The Falcon Ridge Series Book 1 She's Not For You
Chapter 37

(Chapter song ‘Hotel California’ by Eagles)

ANNA

I've been given a few days rest to recover from my punishment.

I stand in front of the mirror in the shower room, twisting around to look at the scars on my back. Tears prick my eyes.

Although, I can't believe River would actually do this to me, I can't blame him for it. It's his job and I fucked up. I shouldn't have lost it on Cassidy.

I finish getting cleaned up and decide to rest at the field. I'm not cleared for duty, but I'm allowed to go outside. Monday I get back to training and finish this week with my rank. Thank God.

I park myself under a tree and watch the session. I don't see River anywhere.

Blade walks up and sits beside me. "Hey, pretty lady." He smiles.

I pull up a blade of grass. "Hey." I smile back.

He fixes his ponytail. "How are you?"

I shrug. "Ok, I guess. Healed up." I don't look at him as I'm carrying a lot of guilt for disappointing River and our friends.

He rests his arms on his knees. "I get that. But how are you?" He turns his head to me and arches a brow.

I glance at him. "I feel like shit. I hurt River, you and everyone. I'm sorry."

He puts his large arm around me. "Hey, shit happens alright. We don't think any less of you. Trust me, seeing that bitch acting all smug after she got out of the infirmary, I wanted to fucking deck her too."

"Really?"

He shakes me. "You can't let shit like this get in your head, girl. It'll ruin you. Letting people fuck you up, not worth it. You need to be the bigger woman. Get her where it counts...." He points to the field. "Out there. Prove that you're a bigger bitch then she is. You make yourself larger than life, she'll never know what hit her."

I smile at his attempt at encouragement. "Yeah. Gotta keep my head. Eye on the prize."

He shakes me again grinning. "Atta, girl."

"Where's River?" I scan the field again.

Blade removed his arm. "Um...home...I guess. After...you know...He couldn't deal. He requested some time off. I guess to get his head straight again."

"Oh." I look down. Guilt of making River struggle with what I've done flooded me.

"There's one other thing." He lowered his head. "He requested you be taken off his team. You'll be joining mine for the remainder of your training."

"What?" My eyes went wide. "What? What does that mean? Why would...."

Blade shakes his head. "I don't know, girl. Maybe this got to him. Maybe it's just a gut reaction and he'll change his mind when he gets back, but don't worry about that right now. Just get your own head straight, ok?"

I nod, my face filled with concern.

He claps my back. "Ok. Don't worry. Things will get better."

He gets up and jogs back to the recruits.

Why would River take me off his team? Is he mad at me? Did I piss him off so much that he can't be with me now? I forced his hand. Made him have to do the unthinkable. I don't think I blame him if he can't be around me, but I wish he would've talked to me before he left. He didn't even come see me after it happened. What have I done?

I have to talk him.

****

My gut was right apparently, because when I got off for the weekend I got my phone out and immediately shot him a text.

YOU: Hey. Where are you?

No response.

YOU: River?

I waited for what felt like an eternity.

YOU: River talk to me.

Still nothing. I sighed and put my phone in my pocket. I got on my bike and headed home.

An hour later, I pulled into my driveway. I take out my phone again.

He responded.

I quickly open it up and read the one-word reply.

RIVER: Goodbye.

YOU: Goodbye? What the fuck does that mean?

I wait. Nothing.

YOU: Fuck River. Don't do this to me.

No response.

YOU: Fine.

I throw my phone in my pocket, hop on my bike and head for the White Rock pack house.

****

Within the hour, I'm storming into the pack house. "River?!" I yell frantically.

His mother comes rushing in. "Anna? What's wrong?"

I look at her worried. "Where's River?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. He left for the bar last night and never came home. I assumed he was with you."

Oh no. "Thanks." I turn and head out the door.

His mother followed me. "You'll let me know if you replace him?"

I hop on my bike. "Yes, of course, Luna."

I rev the engine, spin my bike, kicking rocks and peeled out to the road. If he was at Falcon last night, maybe he's there now.

****

I walked into the Falcon.

Roy was behind the bar. It was still very early, but the regulars were there.

I slide up to the bar. "Hey, Roy. Did you see River in here last night."

He scratched the back of his head. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. He was here. Pretty wasted. I saw him leave with a bunch of people just before close."

I looked confused. "Do you know who they were?"

"Naw. Never seen some of them in here before. Must have been friends of his." He wipes the counter.

I slap the bar. "Ok. Thanks."

I step out of the front door and pull out my phone. I scan my contacts. I pull up Drake's number and hit dial.

I wander to my bike while I wait for him to pick up.

"Anna? How's it going?" He sounded confused, but happy to hear from me.

"Hey, Drake." I pace in front of my bike. "I'm good. I miss your hard ass." I chuckle.

He laughs. "I miss yours too. What's up?"

"I need a favor. Do you still have that GPS tracker program?"

"Uh...hang on." I hear him clicking his keyboard. "Yep. Got it right here. You got a number?"

"329-555-4582. I need an address and if it's moving." I wait as I hear him input River's number.

It feels like forever before he gets something. "Yes...got it. He's headed west on Highway 12. Headed for White Rock it looks like."

I sigh a breath of relief. He's headed for the pack house. "Thanks, Drake. Listen. Keep tracking him for about an hour or so. If he changes, call me. I'll text you when I replace him."

"Sure thing, Anna. Hey, is everything really alright?" He asks.

"I hope so. Bye Drake." I rub my nape as thoughts of what River is doing terrify me.

"Bye." He hangs up.

I get on my bike and head back to the pack house.

***

I pull into the large driveway of the pack house, just as River is getting out of his car.

He glances at me and completely avoids me.

"River!" I call to his back as he heads to the steps.

He doesn't look at me. He continues to walk toward the house. "Go home, Anna." He says nonchalantly.

I stomp after him. "No! River, talk to me!"

I catch up to him at the door. I grab his muscular arm. Electric tingles shoot up my arm. He flinches and shrugs my arm off. He doesn't turn around. "Anna, please. Just go home."

I step in front of him between him and the door. "River. What? Why? Why are you doing this?" I try to catch his eyes, but he's avoiding me like the plague.

He swallows hard. "I can't. I have to. Please, just go." He shoves me aside and opens the door. Leaving me standing on the stoop. He closes the door in my face.

He left me there on the doorstep. All my feelings welled up at once. Tears sting my eyes and I place my hand on the door. Then my forehead hits the door. Everything's boiling. My skin, my heart, my head. Every muscle tenses. My breaths are heavy. Anger and pain well in my chest.

Tears start to flow down my cheeks. My fist balls at my side and I let out all my pain at once and punch the door the pack house. I spin around and run to my bike sobbing. I hit the throttle hard and head home.

The whole ride there, I looked behind me. Hoping for a black Camaro to be riding my ass, but it wasn't there.

This was it. We were over. I fucked up so bad, he'll never forgive me. He doesn't even want to look at me. I'm nothing to him now.

When I get home, I run to my room. Slam the door. I flop on my bed and just cry until I fall asleep.

****

I wake up and it's dark out. I pull out my phone. It's 11pm. Well, it's a good time for a drink.

I shower and get dressed. My head still swimming. I wanted this all to be a fucking nightmare, but when I woke up in my clothes and an empty house, I knew it wasn't.

I pick up my phone and dial Michael's number.

"Anna?" He answered.

I hold myself as I hold my phone to my ear. "Hey. Michael. You...you want to come over?"

Silence. "Yeah. Yes...Sure....Are you OK?"

I wanted to lie. Wanted to say everything was fine, but I couldn't. I couldn't contain my pain. "No." I sob. "Everything's horrible." I flop myself on my bed.

"Ok. I'll be over as quick as I can. Hang on." He hung up and I threw my phone on the bed. I grabbed a pillow and cried into it.

After about a half an hour, there was a knock at the door.

My brain thought it had to be River. I shot off my bed and ran downstairs. I threw open the door to see Michael. He was standing on the porch with his hands in his pockets.

My heart went from fluttering to crushing in a matter of seconds. My eyes poured out tears. Michael rushed in and grabbed me, shoving my head to his chest.

He hugged me tight for a solid minute. "Anna. What happened?"

I grabbed his jacket like it was a life rope. "He...He...left me..." I choke out between sobs.

"Fuck." Michael whispered as he guided me into the house, kicking the door shut. "Shhh..." He held me petting my head.

He led me over to the couch. I lifted my head off his chest.

Wiping my eyes and sniffling back the tears. "He can't even look at me." My breath hitched.

Michael got up and went to the kitchen. He brought back two beers. He handed me one and sat down. "What happened exactly?"

I told him everything that happened at the pack house, him taking me off his team and River not answering my texts.

I down half my beer. "It's over, Michael. He didn't even go home last night after going to the bar with a bunch of people. He's probably already moved on to someone who isn't a complete humiliation."

"Hey." He slammed his beer down on the coffee table and turned to me. "Don't you even dare. Yeah, you fucked up, but you don't deserve this. You deserve someone who you can fuck up around and they'll still be there for you. Don't fucking blame yourself. Screw him. He doesn't deserve you. If he can't handle a situation like this, then fuck him. Don't waste another tear on that asshole."

I took another swig. Shaking my head. "I don't blame him, Michael..." The lump in my throat grew bigger. "Just why does it hurt so fucking much..." I leaned into his chest again and started sobbing. "I feel like my insides are being ripped out."

He held my head. "I know, baby, I know. It's horrible now, but it'll get better."

"Thank you." I whisper.

He looks down at me and flashes a smile. "Anytime, baby. Anytime."