The Falcon Ridge Series Book 1 She's Not For You
Chapter 36

(Chapter song ‘Mercy In Darkness' by Nick Phoenix)

RIVER

I slowly walk into the barracks. My hands are behind my back and my heads down. My chest feels like it’s in a vice. I’m not sure I can do this, but I have to.

She was crazed. She attacked Cassidy like it was her mission. Cassidy will heal, but it was brutal. I'm pretty sure, if Blade and I weren't there, Anna would've released her wolf.

I can't let this go either. The whole training field had front row seats. This is my job. My duty to make sure the rules are enforced.

I walk into the bunk house. My boots thud darkly on the wood floor as I walk in. They almost echo in the quiet of the building. I lift my head and glance at Anna whose sitting on her bunk with her arms on her knees. Her eyes catch mine. She looks scared.

I turn into Donovan's office. "Beta. Can you give us a moment of privacy?"

Donovan stands. "Yes, Alpha. I have to see Stevens anyway. She's all yours."

I nod and walk out. Donovan follows and leaves. Once the door is shut, I slowly make my way over to Anna’s bunk.

“A shattered cheek bone, a broken nose and two broken eye sockets.” I say sternly as I arrive. “Several deep lacerations.”

She barely looks at me. The guilt is plaster all over her beautiful face. I can’t consider that now. I love her to death, but I’m a leader first.

I sigh as sit on the bunk opposite hers and rest my arms on my knees.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

She sat up and sniffed. She rubbed her palms on her thighs and glanced out the window. "I don't know. I lost it." She gave me a quick look then leaned on her knees again, looking at the floor. "I was just...so angry. My wolf took over."

"You must know why, Anna." I needed her to tell me so I could figure out what to do.

She shakes her head like she cant believe it herself. "She said some things that just...pissed me off."

I leaned back on my knees too. "Like what, Anna."

She played with her fingers and glanced out the window.

"Anna, tell me or I'm going to have to pull rank." I don't want to command it out of her. I want her to feel free that she can tell me anything.

"She said she was going to try to sleep with you. She saw us kiss and felt you were into recruits. I tried to be calm. Tried to keep it together, but I couldn't. I couldn't take her talking like that about you."

I sigh. "It was an attack over jealousy?" I sit up and run my fingers through my hair. "Anna, are you serious?”

She raised her head and locked eyes with me. Those gorgeous amber eyes, filled with anger, pain, and remorse. "I know, River. I couldn't help it. I blacked out. I'm sorry. I know this puts you in a horrible position and I know, I've been on your case for the same thing.”

“Right! Like five minutes before the fight happened. Jesus!” I stand up and rub my head with a hand on my hip. I start to pace and scrub a hand down my face. I turn to her. “Do you know what this looks like?”

“I know! I'm a total hypocrite, ok. River, I promise it won't happen again." Her eyes plead with me to see it her way and I just…can’t.

“You have two options, Anna. One, you leave. Right now.” I say with my hands on my hips.

"River, I can't. I have nothing out there now that borders gone.” She starts.

I raise a finger to her. “Or…” I swallow hoping she chooses the first option. “Administrative punishment.”

Her jaw drops and her eyes fill with fear. “River.” She breathes.

“I’m sorry. As your superior and given the seriousness of the recruits injuries, those are the only choices you get.” I stare at her to show her and her wolf that I’m not dicking around here.

"I can’t leave.” She chokes.

My head lowers and my eyes close. I swallow past the fear I had in my throat.

“Fine. Recruit Riker, stand.” I order.

“River there has to be something else.”

“Anna, stand…Please.” This is killing me inside, but if she wants to stay, I have no choice.

She was shaking. I could scent tears in her eyes. My wolf was going nuts.

She slowly stands at attention. She looks straight ahead. She’s trying not to show it, but I can feel it. She’s terrified. I have to terrify by baby girl and it hurts like hell.

I swallow. “For the infraction of infighting causing severe bodily harm and for the threat of using your wolf on Unit grounds without order to do so, Recruit Riker, you will receive administrative punishment which will consist of no less then 5 public lashings.”

A small tear escapes her eye as I dish out my command.

“Out to the compound, Recruit.” I point to the door and move out of the way.

The fight between the boys was over before it started. But the damage Anna inflicted on Cassidy was something that couldn't be ignored. This was the only punishment we do when we don't send recruits home and the severity level is high. I have to make sure the punishment fits the crime.

She walks out of the barrack into the square. "Wait here." I order.

I barely look at her. I can’t knowing what I’m about to do to her.

I walk over to Blade and Zeke. Cassidy has been sent to the infirmary for a check over and to get cleaned up.

Blade folded his thick arms. "Is she headed home?"

I shake my head no clenching my jaw.

Zeke stuffed his hands in his pockets. "She messed that girl up pretty bad. If she's not, what are we doing?"

I look at them both. "Punishment 6-f."

Blades eyes widen. "Dude. You gonna do that to your chick?"

I suck in my top lip and shake my head. "I have no choice. She violated the rule in the worst way possible. I can't let that go." The pain in my face must be visible.

Zeke put his hand on my shoulder. "I'll do it." He says, quietly.

I shake my head. "I'm the leader of this unit. I have to do it."

Both nod in agreement.

Blade sighs. "Ok. Give us fifteen minutes."

Fifteen minutes later, I'm escorting Anna to the training field. I feel like a piece of shit. What I'm about to do is something no one should have to do to someone they love, but I can't go back.

Stevens was also present. He eyes Anna as she walks by. Her head hung off her shoulders. She looks up at a board standing on end propped up on a frame. I see her visibly shaking. I can feel her fear. Her regret. I get that she's sorry and that she promised not to do it again, but I had to show her wolf that she can't do that again. This is the only way I can do that.

My own wolf is conflicted. Clawing at my chest. Howling like a banshee. He knows, as an Alpha, he can't take this kind of action, but to have to punish her for it, leaves him begging me to stop. I have to push him down. Lock him away to keep control.

I lead Anna to the board. There are silver laced cuffs attached to it and a stand for her feet. I feel her resist a bit, slightly trying to stop walking toward it.

I’m sorry, baby girl, I think as I push her to the board.

I help her onto it and lift one of her delicate hands to the cuffs. Her breath is shaky as tears develop in her eyes. It physically pains me to continue. "I'm so sorry." I whisper.

The recruits were all around. Some were holding themselves. Some had angry looks on their faces. Some showed concern. I’m sure none of them have seen this done before.

I cuff her other hand and walk away. The recruits have all gathered around. Cassidy was escorted by one of her friends. Her face was bandaged and her nose was taped up. Even through all that, she still had a smug look on her face. The bitch is actually enjoying this.

I turn and look around the staring, solemn faces. "I have said before. Infighting is not tolerated. This recruit not only violated that rule, but caused serious injury to another. This cannot go unpunished. Due to the current situation, discharge isn't an option. So, the punishment will be 5 public lashings with a silver laced whip. Let this be a lesson for all of you. We do not take this lightly. You will witness this and take it in. This is not just for this recruit. This is for all of you as well."

I nod to Blade who opens a switch blade knife and cuts Anna's shirt open down middle of the back.

I walk over and unclasp her bra. My face pains at thought that I have to put a single mark on her beautiful skin. I swallow hard as Zeke hands me the four-foot whip.

I walk the distance. I glance around. A pair of eyes, wild with anger and disbelief, catch mine. Michael is holding himself, glaring at me. I shoot him a look of apology and understanding of his feelings. He lowers his head. Obviously, trying to keep himself under control.

I turn to Anna sprawled on the board. I unfurl the whip. Its end slithers on the ground like a snake.

I reluctantly nod to Zeke.

The area is silent. I reach back and send the whip snapping to Anna's back. She cries out. My heart shatters into million pieces.

"One." Zeke counts out the whips.

I crack the whip again. I wince as she cries out again. Her breath staggering. Her body starting to falter on the board. The two lashes running with blood.

"Two." Zeke yells.

I crack it again. Another bloody line crosses her back as she grits and screams.

My wolf is frantically clawing, growling, trying hard to dig his way out.

"Three!"

Two more. I close my eyes and send the whip flying to her back again.

Her knees give out. Her skin is burning from the silver.

In my peripheral vision I see Michael. Teeth gritted, growling. Rez is holding him back.

"Four."

I crack the whip a final time. She lurches back, sobbing and screaming. Breathing heavy.

"Five!"

Anna goes limp on the board, barely able to breath. I toss Blade the whip like it's on fire.

I walk around to get my wolf under control as Zeke helps Anna off the board.

I look at all the faces. Some dark, some sad, some scared. I lock eyes with Michael. "The punishment has been carried out. The rest of you..." I swallow hard. "Please don't make me have to do this again."

I turn to Blade. "Take her to the infirmary."

I walk off, pushing my way through the recruits. I feel like a real piece of shit. I can't look at Anna right now. I'm so filled with guilt. I'm destroyed inside. I need to shake this. I need a run.

I run across the barracks to the forest, ripping off my uniform as I go. Once I'm naked, I jump and shift, my black paws hit the ground and I tear through the trees. Just run. Just run. Whatever you do, just run.

****

It was almost nightfall by the time I got back.

I ran so far, just going nowhere. I found our clearing. I shifted and sat naked with my arms on my knees. My head buried in my arms. I hated myself. I hated my job. For a brief moment, I even hated Anna for making me do that. My mind was full and I felt like it was flooded with demons. My chest ached. I had a massive lump in my throat. I wanted to disappear. Never have to look at the pain I put in those angelic amber eyes. I can't even make it better. She'll be scarred forever. Forever knowing that I physically hurt her. Forever questioning if I'll do it again. I don't know if I can live with that now. I don't know if I'll able to make this right. She'll say it's her own fault, but will she really forgive me? Will she really think she deserved it or will she live secretly blaming me?

I have to see her.

When I reached the barracks, I headed to the infirmary.

I quietly walk in. The nurse was just leaving. "Alpha. It's late."

I stand tall with my arms crossed. "I know. How is she?" My hushed voice is hinted with pain.

Her eyes look caring as if she can see my torture. "We gave her a sedative to sleep. She'll heal, but of course they'll be scars. Three of the lashes had to be stitched. They were so deep. Due to the silver, healing will be a few days." She paused. She put a hand on my arm. "I know this is hard. Don't let this affect you...or her." She nods like she knows something she's not supposed to.

I get the sense that she was trying to give me a message. That I shouldn't allow this to come between us, but how can it not. I fucking hurt her when I'm supposed to be protecting her. I fucking made her scream in agony. Tortured her body and mind. Humiliated her in front of everyone. I'm a fucking lowlife. She doesn't deserve me anymore.

I pull up a chair by her bedside. She's laying on her stomach. The back of her gown open exposing her bandaged back. The white bandages are dotted with blood.

She’s asleep with her beautiful face toward me. My chin quivers as I move a piece of hair from her face. It looks pained. Like she can feel me. Hating me for what I've done.

I look to her back. My shaking hand floats over the lashes I so harshly and coldly dealt her. Tears well up.

I put my elbow on my knee and my head in my hand. I can't fight the cry that's coming. I quietly cry beside her. Guilt rushing through me like a raging river. I shake my head. She'll never forgive me for this.

I scrub my hand down my face sitting up. Sucking back the tears.

I won't let her forgive me.

I stand up, place a soft kiss to her cheek.

I whisper in her ear. "Good bye, Anna. I love you. I'm sorry."

I leave her there with the last kiss and the last compassionate word I'll ever give her again.