Zenora, The Dragon's Fury
36. A New Start

As the orb just had been shattered and disappeared, I let myself hang in the air for just a moment. I wanted to make sure that the Mage’s Fury has ended, before I went downwards again.

My heartrate was calm, the air around me wasn’t rushing and there was no itch in my eyes, giving me notice that they had turned back to normal. Yet, I was still hanging in the air, completely in control of the elevating magic, caused by my mage’s powers. It was still much to fathom, realising that I never lost the powers, only that I pushed them back myself.

Yet, even though I never had lost actual control, it still felt as if I have more control over the specialities more than ever. I was aware of the magic that soared through my veins, as if I was shaken awake by the words of the Goddess, which forced away the stubbornness of my own thoughts.

I looked towards the ground and saw that it was crowded by a lot of people. They were all wondering what had happened to their Princess, and they probably all seen the Goddess as well.

But rumours of me and the Goddess weren’t important as of right now. Right now I have to get to my husband, sons and other loved ones. They have to know what has happened, and they have to know that I need them.

Slowly I descended to the stone terrace again, there where my confused General still stood.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, love.” I said to him, when he gave me an amazing strong hug.

“And I’m sorry for your losses. We will get through this all.” He replied.

“What do you mean ‘losses’? As in plural; who else has died?” My worry and confusion starting to rise up in me even more.

“Our daughter, love. I know you lost her. She isn’t in your belly anymore, and not with you either.” He replied.

I read his mind, I could see that Hayden told him that I miscarried and then Brock had seen all the blood in the room where he saw me last. He assumed that I lost her!

“No, I haven’t lost her! She still is alive!” I yelled to him, crazy laughing and tears running down my face.

I could see the confusion rise up in him this time, he couldn’t understand what I was saying at all.

“She is with Ayinthur, right there.” I pointed at the tree that stood behind the training fields.

Again, only more confusion had risen up inside of him.

I explained to him that I had given birth to an egg, that she is waiting her precious time to get hatched. That our daughter was going to be part dragon and that I still have all of my powers.

Several emotions were screaming in his mind. Joy for knowing that our daughter is still alive, confusion as to how she can be part dragon and amazement also, because she is going to be a very powerful child. He wanted to ask me a million questions, but I simply said that I don’t have all the answers myself either. We have to replace out the answers together, but not until I was done saying everything that I had to say.

I had to tell Brock about my doubts and feelings that I have about myself. That I was feeling weak and not understood. He told me that we would have plenty of time to talk, to get through all of my emotions, as well as his. But there was one thing I had to tell him, that he has to know too.

“In my weakest emotional moment, when I stood under the shower, that’s when something happened.” I started.

“You mean, when Hayden invaded our castle?” He asked.

“Yes, he did something to me, that I can’t shake easily. I’m so sorry for not realising it wasn’t you.”

“What do you mean, ‘it wasn’t me’?”

“He gave me an orgasm, Brock, he touched me until I came, and at that moment it felt good. And I hate myself for it. I felt powerless and weak and the sexual release made me drift away from all my bad thoughts. It wasn’t until I opened my eyes that I realised it wasn’t you! I’m so, so sorry!” I pleaded against him. Hoping he wouldn’t get to angry with me.

“Love, I hate that he touched you, but I understand. I really do. I’m actually mad at myself for not realising that you felt so utterly weak and doubtful. I should have been there with you in the shower. All I hope is that you gave him hell, after realising that it wasn’t me. Did you?”

I laughed at him. He wasn’t mad at all! He simply took my face in his hands, lifting my eyes to look at his. My tears were wiped away by his thumbs and he smiled to me.

All this time I was wondering how to tell him this, how he would react to it, embracing myself for the impact of what he was to yell at me. Well, I guess that’s what happens when I don’t share my feelings, I get delusional with my own thoughts.

“Yes, I made his head bleed, broke his nose and kicked his balls. Is that sufficient enough?” I replied to his question.

“Hmm… maybe for that specific event, but not enough for the fact that he killed your father.” He said.

And that’s when I broke.

The emotion of grieve crashed over me. Realisation striking in, there where I thought for a moment, I had gotten rid of it. Maybe the Goddess calmed my nerves while talking to her. I don’t know if that was it, but at this moment all of the pain and sorrow started to enter my thoughts again.

I did not start an all raging, fuming anger, but I broke into a million pieces. My tears were streaming out, like a dam just broke in half, releasing the pressure of which the water of an entire lake was held behind. I couldn’t held my tears and emotions in anymore.

I’m not sure what happened next, as my mind just shut down. All I know was that I found myself waking up in my bed with Natalya, Anna, and Cirilya by my side.

My pillow was drenched with tears, my eyes hurt of rubbing them sore and I was hungry as hell.

Without saying a word, Natalya helped me to sit up, with my back against the headboard. Cirilya handed me a wet washing cloth, to rinse my face and Anna gave me a tray with food and freshly pressed orange juice.

“Thank you.” I said to them.

“Your welcome, Brock said you needed us.” Natalya said.

“Yes, I do, a lot.” I replied.

I sighed and then told them all, all that I have told Brock as well. My feelings, insecurities, powers, the egg, the Goddess, the Elders and so on. Everything.

They listened carefully to each word I had said, as we sat on the bed for hours. They hadn’t realised that I had felt this way about everything, amazed that I was so good in hiding my emotions. During my ranting, sometimes they gasped at certain details, hugged me for other stuff and cried with me when I did.

And just like the Goddess had said, I’m not the only one who lost someone that was loved. They all had lost someone. They all had told their story and how they lived through their grieve and sorrow. It was devastating to hear, but comforting at the same time. Knowing that I could talk to them about my loss, whenever I needed to, was comforting as well. I couldn’t wish for better friends.

But sitting there for such a long time, didn’t only bring me tears. We also laughed, about why they had undressed themselves in the dungeon, or how Brock was being tortured by Archeops, with the meeting of Ursai.

“You should have seen the face of Brock, when Arch was telling all about how Ursai was licking his face. He was furious!” Anna said, while we all laughed about it.

When we were finally done talking, it felt like the weight of the world fell down from my shoulders.

I sighed, there is still so much to do.

I have to go talk to my sons first, then Nicolai, Archeops and all the others. Then I want to go and see my dad, get coronated as Queen, assign a new General, and so on, and on. But I was alright with it, I was already released from a lot of pressure, from a lot of doubt.

I have to do this all, to start fresh again.