The Howl
: Chapter 20

The ringing of my phone interrupted my favorite dream. With a fair amount of longing, I watched my cakes disappear from existence before I opened my eyes.

Burrowing deeper under my covers, I stretched out a hand to snatch my phone and pull it into my warm cocoon with me.

“Hey, Megan,” I answered sleepily after a glance at the number.

“Hey. Sorry I didn’t call sooner. It’s been crazy.”

“I heard,” I said with a smile. “You ruffled some feathers with your Oanen-is-mine speech.”

“Good. They need to stop toying with people.”

“Agreed.”

“Good news, though. Oanen and I are heading back to Uttira today. Well, as soon as we replace his car,” she said.

I sat up in bed.

“Um, you might want to rethink that.”

“What? Finding his car?”

“No. Coming back to Uttira.” It hurt saying the words, but it was the only safe way I could think of for both of us. At least until Ashlyn was found.

“Don’t you love me anymore?” Her playful words didn’t completely hide the subtle hurt in her tone, and my heart ached for us both.

“Like crazy. And that’s why I want you to go somewhere else for a while. Somewhere romantic and amazing where you and Oanen can do all the new couple things you’re probably already doing. When you get it out of your system, you can come back.”

She was quiet for a moment.

“Are you afraid of being around us?” she asked.

“Yes and no. I’d be fine with one of you at a time. But, wanting you to stay away has more to do with my mom. New couples are too tempting. You give off too much energy.”

“You mean sexual energy.”

“Yes. That. And with Mom being pregnant, I just don’t want to worry about you.”

“How long do we need to stay away?” she asked.

“Mom’s due in five months, but I don’t think it’ll take that long for your new, um…attraction to wear off.”

The phone changed hands, and Oanen spoke.

‘Eliana, Megan needs to see you as much as you need to see her. We’ll stay away for two weeks. Then we’re coming home.”

The phone was passed back to Megan, but I barely registered the rest of the conversation. All I could think of was that I had two weeks. Two weeks to get rid of Mom to protect Megan and Oanen from Mom feeding on them when they came home. Two weeks to replace Ashlyn to ensure my best friend wouldn’t send me to hell the moment she saw me.

While Megan’s return would be dangerous for Megan and bad for me, the imminent threat of her arrival was the best thing that could happen for Ashlyn. Finding Ashlyn, with no help from the missing druids, would be impossible. I didn’t have the nose to hunt her scent down or the magic to locate her. However, Adira would do everything within her power to replace the missing girl quickly. Even hire a druid.

With Adira working on Ashlyn, I could focus on removing Mom. But how? My first attempt to banish her from Uttira had been a complete botch job, so much so that I wasn’t about to try magic again. I saw only two possible remaining options. Well, only one really, because forcing her to leave through physical means would be as pointless an endeavor as using magic. That left appealing to her.

Lost in thought, I got out of bed, closed the window that was somehow open again, and quickly got ready for the day.

Even though talking to Mom had failed miserably yesterday, I needed to try again. Only this time, I would approach her from a different angle. She didn’t want me to feel controlled, so perhaps proposing weekly check-ins would work.

Optimistic, I left my room to speak with her. However, her room was empty. As was the entertainment room.

Hoping she hadn’t made good on her threat to walk around Uttira to replace my car, I went downstairs. The clink of silverware drew me to the dining room.

Despite Mom’s earlier assertion that we should drop the pretext of needing human food, she had a plate before her piled with pastries. She noticed me and smiled.

“You’re just in time,” she said. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

I glanced at her plate.

“That’s okay,” I said. “I’m not really hungry for sweets.” They were never as good as my dream sweets.

“Then it’s a good thing I made you your favorite,” my father said, emerging from the kitchen, carrying two plates laden with French toast.

I couldn’t breathe for a moment.

He looked so different from the last time I saw him. Thinner. Dark circles under his eyes. Mostly he looked cleaned up, though. His brown hair was neatly combed, and his white button-up shirt was pressed and stain-free.

The shock of seeing my very human father in Uttira robbed me of any filter.

“Dad? What are you doing here?”

“He’s here because I invited him,” Mom said.

I turned on her.

“When?”

“Last night. Adira helped me bring him here once he agreed. I wanted you to see that I didn’t ruin your father. That he’s still who he was before I met him.”

“Ruin me?” Dad said with a laugh. “Hardly. You gave me the world when you entered my life.”

I didn’t look at him. I stayed focused on my mom.

“I forgave you once; I won’t forgive you again. Let him go.”

“How can you be so selfish, Eliana?” Dad said, his hurt tone demanding my attention.

I met his watery gaze.

“I’ve waited years for all of us to be together again as a family. Years of fear, wondering if you were both safe. Wondering if you were fed and happy. Years of loneliness. And you want to return me to that?”

“Jason, calm yourself,” Mom said. “You know why Eliana said what she did. And you’re proving her right.”

Dad took a deep, calming breath and set the plates on the table.

“Sit, Eliana,” he said, taking his seat. “We can say grace and enjoy the first of many meals together.”

I didn’t sit; I got angry. Clutching the back of my chair, I faced Mom again.

“Look at him, Mom. Is that how he looked when you met him? Emaciated? Exhausted? Always on the verge of tears? If you want to lie to me, fine. But don’t lie to yourself. You did that to him.”

“He said he’s been deeply involved in a project that caused him to forget meals and work long hours,” Mom said.

“Just another reason I belong here,” Dad said. “Recuperation. I hear you need the same, Eliana. We’ll get well again together, baby girl.”

Hearing the endearment broke my heart.

“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t watch you break him again.”

Mom gave me a sad look. “That’s why he’s here. To prove to you that he’s not broken. He missed you, Eliana. And I know you missed him, too. Don’t make me send him away yet.”

I looked at Dad. His head was bowed, and his shoulders were shaking, but he wasn’t pleading with me to let him stay. How could Mom not see how wrong this was?

“I gotta go to school.”

I hurried from the room. I didn’t even stop to consider my car might not be in the garage until I saw it sitting there. At least, Mom had done that one thing right.

I started the car, hit my steering wheel, then took a calming breath. It hurt deeply that she’d brought Dad here. More so that she’d contacted him, a hard boundary I’d set four years ago. She wouldn’t have broken my trust lightly when it came to Dad. Doing so showed her level of concern for me, and it also made me realize I’d never be able to talk Mom into leaving, now.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t stop to look for the druids when I arrived at the Academy. I went straight to the first session and sat there, wondering what I was going to do.

If I asked Mom to send Dad home again, I knew she would. She’d made that clear. I also knew my dad might not survive it. No matter what his faith said about giving up on life, having to say goodbye to Mom again would push him over the edge.

What was I supposed to do, then? Pretend everything was okay?

The bell rang, and I went to second session. Instead of Ashlyn, Eugene was there.

“Hey, Eliana,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Do you know what’s going on with Ashlyn? No one is telling us anything other than she’s not well. Is she in a human hospital?”

Very aware that everyone in the room was listening, I shrugged as if I was as clueless as they were.

“I wish I knew.”

He accepted my answer without question and started walking around to help the students with their homework. Eugene was crazy smart. In math and science, anyway. If he were world smart, he would have asked to leave Uttira the moment he arrived.

When the bell rang again, I hurried to third session, needing Fenris’s advice about my dad, but he wasn’t there. The class was once again back to normal. I wanted to flip one of the desks in my anger. Instead, I walked out and went to the pool.

A mermaid hissed at me, and I hissed back. She dived under in a splash and stayed at the bottom of the pool. The other fish-folk swam to the far side of the pool and gave me the peace I craved.

By the end of the day, I had no real answers. Magic had failed me where Mom was concerned. Adira and the Council obviously wanted her here to “fix” whatever was wrong with me. And talking to Mom seemed to make things worse.

I drove home with a heavy heart.

Maybe it would just be easier to give in and feed. What were a few sex slaves in exchange for my mark and freedom? The ability to get out of Uttira and never come back had a very strong appeal. I’d be free of Adira’s meddling and wouldn’t need to watch Dad suffer. I sighed, really liking the picture I was painting for myself.

When I walked into the kitchen, Mrs. Quill greeted me cautiously.

“How was school?”

“Messed up. Adira changed classes around again so I didn’t bother going to most of them. There’s no point anymore, right? It’s feed and get my mark so I can leave this hell, or stay here and be tortured forever. Going to school isn’t going to change the outcome.”

“Eliana, I’m so sorry you feel that way.”

I laughed.

“Are you?”

“I truly am.”

I shook my head and started to head to my room.

“Wait. Take this with you. Your father needs to eat more. And, see if you can talk him into resting. He might listen to you.”

I took the covered plate and headed upstairs.

The loud thumping music from Mom’s room ensured that I wouldn’t knock. It was bad enough when I saw what she did with strangers. There was no way I wanted to know what she and Dad were doing.

Closing myself in my room, I almost dropped the plate when I turned and saw Dad standing a few feet from me.

“Dad? What are you doing in here?”

“I’m giving your mother some space. She needs to eat.” He glanced at the plate. “Is that for me?”

“Yeah.”

I handed it over. He ripped the cover off, grabbed a sandwich, and took a huge bite.

“It’s good to see you with an appetite,” I said. When I’d still lived with him, it’d been hard to get him to eat consistently.

“I need to regain my strength for you and your mother. And I want to set a good example. Your mom says you’re not eating like you should, either.”

A faint moan penetrated my room, and he looked at the door.

“She’ll come for me soon,” he said absently before taking another large bite.

“What kind of sandwich are you eating, Dad?”

He looked startled by the question and looked down at what he held.

“I’m not sure.”

“What does it taste like?” I asked.

He paused, considering the sandwich.

“Nothing.”

“When was the last time food tasted like food?”

He looked at me, his gaze sharpening.

“Before you were born.”

“No. Before you met Mom. What does that tell you? She’s consumed your life, Dad, and left you nothing. Do you know what else does that? Drugs. Addictions. You know she’s not good for you. You need to leave.”

“You’re wrong. I’m not addicted to her; I’m trying to help her. Your mother has a sex addiction. She’s sick and needs our help. We can sneak her out of this place tonight and take her somewhere quiet. Somewhere she won’t be tempted by other people.”

“Somewhere she’ll be tempted by only you?”

“Exactly. We’re married, so physical relations with me are okay.”

I shook my head, pitying him.

“I wish I could help you, Dad. But I can’t even help myself lately. Want to watch a movie with me? The entertainment room is closer to Mom’s room.”

He quickly agreed, and I spent the next two hours with him, holding his hand like I used to do on the really bad nights. The nights where he cried himself to sleep.

That’s how Mom found us.

“Darlings,” she said, sweeping into the room. “You better go change for dinner. We’ll be late.”

Dad stood and took Mom’s hand, turning her so he could see her dress. It was a long, tight-fitting number and showed her chest almost to the nipples.

“You look ravishing, my love,” he said. “Are you hungry?”

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her neck.

“I’m here for whatever you need,” he added.

I quickly fled the room.

Choosing a dress that wouldn’t embarrass my father, if he even looked away from my mom long enough to notice, I changed for dinner. I didn’t immediately leave, though. I stared at myself in the knee-length A-line dress, seeing the image of the innocent girl I’d tried so hard to hold onto. However, I knew what lurked underneath the harmless wrapping. A monster, just waiting to be born.

My vision flickered, superimposing Dad’s fatigued, gaunt look over my features.

Afraid of what I saw, I turned away from the mirror and left my room.

Mom and Dad were already gone from the entertainment space, so I started down the hall, taking my time because I was dreading the meal to come. Now that I knew why Dad was here, I knew what to expect. Mom would try to show me that he was normal and feeding from humans was all peaches and cream. Meanwhile, Dad’s delusions would grow stronger.

Male laughter echoed up the stairs. I couldn’t tell if it was Mr. Quill or Dad.

Resigned to a long night, I entered the dining room then stopped short. Mr. and Mrs. Quill were at each end of the table. Adira, Mom, and Dad were at one side, and only one of the spots on my side was unoccupied.

Two boys I’d never seen before were sitting on each side of my chair. I noticed they were my age and identically cute as they turned to look at me.

I glanced at Mom then Adira.

“Eliana,” Mrs. Quill said. “Allow me to introduce Nico and Nikhil Elestite. They’re family from the Mantirum stronghold in Arizona.”

“Hey, Eliana,” they said at the same time.

The one to the right stood and pulled out my chair for me.

“I’m Nico. That’s Nikhil.”

“Thanks.”

I took my seat and glanced at my dad. His gaze met mine, and I saw a flicker of fear there. For me. For my soul.

As much as Dad tried to deny that Mom was something other than a sex-addicted human, I knew he understood there was more to her. Why else would he wait in my room and say mom was eating when any normal human would say she was having sex? Why else had his sermons consisted of the temptations of the flesh and the devils walking among us? Yes, deep down, he knew what she was, and he knew I was her daughter.

Mom leaned over to whisper something in his ear. His expression changed to one of love and longing.

“This is our first time to Uttira,” Nikhil said. “We were glad to receive the invitation. It gets a little boring in Knoxres.”

I recognized the name of the Mantirum stronghold in Arizona.

“I’d love a little boring right about now,” I said.

Mom kicked me under the table, and I looked up at her, my eyes going black.

“Don’t push me, Mother.”

She tilted her head, studying me.

“You look like you could use some air,” she said.

“I’ll escort you,” Nico said, already standing.

“Me, too.” Nikhil offered his hand and a sheepish smile. “We’ve never seen snow.”

It wasn’t their fault they were baited into coming here. I wondered if they knew their intended purpose, though.

“There’s a pretty garden off the back of the house. I’ll show you,” I said, choosing to stand without his offer of help.

The twins followed me through the house, not saying anything. When we reached the door, I opened it and led the way to the snow-covered bench near the back of the garden.

“This is beautiful,” Nico said, looking up at the stars in the clear sky. “Our parents said our homeland is like this. Snow all the time. That’s why they chose Knoxres. They want the warmth.”

He blew a few experimental breaths and grinned at the clouds he created. Nikhil studied all the snow then turned to me expectantly.

“You know why you’re here,” I said.

“Yeah. Adira told us you’re a picky eater. Frost giants only. We’ve been around succubi before, but none that ever showed any interest in feeding from us.” He shrugged slightly. “We were curious.”

“Curious about what?”

“What it would be like, of course.”

His bright blue gaze held mine, and I could smell a hint of his and his twin’s lust. While they might be fine with their purpose, I wasn’t. All the anger and frustration that I’d suppressed at just about every adult in my life surged forward.

“It feels like this,” I said. “Get on your knees.”

They dropped to their knees before me, their eyes going wide.

“Give me all that you desire. Surrender everything that you are and become mine.”

I opened my mouth and pulled. They resisted. I stepped forward and ran a finger along Nico’s cheek.

“So handsome. So young. Why resist me?”

He groaned, and his lust flooded the air. I didn’t take that, though, I took all his non-sexual energy until a cold blast of air knocked me onto my butt.

I didn’t try to get up. Instead, I stared up at the stars and listened to the sound of their feet as they ran away. I could have done things differently. I could have fed from their lust and proved myself to Mom and Adira without fear of creating lovesick fools like my father. Why hadn’t I? Would it be so awful to be completely obedient? To make everyone happy? Everyone but me?

Sitting up, I hugged my knees and continued to watch the stars.

It didn’t take long for Mom to replace me. She sat on the nearby bench and said nothing for several long minutes.

“Adira thinks you’re being difficult just to be difficult. How can a woman who’s spent years with you know you so little?”

I looked at Mom.

“And you know me better?”

“I think I do. You sent those boys running on purpose because you’re feeling cornered, not because you’re stubborn.” She sighed. “None of us like feeling cornered, Eliana. I would have struck out, too.”

“Isn’t that why Dad’s here?”

“No, baby. Never. He’s not a punishment. He’s the reason you are the way you are.”

“No, Mom, you are. He’s human and simple. Give him food and water and shelter, and he’ll be fine. Well, he would have been before you fed from him. Now he doesn’t even think of the things he needs to live because all he thinks he needs is you.

“I don’t even know who I am. How can I be the center of anyone’s existence?”

She studied me a moment then looked up at the stars.

“You’re a deeper person than I am. I don’t always understand you, but it will never diminish my love of you. Nico and Nikhil didn’t work out. It’s not the end of the world. We’ll try again. And next time, it won’t be a surprise or forced on you. We’ll plan together.”

I stood and brushed off the snow.

“I don’t want random food, Mom. I want forever. Something I can’t have without ruining whomever I choose. My life isn’t a blessing; it’s a cursed existence with a string of regrets waiting to happen. You want to help me? Please, just leave me to whatever fate I replace on my own.”

“I can’t do that, baby, because you’ve made it very clear what you would choose.”

I walked away from her, taking the path to the outer edges of the garden where it was the quietest. There, I let a few frustrated tears fall.

“It’s a little cold out here for that,” Fenris said from nearby.

“Nothing is working, Fenris. They won’t listen.”

I turned and saw he already had his arms open. This time, he wasn’t asking for payment; he was offering comfort. I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and letting the tears free. He made soothing sounds and smoothed his hand over my hair. I didn’t know how long we stayed like that.

It wasn’t until the tears finally dried up that I realized how dangerous breaking down like that could have been for him. But as he continued to run his hand over my hair and rested his chin on the top of my head, I knew nothing bad had happened. So, I stayed as I was and didn’t let go.

“Want to tell me what happened?” he asked softly.

“Adira brought family over for dinner. My dinner. Two frost giant twins named Nico and Nikhil. I got so mad.” I shook my head into his bare chest. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on them. I think I scared them.”

“You?” Fenris asked with a slight laugh to his voice. “All five feet and one hundred pounds of you?”

I lifted my head to scowl at him. “I’m five four and weigh more than that.”

He gave me an appraising look then shook his head.

“Nope. Doesn’t matter. Still doesn’t make you scary.”

I sighed and set my head back on his chest.

“Am I being stupid and stubborn, Fenris? Should I just do what they want and feed on someone?”

“Could you?” he asked. “If I offered myself to you right now, could you feed from me without hating yourself for it?”

“No.”

“Then you’re not being stubborn. You just have some issues to work through.” His hand smoothed over my back, pressing me a little more firmly against his heat. “And you will work through them. I have faith in you.”

“Thanks,” I said, giving him a slight squeeze before reluctantly pulling away from him. “Things were way less complicated before my mom got here. I know she loves me, but gods, I wish she would just leave. I can’t deal with her and Adira at the same time.

“Do you know what my mom did?”

“No. What?”

“She brought my very human and very sick Dad here to prove to me that feeding from a human doesn’t hurt the human. You should see him, Fenris. She thinks I’m sick even though I look fine on the outside, but when she looks at Dad, she doesn’t even see the hollow cheeks or the dull look in his eyes when her attention isn’t on him.” I shook my head. “It breaks my heart, seeing him like that. Why can’t she understand?”

“I think she does but that she’s so desperate she’s willing to do whatever is necessary to help you. Even if the choices she’s making now will make you angry later.”

I sighed and shivered slightly, wishing I’d picked a dress with a longer skirt.

“You ready to go inside?” he asked.

“Not just yet. It’ll be a while before the dinner party breaks up.”

Fenris walked with me to the nearest bench, and we sat to watch the stars. My legs grew cold then numb, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to go back inside and see either of those boys, or worse, hear my mom with my dad.

Instead, I leaned against Fenris. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, sharing his heat. I’d never been more grateful for his quiet company and friendship. Where I’d once seen him as a hopeless flirt, I’d learned he was so much more. He had a vast depth and capacity for understanding.

Closing my eyes, I exhaled slowly and told myself tomorrow would be better. After all, it couldn’t possibly get any worse.

The deliciously warm air wrapped around me as I walked through the barren trees. My dress rode up awkwardly with each step. I frowned, looking down at it. The A-line, short skirt tickled a memory of me sitting with Fenris on a bench in the Quills’ snow-covered garden.

The scent of cakes filled my nose and distracted me. Inhaling deeply, I looked at the trees once more. I loved this part of the dream. The anticipation of replaceing food and eating until I was bloated with no fear of consequence.

“Take what you need.”

The words echoed around me a moment before the cakes appeared. The perfectly small circles, no more than four inches wide and equally as high, were covered in dark chocolate shavings. With my mouth watering, I grabbed the nearest one, and I started to eat. I laughed as I danced through the woods filled with my current favorite cake, Death by Chocolate.

“I will always be here for you.”

I loved this place, this forest, and wished it wasn’t a dream. I never wanted to leave it. I grabbed another cake and stuffed it in my mouth. Then another. The cakes were still warm. Hot even. They warmed my hands and my middle. I started to sweat but didn’t stop eating.

The trees squeezed in closer around me.

My inner thighs warmed.

Something was wrong.

I dropped my cake.

“Don’t stop.”

I backed up a step, turning a slow circle, wishing for the first time ever to escape the cake dream. The trees shook, then the cakes and the forest faded. But the heat didn’t. It radiated over me, warming my front, especially my legs. Why my legs?

Disoriented, I opened my eyes and blinked up at Fenris. It took a second for things to click into place: the sight of my bedroom ceiling above him, the way my skirt had ridden up to my waist, how he was braced on his arms to keep his weight from crushing me, the way my bare legs were around his jean-clad hips under the covers, locking him in place.

What had I done?

Before panic could fully take hold, my bedroom door opened.

“Eliana, I had an idea about how—oh!”

I couldn’t tear my gaze from Fenris as he winked at me. His eyes weren’t clouded with obsessive lust but clear and full of humor.

“Eliana, baby,” my mom said. “Why didn’t you telling me you were feeding from the wolf boy? This is perfect.”

Perfect? In no world was this perfect.

Fenris grinned down at me and wriggled his eyebrows, saying nothing. I wanted to kill him.

“Mom, leave now.”

“Of course. You need your privacy and your mother out of your hair. I’m going. Your dad and I will stay somewhere else in town so you can be as loud as you want. Call me tomorrow when you wake up.”

The door closed. I didn’t move. I couldn’t.

“You did this on purpose,” I whispered.

“Yep. And now your problems are solved,” Fenris said. “Because your mom thinks you’re feeding from me, she and Adira will leave you alone. Plus, your mom is moving out. You’re welcome.”

His smile never wavered, and the future repercussions of his actions grew in my mind.

“Fenris, what have you done?”