t home yet. It was now almost dark. I quickly turned on the lights and heating.

I took the casserole from the fridge that I had already made yesterday and put it in the oven. “Do you want to drink something?”

Renzo nodded, making himself comfortable at the dining table in the kitchen. I grabbed a drink and sat down with him. He looked tired.

“Did you also sleep badly?”, I asked him. He nodded.

“That was one of the hardest moments of my life. Letting you go through that door last night.”

I nodded and knew what he meant. “Let’s be honest with each other from now on. No more holding back, okay?”

He nodded. “Agreed.”

I put my hand on his cheek and turned his face to me and gave him a long intense kiss. It felt good.

“Come on, I want to show you something,” I told him.

He looked at me questioningly. I knew this wouldn’t be easy for me, but it felt good to do it. I took his hand and led him into the living room to the wall where all the pictures were.

I stopped and walked to a picture of my mother and I. I gently touched the photo. “This is, at least, was my mother,” I said with a big sigh.

Renzo took my hand and studied the photo. A small smile formed around his mouth. “You look like her. You look happy in the photo.”

I nodded. A lump formed in my throat.

“I couldn’t have wished for a better mother.”

He looked at me inquiringly. “I never had that kind of feeling for my parents,” he said. It hurt me that he said that. How could anyone grow up without love around them? And then pick yourself up like that and treat me lovingly?

“That’s something no one deserves, Renzo.”

He raised his shoulders. “I didn’t know any better until I broke with my faith. That is why I had myself declared independent by the judge and left my parents. They stopped me from developing myself. My own standards and values. And from the moment I saw you I knew there was something more than just superficial feelings.” He looked at me intensely with his dark blue eyes. “Have you never been in a relationship before? Or had someone close to you?”

He got a small smile on his face and shook his head. He raised his shoulders. “I’ve been with someone before, but that was always superficial, there were almost no feelings involved, more what is expected of it, nothing else.”

He seemed a little embarrassed. I couldn’t imagine never having feelings for anyone. That everything was just normal. But he didn’t know any better.

“How do you feel about this then?” I asked him, holding up our intertwined hands.

“Something I’ve never felt before. I fell for you and hard too.” He smiled shyly. I smiled back.

“This is special, this thing that we have,” I told him.

He nodded. “I believe so too.”

And with those words he grabbed me and kissed me passionately. I was completely carried away with the feelings we had. Our bond felt stronger than ever. Despite our dark past.

I was so engrossed in our kiss that I didn’t realize the kitchen door opened. And before we knew it, Dad was in the room.

“Julia?” he asked with disapproval in his voice.

Oh shit! I quickly freed myself from Renzo. “Oh, hi Dad,” I said embarrassingly.

“Um, this is Renzo, he’s in my class and he’s a good friend.”

He looked at Renzo in horror. “A good friend?”

“Actually my boyfriend.” I looked at Renzo with a slanted eye. We had never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but my father didn’t fall for the pretext that he was a good friend. Especially not now that he’d seen us kiss.

“And why is this the first time I’ve heard of Renzo?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Sorry Dad, I wanted to introduce him to you tonight.”

He breathed in and out in a controlled manner. He looked from me to Renzo and from Renzo to the photo wall. His gaze stayed on Mama. I saw his gaze calm down, he closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them he held out his hand.

“Sander Lelieveld”, he said with an outstretched hand to Renzo.

Renzo shook his hand firmly. “Renzo Lucifer, nice to meet you sir.”

My father looked at me for a moment. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I nodded and followed him into the kitchen. Now you are going to get it. A whole sermon, and why I wasn’t allowed a boyfriend, and so on.

It was also very stupid of us to just go and kiss a good game while my father could come home.

“Sorry about my response.” He looked at me apologetically.

Huh? This was the last thing I expected.

“Aren’t you angry?” I asked him.

He shook his head and looked at me sadly. “How can I be mad at you? You’re almost 17. It’s part of getting a boyfriend. It’s all new to me too. Your mother would be much better off with this, and when I saw her picture I realized you have a life of your own. A life where your father is no longer the most important person in your life.” As he said that, he looked painfully in my direction.

“Oh Dad.” I grabbed him tight. “You will always be the most important person in my life, okay?”

I felt him nod. “You’ve grown up way too fast.”

He gave me a kiss on my hair and pulled his head back. I followed his lead and looked at him.

“Remember what we talked about when Daan brought you home?”

I got a small smile around my mouth. His attempted sex education. “Yes Dad, don’t worry.”

He nodded. “If there’s something wrong, come to me, okay?” He looked at me seriously.

“Right away.”

“Good girl. Now let’s eat, I’m hungry.”

“Good idea.”

Fortunately, the rest of the evening went well. We talked about school over dinner and Dad, the detective in him, heard Renzo out about his family and origins. Renzo had kept it superficial, hoping Dad wouldn’t think too much about it. He asked about his parents and where he lived. Renzo had answered everything neatly. He lived downtown, his parents were divorced. His mother lived a little further away and worked as a secretary at a real estate agency. His father worked in construction. No further details, about that he already lived on his own and the reason for this.

After dinner, my father went to work at the kitchen table for a while. Renzo and I went upstairs. My father looked a little disapproving, but held himself back and wished us good evening.

What a strange evening. My mother would have loved to meet Renzo. I was sure.

Once upstairs I looked at Renzo. He raised his shoulders. “Am I approved?”

I laughed. “I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Okay.” He looked around for a moment, a little uncomfortably. “What now?”

With those words I walked over to him and pulled his shirt over his head. And with one movement it was off, without hesitation he grabbed my shirt and pulled it off over my head. He grabbed my hips and pushed me against him and our lips met. I would never get tired of this feeling.

Without even thinking about it for a second, we let our feelings take over. We automatically walked to my bed and lost ourselves in the great moment.