You Saved Me Once Book 1
Chapter 42: 26Please Don’t Be Mad At Me

I was finally going out this weekend. The house was quiet again, not empty though.

"So, we want a side of fries with that. Emma wants Italian dressing for her salad." Jake says.

It was a Friday night, Jake and Emma were staying in. I offered to go get them food.

Jake, Emma, and me crowd the island table for no reason. Emma's staring at me, while she eats from the bowl of popcorn on the table. Her crunches grow more intense, the longer we keep eye contact. She's still silent. Her red bangs cover her eyes. She keeps fixing her car-digan.

"I got it Jake, thanks." I say.

"What about you?" He asks me.

I look at Emma, then him. I knew why he asked me this. I wasn't eating, and it was obvious. I was lying to everyone, and it was obvious.

"Why do you think I offered to go and get you food?" My voice is weak.

"For vitamin D?" He jokes.

Emma giggles. She's picking through the popcorn bowl.

I was too sad to smile at his joke, I nod instead. I put on my hat, then my hood. I leave the kitchen and head to my car in the garage. I park it in the garage now, because I can't look at Hayes's car for too long. I pull off, and head to the pizza place, even though I hate pizza.

There was a reason I offered. The pizza place is close to Shiloh Ridge, closer to Hayes. If he was still there, I could see him.

I wait in my car for a while, and watch people come in and out of the pizza place. I wanted Hayes to see him, I wanted him to like me again.

He wasn't there. I don't know, where he is.

I get out of my car and go inside. It's warm, I can smell the sticky pasta sauce in the air. I can feel the warmth of the ovens; the sour bitter cheese was too yellow. The smell was overwhelming. This was bringing back memories, bad ones.

A little kid is waiting in line with his parent. He sticks his tongue out at me.

Someone comes from behind and gives me a hug. I bite down on my lip, and smile.

"Hayes?" I ask.

The person is quiet, I turn around.

"Hey Alex." He says.

It's Jeff. His smiled warmed me for a short time. I was hurt that it wasn't Hayes. I was so hurt that I wanted to cry, but I hide it. I force a smile at Jeff.

"How are you?" He asks. He's smiling, he's happy.

His foot was wrapped, he had a crutch in one hand.

"It's a sprain. You should see the other guy." His words are soft. He's so calm.

"Lucky you." I joke. He laughs.

We were in a conversation, things were going better then I'd hope. The cashier calls Jeff's name.

Everything goes quiet again.

I watch as Jeff slowly makes his way over to the cashier. His wrapped foot is in a sandal. He drags the rubber sandal on the laminat-ed floor. I hear it squeak.

He rests his crutch against the counter. He goes to pay, when it falls onto the ground. The wood from the crutch sounds like it split.

I go to pick it up, and get some wood stuck in my finger. The slinter is deep.

"Thanks. I don't like taking this thing around. "He says.

Seeing him frustrated, made me want him. For a second, it made me forget about Hayes. Whenever I'm with Jeff, I don't think about a lot of things. "What are you doing in Orca?" He asks.

Orca Manchester, the town next to Versa. Also, the town next to Shiloh Ridge. I had history with Orca. I get nervous.

"Buying some food for Jake." I say.

The way he's looking at me, I can't help but smile. He looks at his boxes of pizzas, there are more than three.

"Throwing a party?" I ask. I grab two boxes from him.

"The lacrosse team is, I'm paying." He says.

A black truck parked out front honks at us. Jeff flips the driver off.

"Those jerks." He laughs.

I help him carry the pizzas to the truck full of empty-handed boys.

The loud music lowers. I hear them whispering about me.

Everyone knew about the Richards, and the Bartley's. All for the wrong reasons.

I stay silent and hand the boxes to a scared freshman in the back seat. He smiles at me.

The guy in the front seat says something stupid. Jeff slams the door. It's just Jeff and I now, he's smiling at me.

"I'm sorry for not texting you back." I say. He nods.

"I'm just glad to see your face." He interlaces our fingers, before stealing a hair tie on my wrist.

My hood falls down, he keeps looking at me. He won't stop, un-til I smile. He goes to kiss me, I lean into him. We're both slumped against this truck. The driver in the truck honks, the lacrosse guys hoot. I stop kissing Jeff.

Hands behind my back, I pick at the splinter again.

"I should go back inside." I say. He smiles, before putting my hood back on.

"Alright. I'll see you around Alex." He says.

He gets in the passenger seat of the truck.

I go back inside, and watch the black truck pull off.

The little kid, and his parent are leaving now. The little kid steps on my foot, on their way out. Through the window, he sticks out his tongue at me again. Finally, I stick my tongue back at the little kid.

He smiles.

I start up my car again and drive. For a while I force myself to not drive through Shiloh to look for Hayes, no matter how bad I want-ed to.

Being away from Versa, I had a new perspective of it all. I didn't feel as bad as before. I didn't hate what I did. I accepted it more now.

I was away for Versa for only a little,

and I thought differently. My

thoughts are looser away from Versa, they are more alive. This is why I have to get out of Versa, before it swallows me whole. No matter how much Versa comforts me, it destroys me more

So, when I finally replace my way back to Versa, I don't go home. I go to Jeff's house, instead.

What are you doing tonight?

-Alex

House Arrest.

-Jeff

I stand at his front door for a while, food in hand. I was nervous. I didn't know if he was actually home. I wasn't sure, if he wanted com-pany.

I pick my splinter again, then ring the doorbell.

There's silence for a while. I can hear birds chirping, once the doorbell jingle fades. I ring it again.

Jeff hasn't come to the door. The wait gave me butterflies, a bearable sensation. The chills came next.

I bite down on my lip, and head for my car.

"Alex!" Jeff opens the front door. Both crutches in his hand.

"Sorry, I was upstairs." He smiles.

I didn't feel lonely anymore. Jeff and

I now sit together in his living room. My cold food I brought, lay out on the coffee table, buffet style. My feet were up, socks tickling Jeff. He was eating the cold fries, looking at me every other second, smiling.

"Stop doing that." I smile. He gets shy and finally looks away.

He made me feel comfortable. Made me feel alive. So alive that I pick at the salad I ordered for Emma. I pick at it, before eating some, but I couldn't stop eating it. "Look at you." He rubs my socks, it warms my feet. I stop eating to look at Jeff again.

His hair was tied up, in my hair tie. I wanted Jeff again. I wanted Jeff, for making me smile, for making me feel happy. For taking the cold pain inside, the pit, away.

The crutches fall on his feet when he

leans in to kiss me. I put the salad on the table and take off my jacket to feel his warm body against mine. He lays on top of me, my bare legs grope his waist. When I press into him, he groans. His breath is heavy.

He stops to breathe.

I press my lips against his neck. Chills coat his skin. I take off his shirt, to kiss lower. I squeeze his cotton shirt in my hand, when I see his chest.

"They are bruised." He says.

The left side of his ribs are lilac purple, and grey. He groans when I touch them.

I kiss them, I kiss his chest, then I kiss his neck. Our lips meet again.

The fullness of his lips, against my body, makes me moan. They warm me. We explore each other's body in the natural lit living room, as the sun sets.

Jeff stops to catch his breath. Seeing him breathe, seeing his lilac bruise stretch with his breath, gave me chills. I cross my legs and lean on him. We're both tired.

Both our hairs are wild. I comb my fingers through Jeff's hair. He smiles at me again.

I interlace our hands. Jeff kicks the wooden crutches on the floor, to get to his pants. The crutches click, when they collide.

I can hear plastic in his pocket. He grabs something out of his pant pocket.

I press on my slinter again.

He grabs out a clear plastic bag, full of green pills.

I stay silent as he picks through a few. My hands are cold, they are clamed. Our fingers are still interlaced. Jeff smiles at me.

"Do you have a card?" He asks.

"No." I say. I smile to cover my lie.

He lets go of my hand and gets up from the couch. I wipe my sweaty hand.

I haven't moved yet. I look at the green pills. I've seen them be-fore. I see them often.

He comes back to the couch, with a credit card, and dollar in hand. He sits down.

He crushes the pills with the card. The three pills are now a small, thin, green line. He rolls the dollar. I watch him.

He wipes his nose when he's done. I look at him. His dewy face smiles at me. He interlaces our hands again.

"They're prescriptions, Alex." He says.

That was a lie, I knew he was lying.

I nod at his lie, and smile. I felt sad again. I felt sad, for Jeff.

He crushes another.

"They take away the pain and help me concentrate." He says.

"What about lacrosse." My voice is scratchy.

"Can't play." He goes for another.

I look at his bruised body, and nod.

I move his sweaty hair from his face. I comb his hair with my hands again.

I grab his chin. He stops everything to look at me, to watch me. I watch the rolled dollar, unwind as he drops it onto the table.

Even though, I felt coldness in him, Jeff still warmed me. I press my lips against his again. There are tears in my eyes now.

When I pinch the splinter; the tears, go away.

I put the cold food, in the cold fridge. Night came fast, the lights stay off. The gloom drowned us, made us tired.

We are each other's anchors for the rest of the night.