Kylie Bray (Love, Hate and Billions)
Chapter 39 (Kylie)

I can't allow myself to continue with this sickened feeling in my stomach he leaves whenever I talk to him.

"I am avoiding you, as well as everybody else, so if you don't mind." I confirm, without turning to face him. Taking a much needed sip of my drink, liquid courage is always a good thing.

"I expected a visit from Kevin, or a silent death by his hands, but I got nothing," He airs out.

Still I keep my back faced to him.

"Is there something in particular that you want Vincent or are you just here to cramp my style." "Actually I wanted to see if you were free for lunch next week. And then maybe we can fuck."

I spin around when I hear this because it is almost like I woke up in a different world.

I finish my drink, and I am not sure why or how, but I grab him and kick him solidly in his balls.

He bows down in utter agony and I bend down slowly with him until my lips are at his ear, Yelling loud enough to cause discomfort, "Go get fucked over by your little girls and leave us real woman for the men who know how to treat a woman with respect. Don't ever talk to me again."

I leave him to his blue balls and as I walk away old feelings of hurt and pain resurface, and the knowledge that this isn't just a one-sided ordeal any longer.

Vincent wants something from me and he is taking my feelings that he isn't certain I still harbor for him and using it. It is the lowest one could go.

And I know as I swallow, the heaviness in my throat that it is going to come out behind closed doors.

Where only God himself would bear witness to my weakness, to my struggles, to my pain as I curdle in a ball on the cold tiled floor and burst into a fit of uncensored hurt.

I just have to get through the next few hours. Then I can let go, then I can release the weak me to a puddle and feed my self-pity.

Reagan and Dainy are cuddled up next to me, on a picnic blanket, sitting and talking shit, when I see Michael storm out of the house, heading straight to David.

I get up following closely behind, wondering what the hell could go more wrong now.

"What the fuck is going on?" Michael asks just as we get to David and Diamond. Jace, Sabastian, and Dexter following closely behind.

"Government wants Diamond to leave in the next four hours, they're sending a few of their men to escort her to a secret location." I hear David, but I don't hear him.

I am too busy staring at my friend, her hair a curtain around her face as she keeps her eyes on the ground refusing to look at me.

I've always known this day would come, we all knew it. I could say I had years to prepare myself for the inevitability of Diamond one day leaving me. But never so soon.

We take for granted the time in our lives, we waste it on minuscule problems, letting the bigger ones remain, spending our hours pleasing people that wouldn't even remember us in a year or two while neglecting the ones that will until they are dead, or in my case leaving.

I once said that it was a phone call that did what all others couldn't and this was it. This was the phone call that separated us. I think this was the day my life went on the path it did. It was on this day that our choices were taken away by our government. It was on this day while the night's air stood so still and people danced around us not knowing the small group saying goodbye to their friend, not knowing that Kylie Bray, the one most of them looked up to, was losing the only thing that kept me sane.

There is no point screaming, performing, or crying, it isn't going to change anything.

I tell myself this even as my eyes burn with UNSHED tears. I tell myself this even as my legs give out and Diamond's soft hands wrap around me.

Convincing myself that this isn't happening is what I can't do because the truth is my life is changing, our lives are changing.

Diamond is leaving me, not just living in New York any longer, she is going away, so far away that I can't reach her any longer.

We take for granted the most important people in our lives, we forget who those people are. I have spent almost two years loving a man that would never love me back, wrapping myself in a cocoon of imaginary fantasies. Forgetting that Diamond would leave.

Forgetting that she was, is my life.

We hardly spent any time together recently, we hardly spoke because I, Kylie Bray have been too wrapped up in a man, too consumed with foolish thoughts.

Now it is too late.

Nothing will make them change their minds. And with the Bratva tracking her I don't want to change the governments mind. I want them to take my friend away so that she can be safe, even if she will never truly be safe, at least where ever they take her will be much better than what we can do for her.

What I have failed miserably to do for her.

We drive silently, David and Michael in the front. Jace, Diamond and I at the back. I don't release the grip on her hand and she doesn't say a thing to me.

This is not goodbye, I will see her again, she will see me again. We are both in denial.

Me, for losing my friend.

Her, for not knowing where she is going, what will become of her.

When we get there the military's men, are already waiting at the location half way to The Satan Sniper's clubhouse.

This will be the time to say something, tell her I love her and I want to but the words are stuck in my throat refusing to come out.

We get out of the car, David and Michael shaking the four men's hands while Diamond and I just stand in front of them.

Not knowing what to say or how to say it. I don't do goodbyes for this reason.

How do you say farewell to the other part of you? How do you wish them well and smile when you know there is no farewell, there is no happy place they are going to.

So I don't, I don't say goodbye. I engulf Diamond into a hug and she hugs me just as tight and when I hear her moan of agony and feel her body shake I let her go.

I turn my back to my best friend, my sister, my other half as my tears flow. I am a coward for not letting her see me break down. I am a coward for not allowing her the same, but for one time in my life I want to do the right thing, and letting Diamond go, is the right thing to do.

Even if my heart rips, even if I know that I might not see her again. Sometimes the people in your life aren't always meant to stay in your life. Sometimes you have to let the ones you love go hoping that one day they would be back on their own. I let Diamond go, with the hope that she would come back.

It was the best decision I ever made.