Synonym
39

"Really? Because I think it's exactly the same as you feeling guilty for not knowing your blood type. You're angry at something and you refuse to tell me what it is. How am I supposed to help you if you don't let me?"

"I don't want you to help me!" I burst out while throwing my hands up. "I want to feel capable on my own! You are always there to help me and I appreciate it but when I say 'I got it' you can back off! And you know what? I am angry. I'm angry at the lab for losing my sample, I'm angry that this happened to me, I'm angry about feeling like I need to be babied; I'm angry about every God damn thing I can be angry about except you; so can you back off before you make it onto my list?"

Finn's jaw was clenched so hard that I thought his teeth would shatter. It was obvious that we weren't going to get anywhere with this conversation. "You know what?" I said, backing away from the counter and holding my hands up defensively. "I'm going going to stay at Jason's tonight. He'll at least let me distract myself."

"No you are not. If anyone's leaving, I'll leave. I'm not babying you right now but I'm not about to let someone who almost flatlined 48 hours ago, leave the comfort of her home for the night." Finn stopped me in my tracks with his words. I wouldn't walk out on him talking, I wasn't that upset with him. "But I don't think either of us should leave. We leave this fight unresolved and it becomes a much bigger problem than it needs to be. Take a shower and cool off." There was logic in what he was saying. We were both in a serious relationship and we didn't want to cause a rift because of something stupid, but I also wasn't going to give in that easily. "You're not my fucking boss." Finn closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, opening them when he exhaled. His fingers were still wound around the counter and his arm muscles were flexed rigidly. "Name one other time where I bossed you around." I couldn't. Not seriously.

"That's what I thought. If you won't take a shower then I will. We both need to cool off. If you aren't here when I'm done, we're going to have a lot bigger problems than a little fight."

And with that, he released his death grip on the counter and brushed passed me to go to our master bathroom.

When I heard the door close, I let out a deep breath and went back to the cutting board to continue making dinner. Finn still had college practice in an hour and a half and I wouldn't leave him hungry.

By the time all the prep work for dinner was done, the water in the bathroom was cut and I had realized that I was a complete and utter asshole.

I walked to our bedroom and leaned against the doorway at the same time Finn walked out of the bathroom with a white towel around his waist. He glanced at me before going to the closet to get his practice uniform. "I was a dick." I started out. "No shit."

I glared at Finn and he shut up. "I'm trying to apologize here. Anyway, I'm sorry. I definitely shouldn't have asked if you even cared that our kid died. That was a really low blow and I regretted it as soon as I said it. You hide your sadness well. A hell of a lot better than I do."

"I know you're just trying to help me and I appreciate it. It means a lot to me that your sticking with me through my grumpy phase. I'm sorry I pushed you away, I know you're only trying to do what you think is best for me. I didn't leave because you were right. I'm serious about you and I crossed a line. Not to scare you off, but I can see myself marrying you one day and I don't want to mess this up. I thought keeping it in would help us move on faster but I was wrong. And I'll try and fix that; to be more open."

Finn set his clothes on the bed before looking at me. His emerald eyes weren't cold and hard anymore, they were soft and loving again. "I'm sorry that I got mad at you too. I know you're going through something tougher then I am. I'll stop 'babying' you but please, ask me for help if you need it. I worry about you." He took a few steps closer to me, so we where almost chest to chest in the doorway. "I see myself marrying you one day, too. Pushing me away won't help us. I want you to tell me everything when you are ready. We're supposed to carry our burdens together."

My eyes were locked on his. All I could see was green when I spoke. "Back in that hospital room, I was scared you'd leave me if I couldn't have kids. I knew you loved children and I didn't want to think about not being able to give that to you when someone else could." I didn't want to tell him that, but if we were being honest then I would.

"I would never leave you because you couldn't have a child. Sylvia, I am in this relationship for you and only you. You mean everything to me and I never want anything to get in between us"

If you're loving the book, nel5s.org is where the adventure continues. Join us for the complete experience all for free. The next chapter is eagerly waiting for you!

I couldn't resist taking his neck in both my hands and standing on my toes to kiss him. I initiated the passionate kiss but Finn gladly returned it, moving his lips against mine with all the love in his body. It made the hairs on my neck stand up. I hadn't kissed my boyfriend in the 48 hours we had been side by side. Finally, I felt like I could do it. Maybe I should have opened up sooner, because I felt like I was on top of the world right now. Not because I was over the miscarriage, but because Finn was with me.

We would carry our burdens together.

When we pulled apart, slightly breathless, Finn's strong hands were on my hips and mine on the base of his warm neck where his deltoids were. "I don't think I've ever wanted to fuck you more than right now."

Finn let out a breathy laugh that put his perfectly straight teeth on display with his dimples. "I know my body's irresistible, but control yourself. Three weeks and you can fuck me all you want."

I smirked, "on the contrary, you will be the one that can't control themself."