The Elements
I don't know

“Today, guys! TODAY!!” I yelled at them because I’m so done with all this secrets and bullshit!

I’m tired! I’m emotionally tired. I want to know the whole fucking true, so I can go back in my room and have a breakdown because I really need one. Right now, I’m about to have one because I’m shaking as a leaf and my emotions are all over the place.

“Fine. If you want to know, I’m going to tell you everything, but you won’t look at me the same way after this.” Black said, his face full of sadness, pain and regret.

“I’m already looking at you in a very bad way, so stop dramatizing things and start damn talking!”

“Okay, but after don’t tell me that I didn’t warned you. The first thing I should tell you is that I’m not an elementar-”

“Shocking.” I couldn’t help myself to say an roll my eyes.

“If you want to know, have at last the decency to let my finish my story without interrupting me!” he snapped angrily at me.

I raised my hands in surrender. “Fine. My lips are sealed.”

“I’m not an elementar, but I’m not a dark neither. I’m half dark and half elementar, a hybrid if you want. Yes, it sounds impossible but it’s true. I’m not the only case and it happens when the parents are one from each species let’s say, and they have strong genes. In my case, my mom was a royal elementar while dad was a royal dark.” he said and paused for me to digest the information.

It makes sense. Royals have strong genes. That’s why we, the royals and some nobles, are so strong. But, it still is kind of weird to be half elementar and half dark. I mean, which element you use, or what color is your mark, or do they have another powers?

So many question, so little time.

I nodded my head. “Okay. It’s not that bad until now. Continue.”

“You reacted better then Sirius. Anyway, after I was born my parents broke up because they had different opinions about how this world should work. I stayed with my mom because they thought that I was an elementar, while Mel went with my dad. Everything was fine, until my mother died. She was killed by one of my idiotic father’s man, but I found this out only a few weeks ago.” he stopped and took a deep breath.

I feel almost bad for him. Who am I kidding? Even now I feel a little bad for him.

“Why he sent his men to kill her?” I asked curious because it has to be a reason.

He sighed and pointed at me. “That, Lighty, is a very good question and I don’t have any idea. I’m still trying to figure it out. Back to the story, after she died, that bastard tried to make me spy for him in this world because he is the right hand of Calamity, so it’s his job to replace out what happens on the ‘good side’. Of course I said no, because I already had my own side and mission, but he doesn’t takes a ‘No’ as an answer so he did the thing that could actually make me snap. He sent Mel to kill all my friends and the rest of the family. He took me away all my family, my friends and even burned down my school! He did all of this so he could make me join his side. He thought that I will have nothing left I will join him, but he was wrong. I would never join his side.” he was now angry and the temperature started to get hotter.

“Hey! Calm down, idiot! You can burn down the whole damn forest after you finish the story because you omitted some things. What side are you on? Our or theirs? And where’s Mel? If she is locked up we can interrogate her and replace out valorous information.” I said when I saw that he wasn’t calming down any soon.

“Right. Well, Mel is kind of dead. I may, or may not killed her and even if I wouldn’t, she wouldn’t have told us a thing. She was to crazy and believed in father too much.”

I nodded my head. “Yes, she was crazy. No, actually she was a psychopath. No, if I call her crazy or psychopath I’m insulting crazy people and psychopaths. Let’s just say that she didn’t had all wires in her head.”

He let out a little chuckle. “Really? Wires?”

“Yes, wires. Now, what’s your side?” I said going back to our story and problem.

“You should take a seat for this one.” he patted the seat next to him.

“Is it so bad?” I asked and looked around to see if the idiots agree, but they weren’t here anymore.

When they left? I was too captivated by the story to notice when they left.

“Kind of.”

I huffed and seat down on the floor because I don’t want to stay next to him. Or close to him.

He raise an eyebrow and then shrugged. “That could work too. My side is neither one from those you named. In reality are 3 side.” he raised 3 fingers.

“Three?” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “How’s that?”

“One side, is the elementars side” he raise one finger “the second side is the dark side” he raise another finger “and the third side is let’s call it the rebel side.” he said and raise the last finger.

I was still confused. “The rebel side? And what they do if they are rebels? They rebel against what? Or against who? What cause they have?”

For some reason, I was very interested in this subject.

“They fight for peace. We want peace, so we fight against the darks and elementars. And don’t even think about telling me that elementars want peace because that’s a lie. The ones that are controlling the kingdom, are brainwashing the whole population in thinking that darks are bad and we should kill them all. You saw how stupid the majority of the persons are in History, when Mr. Sand told us about how the war stared.”

Oh my fucking God. This makes so much sense that it hurts. That’s why the lunatic sounded like a bloody murderer at the ball and that’s why places like academy are built. To exterminate all the darks and rule the whole world.

“You need to stop them. We need to stop them. We have to stop them.” I said and got up from the ground.

He sighed and rubbed his face. “I know that, but right now we have some complications because somehow Raven found out about us and he tries to kill us all. He found one of our bases and wants to sent a team to place bombs there.”

Then the pieces of the puzzle started to click together. “He wants to send us there.”

“Yes, that’s about what we were arguing when you heard us. We can’t accept this mission but we don’t have a plausible excuse.” he explained and run his hands through his hair.

“Maybe we can use me as an excuse.” I said and smirked because, ladies and gentlemen, Shadow has a plan.

He looked at me like I was crazy. “What? How?”

“My heart. I can’t get mad, angry, sad or feel any strong emotions or something will happen to me. So we can use that. I’m already angry, so we need to get me more angry and wait for something to happen. Oh, and he said no excessive smoking and drinking. If I do those things, maybe the things will move faster.” I was very content with my plan but when I looked at Black, I saw him mad and angry.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” he yelled at me and got up from his seat.

“No! Why? It’s a good plan.” I don’t get it. What’s his problem?

He scoffed. “Yes, it is but it has a very big problem. YOU CAN FUCKING DIE!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME! And we don’t know that! Even the doctor doesn’t know that! We don’t know what’s going to happen!” I yelled back at him.

“That’s exactly why we CAN’T do it! It’s too risky!” he said exasperated and looked right into my eyes.

“SO, you prefer to have thousands of innocent people killed, then doing this? In the worst case, I die but they live! It’s one for thousands! THOUSANDS BLACK!”

I know that it’s a risky idea, but we don’t have anything else!

He ran a hand down his face. “Do you hear yourself?? You can fucking die! DIE! And you say it like it’s nothing!”

“Do you have another better idea? No, you don’t! This is the only thing we have and we don’t know for sure what will happen!”

Why is he so against this idea? It’s like we’re risking his life.

“No, I don’t have another idea, but we aren’t doing this! We aren’t doing this stupid thing that can lead you to your own death! It’s too risky!”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHY ARE YOU SO AGAINST THIS IDEA?? YOU DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE?? WE HAVE NOTHING EXCEPT THIS! THIS STUPID PLAN CAN SAVE LIFES BLACK!” I was starting to get very angry because he was arguing in vain. This is the only way.

“SO WHAT? SO WHAT IF WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE? WE CAN FIGURE OUT ANYTHING EXCEPT YOUR SUICIDAL PLAN! AND I DON’T CARE IF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LIVE BUT YOU DIE, OKAY? I DON’T CARE!” he was now right in front of me, yelling in my face.

I was so exasperated. “YOU’RE FUCKING CRAZY!”

“NO! YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY BECAUSE YOU ARE RISKING YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT! BUT I WON’T LET YOU DO THAT!” he started to poke my shoulder with his finger.

I slapped his finger away. “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO OR WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO DO! I WILL DO IT AND THAT’S FINAL! IT’S NOT YOUR CHOICE! IT’S MINE AND ONLY MINE!”

I hate when people tell me what to do. If I want I can go skydiving without a parachute for all he cares! What I do, is non of his business. I don’t understand why is he insisting in not doing this.

He huffed and backed away. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to convince you otherwise. You always do what you want, no matter what people are telling you what to not do.” he said and walked in front of me again “But, Shadow, this stupid pride of yours, that doesn’t lets you to fucking listen what other have to say, will be the death of you. Literally, or not. But, you won’t listen to me now, neither so I don’t know why I’m trying again. Oh, I know. Because I care. We all care, you stupid idiot! We fucking care, but you don’t! So go ahead with your plan and let’s see the consequences. I hope that you’ll be happy with the result, if you will be still alive. That’s all I had to say.” he walked passed me, bumping his shoulder on mine.

I feel like crying, but not for a certain reason. For everything at all. And how much I hate that he’s right. He’s fucking right. He reed me like an open book, and I hate it.

The kitchen’s only source of light was the lightning bolts from the storm outside. Somewhere in the middle of my argument with Black, rain started to pour and thunders and lightning bolts decided to accompanied the rain. I seat down on the cold floor and hugged my knees.

I don’t know what to do. I’m confused. Even after I found out answers to so many questions, I’m still confused and I don’t know what the fuck to do. For the first time in my life, I don’t have a plan, I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know when and where and I don’t know what to do. The only thing I know, is that I don’t know. I don’t know. And it scares me to not know what to do.

Tears start to fall and I started to wipe them away furiously, but more and more were coming. I’m feeling so bad and my emotions are mixt and confused. I feel pain and I feel betrayed by them because they hide something from me, and I’m also feeling sad because of this. I thought that they were my family, and the members of the families aren’t lying to each other. Or they don’t keep secrets. I’m still a little shocked from all the new things I’ve heard, and I’m scared because I don’t know what to fucking do and I’m scared because I feel too many things in the same time.

And I want them to stop. I want to stop all this feeling. I want to do whatever I want without feeling a single thing. I want everything to stop. All of this things are too overwhelming for me, and I want them to stop.

Do you really want to stop feeling? a voice said in my head and it sounded like me, but more darker.

Yes, I fucking want because I can’t deal with all of them. I can’t and it scares me.

I can help you. I can make them stop. I can help you to stop them. the voice said once again.

Who are you and why you want to help me now?

I’m you. I’m another side of you. I’m that side that people aren’t conscious of. I want to help you because you, is me. If I help you, I’m helping me too. So, what do you say? Do you want to make them all stop?

Yes. Yes I want to make them all stop, but can I trust you?

I don’t know. Can you trust you? Can you trust you inner self? Can you trust yourself?

A dry laugh escaped my lips.

I don’t trust anyone. Not anymore. At last I could trust me. So, yes. I trust me.

Very well. Just close your eyes and let the darkness envelope you, little me.

With one last glace at the pouring rain, I wiped away my tears and closed me eyes. How the voice said, I let the darkness to take me.

My last thought before everything goes black, is I hope that I didn’t made a mistake.